For want of a horse
by Joey8
Summary: Someone once said, that love could overcome everything. But did this apply to love between two juunishi as well? A HaruRin fanfiction. Last Chapter 29 is up. Complete!
1. A little hurt along the way

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This story isn't rated M for nothing. There will be some lemons in future chapters. If you don't like it, I suggest you read my warning on each chapter, so you can skip it. This chapter is save though, so go ahead!

**Spoiler Warning**: The first few chapters of this story are based on the manga. If you haven't read until at least chapter 107 (vol. 18), there will be spoilers for sure, since I followed the storyline.

And now, let's get started!

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 1 – A little hurt along the way**

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It was a sunny and nice day, quite warm for this part of the year as well, after all it was just march. The sand in the playground was still wet from the yesterday's rain and crunched under his shoes as Haru made his way to the swings. He wasn't particulary fond of swings – after all an ox isn't meant to fly – but Rin liked them and they always met there. So he hopped on one of them, his legs still not long enough to reach the ground, but then he was only 6 years old. Normally his parents wouldn't allow him to wander outside alone, but the Sohma's playground was right next to his parents' home. He looked wistfully in the direction he knew Rin would have to come from, but she was nowhere to be seen.

He sighed. Today wasn't the best of days. His dad had been angry and scolded him, after he broke a window. He had been angry himself, when his parents had teased him about his hair and how it showed of his zodiac. He knew that they didn't mean to hurt him, but still he didn't like to be teased about it. He didn't like being the ox – the dumb ox, who had allowed the clever rat to ride on his back – and he didn't like his hair. It wasn't about the color, it was just that it made him… different. And everyone commented about it. That was what he hated the most.

So today, it had been too much – again. He had become angry – again. And he had turned what his parents called "Black" – again. He had broken a window - …again. It happened once before, out of the very same reason. He didn't even do it deliberately, he had wanted to box against the wall, but somehow he had missed that he stood beside the window and it shattered as his fist made contact. His father had grounded him for a week - starting tomorrow. His mother hadn't commented on the accident, just told him that he had to get ready if he wanted to meet Isuzu-san at the playground, even though he still had 20 minutes left. Her eyes hadn't met his.

He was jolted out of his thoughts as two arms flew around him from behind and he was suddenly enveloped in a cloud of flowery aroma and a unique scent, that he knew belonged to none other than Rin.

"Haru, you are early". Rin smiled a sweet smile at him as she let go of him and sat down on the swing next to his. "Here, I brought some chocolate for us", she said and shoved a little package at him.

"That's great. I love chocolate." He smiled at her. It was easy for him to forget his dark thoughts when he was with Rin. She knew him well and always managed to make him smile – just as he knew her.

"What is it, Haru? You look sad…" There. She knew him too well.

"It's nothing much, Rin. I just can't play with you for the next week." He didn't meet her eyes.

"Why?"

"I'm grounded", he mumbled and suddenly felt more ashamed than he had felt with his parents. "I broke a window."

"A window? Why?". She jumped off the swing and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in hers and looking at them intently. The chocolate fell to the ground forgotten. "You didn't get hurt, did you?". He blinked at her and was suddenly quite aware that his parents hadn't once asked the same question.

"No, I'm fine". He blushed under her searching gaze. "I didn't even want to break it. It was just an accident, really." He jumped off the swing, stuffed his hand in his pockets and kicked a stone across the ground, where it bounced from a trunk with a satisfying thud. He felt misunderstood all of the sudden. Everyone blamed him for these accidents his black side caused, but really, he didn't want them to happen. He was just so… angry. Rin stood beside him, leaving him to his thoughts for a moment.

"I know. It's ok, Haru." He turned to her, disbelief written across his face.

"What?"

"I know that you didn't do it on purpose." She smiled at him again and he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. She understood, as usual.

"Why did you get angry? Did they say something mean?" He blinked at her again. Was he really that predictable?

"My hair. It was about my hair, again." He sighed. It was always about his hair.

"I don't see what's so bad about it. I like your soft white hair. It's cute." She smiled again, a sweet, ice melting smile, that normally would have made him blush again. But now, he just stared blankely at her. She liked his hair? Someone liked his hair? Cute? Rin laughed at his expression and ran to pick up the chocolate.

"Come on, Haru! Let's have some chocolate." She sat down on the swing again and broke the bars in equal pieces. He joined her without a word. She liked his hair… Was that a compliment? Wasn't the guy supposed to compliment on his girl? Should he compliment her? Was Rin "his girl"? He blushed again.

"You… You have cute hair, too." He said, before he lost the courage. Rin looked at him with surprise in her eyes. Then she laughed her sweet ringing laughter.

"Thank you, Haru. You are always so nice." Then her expression turned serious. "So your parents are angry at you?". He nodded.

"Will you be… will it be okay?" She sounded insecure.

"Well. They're pretty angry right now, but it will be ok in the end, I guess. It's always like this in a family, isn't it? You get angry at each other and then you apologize and it's okay again, right?". He looked at her and was surprised to see shock written over her face.

"It… is?" She lowered her gaze. "I'm… I don't know. We… my parents and I, we never have a quarrel. We are always having fun and…" She trailed off.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?". He really wouldn't miss getting grounded.

"But… Is it possible to have fun all the time? Isn't there something that my parents are sad about, too?". She looked at him, as if he would know the answer.

"How would I know? You would have to ask your parents about it." He grabbed a piece of chocolate and jumped off the swing, leaving Rin sitting there, deep in thoughts.

"Here!" Rin nearly jumped in surprise as Haru shoved a snowdrop flower in her face. "Take it and don't look so sad." For a moment she was speechless, but then she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Haru." He smiled and placed the flower behind her ear. "There you go. You look like a princess now." He exclaimed and grinned widely. It was her time to blush and his smile only got brighter.

They played a long time and the sun almost set when Rin's mother came to pick her up and they had to part. Rin hugged him and pressed a light kiss on his cheek as goodbye.

"Take care, Haru. I'll call you, so you won't get too lonely while you're grounded. Bye!" He waved at her until she was out of sight and entered his house.

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It wasn't far to Rin's home and her mother, as usual, chatted happily.

"So, Isuzu-chan, you had a good time with Hatsuharu-kun? Did you play?", her mother asked with a bright smile on her face.

"Yes, we had a lot of fun", Rin answered.

"That's great. But what did you say? Hatsuharu-kun has been grounded?", she inquired.

"He broke a window and his parents got angry." Rin looked at her mother, her gaze searching.

"So? Well, Isuzu-chan, you can be glad, because you have such a happy home, right?" Her mother met her eyes with a bright smile on her face. "Now, what do you want for dinner? How about tonkatsu? You like tonkatsu, right?" Rin looked down again. She had such a happy home… Then why didn't her mother know that she didn't like tonkatsu? But it didn't matter in the end, because her mother kept chatting anyway.

"You know, I met Momiji's mother today in the shopping center. She has another baby, a baby girl named Momo and she seemed really happy. Although I feel sorry for Momiji himself. It must be awful to have your mother turning against you, right, Isuzu-chan?" They finally arrived home.

"Tadaima!", her mother called. "Isuzu-chan, would you like to go play with your father for a little, while I prepare dinner?". Without waiting for an answer, she went to the kitchen.

"Ah, okaeri. Isuzu-chan, how is my little princess? Come join me", her father called. "Would you like to play another round of cards? You could teach me that game again. I didn't get the hang of it yet." Rin laughed. Her father was terrible at card games and even at the age of eight, Rin beat him almost every time.

"That's because you have too much going on in your head to concentrate on the cards, dad." She laughed again and went to pick up the cards. Then she settled herself in the living room for a game of cards. They weren't finished when her mother called for them to come have dinner.

"Ah, we will just leave it for later. Perhaps your mother wants to join in? She doesn't know the game yet, so I might have some chance to beat her." Her father grinned.

"No way, dad. Mom is quite good at card games. She'll beat you in no time." During dinner, her mother and father chatted happily and they all went to have another game of cards after dinner. They had a lot of fun.

"See, dad, I told you mom would be better." Everyone laughed as her father finally admitted defeat and settled himself with the newspaper instead.

"Isuzu-chan, I made you some jelly. Do you want it?", her mother asked.

"Jelly, yay. Can I have it now?" So her mother did know that she liked jelly, after all.

"Of course, dear. You wait, I'll just go and get it." Her mother left for the kitchen.

"Something interesting in the newspaper, dad?", Rin asked.

"Nothing important, princess, just the usual." He smiled at her and turned the paper.

"Here you go, Isuzu-chan." Her mother sat a large portion of jelly and a spoon in front of her and turned to her husband. "You know, darling, I met Momiji's mom today. She has a baby girl, Momo. She's such a cutie with the finest hair you can imagine."

It was the mention of hair that brought back the conversation with Haru in her mind. She remembered his words, that she would have to ask her parents about their feelings.

"Isn't that right, Isuzu-chan? You can be so glad, because you have such a happy home. Mom and dad both love you so much." Her mother looked at her expectantly. Rin took a deep breath.

"Why do we always have so much fun?" Rin felt cold as soon as she asked the question. She hadn't missed the anger that flashed through her parents eyes. "Is there nothing you are sad about?" The atmosphere in their home suddenly changed and for a moment Rin thought that she was dreaming. Such a feeling couldn't be for real. That was, until a vase that had been sitting on the table only moments before, shattered on the floor.

"For whose sake do you think we do it?", her mother yelled, her face contorted with fury. "Now, I've had enough. Every day we try to give you a happy home. Do you have any idea how hard it is for us to have a child like you? Do you?" Her mother burst into tears and sank down on a chair. Her father smashed the newspaper down on the table.

"Go to your room, Isuzu." He looked at her with anger in his face, his eyes cold like steel. She had always liked her father, his eyes had the same color as Haru's, a soft brown, but now they cut like a sword. "Now, Isuzu! Go now!" He took a treatening step towards her and Rin bolted from the room, tears streaming down her face. She ran all the way up to her room and flung herself on the bed to weep into her pillow.

So that was it, the game was over. She had her answer. There really was something her parents were sad about – they were sad about her. That wasn't what Rin had expected. She could still hear her mother crying downstairs and her father's soothing voice, until the door to the living room closed.

Rin buried her face deeper in the pillow. What should she do now? She pushed some hair out of the way and her fingers came upon the snowdrop flower that Haru had placed behind her ear and that she somehow had forgotten. Haru! What did he say? It's normal for families to have a quarrel and then you apologize and everything is okay again. So that's it! She would apologize and they would be happy again. They were a family after all.

She went down again. Her parents were still talking and Rin stood before the door, taking a deep breath. She would apologize and everything would be okay again.

"I just can't take it anymore, darling. It's too hard. She such an ungrateful child. I wish we could have had a normal child. I would give everything in my life to have another child. Some sweet, cheerful little thing, like Momo." Rin stood frozen in front of the door, her hand in midway to the door knob. A sob wanted to escape her, but she swallowed it down and opened the door.

"Mom, dad…".

"What do you want? Haven't you done enough already?", her mother cried. _Rin needed to apologize and everything would be okay again. They were a family_.

"I'm sorry…" A tear made its way down her cheek. _Everything would be okay again_. "I really am… sorry". _They were a family_.

"So you think that makes everything all right again?", her mother yelled. _Everything would be okay again_. Her father took a step towards her and gave her a slap her in the face that left her tumbling into the wall beside her. _They were a family_.

"Go to your room" Her father slammed the door shut. A tear dripped down her chin.

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End of Chapter 1

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AN: That's it for now. I'm rather satisfied how this turned out, so I hope you liked it as well. Please let me know what you think.

I would like to thank my beta-reader for… well… beta-reading!

**A few notes on this story in general: **

I don't like translating a suffix that japanese people use after a name, so I will stick with the japanese terms. If you don't know what they mean (although most of you probably will), here's a short list:

Name-san: A general and neutral suffix, used for both genders. It's often translated as "Miss/Mister XY", but it's often not that formal. Even friends sometimes use last names with san. So it's not as if Yuki calls Tohru "Miss Honda" all the time. It's just a little more respectful than "Tohru-san".

Name-kun: A term often used for boys, but it may also be used for girls when adressed by elders. It's more informal that –san, but more respectful than –chan. Shigure calls Tohru "Tohru-kun" for example.

Name-chan: A term used for kids, for girls or even women between themselves and for people that are very close to you. However, you won't use it for grown up men.

Name-sensei: A term used for teachers of all kinds or well educated persons like doctors or authors. So it's not that strange for Haru to call Shigure "sensei", even if it was because of a deal.

Name-sama: A very formal term that indicates great respect. You would only adress a person with –sama that is very high above your own social class. That's why, i.e. god (in japanese "kami") is referred to as "kami-sama".

If you have questions, please feel free to ask!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	2. Crashing down

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is safe, go ahead!

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 2 – Crashing down **

"Very good, Hatsuharu-kun. You get better every day." Haru smiled at his teacher. His parents had assigned him martial arts lessons to help him keep his dark side under control. So far it hadn't been successful, but they wouldn't give up. Haru liked those lessons. They were fun, so it was fine with him. He came to Kazuma-sensei's place at least two times a week. He would have went more often, but his mother had told him that twice a week should be enough.

"That's it for today. See you on Saturday."

"Arigatou, sensei." Haru bowed formally and left the dojo to change his clothes. There was a picture of a snowdrop flower on a snowy meadow hung in the changing room. Everytime he saw it, his thoughts would drift to that day with Rin on the playground. Rin. He hadn't seen her in several months. He remembered her promise to call him, but the call never came. This had been the last time he had seen her and he was worried about her.

He had asked his mother if he could go to her home, but she had just told him to leave it. They hadn't told him anything, but he had heard them talk about Rin, when Kagura and her parents came to visit.

He had been playing a game on the floor with Kagura, while their parents sat on the table in the living room. His ears had immediately picked up the sound of Rin's name and he had listened.

"I picked up Kagura-chan from school recently and the teacher asked me about Isuzu-chan. Apparently her grades have suffered the last few month", Kagura's mother had said.

"Is there something wrong with them? Normally, Isuzu-chan would meet our son quite often to play, but I haven't seen her in a long time. There is quite a bit of gossip though…" Haru's mother had trailed off and taken a sip of coffee.

"I feel sorry for her. It must be hard for a child to have her own parents turn against her", Kagura's mother had whispered. There had been a prominent silence for a long moment.

"Haru? Haru! Hey, are you dreaming?" Kagura had pushed him in the side. Haru, whose attention had been with the adults behind him, jumped in surprise. "It's your turn, idiot." The adults, apparently aware that their children were in hearing distance, had turned to safer topics like the weather and gardening.

Haru looked at the picture again. He missed Rin. He really did. She was the only one that understood him completely and she always managed to soothe his anger. His turning into Black had become more frequently since he hadn't seen her anymore. That's why he had been assigned this lessons. But in the end, he wanted to see her again and he was really worried about her – and his worry made him all the more sensible to his Black side.

He sighed and stuffed his things in his backpack. Maybe he should simply ignore his mother's advice and just call Rin? He waved goodbye to Kunimitsu on his way out and started to walk home, still wondering about Rin. His thoughts came to a abrupt halt however when he saw a girl lying on the sidewalk a short distance away from him. His heart skipped a beat. Her figure was quite familiar. It couldn't be…

He ran over and kneeled beside her. Even before he saw her face, the flowery and so uniquely Rin scent that enveloped him told him everything he needed to know. His heart was hammering in his chest as he reached for her, afraid of what he might find.

Her eyes opened slowly and their gazes met. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Rin. So you're still breathing." Her ganze didn't leave his and he thought for a moment that her mouth formed his name, but then he wasn't sure. "Wait a moment. I'll get help." He spun around and ran back to the dojo, where he ran into Kunimitsu almost instantly.

... ... For want of a horse ... ...

"Young man, would you like to sit down on a chair? There are some over there." A nurse gestured towards a small sitting area at the end of the corridor and left Haru without waiting for an answer. Haru didn't acknowledge her and simply remained sitting on the floor, just a short distance from the door that lead to Rin's room.

Had it really just been half an hour since he found Rin fainted on the sidewalk, since he ran to Kazuma for help, since they arrived at this hospital? It seemed like a lifetime. Was this some kind of dream? Would he wake up soon, to find his mother calling for him to get ready for school? Why had Rin fainted anyway?

"Sohma-san? Sohma Kazuma-san? Ah yes, may I ask you, sir, are you the father of… Sohma Isuzu?" The nurse looked down on her papers and then watched Kazuma closely.

"No, I'm not, we are just distantly related. How is she?" Kazuma's voice sounded a little hollow and Haru listened intentely.

"Yes well, she is very weak and it seems that she has been under a great deal of stress for quite some time. Since you are related, I guess it's okay to tell you. She has… marks on her body, mostly her upper body, where her clothes wouldn't show them and…"

"Marks?", Kazuma interrupted. "What kind of marks?".

"You see, it seems as if she was… beaten." The nurse continued with her explantation, but Haru wasn't listening anymore. His blood rushed through his veins, he could hear his own heartbeat hammering. In fact his heart hammered one word… 'Beaten… beaten… beaten…'

Rin got beaten by someone. Who would do such a thing to someone as sweet and caring as Rin? But then, he thought, he might already know the answer to this. This time, he didn't even hear the nurse advising him to take a seat at the sitting area and she didn't press the matter. Rin. What did they do to her? So that's why she didn't come to see him anymore. Why hadn't he simply gone to see her?

"If only you had known about it a little sooner… But then, I guess, it's impossible to protect a child from it's own parents." The nurse gave Kazuma a sad smile and he bowed politely before he went to Rin's room again. Haru stood up and slowly made his way towards her room as well.

"Ah, so you're awake?", he heard Kazuma say.

"Who…" The sound of her voice was so faint that Haru nearly missed it. He had to take a deep breath. Her voice… He had never heard her speak like that. So… broken.

"I'm Sohma Kazuma. You might know me as Kyou-kun's adoptive father."

"Ah… Where…?"

"You are in a hospital. Haru found you on a sidewalk near my home and we brought you here. Your parents have already been informed. It seems as if you have to stay for a little while and…" He came no further.

"Stay? No, I can't. I have to go back." Her voice was urgent, but underneath there was desperation, Haru noticed. Maybe he was the only one that noticed it. He entered Rin's room, but before he could say something, the door burst open once more and Rin's mother came inside.

"You don't have to… In fact, I don't want you to come back. Stay with Kazuma-san or wherever you like, but don't come back." Haru felt as if his chest was smashed in by a stone. Shock was written all over Rin's face, her eyes wide, her skin pale like death and he couldn't blame her for it.

"We have tried so hard for your sake, but we just can't go on anymore. We… I really don't know how to love you anymore."

"No, mother. Don't say that…" Rin's voice, deep with disbelief, fear and dispair, cut through him like a hot blade. How could her mother – her own mother – say things like that to her? When Rin always blamed herself for everything anyway. He could feel his blood rushing through his veins again, his anger was nearly touchable. He wanted to… to hurt someone. No, he wanted to hurt her, Rin's mother, for hurting Rin… Haru chlenched his fists.

"What do you think you are saying? What is Rin supposed to do, when her own mother says things like that to her?" His voice got louder steadily, until he was yelling at her. "How can you place all the blame on Rin and won't even consider if you yourself did something wrong? How can you simply say that you don't love your own child anymore?". Kazuma placed his hand on his shoulder to quiet him, but he couldn't have stopped now. "How can you not understand something so simple? Say you are sorry! Apologize! Apologize to her." The door slammed shut, leaving a heavily breathing Haru, a disbelieving Kazuma and a sniffing Rin behind.

"Hey, I told you to apologize!" Haru would have went after her, but Kazuma's hand held him in place, but it was Rin whispering his name that made him stay.

"Haru… Haru… Thank you." It has always hurt him to see her sad, but now it was worse. In her voice, there was real deep gratefulness, but there was some underlying finality as well. Rin's world was broken. Haru swallowed a sob and turned to her. Their eyes met and in this instance, he made a promise. A promise, that, even though everything in her world made her cry, he wanted to give his best to make her smile again. He wanted her to be happy and he would give everything he had to mend her broken soul.

A tear made it's way down his cheek and he went to take her in his arms. Their tears mingled, completing the promise.

End of chapter 2

... ... For want of a horse ... ...

A.N.: Hi again. I hope you liked the second chapter as well. Originally, I planned this 2 chapters as one, but it turned out a little longer than I expected it to, so I split it in two parts.

Hopefully, I won't have that problem with all chapters, otherwise this story might turn out much longer than I intended. Afterall it was only planned to be 14 chapters. Now, there are already 15. Oh well, I hope you don't mind! See you next chapter!

Until next time, Joey


	3. What's left to say

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: None! This chapter is safe, go ahead.

Here we go!

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 3 – What's left to say **

It was raining and as usual, Haru didn't have an umbrella. But then, it probably wouldn't have started to rain if he had brought one. Life was twisted. He hadn't finished his homework yet and he hadn't seen Rin for over a week. It was a pretty bad day and his temper wasn't the best, so he decided that enough was enough and made his way over to Kagura's home.

Rin had taken up permanent residence at Kagura's after her own parents had kicked her out. It was the best solution, but Rin still had a hard time adjusting. Kagura's parents tried to make her a part of their family, but Rin hadn't made any effort to get closer. She always kept her distance, didn't go out with them, didn't eat together with the family and didn't make nor had any friends – except Haru.

He always had been able to break through her walls and when he once told her so, she had laughed and just answered him "That's because I always keep a door open for you." His had blushed as she had said it and the memory was one he always kept close at heart.

He finally arrived at the front door and Kagura's mother immediately opened the door for him.

"Hatsuharu-kun, god, you're dripping wet! Come in, wait here, I'll go get a towel." She rushed out of the hallway, while Haru took off his shoes. "There you go. Don't forget to dry off your hair, deary. I'll make you something hot to drink. You must be freezing." Somehow, Haru understood why Rin couldn't open up to her. She was overwhelming, always bustling around and behaving like a motherhen.

"How about your clothes, Hatsuharu-kun? Let's see. No, this won't do. You have to get out of these or you'll catch a cold. I'll get something from my husband for you to change in." With that, she bustled down the corridor again, leaving a dumbfonded Haru behind.

"You better do what she says or she won't stop fussing all day." Rin stood on the top of the stairs, grinning down to him. "Honestly, Haru. How did you get so wet? It's not that far from here to your home. You didn't get lost, did you?" She looked at him teasingly, because she just knew the answer.

"Well… I might have taken one or two wrong turns on the way. And somehow… I got lost. But I'm here now, that's all that matters, right?" He grinned at her. She wore some tight-fitting clothes again and he noticed again that she was very thin for a girl of her age.

"Ah, Isuzu-chan. You want some tea as well? I just made some. These might fit you, Hatsuharu-kun. You can go to the bathroom to change." Kagura's mother, packed with some clothes, gestured towards the bathroom and steered Rin into the kitchen. Haru looked at the clothes she had brought and sighed. They weren't his style, but at least they were dry. He was getting cold in his wet attire, so he changed quickly. Ok, he looked ridiculous in a baggy pair of workout trousers and some much too big sweater, but at least he was warm. He went for the kitchen, his wet clothes folded under his arm.

"Ah, you're done. Good boy. A little big, are they? Oh well. Give me your wet clothes, I will just put them into the dryer. And then you can go up to Isuzu-chan's room. She took tea for the both of you with her."

"Thank you, Sohma-san." He bowed shortly and jumped up the stairs and went down the corridor towards Rin's room. She sat on her bed, a book and some paper in front of her and was taking notes.

"Homework?", he asked, shut the door and let himself fall on the other end of her bed. Her room was pretty bare, just a wardrobe, a desk, two small shelves filled with books, a table and a much too large bed for someone as small and fragile as Rin. The only decoration was a poster of a horse that he had given her on he 10th birthday and a framed photograph of both of them together, he knew she hid it in one of her desks drawers.

"Yes… I have to finish this text for tomorrow. You don't mind, do you?" She looked up at him and smiled. "I can finish it later, if…"

"No, it's alright. Actually, I have homework to do as well. _You_ don't mind if I join you, right?" They laughed and she turned to her book again, while Haru unpacked his stuff and made himself comfortable with his schoolbooks in front of him.

They both worked quietly and concentrated for some time. It was a comfortable silence between them and for the first time in over a week, Haru found that he could actually pay attention to what he was reading. This last few days his thoughts always had drifted… to her mostly - okay, all the time, but now he got through his homework easily and was finished much sooner that usual.

Rin still had a few pages to read as Haru shut his book, so he leaned back against a pillow and let his thoughts wander. It was shocking how much more relaxed he was in her presence. This last week he had been on edge all the time, so that his parents had even sent him to Kazuma 4 times. Haru had missed Rin sorely during this time. It was his first year in middleschool and mostly because of school meetings he hadn't been able to visit her.

Could you get addicted to a person? So it would seem, he certainly was addicted to Rin. She always managed to calm him, he could almost feel his "black" side melting in her presence. It was a heartwarming feeling. He even could live with the fact that she still could make him blush with nothing more than a smile. He blushed at the thought. There, she didn't even have to smile, he just had to think about it. In his thoughts, he could see her smiling face speaking his name… 'Haru… Haru…'

"Haru!" He was jolted out of his thoughts as she nudged him in the side. "Hey, are you dreaming? Don't you want your tea? It's getting cold." Apparently she had finished her work as well while he had been daydreaming.

"Oh, ah… sure." He took his cup and obediently sipped his tea. He had done it again. This was at least the 20th time this last week that someone had to push him out of his thoughts.

It wasn't as if he has thought about her all the time. He had thought about the weather, which lead him to how the sun always made her hair gleam. Another time he had even thought about school, which of course had lead him to her being his senior by two years. Ok, so he had been thinking about her all the time. So what? It was not as if he was in love with her… was he?

Was it love when you need to be with someone so badly that you miss her every second of every day when she wasn't there? Was it love when you kept thinking about someone every moment you're awake and your dreams are filled with images of her? It wasn't love, was it? Oh god, it was love. He was in love with her… Haru blushed crimson and was once more returned to reality as he felt Rin's hand on his forehead, which only caused him to blush even deeper.

"Are you ok, Haru? You don't have a fever, do you? Your face is all red…" She lowered her face to his and for a moment he thought she was about to kiss him, but she just pressed her forhead against his to compare their temperature. His heart hammered in his chest so loudly that he feared she might hear it.

"Well, you're not very hot… How do you feel? Does anything hurt? Head, throat, stomache?" He felt his heart speeding up again under her searching gaze. Okay, so he got it really bad. It's not as if it wasn't perfectly normal for boys his age to have a crush on some girl, right? Right! So he was perfectly normal. If only this nagging little voice that told him that it was more than just some 'normal' crush would shut up.

"I… I'm fine, Rin. Don't worry." He managed to smile. She didn't believe him and was about to tell him so, but a knock and her door opening interrupted that train of thoughts.

"Hatsuharu-kun, your clothes are dry. I thought you might want to change as soon as possible." Kagura's mother gave a neatly packed bundle to him.

"Thank you." Haru bowed politely. He really wanted to change into his normal attire. He just wasn't himself in this baggy things.

"No problem, deary. So will you stay for dinner?" She looked at Haru expectantly. Most likely she hoped that if he would stay then Rin would finally eat with them. But then, he knew that Rin didn't like to eat in other people's presence – except his.

"Actually, I was planning to take Rin out for dinner, if that's okay with you?" He threw a questioning look at Rin, who looked surprised for a moment, but then nodded shortly.

"Of course it's fine. Just tell me when you'll be back when you leave and don't forget your key, Isuzu-chan. I'm in the kitchen." She bustled out of the room again.

"So when did you plan to tell me that we are going out for dinner?"

"Ah, but there's no need for me to tell you, when you already know about it, right?" He flashed a smile at her and she rolled her eyes at him, an amused smile on her face.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go." She took her leather jacket and looked at him expectantly.

"May I just change before we go?", he asked grinning.

"Of course. I'll wait downstairs." She shut the door behind her and he listened to her footsteps as she rushed down the stairs. Even the sound of her steps was familiar… He got it really bad.

… … For want of a horse … …

"So how do you like middleschool, Haru? It's fun?" They sat side by side in a small but cozy noodle bar, two generous portion of steaming yakisoba in front of them.

"It's okay, I guess. I'd rather go to highschool…" Like you, he wanted to add, but didn't. "You'll go to highschool next year, right?" He pushed some noodles around. Somehow he didn't like to be reminded of their age difference in such a blunt manner.

"Yes… To a girls-only school." Her tone revealed how she felt about it.

"That's not so bad, is it? At least you won't have to be careful around your classmates." They both shared a sad smile. It was hard for a juunishi to go to a normal school. You always had to look out for people of the other gender – and the more you watch out, the more of them there seemd to be. Haru took it pretty cool, but he remembered how frantic Rin had been in her first year.

"I guess you're right. How's Momiji, by the way? I haven't seen him in ages. Not that I mind terribly." Rin took another careful bite of her soba.

"He's fine. He's Momiji after all." Rin nodded to that. "He's the pet of the class already, gets sweets from every girl left and right." He laughed as he remembered Momiji's big and happy eyes at all the sweets being offered to him from eager girls.

"He should be more careful. He is a guy. It is no good being around to much girls. There could be… problems." She watched Haru intently for a moment. "Same goes for you, you know?" He looked at her, a slow grin forming on his face as she blushed.

"You know, someone might think you are jealous, when you say it like that." He laughed as Rin sniffed at him and deliberately turned away.

"Why would I be jealous?" She suddenly turned around again, facing him directly, a strange gleam in her eyes. "Wishful thinking, hmm?" It was his turn to blush.

"I… I… What…" He finally realized that she laughed at his stammering and laughed as well.

"If you two are quite finished flirting with each other…" Both of them looked up in surprise, then they both blushed.

"Gure-niisan! We… We didn't… Oh, whatever!", Rin said. "What are you doing here?" Haru's heart skipped a beat. She didn't deny that they _had_ been flirting.

"I had to take care of some business and I saw you sitting here, so I thought I would say hello. It has been some time since we last saw each other." He smiled at them. "May I sit down for a moment?" He took a seat without awaiting an answer.

"So, Haru-kun. How is middleschool?"

"Why does everyone insist on asking me about it? It's just middleschool…" They stared at each other. "It's fine.", Haru finally said.

"Great. It must be like heaven to have so many young schoolgirls around you…" Shigure had a dreamy look.

"Well, Gure-niisan, for Haru they are the same age." Rin gave him a how-stupid-can-someone-be look.

"Ah, right… Too bad for you. So how are you, Rin? I heard you'll go to a girls-only highschool next year?"

"Did Akito tell you about it?" Rin's eyes were cold as ice and Haru could feel her body stiffen beside him. Akito wasn't one of their favorite conversation topics. They both were bound to him, as were all the other juunishi, but they didn't have to like it.

"Hatori-san told me about it. I was…" He didn't come any further, because someone whacked him on the head with a pile of paper.

"Sensei! What do you think you are doing sitting around in some noodlebar when the deadline is tomorrow and your chapter is not done…"

"Ah, Micchan!" Shigure lifted his hands in a soothing manner. "Rin, Haru-kun. I think I'll better get home again and finish my homework..." He winked at them and left. Haru and Rin sat in silence for a moment.

"Amazing…" Rin broke the silence first. Haru watched her.

"What is?"

"You can feel the absence of him. It's really amazing." They both laughed and finished their dinner in comfortable silence.

… … For want of a horse … …

The sun was already setting as they made their way home, both of them letting their thoughts wander. Without a word, they both turned towards the longer way through the park – they came here often. It was a nice park, but now with the sun bathing the park in reddish gold it was beautiful.

Actually it was quite romantic. Haru remembered his sudden discovery about his feelings for Rin. When he told her, he wanted it to be romantic as well. How perfect it would be to confess now. But then he couldn't do it. He was too young to be serious about something like love – even though he was.

When he confessed, he wanted her to see a man, not some boy she always played with. So he would have to grow up a little. He needed to at least be as tall as Rin, otherwise she would look literally down on him. That's a deal. He made a promise to himself then, that he could tell her of his feelings when he was at least as tall as her. He grinned to himself then.

"What's so funny?" Rin looked at him curiously. He flashed her his brightest smile.

"Oh, nothing. I just made a promise… to myself. Nothing important." She stared at him with skeptical eyes, but then just smiled back.

"Whatever you say, Haru!" They reached Kagura's home very soon and both stopped at the front door.

"Would you like to come in?", Rin asked him.

"Sorry, I have to get home. I still have some math homework to do…"

"I thought you were done with homework?" He grinned at her.

"Well, I am… With the homework assignments I brought, but you know me. I'm always saving the best for last." He winked at her. Rin grinned.

"So you do. Well then, take care and… see you soon?" Her questioning gaze made his heartbeat speed up again. He had to get a grip on himself…

"See you tomorrow!", he answered with finality. "I'll come over, so we can have dinner together, okay?" She nodded. "Well then, see you!" He waited until she had shut the door behind her, then turned to sprint the short distance home.

End of Chapter 3

… … For want of a horse … …

**AN**: So here is chapter 3. It is a little longer than the first and the second one, but I hope you don't mind. It was fun writing that chapter and I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think, I love reviews.

For those of you, who like to have some action: There will be a lemon scene in the next chapter!

**A short note on this chapter: **

Soba are japanese buckwheat noodles. They are eaten with chopsticks and it is considered polite to slurp them quite noisily.

Yakisoba are fried soba noodles with vegetable and meat (beef, pork or chicken), usually served on a plate and very tasty!

If you wonder about Rin's and Haru's age: I think I read somewherethat Haru is born in summer. I don't know the exact date and I don't care, so I made up their birthdays: Haru's would be august 12th, Rin's may 2nd.

I especially like those dates, because in the chinese zodiac calender, 12 is the number of the horse (Haru's birthday) and 2 is the number of the ox (Rin's birthday). So in this chapter Haru would be twelve (first year of middleschool just started – in april!) and Rin is about to turn fifteen (she's in her last year of middleschool and the year just started, so it's still april).

Until next time, Joey-chan


	4. Wishing for you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter contains a lemon scene at the very end. You might want to skip the last paragraph, if you don't want to read it. Otherwise it's safe. I didn't write a summary for this chapter, because even if you don't read the lemon, you won't have any problems to understand the following chapter.

And now, here we go again!

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 4 – Wishing for you**

"I don't like this at all." Haru sighed again as he faced his mother. They had been arguing for quite some time today… Not to forget the discussions about the very same topic for at least the last five days.

"Mom, it's only a week. Stop acting as if I'm six years old." He looked at his mother with annoyance clearly written on his face. His mother sighed.

"Yes, I know. You have grown so fast… Next year, you'll go to highschool and then you won't need your old mom anymore." She sniffed a little and Haru groaned internally. He hated crying females around him – except for Rin of course. But then, Rin's tears hurt him the most. But he had done a good job in making her happy. She hadn't cried in a long time. This brought a little smile to his face.

"It's ok, mom. I'm still your little boy, you know?" Apparently this had been a good thing to say. His mother laughed and carefully dried her tears.

"I'm glad. But really, Haru, you have grown up. You are taller than me." Haru grinned. He had been taller than his mother for quite some time and this wasn't the first time she told him so. But then, his mother was really short, even shorter than Rin…

"I know that you think you can take care of everything, but really, I don't feel comfortable with you being all alone in a big house, while your dad and I are off to China", his mother continued. "Why don't you ask Yuki-kun if he wants to stay here with you?" An idea suddenly formed in his head.

"I don't think that Yuki wants to stay so close to the main house", Haru argued.

"True… I might ask Hatori-san. But then again, he is very busy and Akito-sama wouldn't allow it anyway. Maybe you could stay with Isuzu-chan and Kagura-chan at their home?"

"But who will take care of the house?" Haru grinned internally. This conversation definitely turned into the right direction.

"You're right, this won't work. Do you think…" She looked at him questioningly.

"Yes?"

"You know, I have always thought, that Isuzu-chan is a really reliable and responsible person…" She stopped again, looking down at the floor.

"Yeees?" His heart slammed fast in his chest. If only…

"Do you think she would stay here for this week? I would feel better if I could leave knowing she is here to keep you company." She smiled at him. "And, if someone would stay here who actually sees where it's needed to clean", she added in an afterthought, flashing her son one of her parental looks. Haru couldn't help but grin.

"Well, I think she would stay here." He could have done a happy dance right now. He would have Rin all for himself… for a whole week. Now he only needed to convince her… and Kagura's parents. His expression fell. What if Kagura's parents wouldn't allow it? Apparently, his mother had guessed his thoughts.

"You really like her, hmm?" She gave Haru a gentle smile. "You always have been good friends." For a moment his mother seemed to be lost in her memories. "Don't worry about Kagura's parents, they won't have anything against Isuzu-chan staying here. I'll deal with them, you'll deal with Isuzu-chan herself, okay?" She grinned at him, reaching out her hand. Haru took it, grinning.

"Deal!"

°°°°°°°°°°°

"You want me to do what?" Haru cringed at her tone. He had come over to Kagura's to tell Rin the latest news. He had been really excited, so as soon as they had sat down on her bed, he had practically burst and immideately told her about it. This conversation wasn't turning out the way he had imagined, though. He had expected her to be ecstatic or happy… Certainly he had expected some positive reaction. But Rin wasn't happy at all. Maybe it had something to do with his mother's argument about cleaning he had told her about.

"Rin, calm down. I didn't…" He didn't come any futher.

"So they want me to be some kind of cleaning lady for a week, while babysitting their son on the side?" He ground his teeth.

"I'm not some little boy anymore, you know?"

"That's exactely my point. So why can't you take care of the damn house alone?" She didn't look at him, instead chose to stare at some point on the floor. Haru stood up and kneeled down on one leg in front of her, taking her hands in his.

"Rin… Rin, would you look at me?" He waited until she finally met his eye. "I don't need someone to babysit me and I will clean the house myself." He paused a moment, taking a deep breath before he continued.

"I like having you around very much, so I would be really happy if you'd come stay with me for this week." He looked at her intently. "Would you please say yes? Please?" They stared at each other for a few moments. Haru hadn't forgotten about his promise to tell her about his feelings when he was taller than her. Well, now was the time and this week would most surely give him the best opportunity to confess. So he was quite anxious about her answer.

Even though Haru knew that he seemed rather cool on the outside, his heart was slamming rapidly. He knew Rin. If she didn't say yes now, she never would. Apparently though, he had said the right thing, because he saw the anger leaving her eyes and her shoulders relaxing.

"Okay…", she breathed. Haru still stared at her. Had she really said yes? "Okay, yes… Haru, stop looking at me like this." She whacked him playfully with a pillow. Then she smiled at him, a real honest smile that made his heart skip a beat.

"But don't think that I'll cook for you everyday." He laughed at her stern gaze.

"I didn't think so… Rin?" His face turned serious. "Thank you." He took her right hand to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. Rin blushed. Haru wasn't some little boy anymore. He was growing up faster than she liked, because it confronted her with some unwanted problems about… feelings. Suddenly the door burst open.

"Hey, Isuzu-cha… What the hell are you doing?" Kagura stood there with a tray holding two steaming cups of tea in her hand and looked at them curiously. A strange gleam entered her eyes. "You didn't propose, did you, Hatsuharu-kun?" Haru realized how they must look for an outsider – him kneeling in front of her, kissing her hand. He flushed a deep crimson and clumsily got to his feet.

"What do you want, Kagura-chan?" Haru breathed a sigh of relief. Rin's thoughts were as usual more collected than his. He sat down on the bed again, desperately trying to forget the surprised look in her eyes as he had kissed her hand… or the feeling of the soft skin of her hand brushing against his lips. Unconsciously, he touched his lips.

"Mom told me to bring you some tea, so here it is." She placed the tray on the table, then paused a moment, seemingly considering if she should sit down. "Your parents are here, you know?" She gestured in Haru's direction. This made him look up in surprise. He hadn't known his parents wanted to come here today.

"You are to come down when you are finished with your tea. They want to talk to you. Both of you. I guess it's about the week you are to stay at Haru's." Kagura grinned at Rin.

"Eavesdropping is a really bad habit, you know?" Kagura had the grace to blush under Rin's stern gaze before she turned and left the room. Haru looked at Rin, a small smile on his lips.

"Details, I guess. You know my parents. They are always worrying about everything."

"Yes, I know." Rin smiled at him, then she suddenly laughed. "You know, this week will be great. We can finally watch this movie you told me about. And we can stay asleep as long as we want without someone rapping on the door, yelling to finally get up…" She hugged him without warning, pressing her face into the hollow of his shoulder. He laughed, even though it sounded a little rasping due to his much too rapid heartbeat.

"We will have lots of fun." He put his arms around her waist and dropped his head so he could breathe in the clean scent of her hair. "Just you and me…", he whispered into her ear and he wasn't unaware of her shiver.

"Just you and me", she whispered. "Promise?"

"Promise", he whispered back. Her embrace tightened for a moment and she pressed a light kiss on his cheek before she stepped out of his embrace, leaving a dumbfonded Haru behind.

"So then let's go down." He blinked at her, then grinned as he saw theresolute look on her face.

"Preparing for battle, are you? It was my mom's idea, so you won't have to worry." He opened the door and they both walked downstairs.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"I'm really glad that Kagura's parents gave their consent. I feel much better now, knowing that you won't be here all on your own." His mother smiled at Haru and placed a cup of tea in front of him. He grinned back at her.

"Yes, it will be great. I'm sure." At least he hoped so. After all, he would lay his heart bare in front of Rin. She could be pretty cruel with words, although he never had been on the recieving end of her sharp tongue. Still, if she didn't feel the same, he would lose more than just a potential lover. He was nervous about her reaction.

"You know, Isuzu-chan is a really nice girl. And she is definitely beautiful…" She trailed off, watching her son closely. "I guess she has tons of admirers at school." She smiled to herself at she saw a flash of anger and a blush on her son's face. Haru clenched his fists and turned to look out of the very same window that he had broken 2 times during his childhood. He suddenly was lost in thoughts again. Yes, damn, she was beautiful and surely he wasn't the only male being to notice. Absentmindedly he took his cup and took a small sip.

"…she has a boyfriend. Do you know?" The cup he had been holding shattered on the floor. Rin had a boyfriend? No, this couldn't be. Not now. Surely she would have told him, if there was someone… wouldn't she? His mother laughed at his expression, but turned serious again as she saw hurt in his eyes.

"Haru, really. You need to listen." His mother reached over and took his hand in hers. "I just said, that I _wonder_, if she has a boyfriend and if you would know anything about it." He watched her as she gave him a gentle smile, but stopped her as she got up.

"No, wait. I'll clean it up." He want to the kitchen to get a cloth and a brush to clean up the mess he made. In the kitchen he paused for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. God, he had it bad. His heart was still pumping heavily. He told himself to calm down. There wasn't anyone. Noone, except himself. She had kissed _him_, hadn't she? So what if it was only a kiss on the cheek? It was a kiss. He touched his fingers to his cheek where her lips had touched him and his heart finally slowed down. Then he went back into the living room to clean up the mess. He was quite conscious of his mother's gaze on him, but he didn't turn around.

"You two are pretty close, right?" Her question was unexpected, but then it was typical for his mom. He leaned back a little and met her eyes.

"Yes." He watched her closely, but she just smiled at him.

"She is a really nice girl." She got up and turned to leave towards the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway and turned to him again. "You deserve a really nice girlfriend." Then she left. Haru stared at her. Had she just… said what he thought she said? Was she giving him her consent to… court Rin? Well, whatever. He grinned to himself and hurried to clean up. He suddenly was eager to be alone. It was late anyway, so he would just go to his room.

"Sweet dreams, Haru", his mother called after him as he went upstairs. He called a hurried "Good night" back and breathed a sigh of relief as he entered his room and closed the door after him without turning on the light. He let himself fall on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. He was almost instantly lost in his thoughts again.

°°°°°°°°°°°°° last paragraph … Plase skip if you don't want to read it …

Could he really do it? Would he have the courage to confess his feelings? What if she'd laugh at him? But no, this was Rin, dear sweet Rin. She wouldn't laugh and he was pretty sure that she would let him down gently. He sighed. She wouldn't push him away though, would she? He was almost positive that she liked him as well. He wasn't sure about the extent of her feelings for him, maybe she just saw a friend in him, someone to talk to and have fun with. But then, would you kiss and hug your friend like she had?

He remembered her lips on his cheek, he was still tingling all over with excitement. Her lips had been so soft and warm and her breath on his ear had made him break out in goosebumps. Not to mention the feeling of the soft swell of her breasts as she pressed them against his chest. It was as if he could still feel her touch, almost as if she was here with him, her lips still brushing against his cheek, her breath on his neck… and her breasts pressed against him. He groaned. This train of thoughts led him to some other problems. One problem to be exact.

His hand trailed down to the impressive bulge in his trousers. Thinking about Rin in this kind of way always confronted him with this situation and he knew that sleep was elusive as long as he hadn't taken care of it. This time, he had some very concrete feelings to fantasize about. And with that, he let himself fall in his dreamworld where a seducively dressed Rin was waiting for him.

In his fantasy, Rin touched him again as she had done earlier, pushing herself against him, her lips brushing softly against his cheek before trailing lower to his throat and his shoulders. She slowly kissed his chest, all warm lips and soft tongue, her hands gliding up his arm and the feeling of it, combined with her lips and her breath on his skin made him groan, his eyes sliding shut.

Her hands brushed down the sides of his torso, teasingly scratching her nails over his skin. He broke out in goosebumps and he couldn't help but whimper as she bit his nipple playfully. His erection was painfully hard and his hips moved against her without his consciousness. She smiled at him as she unbuckelt his belt. Her gaze was teasing, but there was an underlying fire in it as well. He reached for her, but she caught his hands and hold them down.

As his hand closed around his erection, he imagined that it was her hand and it increased the sensation tenfold. He moaned helplessly as in his fantasy Rin lowered her head to his cock and kissed a drop of precum off the tip. Then her tongue flickered out, smoothly circling around the head of his cock before she took him in her mouth and it was all over for him. He exploded with a force that made his back arch off the bed and his eyes roll back into his head.

He lay still for a long time, panting and shaking with the aftershock of his orgasm before he finally found the strenght to prop himself up on his elbows. Even in the darkness he could make out the impressive mess he had made not only on his stomache but on the bed sheets as well. Damn, he would have to wash them or his mother was bound to ask how he did get those stains on the sheets.

He let himself fall back again for a moment, taking a deep breath. Blast it! That had been fantastic. Would it feel like this, if they did have sex for real? It could only be better, couldn't it? He grinned into the darkness before he got up to clean himself and get discreetly rid of his stained piece of evidence.

°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 4

°°°°°°°

**AN**: So that's it for now. I realize there isn't much action in this chapter and it is a little longer, but it was essential for the plot and I guess you don't mind the length. I hope you still like it.

Maybe you wonder how old Haru is in this chapter? Remember what his mom said? He is in his last year of middleschool, so he would be 14, almost 15. Rin would be 17. She is two years older than him – like she is in the manga.

Please make me happy and leave a review! After all, a writer is nothing without getting feedback!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	5. Suddenly I'm melting into you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is safe – more or less. It should be fine, so go on.

And now, here we go again!

°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 5 – Suddenly I'm melting into you**

°°°°°°°°°

"Don't forget to shut the blinds at night. Oh! And remember to water the plants, the garden as well, it'll get quite warm. You'll have to go shopping for groceries in a few days and remember to…" Haru's mother bustled through the house, throwing orders and reminders left and right at her son, while she packed her suitcase. Haru had heard all of this at least three times before and he rolled his eyes. He would be glad when they finally left. His mother was like this every time she would leave the house for more than twelve hours.

"And be nice to Isuzu-chan, I don't want any fights between you, okay?" She looked at Haru sternly.

"Really, mom. You don't have to worry about it. Rin and I never have had a fight before, so why should we start on it now?" He shot his mother a serious look and she sighed.

"I know, you are right, of course. I'm just… still a little nervous about leaving you behind."

"That's why Rin stays with me…" Haru smiled at her. Hopefully, this would be a good week for them both.

"Yes, and I'm glad. By the way, when did you plan to pick her up?" She looked at him expectantly.

"As soon as you leave, I'll go over to get her. She wanted to come sooner, but she has a check-up appointment with Hatori this morning, so she couldn't." Haru flashed his mother a smile again. "Don't worry mom. It will be okay!" His mother looked at him inquiringly, before she smiled at him.

"Of course it will. You know your mom, right? I'm just…"

"Nervous. I know." For a moment he thought his mother was about to cry, but then she just smiled a small smile again and finally shut her suitcase. They both turned when they heard footsteps behind them.

"Well, everything ready, honey? We have to get going, or we'll miss our train. Our taxi will be here any minute." His father gave Haru a bright knowing smile and put a hand on his shoulder. "Enjoy your peace and silence as long as you have it, Haru. And be nice to Isuzu-chan."

"I will, dad." He helped his mother carry the suitcases downstairs, when the doorbell rang.

"Ah, this will be our taxi." His father went to open the door, then he called for his wife. Haru went with them to say goodbye.

"Take care, Haru. The address and number of the hotel we're staying at is on the kitchen table. Kagura's mom has it as well. Oh, and they have a spare key as well, just in case!" His father gave him a short hug, before he sat down beside the driver.

"Have a good time, my dear. Don't forget to water the plants and remember to…"

"Yes mom. I'll remember everything. And if I don't, I still have Rin to remind me, okay?" His mother gave him a teary smile, kissed him on the cheek and got in the car. Haru waved after them until they were out of sight, then he turned to get his shoes and pick up Rin.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Ah, Hatsuharu-kun, there you are. Rin came back just ten minutes ago and I think she's still packing. Wait a minute, I'll get her." Kagura's mother greeted him politely and turned to do as said, but Haru stopped her.

"No need, I'll go get her myself, if I may?" He only waited as long as it took her to utter an "of course", then he jumped up the stairs and went into Rin's room without knocking. They knew each other quite well after all. He had asked her once if she wanted him to knock when he came for a visit, but she had answered that she would knock _him_ if he would. And they had never talked about it again.

Rin was still packing her bag, the things she wanted to bring thrown all over her bed. She looked a little annoyed and Haru knew that it was because she didn't like packing a bag, because it reminded her of being in hospitals. 'If you make a real journey, you would pack a suitcase, not a bag. Bags are just packed when you'll stay in a hospital', she had once said and somehow he couldn't argue with her logic. He watched her for a moment before he made his presence known. She was beautiful like this, her hair falling loosely down her back, feet bare and just dressed in a short skirt and a very… revealing top.

"Hey, horsey. You ready?" He deliberately used this name, because she'd always laugh when he did and he wanted to make her forget about hospitals. It worked this time as well. She laughed while she turned towards him, her eyes glittering challenging.

"Almost, oxey." She winked at him, then turned back to her bag again. "I just need to finish packing… and I need to pack my stuff from the bathroom. Shower gel, shampoo, toothbrush and such, you know?"

"How about you pack this bathroom stuff and I'll finish packing your bag." He grinned at her and she gave him a quick hug. Before his heart managed to speed up, she already left for the bathroom. He sighed inaudible, before he turned towards her bed and got to work. He almost managed to convince himself that he was just curious what a girl would pack when he inspected every piece individually.

"Did your parents leave already?", she asked from inside the bathroom and he could hear her shuffling through a closet.

"Yes. They left about half an hour ago. Mom was so nervous, I half expected her to jump out of the cab again to stay with her beloved plants." He heard Rin's sweet ringing laughter and shivered involuntarily.

"There, I'm done in there." Rin came back with a small bag under her arm, then went to her shelve to pick up a few books. Haru hastily stuffed the last few pieces in the already rather full bag, but stopped when he felt a soft and thin material.

"I hope you're good at taking care of plants. I certainly am not", Rin said behind him but Haru really wasn't listening.

"Hmm, very nice." Something in his voice made Rin turn to him sharply and she saw him examining one of her flimsy black panties. She blushed violently and snatched it out of his hand to stuff it deep into her bag.

"Pervert!" He just grinned, because he knew that she wasn't angry at him. He picked up her bag and turned towards the door.

"Do you have everything?" Her face was still a nice shade of red, even though it was fading quickly. Rin wasn't someone to be embarrassed for long. She turned and throw a searching smile around the room before she opened the door.

"Yes, so let's get going." He shut the door behind him, then followed her downstairs to say goodbye to Kagura and her parents. Fortunately, they didn't make a big scene like his parents and just told them to call if something unexpected happened. They arrived at his home in high spirits, already making plans what to do and where to eat for dinner.

"We absolutely have to watch this movie, say tonight? I bought the DVD last week." Haru set down the bag in front of the door, then took out his keys and opened the door. He turned to Rin grinning.

"Well then, welcome to your home, however temporary it may be." Rin laughed at him, but squeaked in surprise as Haru suddenly picked her up bridal style and carried her over the threshold.

"You know, Haru, that normally just grooms carry their brides over the threshold, right?" He grinned his disarming smile as he sat her down slowly.

"I know, but I always wanted to do this. And since you are all mine for a whole week, where's the difference?" She stared at him for a long moment, before she broke out in laughter again.

"You really are unbelievable. Don't forget to bring in my bag as well." Haru laughed at her, then he went to get her bag. She really was naïve sometimes. The idea to carry her inside had suddenly formed inside his head and he had acted on it, before he had given it much thought. It had felt good to hold her close, but it had been some kind of test as well.

In his class a guy had told that you were only a real man when you could carry your lady over the threshold. Normally, Haru didn't care what people said, but this sentence had stuck with him, so he had to know. He had to know if he was a 'real man', before he could confess his feelings to her. Well, apparently he was.

He found Rin in the kitchen, staring at some photos his mother kept there. They were mostly of his parents and him together, one of his dad alone and one of him and Rin together, sitting side by side on a tree branch in the garden. The photo had been taken shortly before Rin's parents had stopped to play 'happy family'. Rin stared at it and Haru gently put his arms around her from behind. He knew that she was thinking about her parents and how they had abandoned her. She sighed and leaned her head back on Haru's shoulder for a moment, before she turned to him.

"I'm fine. You don't have to worry", she finally broke the silence. He looked at her disbelieving and she smiled at him. "Really, I'm fine. I'm fine when you're here with me." She smiled a genuine smile at him that took his breath away and she took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. His fingers momentarily tightened around hers, but then he smiled back. He really couldn't have said anything right now even if he wanted to, so he just nodded in understanding, knowing that she understood as well.

"Rin…" His voice sounded rasping and he cleared his throat. "Rin, I… I want to tell you… something, but I'm not ready… yet. Would you… Will you listen when I am?" His gaze was intense and he knew that Rin could clearly see the hope and despair in it. Maybe, if she looked deep enough, she even would see his love for her. He hold her gaze steadily and even managed not to blush.

"Of course." He breathed a sigh of relief that he knew Rin hadn't missed.

"Promise?", he asked in a small voice. He saw the worry in her gaze, her insecurity and something else he couldn't name. And in this very instance he just knew that Rin had figured him out, she knew what he wanted to tell her and that he just wanted to wait for the right moment.

"Promise."

"Thank you." His heart suddenly sang with joy. She knew what he felt and she was willing to listen to him. She didn't tell him to forget about it. He could have done a happy dance all of a sudden and a laughter broke out of his mouth.

Rin grinned at him, understanding without words how he felt. She went into the hall to pick up her bag and called to Haru that she'd go unpack her things, before she went upstairs to the guest room beside Haru's room. As she shut the door behind her, she couldn't keep a smile off her face.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Ah, I don't think I have eaten that much if you take all my meals of one week together…" Rin sighed and put a hand on her stomach. They had been out for dinner and Haru was glad that she finally had eaten a real meal, but he immediately worried about her. He knew that her stomach had always been bothering her and that under stress and pressure, she wouldn't be able to keep her meals down.

"Are you okay?" He went to her side, the worry clearly written on his face. Rin smiled at him.

"I'm fine, I'm just not used to such big meals. You know that I don't like to eat in other peoples company – except yours of course." She winked at him. "So how about this movie?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Would you like to see it now?" She nodded. "Okay, then I'll go get the DVD."

"Fine. I'll make some tea." Rin left for the kitchen, humming a tune under her breath. Haru grinned and went to his room to get the movie. It was already turning dark, but he knew where the DVD was, so he didn't turn on the light. Beside his shelve he paused for a moment. She had promised to listen when he was ready, that was good. She had already figured him out – at least he thought that she had. That was… was it good? Was it bad? He didn't know, but she had promised to listen anyway, so it couldn't be all bad.

Why hadn't he just told her earlier? The mood had been perfect, even though it had been really sudden… No, it was probably better this way. He could tell her when the moment was right and they both were relaxed and comfortable, not while they were standing in the kitchen. Maybe… tonight?

"Haru? Tea's ready." Her voice was like silk, smooth and clear and Haru had always liked the sound of it. With a smile he got up. He had been lost in his thoughts again and hadn't noticed that five minutes had passed. He jumped down the stairs and walked into the living room, while Rin placed two cups on the small table in front of the couch.

"So, then let's get started." Haru put the DVD into the player, then settled himself down on the couch beside Rin and they both got lost in the movie's story. It was a good story and it was quite gripping. Haru liked it, especially since the heroine had long dark hair not unlike Rin and the elderly hero had white-grey hair like he himself had on the top of his head. When they both finally kissed in the end, Haru could almost imagine, that it was Rin and himself who where kissing there under the moon.

What would it feel like to kiss Rin? Okay, if he was honest with himself, he would have to ask what it would feel like to kiss at all, but since he wouldn't want to kiss any other girl except Rin anyway, he could as well ask himself what it would feel like with her. He turned his head slightly to look at her only to almost jump in surprise, when he found her staring at him intently.

"What?" He blushed, but still turned to face her. Thankfully the upcoming night was hiding his red face, since they hadn't turned on the light. The only source of light was the dim screen of the TV.

"Oh, nothing. So how did you like the movie?" Even in the dark he could make out the teasing spark in her eyes.

"I already knew it. How did _you_ like it?" He stared at her, discreetly admiring her beauty. Her black eyes had a fire of their own as they gleamed in the darkness and her milky-white skin seemed to glow under the dim light of the TV. Even though all members of the Sohma family where exceptionally beautiful – even the men – Rin was almost unnaturally perfect.

"I liked it. Although the ending was like out of a fairy tale… Life isn't like that." For a moment he could see something close to hurt in her eyes, but it was gone in a heartbeat as her eyes met his intense gaze. Haru couldn't help but stare at her. His heart was slamming hard in his chest as his gaze slid to her lips on it's own volition.

He was suddenly aware that they had been sitting quite close to each other, much closer than it was necessary. His eyes slid lower and he swallowed hard as his gaze grazed over smooth skin, soft female curves and long perfect legs. He broke out of his reverie, when she uttered his name in a husky whisper.

"Ha… Haru." Their eyes met again and he knew that there was no turning back now.

"Rin…" He swallowed again. "Can I… kiss you?" Time seemed to stop for a moment as they both stared at each other.

"Why?" Her voice sounded almost frightened and he could see a mixture of surprise, fright and something like hope flicker in her eyes.

"Because I love you." He paused for a moment. "That's what I wanted to tell you." She stared at him in shock, but Haru could see that she wasn't as surprised as she acted. So maybe she hadn't expected his confession now, but she knew it had been coming. Her eyes betrayed it.

"I… We… We can't. … Akito wouldn't allow it. Not with me being… well, me. And not with you being one of the favoured." She looked down at a point on the floor. Haru's heart was twisting painfully. If he was honest with himself, he hadn't thought about Akito, just about his love for her and how they would be perfect together. She was right. Life didn't have fairy-tale endings. But he couldn't give up hope yet. So maybe they had to find a way around Akito, but she hadn't told him that she didn't want him.

"Rin?" She didn't meet his eyes and he finally put a hand on her chin to look into her eyes. "Rin, what about you? What do you want?" He leaned closer to her, enclosing her in his arms. He needed to feel her, needed to know that she was still his Rin. He couldn't live without her and he would never give her up, even if it meant that he would have to keep his love, his desire for her inside and just stay friends.

"You know, Rin, I couldn't stand it, if you'd be with someone else…", he continued, ignoring the painful sting in his chest. "I just want to be with you." Then a sudden thought occurred to him. "Or is there… someone you…" He wasn't able to finish his sentence though.

"No! No, Haru, there isn't. And it's not that I…" Suddenly there were tears streaming down her cheek and Haru felt his eyes water. He had done a good job in making her happy, she hadn't cried in such a long time when he was with her, but now… Now she cried… Because of him.

"Do you not want me? Do you not want us to be together?" It was hard to ask this questions and it hurt as she turned her head, avoiding his gaze. "Rin, if you don't want it… if you don't want me…" She put a finger over his lips, silencing him. She dried her tears hurriedly then turned to him again.

"It's not that."

"What is it then?" His question had come out in a voice that betrayed the despair he felt. "It's just… I… I love you", he finished in a whisper. He felt Rin's hand on his cheek and looked at her.

"There are a lot of reasons why we shouldn't do this, Haru. First of all, there is Akito, second, you are still…" She paused for a moment. " You are still very young… Don't say it! You are!", she nipped his protest in the bud. "Honestly, Haru. You are just fourteen."

"Almost fifteen", he protested again.

"So you are almost fifteen, fine. Does it make a difference? It's still very young to… to care about such things."

"So it's all about my age? I don't care about my age…" He lowered his gaze in defeat. His age was something he couldn't change. Never had it occurred to him, that she would have a problem with it.

"I believe that you don't have a problem with our age difference, but…" He turned his gaze towards her and he could see her internal struggle, could see both fear and longing flicker through her eyes. She closed her eyes, her brows furrowed and for a cruel moment Haru thought he had lost her. His eyes flew open as she suddenly laughed.

"Just imagine the looks I will get when I say that I have a boyfriend who is two years younger than me! I can't wait!" She smiled at him and before the meaning of her words could sink in, her lips were on his. For a moment he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't remember anything and he was sure that, if Rin hadn't embraced him tightly, he would have fallen off the couch.

When his brain finally started working again, the meaning of her words suddenly became clear to him and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. Her lips were warm and soft against his, slowly and patiently teaching him the art of kissing, soft and demanding at the same time. When she seemed satisfied with him, she took his face in her hands and turned her head a little more to the side.

Then he felt her soft probing tongue slide over his lips and Haru moaned helplessly in her arms. He parted his lips and Rin slid her tongue inside his mouth, showing him how to move, how to explore and caress. It was overwhelming, like she was reaching for his soul. It was full of pleasure he had never known and it was frightening in it's intensity, almost too much, and he withdrew slightly.

"Rin…" His voice sounded breathless and strange to his own ears. He gasped for breath, a slight tremor shaking his body. Rin gave him a gentle smile.

"Shh… It's okay. I'm here with you." And with that she pressed her lips back to his, his mouth opening promptly under the caress of her tongue. Never had he felt anything like he felt now as he was not just following her movement to learn, but was actually kissing her back, a little shy at first but gaining more confidence with every second.

He felt like he was floating, as if Rin had just given him a treasure that he had been searching for all of his life. This was not just physical. This was more than just kissing, touching lips and tongue. This was as if their souls were melting together, as if their hearts were beating as one.

But then it was physical as well. Haru became quite aware of this all of the sudden as Rin, without breaking their kiss, sat herself on his lap, straddling him and pressing herself against his very prominent erection. His eyes flew open at the contact and he broke away, biting down on his own tongue to keep himself from crying out. Never had it felt like this when he touched himself and for an awful moment he feared that he would actually come in his pants.

Rin laid her arms around his neck, drawing him closer and he leaned his head on her shoulder, panting and shaking, while she stroked her fingers through his hair. When his shaking finally had stopped and he had his breathing under control again, he looked up at her.

"Are you okay?" Her voice sounded slightly worried and her gaze was searching.

"Never been better." He smiled at her, then let his head fall back against her shoulder. "So, what are we now? What do you want, Rin?" He could feel her laughing in his arms.

"Now we are a couple. And I want a lot of things, but you are not ready yet and all of them would make you blush." She winked at him and he blushed instantly. Her gaze turned serious again.

"Haru?" He looked up at her as he felt her hand under his chin. "I love you too." Her gaze was sincere and he could clearly see her love in her eyes. There was lust there as well and a hunger that made him swallow and his heartbeat speed up again. But he knew that she was right. He was not ready yet, but soon, very soon he would be and she would make sure that his first experiences would be as incredible and breathtaking as their first kiss had been. He smiled at her.

"Thank you."

°°°°°°

End of Chapter 5

°°°°°°

AN: Hi again. I hope you liked the fifth chapter as well. It is the longest chapter for now, but I hope you don't mind. I though about splitting it up, but I couldn't have done it without tearing it apart.

A few notes on this chapter!

1. Before you ask! I didn't have a concrete movie in mind. Just imagine some action-horror thing with a mushy happy end for the hero and the heroine.

2. I realize that Rin is quite aggressive, but I already read some Haru-Rinlemons and in all of them Rin was rather passive. It's not as if I mind, but I wanted to make her a bit more… active. She IS two years older than Haru and even though he's 'wise beyond his age' he is only 14! I don't know if he is 14 in the manga as well when they kiss for the first time, but it is known that Haru was 15 when he was introduced to the story, so he and Rin ought to be a couple by then (They broke up in vol. 8 already, so he can't have been much older than 15 when they got together.)

3. I adjusted the scene of the manga slightly to fit my story. I hope you don't mind much.

So that's it for now! Please make me happy and leave a review!

Until next time, Joey!


	6. Craving for you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This is a lemon chapter! If you don't want to read it, please just wait one week for the next chapter. It isn't essential for the plot. They are just… having fun! Lots of!

And now, here we go!

°°°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 6 – Craving for you **

°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru awoke as the sun shone directly on his face and something tickled his ear and for a moment he was completely disoriented. Then he saw that he had fallen asleep in the living room, sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. The sun was streaming inside since – against his mothers reminder – he had forgotten to shut the blinds.

Something in his neck cracked painfully as he turned his head to investigate what had tickled him and Haru groaned. It was a strand of Rin's hair, that hung over the edge of the couch where Rin lay crooked. She was still sleeping, although by the look of it her position wasn't very much more comfortable than his had been.

For a moment Haru just watched her in her sleep, remembering their kiss last night. He could almost still feel her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth, her hands around his neck. The feelings that kiss had invoked had been unexpected. He never would have thought that someone could do this to him – with a single kiss at that. The intensity of it had caught him completely off guard and he knew that his inexperience had been painfully obvious last night.

Suddenly he was very glad that his first kiss had been with Rin. She understood him better than he did himself sometimes, so she had set the right pace for both of them. He knew that she didn't have more experience than him, but she had a better grasp on things than he had. She just knew how things were supposed to work, had always known and he had always trusted her in her decisions. So now he trusted her as well.

Haru smiled at her still sleeping shape. She looked relaxed like this, the hard edge he sometimes noticed around her eyes were gone, leaving a smooth perfect face behind. Her hair shone in the morning sun and her crumpled clothes somehow made his heart flutter. Maybe it was because her short skirt had slid up to show a glimpse of black panties or because her low-cut top had gotten out of place and now revealed her left breast almost to the nipple.

Haru groaned again even though this time it was because of a different kind of pain altogether and decided to end this sweet torture. He moved closer to her, taking her in his arms, his lips touching her neck, breathing in the familiar scent that was unique to her. She stirred in his arms and he turned to look at her, their eyes meeting. Whoever said black was an emotionless color obviously never saw her eyes. He smiled at her, enjoying their closeness, needing to feel her close after their confession last night. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"Morning, sweetheart." His voice was still husky from sleeping but she smiled up at him, her arms moving around his neck, drawing him closer until their lips touched for a deeper kiss that left both of them breathless.

"Morning." She pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing at the cracking sound of her back and he gave her a sympatric smile. "Ow, I think I need a very hot bath to loosen up." She looked around.

"Sounds like a plan, but first we'll have breakfast." He looked at her sternly, because he knew that she didn't eat breakfast at Kagura's. She huffed a little.

"Okay, fine. But don't expect me to eat my way through a traditional breakfast. I don't like miso first thing in the morning." She wrinkled her nose in such a cute way that Haru had to laugh.

"Deal. How about cereals? Very much _not_ traditional." She nodded and he left for the kitchen, leaving Rin alone in thoughts. Was it really right what they did, what they had done? It certainly felt right, she had never felt better than last night as she was in Haru's arms, sitting so close to him, kissing him, feeling him tremble under her touch. Never in her life had she felt more… needed. Haru came back with their breakfast on a tray. He gave her a bright smile and the gentleness in his eyes made her feel guilty. She really should stop worrying, everything would be fine. At least she hoped so, for the sake of them both.

°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru sighed as he sank into the warm water. Sometimes a traditional bath really had its advantages. The hot water was relaxing his knotted muscles and soothing his nerves. Ever since last night he felt on edge. Ever since she had kissed him he felt like he was constantly on fire, his lips craving for her kiss, his skin craving for her touch, for her body pressed close to his.

He sighed again. Then of course there was another part of his body craving for attention, for her attention to be exact. But then this desire would have to remain unsatisfied until she decided it was time to remedy his problem. His member throbbed as images of what she could do to him rose before his inner eyes without his volition. His hand was around his cock in no time and he moaned in pleasure, his eyes sliding shut as his hand was working on his erection. With last night's pleasure still burning in him, there was no way he could last for long.

He was panting, twitching in anticipation of his impending orgasm, sweat forming on his forehead because of the heat in the room and the heat inside of him. He moaned deep in his throat, his rasping voice forming a name, her name, as he could feel his testicles tighten in preparation of his release, when he suddenly felt cool fingers on his forehead. His eyes flew open in shock, his hand's movement coming to an abrupt halt and their gazes locked.

It was useless to deny what he had been doing, he knew that much even with his brain fogged with pleasure. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty. It wasn't as if she didn't know that he was touching himself now and in general. They had once talked about masturbation and he knew that she touched herself as well. It had put some very nice pictures in his head that never failed to arouse him.

They both were still silent, gazes locked, her hand on his forehead, Haru still panting from his ministrations. As usual he left the decision about what to do to her and she took her hand from his forehead, breaking the moment. However her next move shocked him again, as her hands went to loosen the zipper of her skirt, the short piece of cloth gliding down her legs. Her top was carelessly thrown on the floor and for a moment the vision of this picture perfect young woman standing before him, clad in just her underwear took his breath away.

Her left hand slowly, deliberately went to her back, opening the clasp of her bra with practiced ease. Haru inhaled deeply as the material came off even though it hadn't been covering much in the first place. But still, seeing her like this, her perfectly shaped breasts naked for him to admire was entirely different than dreaming about her and it made the pressure in his member increase painfully.

She slowly pushed her flimsy black panties down her long legs and stepped out of them, pausing for a moment, waiting until his burning gaze had finished its journey down her body, before she moved towards him, joining him in the bathtub. Haru sat frozen in place, the sensation of her naked skin gliding over his own immobilizing him and for a moment he feared that he was caught in one of his fantasies.

Her hand on his cheek made him come back to reality and he turned his head to look at her. The blazing fire in her eyes turned his knees to jelly and he sighed in anticipation of what was to come. He gasped as her hand slid over his stomach, making him moan out, his cock twitching and his head falling back.

"Haru…" Her voice was husky and sensual and he looked at her through pleasure clouded eyes. She motioned for him to turn around and he did, then she drew his back against her, leaving him sitting between her spread legs, her breasts pressed against his back and his head resting on her shoulder. He shuddered in her arms as she teasingly scratched her nails over his stomach and a gasp of pleasure escaped his mouth. Somehow being this close to her, feeling her skin against his, made the sensation increase tenfold.

"Show me." Her voice was a mere whisper in his ear and for a moment he thought he had only imagined it. "Show me." Her arms went around his torso, leaving his arms room enough to move freely. The sensation she was creating with just holding him like that was unbelievable, but then he knew that she wanted him to do something, although his foggy brain couldn't grasp what it was.

She caught his right hand in hers, bringing it up to her mouth, kissing each fingertip, before she brought his hand down into the water again, pushing it towards his member. As she closed his fingers around his erection he moaned and his hips moved upwards on its own accord. Rin kept her hands around his fingers, moving his hand slightly up and down over his cock.

"Show me, Haru. Show me what you like." And finally he understood, his hand coming alive under hers, moving in a practiced rhythm. He could feel her burning gaze on his penis and knew this would be over very soon. He was much too over stimulated to last, his orgasm already too close. The knowledge of her watching his every movement, memorizing his pace, his pattern, didn't help at all and he moaned her name, pressing his face into her neck.

His eyes flew open as he felt the first wave of his orgasm hit him with such force that he couldn't keep the sounds of pleasure inside and he cried out, his back arching, head thrown back on her shoulder as his semen shot out into the water in thick white spurts and his erection twitched in his hand, longer, harder than ever before. For a moment everything went black. When his brain finally caught up to reality again she was holding him tightly, hands gliding soothingly over his chest as he lay gasping and shaking in her arms.

For a long time neither of them spoke. She was just holding him, resting her head on his shoulder, Haru leaning against her bonelessly, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. Only when the temperature of the water had noticeably dropped did they finally move apart.

"Are you okay?" Even though Rin had spoken in a mere whisper her voice sounded unnaturally loud in the quiet of the bathroom. He looked at her and their eyes met again for the first time since she had joined him in the bathtub. He started to answer but nothing came out except a rasping sound and he just nodded, still staring at her. She smiled at him, extending her arms at him and he came into her embrace without hesitation, his arms locking around her tightly, holding her to him.

Finally they moved out of the tub and dried themselves off. Haru was surprised when he looked outside the window and saw that it was actually getting dark already. The sun was setting, bathing the landscape outside and their naked bodies in ruby-red light. For a moment both of them just watched the sun. Then Haru put a strand of hair behind Rin's ear and smiled at her.

"Rin? Thank you." Her gaze was intense, searching his eyes and she smiled when she saw nothing but sincerity and love in those warm brown orbs.

"You don't have to thank me. You did all the work…" She grinned but turned serious again. "I'm glad though. I actually feared it was a bit too much." Haru laughed at her.

"Never. It was fantastic. Damn it, I wish I could come like that all the time." He blushed slightly and avoided her gaze. "Rin?" He paused a moment, contemplating his next words. "Am I… I mean… will I get to know what you like as well?" He didn't meet her eyes directly, but he could still make out her grin as she moved to take him in his arms.

"Of course you will." He stared at her for a moment before he gave her a bright smile.

"When?" He hadn't intended to ask, but somehow his lips had formed the question on their own accord. He blushed under Rin's amused gaze.

"That depends on what you want." Her expression was serious as she looked at him. "What do you want me to do, Haru?" For a moment he thought about what he wanted to say, what he actually wanted at all, but then the answer was easy.

"Make me blush." For a moment neither one of them spoke.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She searched his eyes for a long time before she finally nodded.

"Your room or mine?", she simply asked and he had to laugh.

"Mine", he answered with finality and then she simply took his hand and lead the way down the hall towards his room.

°°°°°°°°°

The sun had set when they both entered his room, each of them clad only in a towel. She motioned for him to go to the bed while she shut the door behind them, even though no one else was there to hear or see them. Still Haru was glad that she did it. What they were about to do was easier done in a safe and enclosed space. Yes, definitely safer… Safer? Oh!

"Err, Rin?" She looked at him and he felt very stupid all of the sudden. Why hadn't he thought about this earlier? But then, he never would have guesses that it would come down to this – not now. "I don't… I mean, I don't have…" As usual she understood. She sat down beside him on the edge of the mattress and smiled as she took him in his arms.

"Don't worry. I'm taking the pill." He stared at her for a moment. He had never known, but then he hadn't exactly asked. One thing less to worry about, still there were enough points left that had him worry a lot. He actually felt nervous again – extremely nervous. What if he… He felt Rin's hand on his face, interrupting his train of thoughts that was rapidly turning into a panic attack.

"Haru, we're in on this together. I'm here with you." She smiled at him gently. A sudden thought made him look up sharply.

"How about you? Are you nervous?" Until now he never had thought that she might feel the same. He knew that she'd never been with someone else, but still she seemed so sure about things, almost as if she was born with the knowledge.

"Of course I am. It's my first time as well…" He looked at her, his gaze searching and he was about to tell her that they didn't have to do it… not now, but she stopped him with a finger on his lips.

"I'm fine. Because you're here with me, I'm fine." She laid down on the bed, drawing him with her. His heart hammered in his chest as for a moment they just stared at each other. Then she leaned over, kissing him on the mouth, her lips soft and demanding, soothing and burning at the same time and he melted into her.

Haru suddenly realized that it didn't matter that both of them had no experience. They both knew what mattered the most – they knew each other. And even though they've never had a physical relationship as lovers before, they knew each other's bodies to some extend.

Rin propped herself up on one elbow, breaking their kiss. She smiled down at him for a moment, before she gripped the towel that was laying loosely around his hips and pushed it aside. Haru suddenly felt very naked and he was fighting the blush that crept up his cheeks. He felt her eyes on his body like fire and his blush deepened as he felt his body responding right under her intense gaze.

Rin laid a hand on his chest, admiring his body. Martial art had left its impression on his body. His muscles were developed nicely, not overly so but enough to make her fingers itch to feel those muscles working under her hands. This was not a boy's body, but it wasn't a man's yet either. Still she couldn't deny that Haru was definitely an extremely handsome guy. She smiled at him as her eyes had finished their exploration.

"Everything to your satisfaction, milady?" He asked in a teasing tone. She grinned at him.

"Very nice." Haru grinned back at her before he brought his mouth back on hers for another kiss. He brought his hand to her waist, resting it against the towel still slung around her torso. He felt Rin move slightly and then the towel was flung away, his hand suddenly meeting soft warm skin. He felt her arms sliding around his back and then their bodies were pressed against each other, skin against skin and a tingle like flowing electricity went through him.

It was unlike anything Haru had ever felt. As one of the Juunishi it was rare to be hugged anyway. When he thought back, he could remember a few hugs from his father, mostly on special occasions like on birthday or Christmas. His mother hugged him rarely for obvious reason. Except his parents only ever Rin had hugged him, always sweet and warm and speaking of friendship.

Now it was completely different. Never had a hug been burning like this, consuming like a blazing fire and for a moment he wondered if he would actually survive the sexual act itself. He could feel Rin shaking in his arms and he knew that she felt the same, the knowledge oddly soothing to his whirling emotions. Rin's mouth sought out his for a moment, reassuring them both and then she laid back, leaving him room to admire, to explore, to feel.

He let his gaze roam over her body for a moment, again taking in her soft curves, her long legs and slim form – a little too slim, since she still didn't eat enough. Her hair was lying around her like a fan, the dark color of it a sharp contrast against her milky skin. Her body was a piece of perfection, almost unnatural in its beauty.

Haru hesitantly laid a hand on her stomach, enjoying the silky smooth texture of her warm skin under his fingers. Slowly he stroked his thumb over her belly button, before he threw a helpless gaze at her.

"Rin…" She laid a hand upon his, for a moment neither one of them moving. Then she pushed his hand up towards her chest, his fingers under hers brushing against the side of her left breast and he could feel her rapid heartbeat. She pushed his hand fully onto her soft globe until her nipple was pressing into the inside of his hand. She moved her hand up his hand to his wrist, giving him more room to explore on his own pace.

Finally he moved his hand away from her breast, holding contact with just his fingertips, his touch light as a feather. He circled her nipple with his forefinger, teasing it into a tight bud. Rin's soft moan made him look up at her sharply, somehow fearing that he had hurt her. He took in her flushed expression, her half closed eyes that were fixed on his face and he blushed at his own stupidity.

Her hand that had been on his wrist finally ceased its hold and wandered up his arm, brushing over his biceps, his shoulder and down to his chest. He shivered under her touch as she copied his movement, her forefinger circling his nipple, before she took it between two fingers, rolling and pressing lightly. Until now Haru never could have even imagined that males could be stimulated by this as well, but now he knew better as a flash of pure ecstasy shot through him, directly from his chest to his cock. He moaned, his head sinking down until his forehead touched her chest and a sudden idea formed in his head.

Without hesitation he put his mouth over her already stimulated nipple, in turn suckling and circling the tight bud with his tongue, before taking it slowly between his teeth, biting down carefully so as not to hurt her. He reveled in her moans, her arching back, her hips moving against his, her hand in his hair, holding him in place. With a final flick of his tongue he turned his attention to the other breast, repeating the procedure. He enjoyed the feeling of her body squirming under his, head thrown back in ecstasy.

When he finally stopped his sweet torture, he pressed his face into the valley between her breasts, breathing in her scent, listening to the sound of her hammering heart. When he felt her hands gliding over his back, he looked up at her face, meeting her eyes and they both smiled for a moment.

"You okay?", he asked softly just to break the tension.

"Never been better." She smiled at him, then drew his face up to hers, their lips meeting instantly, tongues stroking, hands exploring the other one's body again. His kiss got more demanding as her hands slowly slid down over his stomach and he gasped as the back of her hand bumped against his erection. She broke the kiss, her lips gliding down his throat, her tongue touching his skin occasionally.

As her fingers touched his erection, grasping him softly, her thumb circling over the head of his cock, spreading a drop of precum, he moaned helplessly, falling back against the mattress, taking her with him in his tight embrace. Her hand set a slow but steady rhythm and it was his time to squirm as his hips thrusted upwards on its own accord, seeking something more.

"Rin… Wait." Haru panted as she increased the pressure of her fingers just to tease him and in a desperate movement he grasped her hand, stopping her movement.

"Stop! … Too close." She laid her hand against his shoulder while he fought to get his breath under control again. When his heartbeat had finally slowed to a reasonable pace he turned to her, taking her in his arms. Their eyes met and Rin took his hand to her stomach before pushing it down between her legs.

Haru stared at her for a moment, before he started to explore this new territory. He kept his gaze fixed on her face, taking in every movement of her eyes, every expression as his forefinger slid over her labia, finding her already wet and she moaned loudly as his finger found her clit and slowly rubbed against it. Then his finger slid down to her opening, her maidenhead still intact. Her hips moved upwards and he pushed his finger into her, reveling in the hot wetness of her vagina, his eyes sliding shut as he thought about his erection buried inside of her.

His erection twitched in anticipation and Haru knew that it was time. He pulled his finger out of her slowly so as not to hurt her, then looked up to find her watching him. He looked at her questioningly and she nodded, her arms around his torso pushing him into a half kneeling position between her spread legs.

"We're in on this together, right?" Her voice still sounded breathless from his earlier ministration.

"Right." He was unsure where to move and was grateful as her hands brought him into position until his erection was hovering over her entrance. Haru swallowed. So this was it. He looked at her again, her face set in determination.

"Just… push." It sounded simple when she said it like this, but he knew that his movement would hurt her – hopefully it wouldn't hurt her much. He was glad when he felt her hands on his hips again, pulling him down hard.

He felt the head of his cock touch her entrance, meeting hot wetness, a small resistance, that was torn easily and then he was inside her, his erection buried deep in her tight cavern. He distantly heard both of them crying out at this first intimate contact. Haru dropped his head onto her shoulder, keeping still even though he was trembling with the effort, every single cell of his body crying out to him to move.

Her hand touched his face, their eyes meeting and he knew that he hadn't hurt her, that it was okay to move and he did. Never in his whole life had he imagined sex to feel like this. He had thought that it would make him feel good, make him want more. Never had he imagined it to feel as if their bodies were melting together, as if their souls were touching. But now Haru couldn't tell were his body stopped and were hers began, he felt as if she was flowing through his veins, as if he was breathing through her lungs.

His hips was thrusting against her, his movements strong and steady even though he was shaking with the extend of pleasure he felt. He heard Rin moan under him, her hands grasping at his arms, holding on for dear life.

Her body was moving against his yet they were moving together in perfect harmony, their movements desperate, demanding. Rin's hand pulled at his hip, drawing him in deeper, harder, slightly changing the angle. And then he suddenly hit a spot inside of her that made her cry out in pleasure, her inner muscles tightening around him, increasing the friction tenfold and he didn't stand a chance against the raging storm of feelings that took hold of him.

It was as if they found the edge of the world and then they both were flung into the abyss, coming together, falling into the endless ocean of ecstasy and they both arched their back under the force of their orgasms.

When they finally returned to reality, both were shaking and desperately gasping for breath, sweat rolling down their bodies. Their gazes met, her eyelids half closed, face flushed, his eyes huge, staring at her in wonder and understanding at the same time. She smiled at him and touched his face, pushing some strands of hair from his sweaty forehead, before she pulled him down onto her, kissing his lips softly, enveloping his still trembling form into a tight embrace.

His heart was still thundering as he let his head drop onto her shoulder. The experience he had just made had been more intense than anything he had ever felt and it had left him shaken, overwhelmed from the mass of new and unexpected emotions. But now, in her arms, he was finally able to calm down. He felt a soft touch on his neck and turned his head towards her, eyes still closed.

"Are you okay?" Her voice sounded worried, bringing a smile to his face.

"Yes", he answered in a rasping voice. "Just a little… overwhelmed. Why do you ask?"

"You are crying." His eyes flew open and he brought a hand up to his face only to find that she was right. He hadn't noticed the steady stream of tears down his cheek. His head dropped down to her shoulder again.

"I'm fine. Just… hold me." His voice sounded small all of the sudden and Rin wondered for a moment if he really had been ready for this. Now of course, it was no use crying over spilled milk.

"Will you stop worrying already? I'm fine! Really!" His voice interrupted her train of thoughts and she turned to look at him only to find him staring at her.

"I'm fine", he repeated. "It was just…" He searched for words for a moment. "It was so much more than I expected it to be." He closed his eyes again, thinking. Then his face broke out in a wide grin.

"So that's it. No virgins anymore." The barely concealed triumph in his voice made her laugh so hard, that his now soft member slipped out of her.

"Oops, sorry." And then they both laughed. It felt good after the tension they had been under the whole day. When they finally stopped, he turned to her, his expression serious.

"Rin, I love you." She smiled at him.

"I love you too, Haru." She pulled his head down for kiss that reassured both that everything was fine. They were a couple, they were together and they would overcome everything, should there be something in their way, right? With this thought in mind Haru laid down on the mattress, keeping Rin in his arms and soon they fell asleep, dreaming about each other.

°°°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 6

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**AN**: So that's it. Their first time! I'm not really satisfied with the end of this chapter, but I guess it's okay. This chapter is rather long as well, but I hope – as usual – you don't mind. The next chapter will be up in a week!

**A few notes about this chapter:**

Maybe you wonder about the sentence when Rin tells Haru that, because he is here with her, she's fine. In Japanese Rin said "Haru ga iru kara daijoubu" which means literally "Because Haru is here, I'm fine." I like this sentence very much, so I had to use it!

Traditional japanese breakfast – would be rice, fish and miso.

Traditional japanese bathrooms – You clean yourself sitting on a stool, then you rinse the shampoo away by tossing a bucket of water over your head (Did you read Ranma? They do it often if I remember correctly) and then, when you're clean, you go sit in a tub with really hot water in it. Those tubs have got a higher rim then the ones western people normally use, so you can sit up in there easily with the water reaching to your shoulders.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	7. Missing

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: There are some hints of smut, but I think it's bearable.

Here we go!

°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 7 – Missing**

The sun was already setting as Haru sat at his desk, a few books laying open in front of him, even though his thoughts were miles away from homework. He was daydreaming again, chewing absentmindedly on the end of his pencil. A knock on the door interrupted his reverie.

"Haru, Isuzu-chan's on the phone." His mother smiled at him and handed him over the wireless phone. With a wink she turned and left his room again. Even though he had never talked to his mother about his relationship with Rin, she clearly knew something was going on.

She often commented on how very much more balanced Haru acted ever since they had been on this business trip during summer. And of course she was right. Haru _had_ been more balanced, his black side hadn't emerged in a long time now. Most likely it had something to do with finally being able to express his love for Rin. Maybe it something to do with getting laid on a regular basis as well. Of course he couldn't tell his mother about that, although she clearly suspected it. But then, he didn't know how his mother would react if she knew that her son was having sex – suspecting and knowing were two different things altogether.

"Hey, horsey." He smiled as he put the receiver to his ear. It was rare that Rin would call him, most of the time they were together anyway. The sound of her voice never failed to make his heart skip a beat, even now when they were together for almost 4 months.

"Hey yourself. Are you busy right now?" She laughed, but he could hear an underlying tension in her voice.

"I'm studying for my test, but I guess it can wait… Where's the fire?"

"At Gure-nii's." Haru was silent for a moment, trying to think about what could be so urgent at Shigure's place.

"Could you give me a hint? I'm not following right now…" She huffed at the other end of the phone and Haru had to suppress a smile. Rin wasn't known for her patience, but then she _was_ the horse.

"Not on the phone. Can I come over? Kagura and her parents are out anyway, so I could stay a while and help you with your studies." She would do this quite often, helping him in his studies. That was one of the advantages of having a girlfriend who was two years ahead of him - and Rin _was_ good in school, even though she'd often tell him that she hated most classes. It wasn't that Haru was bad at school, but sometimes his thoughts tended to drift and he wouldn't catch the teacher's explanations.

"Sounds good. Shall I pick you up?"

"No need." He frowned a little. Although they were on Sohma property and no strangers should be around, he still didn't like her to run around in the dark on her own. Besides, it was cold outside. It was December after all.

"So when will you be here?"

"How about right now?" The doorbell rang and Haru laughed before he broke the connection and ran downstairs to greet her. His mother had already opened the door and Rin grinned up at him, holding a brand new cell phone in her hand.

"Shall I make you some tea?" His mother asked. "I guess this may take some time? Why don't you stay for dinner, Isuzu-chan?" She smiled at her invitingly and Rin nodded hesitantly.

"Thank you… It's just…"

"I know, dear. You don't like to eat in other people's presence. No problem at all. I'll bring you something up to Haru's room and you both can eat there, okay?" Haru grinned at Rin. He had told her about how he suspected that his mother knew something about them. She now threw him a nervous glance, before she bowed politely to his mother.

"Thank you very much. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." His mother just laughed at her.

"It's not an inconvenience. Just as long as you both are happy." She gave Rin a gentle motherly smile that made Rin clearly uncomfortable. "And now, off you go. You better concentrate, Haru. Those studies are important." She gave her son a severe look before she left for the kitchen.

"Well then. Let's go upstairs." Rin practically dragged him to his room, throwing the door shut behind him before she threw herself on his bed. For a moment Haru just stood there, admiring the vision of his lovely girlfriend on his bed, remembering their first time as lovers. But then he could see that she was almost exploding with news. If Rin got all excited about something it really had to be something important, although he still didn't knew if it was good or bad news.

"So what is it?" He sat himself down on the bed beside her, close enough so that their legs were touching.

"You won't believe it. Hatori-san told me when I had a check-up this evening. You know that Kyou's back and lives at Gure-nii's place?" He nodded. They had talked about it before. Haru had been worried about Yuki, but since neither of them hadn't heard any bad news it must have worked so far.

"Well, Kyou is not the only new inhabitant there. There's a girl, I think the name was Honda Tohru. And she knows about the curse." Haru's eyebrows shot up at that and he stared wide-eyed at Rin.

"She does what?" Rin nodded at him.

"You heard right. She knows about our curse. They didn't erase her memory and as far as I heard they aren't planning on doing so. And what's best: She has Akito's permission to stay there." Haru hadn't expected that kind of news at all.

"She has permission from Akito? To stay at sensei's place? With Yuki there? You know, favoured one and everything…" Rin nodded again. Her eyes told him that she thought the exact same thing.

"I think, Akito is planning something, but even Hatori-san doesn't know anything." Haru looked at her searchingly. He could see worry in her eyes, but then it was not every day someone lived to remember about the curse. A sudden plan formed in his head.

"I'm going…" He stood up, but was immediately drawn back on the bed by Rin.

"Don't. Not now. You can wait this remaining two days until new year's eve, then you'll see Yuki-kun at the banquet anyway." He sighed and turned on his bed, so he was laying with his head in her lap, closing his eyes as Rin stroked her hand through his hair.

"You are right of course. What only would I do without you?" They shared a tender smile, before Rin leaned down to give him a soft kiss that soon turned into something more. A soft knock on the door had them jumping apart in surprise.

"Haru? Dinner's ready." Then his mother opened the door and set down two plates on his table. Isuzu-chan sure was a good actress, but Haru most certainly was not. She smiled to herself as she took in her son's flushed expression and his slightly swollen lips.

°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Sensei?" Haru came out of the shadows as he saw Shigure climb the few stairs to the entrance, dressed in his most formal yukata – he was all alone.

"Ah, Ha-kun. Good evening." He bowed politely to him even though there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Where are Yuki and Kyou?"

"They're playing hooky, you could say." Shigure laughed shortly. "Do you wanted to see them?" He stared at Haru searchingly. Shigure really was a mysterious one, no one could really tell what he was up to. Haru sighed. So they skipped the new years banquet - a meeting with Akito… for that girl most likely. She had to be something, then, if they were willing to incur Akito's wrath.

"Actually, I wanted a fight, so I thought I would end this year by sparring with the cat", he said. There was no need for him to tell Shigure that he wanted to see this Honda-girl for himself to make sure she could keep their secret. And he wanted to know if she was good for Yuki's broken soul. Ever since he had met Yuki for the first time, he had seen the hurt in his eyes and he didn't want to see him getting hurt even more.

His attention was suddenly fixed on a conversation behind him as he heard Kagura and Rin talk about the school they would be attending in three months. It always was like that. His attention was inevitably drawn to Rin's voice whenever she talked. He listened quietly and only after some long moments did he notice that Shigure had talked to him the whole time.

"So you'll have to come visit us soon, right?" Haru stared at him or a moment, then nodded shortly. "And now I guess, we should go inside. After you, Ha-kun." With a sigh Haru turned and went to join the other Juunishi. His gaze shortly met Rin's across the room. He gave her a reassuring smile and she turned to Hiro again who had sat himself down beside her.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Isuzu-chan? Hatsuharu's mother is on the phone for you." Rin sighed and stood up from her bed to open the door for Kagura's father. She took the wireless phone from him and bowed in thanks shortly. Then she closed the door again and answered the phone, wondering what could be so urgent that Haru's mother would actually call her. Maybe he was sick? She hadn't seen him for two days but she knew he was busy with his studies and his martial art lessons.

"Hello?"

"Oh Isuzu-chan. Thank god you're there." Rin wondered if she had been crying by the tone of her voice.

"What is it? Did something happen?" Her voice sounded strange as well all of the sudden, almost as if she was afraid.

"I don't… It's Haru." She sobbed suddenly. "We haven't seen him for two days now. He's missing. The school called a few minutes ago, asking where he has been this last 2 days. We haven't talked to the police yet, but…"

"I'm coming over. Please don't call the police yet." She hung up without another word and ran downstairs in a hurry, only stopping to inform Kagura's parents where she was off to. Then she was running down the familiar path to Haru's home and within minutes she was there, not even out of breath. There were some advantages in being the horse. She rang the bell and the door opened almost immediately, revealing Haru's red-eyed mother.

"Come in, Isuzu-chan. I'm sorry I called you in such a state, but I'm really worried." She sniffed and pressed a crumbled handkerchief to her eyes.

"It's okay." She shut the door behind her and steered Haru's mother into the kitchen to sit down. "Now please tell me what happened." Rin took a seat as well and waited impatiently for the explanation.

"Well, as I told you, Haru is missing now for two days. He left a note, here, telling us to call you if he wouldn't be back the next day." She handed the note to Rin. She read it, then sighed.

"You don't have to call the police." She looked up to see Haru's mother staring openly at her. "As he says in his note, he went to see Shigure-san's house. I promise, he just got lost. He has a knack for taking wrong turns. I'll go look for him." She stood up, but Haru's mother stopped her before she could leave.

"How would you find him? He could be anywhere…" She sniffed again.

"I've always found him. Haru knows that as well, that's why he told you to call me. Call it feminine intuition – I will find him, so please don't worry." Rin smiled shortly. "Do you have a bag though? And a rope? And something to eat. He's most likely hungry." Haru's mother stared at her as if Rin was crazy. Rin sighed again.

"I'm much faster in my juunishi form and I need something to carry my clothes. If you would be so kind as to bind the bag around my neck with the rope?" Haru's mother understood finally and she smiled before she hurried off to pick up the needed articles.

"Thank you", Rin said as his mother came back and handed her both a bag and a rope, holding a big sandwich box. "Where can I change? The garden?" Haru's mother nodded and motioned for her to follow her.

"But… Are you able to change by will? I though you'd only change when hugged by the opposite gender or when you body is weak…" She looked at Rin puzzled.

"Normally, yes. But I was always able to change back and forth at will. Haru always said it's because I'm so stubborn…" Rin smiled gently at the memory. They walked into the garden behind a group of trees and Rin changed. Even in her horse form she was beautiful, a proud black horse, dark fur and long mane gleaming in the sun. Haru's mother stared at her with awe in her eyes.

"Could you pick up my clothes and stuff them into the bag, please?" His mother did so and hung the rope around her neck, before stepping back. "And I would be grateful if you could call Kagura's parents to tell them that I'm staying here for the night. They don't need to worry. Please?" She nodded before she took a deep breath.

"Please bring back my son and take good care of him." They stared at each other for a moment, before Rin nodded her head as good as a horse could nod. Then she turned around and jumped over the small garden fence, galloping off into the forest.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru sat on a stump on a clearing deep inside a forest he had never seen, his bike leaning against a trunk. Maybe he had run in circles – no, most likely he had. But even with this knowledge he couldn't find his way out and he was getting tired. Besides, he was hungry and it was cold, after all it was only January.

Yesterday evening he had been in a city at least, but the map at one information point hadn't been very detailed and somehow he seemed to have taken another wrong turn… or two. Now he was in this forest and his bike was getting on his nerves. The paths weren't even enough for him to drive and he had to push it all the time.

The sun had already started to set and he was confronted with another problem. Where would he spend the night? Last night he had just paused shortly, driving in what he believed to be the right direction back then. He sighed. Most likely he would have to spend the night sitting on a stump. Great, just great. Hopefully, his parents had called Rin by now…

He turned around when he suddenly heard the sound of hooves on sand and his name being called and he shouted her name in relief as he saw the familiar silhouette of his girlfriend in her Juunishi form running towards him. He sprang to his feet and ran to her. Before he could reach her completely they were surrounded by smoke as she changed back and then her beloved and very naked body flew into his arms. He held her close and enveloped her in his coat, his head resting on her shoulder as she clung to his shirt. For a moment neither one of them moved, only when he felt her shiver of cold did he let go to take off his coat.

"No, keep it. I have my own clothes here, I just need to get dressed." She picked up the bag, pulled out her clothes. Then she handed him the sandwiches. "Here, your mother made them. You must be hungry." He just nodded and kneeled down to devour the tuna sandwiches, while he watched her getting dressed hurriedly. When she was finished, he shoved one of the sandwiches at her and without protest she took it.

"How the hell did you manage to come here? Do you know how far this is from Gure-nii's house?" She took a bite of the sandwich and chewed while she threw him a severe look. He blushed under her stern gaze.

"I'm sorry." She huffed, but her eyes softened.

"Your mother was about to call the police. I could stop her though, but you should better call her tonight, so she knows you're still alive." She looked around. "There's a small city over there. Maybe they have a hotel or something where we can spend the night." They packed the bag and Haru pushed his bike, while they walked a short distance. How he had missed that there was a city he didn't know.

They found a small hotel and asked for a room for one night. The receptionist gave them both strange looks when they arrived with nothing but a small bag as luggage, but he directed them to a room without questioning them.

After he got rid of his cloak and shoes Haru let himself fall onto the bed as they entered their room, but Rin went to the phone and called his mother.

"Yes, I found him. He's fine… Yes, at a hotel… Tomorrow… Of course, one moment." She gave Haru the receiver.

"Hi mom… I'm alright, don't worry… You know me mom, I even get lost on the way to Rin's home sometimes… Yes, I'll be back tomorrow… I will. Night, mom." He broke the connection and laid the phone aside. Then he sank back into the pillows with a sigh, closing his eyes. He smiled when he felt the mattress shifting and Rin laid down beside him, her head on his shoulder, her breath caressing his neck and he shivered in delight.

She kissed his shoulder and pushed his shirt aside. Her still somewhat cold hands made contact with the warm skin of his abdomen and he groaned as he felt his body's powerful reaction to her soft caress. It always was like this, she would touch him and he would melt like butter in the sun. Of course he had learned his lessons by now, he knew how to make her moan and how to make her squirm beneath him and he knew the angles that would make her cry out in pleasure when she came.

Their sex life was vivid with Haru still in an age where passion burns high and often. And Rin never was far behind. In fact she would initiate it more often than he would. Sometimes they would still experiment, trying new positions or new caresses. Last week Rin had caressed him with a feather and it had made him hyper-sensitive and finally had triggered his orgasm with nothing more but the sensation of her warm breath caressing the tip of his penis. It had been incredible and of course he had returned the favor. He still got a hard-on as he remembered how forceful she had come, crying out his name in her passion, as he had passed the feather's tip over her clitoris.

Now she was lying beside him and he could feel the familiar fire building inside of him. He gasped as she touched her hand to the fly of his jeans and moaned as she pressed down, his hips thrusting upwards on their own accord.

"Rin." She stopped her sweet torture as he caught her wrist, turning to look at her. "Please don't…" She looked at him searchingly and he knew that she tried to figure out if she had offended him in any way. He shook his head.

"It's not that. I just… Just want to be in best form, when I meet Kyou." By the expression on her face he could tell that she wasn't following him. He sighed. "Listen. I would love nothing more than to let you take me right now, right here and have your wicked ways with me all night." He grinned as a soft blush crept up her cheeks. "But you know how I am. My black side will be soothed down and I can't fight like I can when I'm not satisfied… sexually." She stared at him.

"So you mean to tell me that you want to be sexually frustrated so you can turn black on Kyou?" It sounded somewhat stupid even to his ears when she said like this, but then she got it right.

"Yes…" She burst out laughing and he couldn't help but smile at the sweet sound of her ringing laughter.

"I'm sorry", she said still giggling. "It just sounds strange… But it's okay. Whatever you want." She leaned back into her pillow and smiled at him. "Then let's just sleep." He nodded at her but drew her back into his arms.

"Of course this doesn't mean that I don't want you close", he mumbled into her hair and then they both settled down comfortably for a night in each others arms.

°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 7

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**AN**: So here is chapter 7. This story is turning longer and longer…. I planned a 14-chapter story, now I already have 25. But I will finish this story, even if it kills me. I'm always completely depressed when I find a really good story only to discover that it has been abandoned… Sniff. Of course I don't know if this story is "really good" but just for those few of you who always leave nice reviews, I'll finish this! I promise!

Oh, for those of you who wonder about their ages again: Haru's 15 (his birthday was in summer) and Rin is 17.

I hope you liked this chapter. Please make me happy and leave a review.

**A short note on this chapter: **

I don't know if Rin really can change into her Juunishi form by sheer will, but please just bear with me. There are some hints in the story that Rin is able to change back into human form by will though. I.e. see chapter 61, where Tohru meets Rin for the first time and Yuki comes to see her change back.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	8. The feeling of you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Lemon directly ahead! Please skip the first part.

And now, here we go!

°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 8 – The feeling of you **

°°°°°°

Haru had a dream so vivid that he almost believed it was real. In his dream Rin and he were together in a room, sharing a bed. Only that Rin wasn't lying beside him, but kneeling between his spread legs, breathing kisses down his hips, her fingers teasing the sensible skin of his upper inner thighs, coming close to were he wanted her attention the most, but never quite touching.

He moaned in his sleep and tried to reach for her to stop her teasing, but for some reason he couldn't move his hands. He gasped as he felt Rin's chin bump against his cock, then he nearly cried out as she breathed over his sensible tip. He could see her grinning in the darkness and knew that she wasn't finished with teasing him.

Slowly, delicately she flicked her tongue over the tip of his penis, making him shudder deeply. He wanted to thrust his hips upwards, a desperate attempt to bring his cock deeper into her mouth, but she held him down.

"Rin…" His voice sounded desperate and he moaned again as her cool fingers closed around his erection, slowly moving up and down.

"Yes?" His eyes flew open at the sound of her amused voice and suddenly he realized that this was very real. He moved his hands again, only to see that they were tangled in the bed sheets, immobilizing him almost completely. While he tried to get his hands free Rin put her mouth over the tip of his cock, slowly circling it with her tongue before sucking ever so slightly and Haru threw his head back in ecstasy. Her mouth on his member never failed to arouse him violently and he knew that she could tell.

"Oh… stop it or I'll – ah!" She swallowed more of him in a sudden movement, her tongue licking on the most sensible underside of his cock's tip and all thoughts of resistance flew out of his head. All he could do was gasp for air and moan helplessly while he waited for her to stop her sweet torture. When her lips slowly glided up his cock again, her tongue playing on the underside of the length of it, he started another attempt to speak through the haze of his lust-fogged brain.

"Rin… What are you doing?" God, his voice was so full of desperation for her to continue that even he could hear it. How would he ever convince her to stop? He wanted a fight with Kyou and he wanted it to be good, so he had to be in his best form – and with his black side being close to the surface he normally was much better. He could feel Rin's smile with her lips still closed around his cock, but then she let him slip out of her mouth, again closing her cool fingers around his swollen flesh. Their eyes met.

"What does it look like?" She grinned up at him, her eyes full of amusement. Yes, she definitely had fun playing with him and she knew that he loved it. "I'm having fun… with you." He stared at her for a few moments and when he didn't answer she lowered her lips again.

"Wait!", he cried before she could make contact again. The feelings of her hand still around his member was bad enough, but her lips was a different league of magic on him altogether. "Rin, please… I need to be…"

"I know. You want to be sexually frustrated, so you can turn black…" She looked at him before she continued. "I'm just speeding things up a little." Her grin definitely had some devilish streak to it.

"What do you mean?" He wasn't following her anymore. How would giving him a blowjob make his black side surface? But then a sudden flash of insight gave him the answer and he took a deep breath. It wasn't her intention to give him a blowjob, at least not a full one. She would leave him hanging just before he came… and it would be increasing his sexual frustration indeed.

"Rin, no! Stop it!" She laughed and took him back into her mouth and soon all words of protest died on his lips replaced by words of encouragement and pleads for her to continue. Her lips and tongue were working expertly on his erection, building up a violent orgasm. Haru was panting now, he could feel his testicles drawing up to his body in preparation of his release and he desperately pushed his hips upwards, wanting to be buried deep inside of her hot mouth when he came.

He could feel the sensations mounting and just when he knew he would shatter in a heartbeat she drew away. He moaned, hips shifting in search of some kind of friction that would push him over the edge but there was nothing, no lips, no tongue, no hands. With a violent motion he finally got his hands free and he immediately grasped down to finish the job himself.

"Ah ah ah! No cheating!" She caught his hands in hers, pressing them down into the mattress. Haru groaned. He knew that she'd stop him but it had been worth a try. He stared up at her.

"Rin…" He thrust his hips up towards her. "Please." He wanted her to continue, to make him come but she just smiled at him, shaking her head no.

"Not now. Today we have to get home and if we find Kyou-kun you'll get your fight. And tonight…" She leaned forward, bringing her face next to his, kissing his cheek before whispering into his ear. "Tonight, I'll finish what I started. But you'll have to wait." He turned his head to look deeply into her eyes.

"Promise?"

"Promise. Just come to Kagura's when you're done, they are out tonight. And now, let's get ready. And no wanking off in the shower or anywhere else!" He ground his teeth. Today would be a long day…

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Are you ready?" Haru grinned. If someone would have just seen the black graceful horse before him ask him a question, they would most likely believe to be hallucinating. He took the bag that held Rin's clothes and wound the rope over his shoulder. Then he jumped on her back with a fluid motion.

"As ready as I can be." He looked back to his bike leaning against a wall and sighed. "I hope they really manage to send it back as we told them." Rin had asked the hotel's receptionist this morning if they could send the bike to their home and the kind lady had answered that it wouldn't be a problem. They had left the adress of the main house so they knew where to deliver the bike and where to send the bill. Rin went down a street with a few houses and small stores when Haru suddenly stopped her.

"Hey horsey! Wait a moment." Then he jumped down from her bare back and went inside a small store that displayed various goods, mostly souveniers in the window. Haru came out again grinning and held another bag in his hand.

"Come on Haru. We have to hurry… What did you buy?" Haru grinned brighter and took a stuffed animal out of the bag. It was a horse with shining black fur and long mane.

"I'm sorry. It reminds me so much of you, I had to buy it." He gave her an apologetic smile, then stuffed the animal into the bag again and hopped on. As soon as they left the last houses of the town behind them Rin sped up and soon they were galloping through a forest, through fields and alongside a river. Haru had ridden Rin in her horse form a few times already but never had they gone so fast. It almost felt like flying and he enjoyed the wild ride.

Haru looked around in confusion as Rin stopped beside a river and told him to get off. He obeyed, still trying to figure out where they were. Rin looked intently in one direction then turned her head towards him.

"Just wait. They'll be here soon." He nodded and touched the soft hair of her black mane.

"Thank you, Rin. For carrying me back and for coming for me." He could see a smile in her eyes and then he hugged her neck and pressed a kiss to the soft fur of her cheek. "I'll see you tonight?" She nodded, then turned to run home. Haru sat down on the grass, wondering how long he would have to wait for Kyou to show up and what they would do here anyway.

As he lay there he remembered this morning, how she had woken him up and a sudden groan came out of his clenched jaws. She really was cruel sometimes… But then this was part of the fun and he loved her for it. That was what made her his Rin.

"Ah! Excuse me! Can I help you? Are you okay?" A young woman came hopping towards him and as he looked up he could see that she was startled. "Oh! Sorry, I thought you were an old man… Well anyway, the hair's really nice." Haru sighed inwardly. Why did everyone feel the need to comment on his hair? There was nothing he could do about it though except dying it black, but he couldn't do that. Rin liked his hair the way it was and just for her he would leave it this way.

"Hey, do you know the Sohmas?" The girl had a crest on her jacket. Haru recognized it as the crest of the same high school he would go to in three month. Yuki and Kyou went to this school as well and with Yuki being the school prince there was a good chance that she'd know where he could find them.

"Sohma? Are you a family member as well?" He nodded and wondered for a moment about the content smile that lit her face, but then he could hear Kyou's voice and he got up to greet him his way. He quickly took the rope from the bag and bound it to a stake then kneeled on the side of the path. He pulled the rope as Kyou was just a step away, bringing him down as he tried to run by and failed to see the rope in his way. The girl behind him jumped in surprise and ran to Kyou.

"Damn it! What the hell's the meaning of that?" Kyou was up on his feet again, his forehead bleeding slightly.

"I figured you wouldn't stop any other way." Haru could see the surprise in both Kyou and Yuki's face as they finally saw him.

"Haru? What are you doing here?" Kyou's voice was full of rage and Haru grinned internally. The more enraged he was, the easier it was to provoke him to fight.

"Haru, don't you have to learn for your admission test?" It was Yuki's voice that brought him out if his thoughts and he flashed him a smile. "Ah, by the way. Honda-san, this is Sohma Hatsuharu, one year younger than us, in his last year of middle school. He'll go to our school in spring, too. Haru, this is Honda Tohru. I'm sure you've heard about her?" Haru nodded absentmindedly.

So that was her, the girl who knew about the curse and who lived at sensei's home with both the rat and the cat – with Akito's permission. They formally bowed to each other and he could feel her gaze on him.

"So why are you here, Haru?" Yuki looked at him and Haru had to smile. His eyes held the same spark of curiosity as Rin's did.

"I'm here to fight." And with that he threw a challenging look at Kyou.

"I don't have time to play with you now! We are in the middle of a duel." Yuki rolled his eyes at Kyou's words and looked around.

"Ah… maybe we should go somewhere else or the teachers might see us", Tohru suggested and everyone nodded, and without talking about it went down to the river, walking towards a bridge under which no one would notice them. Haru stared at the girl from behind. She wasn't as he had imagined her to be. So she was a reasonably good looking girl, but her good looks went more in the direction of 'sweet'. She was no breathtaking beauty like Rin. But then that didn't matter as long as she was good for Yuki's broken heart and Kyou's heated temper.

Her warm brown eyes held a great amount of kindness even though she sometimes seemed to be a little slow. But then everyone said the same thing about him and maybe they were right. He could be slow and dim-witted, but when it mattered he was fast and very sensible, like when he thought about Rin.

Haru sighed. So here he was thinking about Rin again like he was all the time. He probably should concentrate on his fight… He threw a searching look at Kyou. Haru had a feeling that it would take some provocation to get him to fight back. Even though Kyou was enraged he seemed unwilling to do so, maybe it something to do with the Honda-girl.

"So how about our fight?" Haru had stopped and faced Kyou. He could already feel his black side under the surface, ready to break out with just the slightest bit of provocation.

"Forget it! I won't spar with you, damn ox." Haru could feel his blood rushing through his veins as Kyou rejected him.

"Maybe you should give in before…." Yuki's voice was soft and easily overpowered by Kyou's loud yell of rage as Haru kicked him into the stomach.

"You damn cow, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm trying to provoke you, baka neko." Haru knew that he was getting under his skin already. When Kyou tried to argue again he could feel his own pulse quicken, his heart pumped faster and behind his closed eyes he saw Rin again after she had caught his hands this morning, denying him his release. Had it really been just a few hours since then? It felt like a lifetime and he was suddenly eager to see her. Tonight! She had promised. He just had to get this fight over with…

His black side broke free and he kicked Kyou again, catching him off guard. He could see that the cat was debating with himself and in a flash of insight he realized why Kyou was holding back – he didn't want to fight in front of Honda-san. Haru grinned a devious grin.

"So it's her, huh? Holding back for a girl. What kind of martial artist are you? Maybe I should take her…" He couldn't finish his sentence as Kyou's fist made contact with his face. Haru had to smile internally. He had meant to say 'Maybe I should take her to someone who can show her what a real man is' but it seemed as if this little misunderstanding had finally triggered Kyou's willingness to fight.

So they both got down to business, both fighting for real although for different reasons altogether. Haru wasn't stupid and he quickly realized that Kyou was still stronger than him, but he liked the rush of adrenalin so he didn't give up. However even through the rushing sound of his blood he could hear Honda-san calling out for Yuki and when he turned his head he saw him kneeling on the ground, coughing painfully. Without sparing a second thought on his opponent he rushed to Yuki's side, throwing his cloak over the rat's shivering form.

"Yuki, breathe deeply. I'll call Hatori." Haru got up to call to the main house, but Yuki stopped him, his gaze pleading to him. Haru understood the meaning without asking. It was the same expression Rin wore whenever she would be called to Akito's side, however seldom that may be. "Not the main house, mh? Then we'll take you back to sensei's."

"But how?", Tohru's voice piped in. Haru stared at her for a moment before he sighed. He grinned but his eyes somewhat revealed the pain he felt. He had never hugged another girl except Rin and he had never wanted to change it. But now it seemed as if he had to. His eyes flew over her body for a moment. No, she wasn't as beautiful as Rin nor was her body as curved as his girlfriend's was. Was it cheating if you hugged some other woman even though it was an emergency?

He found Tohru staring at him in wonder and he realized that he must have spaced out again. Yuki coughed again and it made Haru's heart twist painfully. When Rin had once come down with a really bad cough she had sounded similar. He still remembered the pain in her eyes.

"Well, at least you're sweet. If I have to hug another girl at least it's a sweet one." With that he drew the girl into his arms, his head almost dropping to her shoulder out of habit. Almost, but not quite. In the last moment he registered her scent, clean and of soap, some underlying scent of lavender or something in it. It was completely different from Rin's scent and his body stiffened even with his arms around Tohru.

He would have stepped back, but finally he felt the familiar tingle of his skin and a poof of smoke surrounded them.

"Put Yuki on my back and hold onto my neck so I don't change back. And would you please be so kind as to bring my bag." The smoke cleared and he could see the shock on Tohru's face as she came face to face with the ox of the juunishi. Haru grinned internally at the surprise in her eyes, but then she did as he had asked.

It wasn't a long way to sensei's house, but still they made slow progress due to many people staring at them in wonder, blocking their way. When they finally arrived Haru felt unnerved and anxious to be back in his room with Rin by his side. He didn't like to be in his juunishi form for long, besides Tohru's arms around his neck made him uncomfortable. Her touch was soft, but her hands were warm and almost motherly, nothing like Rin's cool touch that got him either all hot and excited or soothed him down in a heartbeat.

He was glad when Yuki was finally lain in his bed and he was free of Tohru's embrace. He watched as she bustled around Yuki's sleeping form. He could see that she was worried about the rat and he was glad that she cared for him. She seemed to be what Yuki needed to heal. Hopefully it would be enough for the prince.

°°°°°°

End of Chapter 8

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**AN**: So here is chapter 8. I tried to keep it a little shorter since my beta-reader is already complaining that every chapter gets longer than the previous one. I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think and leave a review!

I know that the end of this chapter is a little bit abrupt, but the next chapter will pick up where this one left of, so it's okay, I guess. You'll have to wait a week though. It will be up – as usual – the next Tuesday.

Thanks to all those who reviewed! You're great!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	9. Sheepish love

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Some lemon at the end. Please skip the last part.

And now, here we go!

°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 9 – Sheepish love**

°°°°°°

"I'll call Ha-san over. He can take care of Yuki." Shigure turned to leave the room but stopped as Haru spoke up.

"He doesn't want the main house to know. You should respect his wish, sensei." They stared at each other for a moment. Then Shigure smiled.

"I will. Hatori can keep a secret, don't worry." Haru stepped back from the bed as he felt that he was about to change back and he heard Tohru's panicked shriek as the familiar poof of smoke surrounded him.

"I'll call him. Where's the phone?" He walked out of the room still naked. "Hey neko-chan. May I borrow some clothes?" Kyou gave him a dirty look but motioned for him to follow him nevertheless.

"You should dress in your own clothes, you know?", the cat hissed.

"Well then you should have remembered to pick them up back then, you know?", Haru shot back. He still felt somewhat unnerved from the experience of staying in his ox form for so long and the touch of Tohru. He wanted to go back home as soon as possible, then call his girlfriend over and let her kiss away the uncomfortable tingle on his neck, but he had to make sure that Yuki was cared for and that Tohru was the right girl to take care of both, Yuki and Kyou.

When he was dressed again he called Hatori, explaining the situation. The doctor promised to come immediately, even though he sounded a little angry. Haru watched as Tohru walked past him into the kitchen and he followed her.

"You know…", he spoke to her and she jumped in surprise. "I was worried when I heard about not only someone knowing about our secret but also about Yuki and Kyou living together in the same house. But somehow Yuki seemed calmer. Maybe you soothed his heart." He watched as a wide range of emotions flickered over her face, from astonishment to shock and slight embarrassment.

"You really care about Sohma-kun, huh?" Her gaze was searching and he smiled slightly. Somehow she was so innocent and open, maybe that was what Yuki needed. Someone to show him emotions and make him face them as well. He watched as she put ice cubes into a cooling pillow and walked back to Yuki's room after her.

"Of course. He was my first love after all." He heard Tohru gasp and stumble in shock. He grinned.

"When I was a little boy the grown-ups liked to tease me about being the ox. You know the old tale of the rat riding on the ox' back to the banquet and jumping down just before the arrival so the rat was the first animal to be there?" At her hesitant nod he continued. "Well, the adults would always say that the ox was dumb for letting himself be tricked by the rat and they teased me about it. Of course they didn't mean it but I still felt hurt. I would get angry and turn black quite regularly back then." He paused for a moment, sitting down on the edge of the mattress beside Yuki as Tohru laid the packed ice under his head to cool down his fever.

"When I met Yuki for the first time I was so angry that I yelled at him, blaming him for being the damn rat and that everyone teased me about the 'dumb ox' thing. He just smiled at me then and then he said 'I believe you that you're not stupid.' And that was all I needed to hear. I finally understood that I had judged him for being the rat as well." He smiled at Tohru and she smiled back.

"That's a beautiful story, Hatsuharu-san." Haru nodded. Yes, it was a beautiful story, even though he left out large parts. He didn't say that Yuki reminded him of Rin back then. They had both the same deep hurt in their eyes, the same tone of underlying distrust in their voices. They both had a broken heart.

Haru had been able to help the person he cared about the most – his Rin. Still he had recognized the hurt in Yuki as well. He had wanted to help, but never had been able to. The only thing he could do for him was visiting him while Akito had him locked away and asking Shigure if he would take Yuki into his house.

It was true. He cared for Yuki a great deal, he couldn't turn away from someone so deeply wounded by life. When Yuki had accepted him, it was the first time someone outside of his family had done so without commenting and Haru had felt warm inside his chest. He cared for Yuki a great deal, he was something like a brother to him, a trusted person. But then he wasn't in love with him, like he was in love with Rin, never had been.

In fact it was Rin who had been his first and only love, but he knew it would be dangerous if he would walk around, proclaiming his love for her. Akito wasn't fond of Rin, in fact he hated her and such a declaration would only trigger his wrath – and he would take it out on her. Haru didn't want that, so he said his love was the very same person whose eyes resembled Rin's so much.

He had once told Rin about it and she had just winked at him. When he told her that every time he said 'I love Yuki', in his heart he meant 'I love you, Rin', her smile had been dazzling and beautiful and her hug had been fierce. The memory brought a smile to Haru's face.

Yuki groaned in his sleep and his thoughts focused back on the task at hand. So this young woman had managed to soothe his heart. He watched with great interest as Tohru leaned close to Yuki, her hand hesitantly touching his feverish forehead.

"Sohma-kun…" Haru had a sudden idea. They would get much closer if she would just use his first name and most likely Yuki would be happy about it as well. He leaned towards her, careful to keep enough distance and whispered a challenge into her ear and that was when Yuki finally awoke from his slumber.

"Honda-san? Why are you here?" Haru shifted on the mattress and Yuki's gaze fell on him. "Haru?"

"Ah! We brought you back after you broke down. Hatsuharu-san changed into his juunishi form and carried you back." Haru wore a somewhat dim-witted expression, just to find out how Yuki would react.

"I just told Honda-san how much I like you." Yuki threw him an annoyed look.

"Don't tell her such things. She might think you're serious."

"But I am." He couldn't keep the grin inside this time. Tohru piped up, sensing the tense atmosphere in the room.

"But… I thought it was a great story… Yuki-kun." Haru watched Yuki closely for any kind of reaction.

"Don't listen…" Yuki flushed red suddenly and with a poof he was gone and a rat flew down onto the covers. Haru smiled. So he had been right, she really soothed Yuki's heart. He was glad, because he always felt somewhat guilty for focusing all his attention on Rin when the pain was so clearly to see in Yuki's face. But then Rin got hurt as well and he would never even have thought about leaving her lost and alone. She was his girl, the only one for him and he would do everything to make her happy.

°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Isuzu-chan? Are you awake?" Kagura's mother knocked on her door softly and when Rin answered that she could enter the door opened. "You have a visitor." Rin checked her clock. It was still too early for Haru to come back from Shigure, so who could it be?

"Don't forget that we'll be out tonight." Rin nodded and even smiled a little. Kagura's mother smiled a gentle smile at her in return. "Are you sure that you don't want to come?"

"Yes, but thank you." Kagura's mother nodded and left again and moments later Hiro hesitantly entered the room. He looked around and bowed to her formally.

"Hello Rin." She bowed back, then motioned for him to take a seat on her bed. He sat down even though he looked uncomfortable.

"Hiro… You haven't come for quite some time. What is it?" Hiro would come visit her from time to time and Rin would go over to Hiro's home occasionally as well. She liked his mother even though she sometimes acted as if she still was a child. Rin always had wanted siblings and Hiro was something like a younger brother to her. Maybe it was because he reminded her of Haru when he was younger.

Rin understood Hiro better than anyone else, which is why he would come back to her even when he had to deal with her sharp tongue. But Rin's advices were always good, she had a great grasp on how things were supposed to be. She would tell him how things could work out – in both ways, good and bad. Most people were too optimistic, Rin would always tell him in all honesty how she thought things would work out, even if it meant destroying his hope.

Sometimes Rin would even tell him something about herself. Hiro would always ask her about her somewhat poor health and he would know if she was telling the truth. He knew that Rin was in love with Haru as well. He had come for a visit when Rin had been back from 'babysitting' Haru for one week. Somehow he had immediately seen a difference in her and had confronted her until she told him the truth. Hiro was reliable, Rin knew that much. If Akito would somehow find out about her relationship with Haru it wouldn't be from Hiro.

"How are you, Rin?" He looked at her and Rin could see that he had something serious on his mind.

"Don't bother with formalities, Hiro. What is it?" Hiro bowed his head, thinking for a moment before he looked up at her again.

"How do you do it?" Rin stared at him.

"Do what?"

"Hide your relationship from Akito. How do hide the love in your eyes? How do you do it?" There suddenly were tears in his eyes. Rin was shocked. Never before had she seen Hiro cry.

"What happened?" Hiro rubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before he took a deep breath.

"I made a mistake…" Rin waited for him to continue. She could see despair in his eyes as more tears ran down his cheeks. "She's in hospital now… Kisa." He hiccupped and buried his face in his hands, sobs rocking his small body. Rin took him in her arms, cradling him close.

"Akito?" She could feel Hiro nod against her stomach. He took a shuddering breath.

"He asked me what I felt for her and I told him the truth… That I love her." He paused rubbing at his eyes again. "The next day she wasn't in school and when I asked her mother about it she told me that Kisa was hospitalized after she got called by Akito." His shoulders shook again as he cried.

"She got hurt because of me. It's my fault… It's my fault." He suddenly looked up at her. "Rin, what am I to do?" She pushed a few strands of hair out of his face and smiled at him sadly.

"There's not much you can do. Once Akito found out about such things there's no way to work around it. Keep your distance and protect her from afar. Don't provoke Akito's wrath, because he'll take it out on Kisa." Hiro stared at her with despair in his young eyes before he bowed his head again. A painful sob escaped him before he nodded his head.

"How… How much distance? Can I speak to her?" When their eyes met again Rin could have cried herself. She never wanted to see his young innocent eyes hold a pain like this. She caressed his cheek softly.

"I don't know. It might be okay to speak with her. You go to the same school after all. It might be confusing for her if you suddenly stop talking to her. You know Kisa…"

"But it might hurt her further if I do talk to her? It might make Akito angry again, right?" Rin hesitated for a moment.

"It might… yes. He's angered easily." Both were silent for a moment before Hiro talked again, his voice shaking.

"Then… Then I won't. I'll protect her, she won't get hurt because of me again." His eyes showed his determination. Still he broke down crying again as Rin laid her arms around his shoulders.

"Why do we have to have a god? Why can't we be… normal?" She didn't answer. She didn't know the answer herself.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It was already dark when Haru softly knocked on her window. She sprang from her bed to open it, bumping her shin painfully on the edge of her table in her rush. She cursed and hopped the rest of the way. Haru jumped into her room with a fluid motion. It clearly had its advantages to be trained in martial arts.

"Are you okay?", Haru asked as he saw her holding her shin, concern evident in his voice. He threw his cloak over a chair.

"I'm fine. I just ran into the table." She looked up at him and he sucked in his breath as he saw her eyes. He had always been able to read her eyes like an open book and she had been fine when their ways parted this morning. But now there was sadness and pain in her eyes. He kneeled down beside her.

"What happened?" She looked at him confused for a moment before she turned her head. He took her chin in his hand and made her look at him again. "What happened, Rin? Tell me." She sighed.

"Hiro came for a visit", she answered as if this single sentence would hold all answers to Haru's concern. He just waited for her to continue, staring at her intently. She sighed again. "Kisa is in hospital. Akito… Akito was angry about something Hiro said."

"What did he say?" Haru caressed her cheek slightly.

"That he loved Kisa…" Rin stared at him and Haru knew that she could see the shock he felt flicker through his eyes. "Haru, that might be something we have to face as well someday. And Akito will be more angry with us. Hiro isn't even one of the favored, at least not as high on Akito's list as you are, and Kisa is not… she's not me. They didn't… do anything." Her voice got very soft to the end. Haru let go of her chin and stared at the floor. Maybe he really had dismissed the danger that was Akito too quickly.

Rin was right, as usual. If Akito was possessive enough of Hiro to hurt Kisa his act of revenge would be much more awful if he found out about their relationship. Haru was one of the favoured and Haru knew how Akito felt about women in general and Rin in particular, since he was always very vocal about it.

"Haru." He looked up and met her eyes. "It's okay. I'd rather be with you now than deny my feelings for you. It's not as if I can stop them anyway. We'll be careful and he won't find out." She smiled at him hesitantly and reached for his hand, squeezing it slightly until he smiled back.

"I hope you're right." He knew that she was worried, he could see doubt in her eyes, but he didn't press the matter. Haru sank down to the floor, stretching out his muscles that were still painfully knotted from his fight with Kyou.

"So did you see her?" He looked at her again.

"What do you mean?" She grinned down at him.

"Oh Haru, please. I'm not that stupid. You didn't only want to see Kyou for a fight, but you wanted to see this girl as well. So what's she like?" Haru stared at her for a moment, amazed how she had figured him out again.

"She's kind and soft-hearted and she really has great influence on both Kyou and Yuki. I've never seen Yuki smile so warmly as he did today. And Kyou even learnt to control his temper… to some extent." They shared a grin.

"Is she pretty?" Haru couldn't keep a grin from his face.

"Worried that I might run to her?"

"Maybe…" He had meant it as a tease, but at her soft and somewhat sad tone he sat up abruptly.

"Rin… She's nothing like you. She's sweet, yes, but that's it. She isn't as beautiful as you are. You are the only one for me, don't you know that?" He pressed a soft and sweet kiss on her lips, then he looked deeply into her dark eyes. "I love you." He breathed a sigh of relief as her eyes softened and she smiled again.

"I love you too." He took her in his arms, drawing her close to his chest, enjoying the way her arms went around his torso and how she pressed her face to his neck. "You know, sometimes I'm scared of my own feelings for you…"

"What do you mean?" He looked down at the back of her head, stroking his fingers through her dark tresses.

"Sometimes it feels as if… it's not enough. As if I want to…" She searched for the right word and he knew what she meant.

"As if you want to possess me?" She looked up at him sharply. "Don't look so shocked, Rin. It's fine. Maybe it has something to do with the bond of the juunishi. I feel the same way. I want to possess you too and it scares me as well. But it's okay." He kissed her again before he whispered into her ear. "I'm all yours." She sighed in his arms.

"I'm yours as well." She suddenly grinned up at him. "And now I guess I have a promise to keep, right?" He laughed.

"I thought you'd never ask."

°°°°°°°°°° Last paragraph, please skip if you don't like citrus fruits!

Rin stood up and went to sit on her bed, patting the space beside her. He remained seated on the floor for a moment, admiring the beauty that was his girlfriend. Her hair gleamed in the soft light of the single lamp on her bedside table, her deep obsidian eyes were burning with a fire of unconcealed passion. He still had trouble sometimes to believe that her love and lust were all directed at him, how such an angel would choose him. But then given their history it was probably inevitable for them to fall in love.

She smiled at him and when he still didn't move she pulled her simple top over her head and pushed her comfortable soft pants down, kicking them in his direction before she laid down on her bed. The sight of her perfect body clad in nothing more but her underwear never failed to arouse him and he sighed contently. He finally got up and went to her side. He looked down at her for a moment before he pulled his shirt over his head as well, exposing his muscular stomach to her greedy gaze.

She followed his every movement as he pushed his jeans down and Haru could almost feel her gaze burning on his skin. It was making him hot and he hurried to lay down on his back beside her, wanting nothing more than to feel her hands all over his body. As she put her hands to his chest, caressing, teasing, soothing he sighed quietly and relaxed under her familiar touch.

"What made you so tense?" Rin's voice was soft but determined and Haru smiled up at her.

"Nothing much. It was Yuki, he broke down and I had to carry him back…" He knew that Rin would put the pieces together without him having to tell her. She just nodded, then leaned her head down and paid particular attention to his neck, shoulders and throat until Haru was squirming under her. When she was finished, she went lower, kissing and licking her way down his chest.

Haru gasped for breath as her hot tongue played around his bellybutton, then went lower to were his erection was already pushing hard against the confinement of his boxers. She laid a hand on the bulge and he groaned deep in his throat. Her hands were teasing on the inside of his upper thigh and Haru reached for her, wanting to return some of the pleasure, but she caught his hands and pressed them down.

"No, this is just for you. Relax." She let go of his wrists and Haru sighed and stretched shortly under her hands like a cat in the sun. Rin pulled his boxers down and his erection sprang free. Her eyes searched his and for a moment neither one of them moved, then Haru put his hands under his neck, resting his head on his forearms. He closed his eyes with a sigh and relaxed, surrendering himself to her welcomed touch.

Her fingers danced over the sensible skin of his hips, her warm breath flowing down the underside of his penis and he shuddered in pleasure. She continued to tease him, her touch close to where he wanted it the most, but never quite making contact. He knew that Rin loved to tease him like this, loved to see him lose control. Sometimes he would turn black on her and she loved this as well.

His black side then was different than in those situation where it would be triggered from anger. He wouldn't be violent, yelling, destroying. No, when Rin triggered his black side with teasing touches, he would be wild, demanding, vocal about his desires, turning on both of them. When he turned black on her for the first time he had been scared about her reaction afterwards. But she had just smiled, told him it was fine, that she loved all of him. It had set his soul free and he loved her more for it if that was possible.

He was brought back to reality as Rin put her mouth to his pulsating member and white-hot pleasure shot through him. His back arched off the mattress and a low moan escaped his mouth. Every thought flew out of his head as she got down to business and sucked and licked on his cock as if she had been born to do it. Even though Haru had no comparison he just knew that Rin was damn good at fellatio.

He was panting now and a violent twitch went through his lower body, a first warning of his rapidly impending orgasm. His hands desperately clasped the headboard of her bed as he fought to stay still. He could actually feel a few drops of precum travel through his penis and Rin moaned in appreciation at the taste, sending delightful vibrations though him. It was all it took to set him off.

With a husky cry he came into her mouth, the sensation of her tongue on his penis as she swallowed his semen increased and prolonged his release. Her tongue licked over the sensible underside of his cock's tip again and again. It made him shudder deeply under her until he couldn't take it anymore and pleaded her to stop, his voice rasping from his moans. With a final lick she slowly let his cock slip out of her mouth, giving it a final kiss before she moved to lay beside him.

He pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his head in the soft mass of her hair, inhaling her scent. She put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He could feel her smile against his skin and he turned his head to look at her. Their gazes met and he smiled at her breathlessly. She laughed softly and caressed his back. He closed his eyes again and let his head fall back on the pillow, relaxing under her soothing touch.

"Rin?" He didn't move as he spoke but he could still feel her questioning gaze on him.

"What is it?" She placed a kiss on his neck.

"Can we spent the night together?" He finally opened his eyes and looked at her. He could see her eyes darkening instantly.

"You know that you can't stay over night. Kagura and her parents will be back in about an hour…" She bowed her head, avoiding his gaze. He sighed in defeat and relaxed against the pillow again. Suddenly the phone rang and Rin jumped in his embrace. They looked at each other before Rin got up hurriedly to answer it. He could hear her rushing footsteps as she ran downstairs and then her faint voice. It didn't take long for her to get back, a grin on her face.

"I guess you'll get your wish." She threw herself down beside him again. "They're staying at friends overnight and won't be back before midday."

"So I can stay?" He smiled at her.

"Of course." He pulled her towards him again and pressed his face into the valley between her breasts, inhaling her scent deeply. Then he got up and grinned.

"I'll just call my parents." He left the room without bothering to put on some clothes. His mom answered the phone and he could actually hear her grin as he told her that he'd stay at Kagura's overnight. She just laughed as he tried to tell her that he'd sleep in a guestroom.

"Women…", he mumbled as he rushed up the stairs again. Haru closed the door behind him and went to join Rin on the bed again. He sank into her embrace with a happy sigh and then they both snuggled against each other under the covers.

°°°°°°

End of Chapter 9

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**AN**: Hi there, here is chapter 9. I hope you liked it. I especially like the Hiro+Rin scene. Hiro is one of the characters I like best after Rin and Haru. The chapter's name "Sheepish love" of course refers to Hiro!

In the manga the relationship between Rin and Hiro isn't very much defined, but I like to see Hiro as some kind of younger brother to Rin, so I wanted to include him in this story. He will show up in future chapters and will have a very important role in one of them as well!

Please make me happy and leave a review!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	10. Stopping time

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Some lemon inside, please skip that part of you don't want to read it. Otherwise there are some hints but it should be fine.

And now, here we go!

°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 10 – Stopping time**

°°°°°°

It was a nice and sunny day. Haru grinned. What a coincidence that it was that sunny on a Sunday, when all week there had been nothing but rain. Although it was only February, it was fairly mild as well and a soft breeze was blowing into Haru's room as he sat on his desk before the wide open window, watching some birds hopping from twig to twig in the great ginkgo tree. Haru sighed and turned his attention back to the open books lying in front of him. He was still studying for his admission test in March and it was getting on his nerves.

But then again, he finally would be going to high school in April. Although he wasn't particularly fond of school he was looking forward to it, because then he and Rin would both be going to high school – even if she would be in her last year by then. He sighed again but turned around as he heard the door of his room open and the breathtaking beauty that was his girlfriend walked in.

"Rin… I didn't expect you this early." She grinned at him and motioned for him to check his clock. He gasped as he saw that it was already four o'clock in the afternoon, exactly the time when they were supposed to meet. It was Valentine's day and they had set a date to celebrate together. Rin laughed at his puzzled expression.

"Oh Haru, don't tell me you got lost in thoughts again. Aren't you supposed to be learning for your test?" She winked at him, then sat down on his bed. He looked at her expectantly when she started to rummage through her bag. Every year since… he didn't remember exactly when it started but it was long ago, she would give him chocolate on valentine's day. She grinned as he saw his expression, so very much like a little child on Christmas and she held an unobtrusively wrapped small package out to him.

"Here. For you." They smiled at each other as he took the gift from her. He grinned as he fingered the small bow on the top.

"Can I open it now?" She laughed again at his eagerness and nodded. His eyes were gleaming with excitement, just like every year. Haru smiled as he saw the chocolate. It was obviously self-made and in the shape of a horse with his name and the kanji for his juunishi on it. He smiled at her tenderly.

"Thank you." He sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms, both of them just enjoying their closeness for a moment. Then both of them let themselves fall backwards onto the bed.

"Huh?" Rin turned around as her head made contact with something soft that wasn't a pillow. She turned her head and smiled as she saw the stuffed animal horse he had bought about a month ago on their trip, sitting beside Haru's pillow. Haru watched her reaction closely and smiled when he saw the soft expression in her eyes. He reached for the animal and put it on his chest.

"She keeps me company when you're not here." He explained in a serious manner. Rin grinned at him.

"Oh, it's a she, hm?" She laughed at Haru's blank look.

"Of course she is. She looks like you after all."

"Does she have a name?"

"Horsey." He smiled at her ringing laughter. He loved the sound of it, especially since it was rather rare for her to laugh like that. He watched Rin as she tried to catch her breath, holding her stomach and wiping tears of laughter out of the corner of her eyes. She was beautiful like that with no worry and pain in her eyes, just joy and amusement.

"So, get up. We better get going." He nodded and got up as well. "I hope I'll have enough money…" They wanted to spent a quiet evening downtown, eat something in a noodle bar or maybe sushi and just enjoy their time together. Originally they had wanted to spent the evening at his home, but then his parents had invited some friends for dinner, so they had to change plans. Since staying at Kagura's wasn't an option as well with Kagura's parents there, they decided to just go out together like any normal couple would. Rin had grinningly predicted that they would end up in a love hotel, but he had denied it quite vehemently.

"My treat." He threw her a stern gaze and turned to the door.

"Whatever you say…" She huffed a little before she leaned close to him. "You know a love hotel is rather expensive, right?" She grinned as he blushed a little.

"We won't go to one, so it won't matter." Suddenly he was pressed against the wall with Rin pressing her body close to him, rubbing herself against him.

"Are you sure? Will you survive this evening without having sex at least once?" She grinned at him and he groaned as one of her hands made its way to his fly and the other one gave his bottom a suggestive squeeze. They hadn't seen each other for five days previously and hadn't found the time and privacy to have sex for two full weeks. He knew how well Rin knew him, she could guess how very much he wanted her after two weeks of just quick stolen kisses, a little groping and touching himself.

They had both been using every chance they got for fleeting touches whenever they met and when he had been absolutely desperate he had called her on her cell phone in the middle of the night and told her how much he missed her. This phone call had soon turned more intense and it ended with both of them touching themselves, gasping and moaning through the phone connection, telling the other one how they couldn't wait for their next time together. It had been their first attempt of phone sex and they both decided that it was good, but the real thing was definitely better.

"Or do you like phone sex that much that you won't touch me again from now on?" In a fluid motion Haru had his arms around her and threw her on his bed, pinning her down onto the mattress with his body.

"Never", he whisperes into her hair. Her breath was hot against his neck and Haru fought to keep himself from fucking her right here, right now. He sighed. "So how much is that hotel thing?" She grinned a smile of triumph and they both got up again, tugging their clothes back into place.

"First let's eat something, shall we? Then we'll get to the fun part." He followed her downstairs.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"You like it?" Haru grinned at her as she hesitantly picked up a tasty sushi. They sat in a small restaurant and were enjoying the rare pleasure of it.

"We didn't have to pick such an expensive restaurant. Did you see those prices?" Rin threw him a stern gaze but he just laughed. Yes, this restaurant wasn't cheap but it was good. Haru took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't worry about it, Rin. Since I don't get the pleasure to take you out on a date that often, I won't have us squeezing into an overfilled fast-food restaurant. And money really is not an issue. Our family isn't known for being poor, just in case you didn't notice." He winked at her and bit into another sushi with a look of pure joy. Rin sighed and did so as well.

"Oh well, we might as well enjoy it, right?" She grinned as he nodded. They both ate in silence for a few minutes, Rin watching the people on the street outside walking by and Haru watching her. Across the street there was a cinema and from the mass of people walking inside, a film was about to start anytime soon. Rin suddenly focused all her attention on a group of four people that was walking slowly towards the cinema as well. Some of them were awfully familiar and she motioned for Haru to look outside, too.

"Haru, there's Kagura-chan, Yuki and Kyou-kun… and this has to be Honda Tohru, hm?" Haru turned into the direction she was gesturing at and nodded.

"Yes, that's her… Poor Kyou-kun. He didn't escape Kagura's clutches." They laughed softly as they watched the small group, although Rin's focus was mostly on the strange girl. So this was her, the kind and patient Honda-san that had somehow managed to loosen up the rat and calm down Kyou's heated temper. The girl that had Akito's permission to stay at Shigure's and that knew about their curse. The girl that had hugged Haru in order to keep him in his juunishi form…

"Well she's pretty enough, I guess. But still she looks a little dumb." Haru laughed at Rin's cutting remark. He loved Rin's sharp tongue and her not beating around the bush. And he had to agree too. Kagura and her where waiting for the boys to return while they bought their tickets. While Kagura was obviously in some kind of Kyou-induced high, the Honda-girl was just grinning plainly and a little spaced-out.

"It's good that they go out though. That way, Kyou-kun might even survive this day." He chuckled and turned his attention back to Rin. "Are you finished already? You didn't eat that much…" Rin sighed as she saw the worry in his eyes.

"I'm full, don't worry. If you insist, we can get a snack after we're finished with… our business." He nodded at her and after they paid for their meal they left the restaurant.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Lemon scene ahead

"Nice enough, I guess." Rin was looking around the neat room that was much more spacey than they expected it to be. Everything was in some shade of blue, from the walls that were a soft sky blue to the floor and the prominent large bed decorated in dark blue satin covers. The room smelled a little too clean, the scent of cleaning agent almost palpable. Rin opened one window to let in some fresh air.

Haru got rid of his shoes and cloak and let himself fall down onto the mattress. He watched his girlfriend for a long moment before he inspected the bed. It was really large and Haru intended to put the wide space to good use. He grinned as he felt the mattress shift and a moment later Rin's arms pulled him close to her body. He let himself relax into her embrace, his head resting on her shoulder as she slowly, deliberately pulled his shirt up. He pulled it over his head and tossed it to the floor, turning towards her smiling.

Haru touched her long silky tresses that fell down onto his chest and drew her down to meet her lips in a kiss that left them both gasping for breath, hands touching the other one where ever they could. The denied passion between them was mounting in a wave that threatened to drown them both.

With clumsy and hurried movements both of them tore their clothes off only to meet in a desperately needed embrace with skin against skin.

"I hope you didn't set your mind on soft and slow", he gasped between feverish kisses and hot touches. He could feel his black side breaking free and he didn't try to hold it back.

"Certainly not." Her voice was equally breathless and she smiled as he saw his eyes, her hands touching him everywhere, inflaming him further where he was burning white hot already. His fingers travelled all over her body, teasing, demanding, making her moan under him until neither one of them could stand it any longer.

"Haru… I need you now." Her voice, deep with desire and lust, was almost too much for him and he rolled onto her without preamble, entering her in one fluid motion with practised ease. They both cried out as they sank together, overwhelmed by the sensation of sheer rightness. Haru made a strangled sound as he pulled out only to push into her again with a hard and fast motion.

"Oh shit… Won't be long", he gasped and thrust into her again.

"Harder… Harder, Haru. Come on!". She met him with almost desperate thrusts of her hips as they finally found a pace that matched what they wanted right now, fast, hard, deep, like electricity. The passion was increasing and Haru knew that this would be over very soon. He changed the angle in which he entered her slightly and when she cried out in pleasure he knew he got it right, hitting that spot inside of her that made her come so violently that she'd sometimes scratch her nails down his back hard enough to draw blood.

He distantly heard her call out his name in wild passion, felt her inner muscles clench around him and it pushed him over the edge. A powerful orgasm took hold of him, he threw back his head as he cried out and shot the hot spurts of his release into her. When he came back to reality again he was laying on her, both of them covered in sweat and gasping for breath, hearts hammering in their chests.

"Wow." Her voice was husky, rasping and he smiled against her shoulder.

"Wow is an understatement." He rolled off of her, suddenly afraid of crushing her under him. She snuggled close to him and he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly to his body. He deeply inhaled the scent of her. It was still the same as it was during their childhood, flowery and some scent that was uniquely hers. He loved it like he did everything about her. She turned his head to look at him and smiled.

"Back to normal again?" He grinned a shy smile.

"Back to normal, no more black for now." He rested his forehead against hers, looking deep into her dark eyes.

"You know I like it when you turn black on me like this." He smiled again.

"I know." And with that both of them settled comfortably to rest before they got to round two.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° End of lemon scene

It was almost midnight before Haru finally sank down to the mattress, sweaty, breathing heavily and definitely sated. He opened his eyes as he felt Rin lay down beside him and turned his head to look at her. She was so beautiful as she lay there completely relaxed, eyes closed, her body as sweaty as his, glowing under the dim light of the lamp, her hair fanned out around her.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that such beauty, such perfection could be for real. Hadn't someone once said that everything perfect had to come to an end? So what would happen to a perfect beauty? To a perfect relationship? Would he lose her in the end?

Haru looked up at her face and stared at her, his heart slamming fast in his chest at the dark thoughts squeezed his chest, making it hard to breathe. Maybe it was just him. It was widely known that love could make someone blind to the faults of the loved one. So maybe she wasn't perfect after all.

He inspected her body again, looking up and down her long legs, her slim figure – still too thin, but this could hardly be counted as a fault since it was just her body's reaction to the wounds on her soul. No, she was flawless – perfect. Damn it.

"Haru?" He looked up at her to find her staring at him intently. She brought her hand up to the side of his face, touching his cheek softly, wandering lower towards his neck. She drew him down to her, his head falling to her shoulder and only when he felt her whispering soothing words into his ear he became aware of the sound of rushing blood, the heavy thumps of his heart. He exhaled slowly and he could feel his body relaxing again under her soothing touch.

"What did you think about?" Her voice was soft, like water, calming and he sighed.

"Nothing". He answered after a moment of thinking.

"Must have been something if it makes you turn black…" Her voice held a slightly mocking tone and he sighed. In the end he would have to tell her anyway. He had never been able to keep secrets from her for long. She just had a knack for squeezing things out of him.

"Losing you", he finally whispered. He could feel her surprise and she shifted again, turning him onto his back so she could look into his eyes.

"Why?" He stared at her, her black eyes he loved so deeply staring back at him.

"Because you are perfect." He could see her emotions in her eyes displayed clearly for him to see. There was love, surprise and embarrassment. Her cheeks even colored a little. It was sweet and Haru smiled as he stroked one finger over her slightly red face.

"Care to explain?" Her tone was a little harsh, but he knew it was because she was embarrassed and she didn't like being embarrassed. He took her into his arms and drew her body on top of his, for a blissful moment just enjoying the feeling of her naked body so close to his.

"Everything perfect has to come to an end. So I might lose you after all." He paused, turning his head so he could look into her eyes again. "Because you are perfect. Everything about you." She looked away again.

"It's just because you're in love with me." He grinned as she blushed again. For some reason she always would blush when she talked about his feelings for her. He knew that she didn't understand the full extend of his love for her. Maybe she thought it was just a crush for him, a temporary obsession. But for him she was everything. Everything he ever wanted, everything he ever needed. Maybe someday he could convince her of his need for her.

"Maybe. But I don't think so. You are a Sohma after all. And even if you weren't you'd still be stunningly beautiful." She blushed crimson at his words and he laughed. "You are blushing for the third time now, Rin. I don't think I ever managed to make you blush so often in my whole life. Maybe I need to tell you more often how perfect you are." He kissed her cheek softly and she slapped his shoulder playfully.

"Stop it, Haru. Be serious." He stared at her.

"But I am." Their gazes locked and he knew that she could see the open admiration in his eyes. Rin smiled a small smile at him and he reciprocated with a kiss on her hand. He knew that Rin knew she was beautiful and good-looking. It wasn't about looks at all that made her blush, it was about perfection.

"You know I'm not perfect, Haru… Never was." She turned her head. Her voice was soft and heavy and it made Haru's heart twist painfully. He touched her cheek and turned her face to him once more.

"But to me you are. Have always been, Rin. Always." Suddenly there were tears in her eyes and she shook her head.

"I'm not the perfect one here, Haru. You are. You just don't believe me." She smiled at him a real honest smile as her tears trickled down her cheeks.

"No, Rin. You don't believe _me_." He paused a moment, thinking about his next words. "So I am perfect?" She nodded shortly as he waited for her reaction. "So there. This makes you perfect too." As he saw confusion in her eyes, he took her into his arms again.

"Rin, as the horse you like fields and forests, right?" She nodded.

"Yes, but as the ox you do too, right?" He grinned at her.

"Yes. If you see a real nice field, without fences, lots of sunshine, grass and flowers, do you think it's perfect?" She nodded hesitantly. "Or is it just a part of the world's own perfection?", he continued. He could see she was thinking about it hard before she nodded again.

"This makes sense in some way, I guess." He smiled at her.

"So it does. And this is why you are perfect as well, if I am perfect." He took her face in both of his hands and stared at her intently.

"Rin, don't you know that you are my world? Don't you see that I am nothing without you, that I'm just a part of your perfection?" He pressed a kiss on her lips, before he wiped away some of the tears that ran down her cheeks again. For a moment she just stared through the veil of her tears, but then she threw herself into his arms sobbing. Haru held her tightly and pressed soothing soft kisses on her shoulder.

"I'm… I'm sorry. Gosh, this is so sappy." They both laughed a this and Rin sat up, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "Honestly, Haru. Do you have to go all romantic on me without warning?" He grinned at her and sat up beside her.

"I do." He took her hand in his and waited until she looked at him again. He knew that she needed those time to collect herself.

"Haru? Thank you." She pressed a kiss to his lips and he responded immediately, his lips parting under hers and a for a moment they both were lost in the sensations of sheer rightness and love they both created. When they finally broke apart both of them were out of breath.

"Still, I think it's the other way round." She winked at him and sprang to her feet, heading for the shower and he laughed shortly before he followed her. So maybe she wasn't perfect after all, if she didn't see her perfection. She never believed him. But then, and he grinned to himself at the thought, he had a lifetime to convince her.

°°°°°°

End of Chapter 10

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**AN**: Here is chapter 10. I hope you liked it.

Originally, I planned this chapter quite different, but then I suddenly had this idea about changing the ending scene of this chapter with the one of chapter 11 and so here it is. It doesn't change anything vital and somehow it makes more sense in this order.

Thanks to all of you who left a review. You're just great and every review is a motivation for me. So please make me happy and leave a review.

The next chapter will be up in one week as usual.

**A short note on this chapter: **

Love hotels:Are hotels where you can take the room either per hour or for one night. Some of them are decorated rather… interesting. And don't look at me like that! I've never been to one before, I just know about them through my studies..

Until next time, Joey-chan


	11. Impending darkness

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: For once no citrus fruits in sight, go ahead!

And now, here we go!

°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 11 – Impending darkness**

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Haru was tired and somehow he didn't understand why there had to be so… much ado about nothing, to quote Shakespeare. Okay, so they were going to high school now, but was it necessary to keep them in this room for so long just to greet the new students? A lot of people had introduced themselves to the freshmen, held speeches and wished them a good time with underlying warnings to not break the rules.

Haru grinned bitterly, looking down on himself where some necklaces hung down in his open collar. Beside him Momiji, wearing the girl's uniform, was impatiently sliding back and forth in his seat. Haru had noticed many people, classmates and teachers, staring at the two of them. It was not as if he wasn't used to getting strange looks, but he could hear them talking over how his hair was all wrong, how his necklaces and piercings were all wrong and how his attitude in general was obviously all wrong as well.

It made him angry and he could feel his blood rushing through his veins. He took some deep breaths in order to calm himself. It had been some time since he had turned black. The last time had been on valentine's day with Rin in bed and he smiled at the memory. The last time before that had been during the fight with Kyou, where Yuki had suddenly collapsed and there wasn't real anger involved as well. He sighed and clapped his hands as the last speech for today finally ended.

"Gott sei Dank! I thought this would never end." Momiji grinned up at him and he gave a short nod and sighed. Momiji looked around searchingly and Haru knew that he was looking for Tohru. She had been there and talked to them shortly before this ceremony started. She hadn't commented on either his or Momiji's dress, but then she wasn't the kind to care about clothes.

"Let's go to our class then, Haru." He followed the eager rabbit without a word, for now relieved that Momiji lead the way. He would have gotten lost again in some of their long corridors. Both of them stopped when they heard a quiet voice speak their names.

"Hatsuharu, Momiji…" They turned around to face their god. It had been a surprise to both of them, when Akito had suddenly shown up at the ceremony with Shigure and Hatori. Haru sighed internally. Somehow he had hoped that he would escape Akito's clutches after the ceremony. Akito came closer, laying a hand on his shoulder and Haru suppressed a shudder.

The bond between the juunishi and their god wasn't something they discussed freely. It wasn't a taboo, but no one wanted to be reminded of it. All of them were bound to love Akito in some kind of way, but even this love was twisted. It didn't feel like real love that was pure and warm. The love that bound them to Akito was cold and forced, something like a leash binding an unwilling dog to it's owner. Still all of them were forced to obey, however much they might hate it. And so Haru just stood there when he felt the unwanted touch of their god on his shoulder.

"I wish you a good time in high school. Hatsuharu, I hope I'll see you soon. We haven't seen each other for some time. Come visit me soon." It wasn't a request. It was an order. An order he had to follow, because he was bound to obey. He hated it and he hated it more when he felt himself nod. Then the hand left his shoulder again and their god walked away. Haru looked at Momiji and both of them breathed a sigh of relief and went towards their classroom.

Haru let his thoughts drift as he followed Momiji in silence. Yuki and Kyou hadn't shown up yet, but most likely he would see them later. They went to the same school now after all and he was glad about it. It felt good to have friends around. He just wished that Rin could go to the same school as well. He missed her terribly whenever she wasn't around and he knew that she needed him too.

"Haru! Hey! Are you dreaming?" He came back to reality to find Momiji staring at him intently. Haru cleared his throat to cover his surprise and looked around. They were standing in front of a door which most likely lead to their classroom.

"I'm fine. Let's go inside and take a look at our classmates, shall we?" Momiji grinned in excitement and opened the door. When they entered the preciously animated talking subsided to hushed whispering. He and Momiji didn't pay much attention as they sat down but they could hear some girls behind them squealing in delight as they observed the two boys.

"Oh, he's so cool. I wonder what's his name", one girl whispered to the girl next to her. Haru could feel their eyes on him and it made him uncomfortable. Not that he minded it when people looked at him. He was used to it in some way since he always got strange looks because of his hair. But still it was… uncomfortable.

"His hair is so cool. Do you think he has a fetish for dyed hair? Maybe I should bleach my hair. What do you think?" Haru rolled his eyes at that. He certainly did not have a fetish for bleached hair. In fact he was rather fond of Rin's natural black long hair. And then his hair wasn't dyed, but those girls wouldn't know.

"Don't bleach your hair for a guy whose name you don't even know!", the other girl said.

"Haru!"

"Huh?" Both girls jumped in surprise as they were suddenly addressed by a person they most likely had believed to be a girl. Haru rolled his eyes again. Just great. Damn rabbit.

"His name is Haru." Momiji grinned at them and Haru huffed a little in annoyance before he turned around to look at the girls.

"Haru?", one of them asked dreamily.

"Well, it's Hatsuharu in fact, but we all call him Haru. Right, Haru?" Momiji turned to him and smiled, oblivious to the dark looks the person in question shot at him.

"Hatsuharu? This is… This is a name? Unusual… It's so…" The girl trailed off and turned to look at her friend before without warning both of them blushed and squealed: "It's so cool!". Haru groaned and turned around again.

"Thank you so much, Momiji." The rabbit just stared at him in confusion, but couldn't answer anymore because once more the door opened and a male teacher came inside.

"Good morning, class. Welcome to Kaibara school. I hope we'll get along well. I'm your class-teacher Tanaka Keisuke." He turned to the blackboard and the first lesson began.

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It was the first break and Haru already wished for the day to end. He sighed and let his head sink down to the table, resting his forehead against the cool wood. Tonight he and Rin wanted to go out and celebrate his first day at high-school. His parents got an invitation for dinner and would be out until after midnight. Which meant that he and Rin finally had a lot of quiet time for themselves again and he wanted to put it to good use.

Lately it seemed as if everything turned against them. Kagura's parents were out quite often, but where Kagura had normally accompanied them leaving Rin and him time to be together, now she always stayed at home, insisting that she had to learn or that she wanted to spent time with Rin. His parents didn't go out for dinner as often as Kagura's and even though they always welcomed Rin in their home both of them couldn't relax knowing that his parents were just downstairs.

"Are you okay, Haru?" He looked up to find Momiji looking at him with worry and he had to grin as he imagined how the naïve rabbit would react if he told him about his thoughts.

"I'm fine, don't worry." They both turned around as they heard a throat being cleared behind them, only to find the very same two girls standing behind them who had been whispering about his hair.

"Hatsuharu-kun? Momiji-kun? There's a boy down the corridor who told us to get you." The girl who had talked blushed crimson as Haru looked at her, but he just nodded and got up.

"Most likely Yuki or Kyou. Let's go, Momiji." He walked to the door without turning around again.

"Ah… Thank you. What's your name?", he heard Momiji ask.

"I'm Yamazaki Tomoko and this is Aomori Kasumi. Nice to meet you." Momiji grinned.

"I'm Sohma Momiji and this is Sohma Hatsuharu as I said before. Nice to meet you too, but now I have to hurry. See you later." Momiji finally hopped in his direction and Haru could hear the girls squeal again, hiding their blushing faces behind their hands.

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"Tohru!" Momiji hopped in excitement beside him as he saw Tohru and Kyou waiting at the end of the corridor. Momiji dashed for the Honda-girl and Haru had to grin. Tohru had clearly managed to wrap a lot of the juunishi around her finger. Yuki, Kyou and Momiji all adored her every word, Hatori respected her and wanted to keep her safe and Shigure was hard to place as usual. Most likely he was scheming again, but only he would know what he was up to.

"Momiji-kun! Good morning. How was…" She didn't come any further as Kyou knocked the rabbit to the ground, the anger he felt clear for all to see.

"Are you crazy? Why are you wearing the girl's uniform?", he yelled. Haru sighed. This would turn out as usual with Momiji crying his somewhat faked tears and most certainly Momiji started to cry on clue.

"But… but, it suits me, right?" With a desperate look the rabbit turned to Tohru and she reassured him. Haru could see that Kyou wanted to explode, but he held back for Tohru, just like last time.

"Ah! Haru, Momiji. Good morning." Haru turned around as he heard the familiar voice of Yuki and greeted him. He could see that Yuki was under some kind of stress again, most likely from all the things he had to do with the new students and everything. What he didn't know yet and what he wouldn't like at all, was Akito being right here at their school and Haru intended to tell him as soon as they had a quiet moment.

He knew how Yuki wanted to avoid meeting their god, just like Rin. She always got scared pretty bad when she was being called. Which was seldom enough, only when no one else was there or when Akito felt like insulting someone. Haru knew that Akito liked to call Rin a slut, a whore or other things around the other juunishi and all he could do was to stay quiet. It was hard but he had to in order to keep their relationship a secret.

"Honestly, how does someone get the idea to wear the girl's uniform?" Kyou was still growling at Momiji and Haru would have told him to just let it go, if he hadn't been interrupted by a strange guy, accompanied by two girls.

"Well, he's not the only problem around here. All of you Sohmas are kind of different. Except Yuki-kun of course. What do I have to see? A guy in a girl's uniform? It's outrageous. Don't you have male pride, Sohma Momiji-kun? Think about your later career, what should your future boss think?" Haru huffed a little in annoyance and the guy turned his attention to him.

"And what about you, Sohma Hatsuharu-kun? No neck-tie, bracelets and bleached hair?" Haru didn't answer but he could feel his blood rushing again. He hated it when people commented about his hair. There was nothing he could do about it, nothing he was willing to do at least and it wasn't their business.

"Who the hell is this guy?", Haru whispered in Yuki's direction.

"President of the school council. Don't ask", Yuki muttered, before he took a breath and spoke up in a louder voice. "That's his natural hair-color, sempai". Haru could only distantly hear Yuki speak up in his defence and he tried to take calm deep breaths to keep his dark side in check, but it was no use. It was as if a chain broke, a chain that had been to fragile to do it's task anyway, too fragile to keep down something as strong as his black side. He felt himself take a step towards the guy and his hand closed around his collar.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you god? It's none of your business how someone dresses or does his hair." His voice got louder with every word until he yelled at the young man who was trying unsuccessfully to break free. On the corner of his mind he heard Yuki and Kyou yelling for him to stop.

Not that he cared much. When he turned black like this he was not easy to stop. In fact, only Rin had ever managed to calm him down. The only other way was to knock him down, but even this wasn't easy when he was black. He grinned at the helpless boy in his grip and shook him a little, watching his eyes widen in terror.

"Why don't you say anything, Mister I'm-holier-than-thou?" Haru felt someone punch him into the side and when he looked around he saw Kyou's enraged face.

"Stop it, you stupid ox. He can't defend himself. At least pick on someone your league!" Haru let go of the president's collar and turned to Kyou, not sparing a second glance at the boy, who fell ungracefully to the ground.

"You were the one who wouldn't fight back last time, neko-chan." Haru could feel his blood speeding up even more, his body still tingling where Akito had touched him and it was making him anxious. In this moment he felt a wave of longing for Rin washing over him, so powerful that he couldn't breathe for a moment and all he could think about was her, her soft touches, her soothing voice, her sweet laughter. Why couldn't it be evening already?

He remembered how she would calm him when he turned black in her presence. She would take him into her arms, stroking his neck with one hand and holding him close with the other one. And she would whisper soft, soothing words into his ear. And she would wait until she felt him relax in her embrace, until his head sank down to her shoulder, until he exhaled in a sigh. And then she would smile at him, a open, honest smile, so full of love and affection, even trust, that he had to kiss her whenever he saw her smile like that.

Haru smiled as he remembered her smile and even the memory of calmed him down, taking the edge off of his black side, so he could think straight again. He stared at Kyou for a moment, examining the rage in the cat's eyes and then sighed. Beside him the president was finally standing up with some difficulties. Haru could still hear him murmuring about boys in girl's uniforms and he knew he had to do something about it.

With a fast movement he turned towards the two girls who had accompanied the president, making both of them jump in surprise as he addressed them suddenly.

"Hey ladies. Do you have a problem with him in the girl's uniform?" They frantically shook their heads, not wanting to enrage him again. Haru grinned a little.

"So you don't fine. You know, someday he will be fine with wearing the boy's uniform. Until he's ready, why don't you just imagine how he will look like? What do you think, hm?" He could see both of them thinking and finally they both had a dreamy look on their faces. Haru nodded satisfied.

"But still…" Haru turned to the president who had just now worked up the courage to protest further.

"What if Yuki would wear the girl's uniform?" Haru stared a long time at the president, watching his cheeks grew red and he grinned internally. How could someone be so obsessed with a Yuki in girl's clothes? He really didn't understand the big deal. Yuki was good-looking, yes, but so where all Sohmas. Hell, even he himself was a handsome guy.

He wasn't oblivious to the many admiring stares from mostly girls he got, when he walked through school, but he just wasn't interested in them. The only girl he wanted was Rin. Haru sighed. Why couldn't this school day just end? The president finally came back to reality, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

"Fine. It seems as if I underestimated you, Sohma Hatsuharu-kun. I won't trouble you again, but can you give me an evidence that your hair color is really natural?" He looked at him challengingly and Haru huffed a little.

"Of course I can." And with that he dragged the unsuspecting boy into the boy's restroom, grinning a little at the surprised faces of his family and especially Honda-san.

When he came out again, grinning like a child on Christmas, the president was throughout flustered and blushing.

"So the world really is wide and full of miracles. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I wish you a happy high-school time. Goodbye." He bowed shortly to Haru and another time to Yuki and left, his two girls following him without protest.

"Ano… Hatsuharu-kun, what did you show him to make him change his mind so suddenly?" Haru turned towards Tohru who had asked him the question, her gaze full of wonder. Haru grinned again, taking a step towards her. This was a great opportunity. He knew that Kyou cared for the girl, but what about Yuki? Did she meet Yuki's needs as she did Kyou's? He would find out rather easily if he acted right now.

He took a final step towards the clueless girl, his body coming close to hers, but not close enough to trigger the curse or too close for Haru's own comfort. He didn't want to get anymore anxious than he was already.

"Should I show you? It's not a problem. I won't even have to cha…" He didn't come any further as he was knocked down by both Kyou and Yuki. Haru smiled internally. So she was exactly what Yuki needed right now. That was good. He could hear both Yuki and Kyou talking to Tohru as he recovered from their punches. They didn't hold back much strength this time, his jaw actually hurt. Maybe they would leave a bruise. He sat up, looking up at his family.

"So you are back to normal, huh?" Yuki was first to speak and Haru nodded in answer, not wanting to move his still hurting jaw. He could see that Kyou wanted to say something as well, but in this moment the bell rang, signalling the end of their break.

"Oh, we have to get back to classes. Tohru, would you mind if we speak to Yuki and Kyou for a moment?" Momiji grinned cheerfully and Haru finally got to his feet. Tohru shook her head and smiled, waving goodbye to him and Momiji as she turned to leave for her class. For a moment the four boys just stood there in silence.

"So what is it?" Kyou finally broke the silence. Momiji turned to him and looked at him questioningly, but Haru just motioned for him to go on and tell them. Momiji's face grew serious as he turned to their older cousins.

"Akito is here." The shock was almost palpable for a moment and Momiji took a deep breath before he continued. "He all of the sudden wanted to come too and so he watched the greeting ceremony. We just wanted to tell you in case you don't want to see him." After a moment both the rat and the cat recovered and nodded in understanding.

"Thanks…" Yuki's voice sounded a little rasping, but he managed a small smile. "We'll go to class now. And so should you." They nodded at each other before they parted.

"I think it was a shock for both of them, don't you think so, Haru?" Haru made a sound of agreement but kept silent otherwise, losing himself in his thoughts again as he followed the rabbit down the corridor towards their class room, wishing for the thousandth time that the day would end soon.

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End of chapter 11

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**AN**: So here is chapter 11. Hehe. This turned out longer than I intended, so this is another chapter I had to split. Oops.

But then again it doesn't matter. There will be a longer lemon scene in the next chapter again. They deserve a little fun, right?

The names of Haru's classmates (Remember the two girls?) I made up by the way.

**A short note on this chapter:**

Translations of what Momiji said: Gott sei Dank -Thank god.

Other translations: Ano – is japanese and means something like "Ahm…"

Please make me happy and leave a review!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	12. Calm before the storm

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Lemon scene in the middle. Skip it if you don't like it.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 12 – Calm before the storm**

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With a sigh of relief Haru threw his school bag into a corner of his room and sank down onto his bed. For a moment he just lain there, relaxing after this most stressful day and enjoying the happy giddiness that overpowered him when he thought about having his girlfriend in his arms in a few minutes. He turned his head to look at his clock and with a sigh he settled back.

She still had fifteen minutes left. Haru sighed in defeat and closed his eyes, only to open them again when he heard the door to his room opening. Without preamble he sprang to his feet when he saw the very object of his desire enter his room and he drew her into his arms, his head dropping onto her shoulder.

"You are early", he stated in a soft voice that more than clearly told her how glad he was about it. Rin laughed softly into his ear.

"I thought you might be anxious to see me. I still remember how dreadfully long they took with that greeting ceremony. And I figured that you might get into trouble with your dressing style." She smiled as she fingered the bracelets around his neck with one hand and his hair with the other one. Haru sighed and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck before he straightened in her embrace.

"I turned black." He looked at her as if he expected her to scold him, but she just smiled, drawing his head down to her shoulder once more and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

"What happened?" She took a step aside and went to his bed, sat down and motioned for him to sit beside her. He came into her embrace once more and sank down to the mattress, drawing her down with him and now, here in her arms, he could finally relax completely.

"The guy who I turned black on is the president of the school council." He could hear Rin stifle a giggle and turned in her embrace, pressing his face into the valley between her breasts, inhaling her beloved scent.

"It's not funny." She chuckled a little at this.

"Sorry, it's just that you really have a knack for picking the most dangerous people. So what happened?" He let his head fall back onto the mattress and took a deep breath.

"Well, he rambled on about my clothes and hair and about Momiji wearing the girl's uniform…" Rin chuckled again. "I was so angry already that I just couldn't stop it…" He trailed off and looked at Rin who was stroking her hand through his hair as he told her about his day.

"What made you so angry?" Haru turned his head, avoiding her gaze. Telling her about Akito at his school would completely ruin the relaxed mood, but he knew it was no use hiding things from Rin. He had never been able to keep a secret from her.

"Akito was there. He told me to come to him soon." He didn't look at her as he spoke, he didn't need to look to know what she looked like. He could feel her body tensing beside his, could feel her hand in his hair coming to an abrupt halt, could feel a shiver run through her body at the mention of their god's name. He finally turned to her and looked into her deep eyes.

"It's okay, Rin. He doesn't know about us, I'm sure he doesn't." He tried to give her a reassuring smile and failed miserably. He didn't like to be called to Akito's side, even though he was one of the favoured, and as such didn't have to fear as much as those who weren't high on Akito's list. Still he didn't like it, didn't like the approving stares on his body, didn't like their god's hand touching him whenever he got the chance to do so.

"Does he touch you, too? Like he does with Yuki and Hiro?" Rin's voice was heavy with something close to despair and he touched her cheek, stroking her softly.

"Yes… I don't like it but no one tells Akito to stop." Rin laughed bitterly and turned her gaze away. He put a hand under her chin and turned her face back to his.

"You know I would do so in a heartbeat if I could, don't you Rin? I don't like to be touched by him, in fact if I had a choice, I would only let you touch me. But I can't disobey." Rin stared at him for a moment.

"He makes you obey?" Haru sighed.

"He knows that I don't like to be touched. I once told him to not touch me. He just laughed. Ever since then he just tells me to not do anything against his touch and that's the end of it. I'm bound to obey, so I can't do anything." He sank back against her, eyes closed, and was grateful when he felt her arms around his torso. For a few minutes both of them were silent, both deep in thoughts about the curse and their god.

Haru opened his eyes again when he felt Rin's hand on his cheek and he turned to look at her, reading the emotions in those endlessly deep black eyes he loved so dearly. Her small smile reassured him that everything was okay for now.

"I'm sorry, Rin." His voice was small and she looked at him in surprise.

"What for?"

"For not being yours alone. It's not right and I don't want to belong to anyone but you. But I…" A soft finger on his lips interrupted him and he stared up at her when she smiled at him again.

"Don't worry about it, my love. It's not as if you can change anything about it. And who would fight with god himself?" They shared a smile full of pain and bitterness and then he kissed her.

"Someday I'll be all yours. I don't know how, I don't know when, but someday we will be free and then we'll just be bound to each other." Rin smiled at his words so full of hope and longing.

"Isn't this a contradiction? We'll be free but bound to each other?" She cocked her head.

"No. It's not. The bind between us is love, not obligation. It doesn't disturb our freedom." He smiled at her before he looked at his clock again. Rin laughed a little at this.

"Enough philosophy for now. Let's get up and eat dinner and then…" She smiled mischievously.

"And then?" Haru grinned at her. They hadn't planned on doing anything after dinner but he had a good idea was she was going to say.

"And then… we'll have fun." She grinned like the cat who got the canary and he laughed.

"Fun in this activity with three letters, starting with 's' and ending with 'ex'? Oh dear, I better pack enough money. Those love hotels aren't cheap." He grinned and Rin slapped him playfully on his back. Then they went downstairs together.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Lemon scene ahead! You've been warned!

For the second time today Haru sank down on a bed with a sigh, although this time it wasn't his bed. He took in the now familiar décor of the room, all shades of blue from floor to the ceiling, and watched his girlfriend open the window as usual to let in some fresh air. Haru sighed in contentment and closed his eyes, and he couldn't keep a smile off his face at the knowledge of what they were about to do.

He heard Rin move in the room, heard the window being closed again and he grinned as he felt the mattress shift. He opened his eyes only to find her sitting beside him, close enough to draw her into his arms, staring down at him with a longing in her eyes so strong that Haru's heartbeat sped up.

"Rin." His voice was husky and deep with lust. He said nothing else, just her name and it was all the invitation she needed. With a smile she moved, sitting down on his lap, straddling him. Her short skirt slid up her thigh to reveal a generous amount of creamy soft skin. A strangled sound was all Haru could get passed his lips before they were covered with hers, soft and hot and wonderful.

Without hesitation Haru brought his hand to her neck, keeping her in place before he caressed her mouth with his tongue, sliding it inside as she parted her lips with a content sigh. Haru was in heaven as they kissed deeply, kissing her had never lost its thrill. He had always thought that someday he would get used to it, that it would still feel wonderful, but every time he kissed her it still felt as if it was their first kiss, an earthmoving experience.

Haru was very aware of her body on his, her breasts pressed against his chest, her thighs at his hips and her center pressed against where he craved it the most. As if Rin had guessed his thoughts she ground her hips against his, making him moan deeply at the unexpected sensation that shot through his body. In answer he grabbed a handful of her hair, tilting her head so the angle allowed him deeper penetration of her mouth, and this time it was Rin's time to moan.

Haru touched a hand to her side and he made a sound of annoyance as his fingers met cloth instead of soft skin. Without breaking their kiss he put both of his hands between them, unbinding the lace that held her top together in the front. When it fell open he slipped his hands inside, revelling in the feeling of her skin under his hands, like warm silk. He made a sound of appreciation as he discovered that she didn't wear a bra today and he took her breasts into his hands, simultaneously massaging both globes.

Rin broke the kiss and a deep moan escaped her swollen lips as Haru stimulated and teased both of her nipples. He loved to make her moan and squirm. It was good to feel that he could render her helpless as easily as she could him. Rin sat up a little, pushing herself up against his chest as she stared down at him, her eyes dark with desire and cheeks flushed. She was beautiful like this and Haru felt his heart skip a beat as he took in the sight of her. She looked thoroughly kissed, desired, needed. Loved. That's what he wanted her to be.

With a quick movement he grabbed her by the hips and lifted her off his lap, laying her down beside him. He moved so he was on top of her, his body resting between her spread legs. He could feel her heat soak through his clothes and he thrust against her center, making both of them moan. Then he felt Rin's hand on his neck and he looked down at her.

"You are much too overdressed." He looked down at their entwined bodies. For a moment he was lost in the beauty of her as she lay there, her top falling to both sides, revealing her upper body and her perfect breasts to his hungry gaze, her skirt bunched up around her hips, exposing more than it was covering of her sexy panties and long legs. He swallowed hard as she wound her legs around his waist, pressing him down against her and he hissed in pleasure.

He felt her hands on the collar of his shirt, quickly dealing with the buttons and pushing the fabric down his arms. He put a hand to his bracelets, intending to take them off but she stilled his movement.

"Leave them. I like it when you still have them on when we are… doing it." He smiled at her and went down to take off her skirt instead, sliding the black cloth down her long legs while making as much contact to her skin as possible. He flung the skirt across the room as he kneeled between her legs, admiring the view of her. Rin sat up halfway and opened his fly, the fabric already tented from his heavy erection and he sighed in relief as she pushed down his jeans and boxers at once.

He crawled out of them clumsily, his cock bumping against her legs distracting him further until he lost his balance and fell down onto her, his erection getting trapped between their bodies, pressed against her stomach and he cried out in unexpected pleasure. Rin laughed at him and kicked his trousers down from the bed.

"So you think this is funny, huh?", he growled against her breast and she grinned at him. With a sudden movement he ripped down her panties, grinning at her squeak of surprise. He stared at her challengingly as he put the delicate piece of cloth to his face, breathing in the familiar scent of her arousal.

"Haru!" Her cry of protest died on her lips as he pushed his face between her legs so fast she had no time to react.

"Much better here", he mumbled against her center, making Rin squirm in anticipation. Haru grinned as he got down to business, kissing her labia, licking over delicate and soft skin. He had done this often enough to know how she liked it the most, slowly and softly at first, then slowly getting harder and faster. He loved the sounds she made when he did this, loved it how her breathy moans and hisses got louder, turned into soft cries of pleasure when she neared her orgasm.

The first time he had done this he had been rather unsure, had feared to hurt her, but she had instructed him where it felt best, when to change the pace and intensity of his touch. The second time he had experimented on his own, had found out that he could make her buck against him when he stimulated that special spot inside of her with his finger simultaneously and that, if she was stimulated enough, she would come almost instantly when he sucked her clitoris into his mouth and stroked his tongue over her nub hard.

Today however, he was in the mood for slow and thorough, and so he teased her with fleeting touches of his tongue, his fingers caressing the inside of her thigh. He breathed in the scent of her deeply, enjoying the sight of her, how she arched her back, how her hands gripped the bed sheets tightly as she squirmed under him.

He protested as she gripped him by his hair, pushed him away for a moment. She turned around on the mattress, her legs now facing away from his, her head at his chest. She spread her legs again.

"Haru, please…" He crawled forwards, again indulging in the pleasure of touching, licking her so intimately. He didn't think about why she had moved, just enjoyed this new position. He pushed both of his hands under her thigh, holding on and drawing them further apart. She moaned as he teased her nub directly, his touch growing a little harder.

Haru registered the advantage of this new position as he felt a sudden flood of intense pleasure shoot through him, and he broke away from her to cry out in pleasure. He looked down only to see that she had taken his member into her mouth and was now sucking on him as if her life depended on it.

Sweat formed on his brow and for a moment he was paralyzed with pleasure, unable to move away or forward. Finally he turned back to his earlier ministration and pushed his face back between her legs, getting down to business for real, licking and sucking her hard. He could both hear and feel her cry out of pleasure, stifled by his cock in her mouth.

It sent delightful vibrations through him and he groaned deeply. He almost lost his position when she bucked up under him in answer to his moan and he realized that his groans where vibrating in her just as much as hers were in him. He grinned a little without stopping to touch her and he groaned again just to be sure, holding onto her thighs tighter this time and just moments before she bucked up and whimpered in answer. Which of course had him groaning again in pleasure.

There was no way he could stand their sweet torture for long and it was only moments later that Rin cried out in pleasure against his member as she came, pushing him over the edge a heartbeat later as well. When he felt his orgasm hit him with unexpected force he cried out against her center, sending her right into another orgasm that was stronger than the previous one and had her shrieking his name with pleasure and thrusting her hips so hard that he lost his grip on her and was thrown off for good.

When he came back to reality he could feel wetness beneath his hips and he turned from where he had rested his head on her thigh to look down. He saw Rin grinning up at him while she wiped away some of his cum from her chin. Haru sat up to look at the impressive mess he had made not only on the bed sheets but on her as well. She had his come not only on her chin, but on her cleavage as well, even her hair.

"All your fault", she said grinning mischievously as she sat up as well. He looked at her in mocking anger.

"Excuse me, miss! Is it your task to swallow or mine?" He looked at her in played indignation.

"Then don't make me come twice. It was a little too distracted to concentrate on something as mundane as swallowing", she said slowly as if he was particularly dumb. They both started to laugh at the same time and Haru leaned forward to kiss her. When they broke free again they were both out of breath. Haru stared at her intently and she smiled as she put her arms around his neck.

"I love you, Haru." Her voice was so soft, her eyes so full of love that Haru could have cried right then and there, but he managed to smile at her even though it was a little shaky and his eyes gleamed suspiciously.

"I love you too… My Rin." They both just looked at each other, both completely lost in admiration of the other one for a moment. The spell was broken when Rin suddenly grimaced and wiped at her stomach where his cum was running down from her cleavage.

"Time for a shower, huh?" He touched a strand of her hair that was wet with his release and pulled it forward so she could see it. She made a face and quickly got up to hop into the shower. He followed her grinning. Too bad those hotel showers were so narrow, or they might have put it to good use.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Still lemon!

They were laying side by side on the bed, hair still damp from the quick shower they both had taken. Haru still had a content smile on his face. This was the first time he had actually managed to make her come two times in one row. His own orgasm had been mind-blowing, but still he could already feel something stirring between his loins again. The night was still young and they had enough time to have sex at least once, maybe twice if they were quick.

Haru thought about how he wanted them to do it. He could take her standing against the wall. The last time they had done it in that position had been in the middle of the night in a park, leaning against a tree. They had taken an 'afternoon' stroll when it was close to midnight already. They hadn't been able to see each other for a few days before and as usual the fire of passion had burnt high between them. They had wanted to go to their usual hotel but somehow the denied passion was far too much to wait another fifteen minutes.

It was Rin who had suggested they could do it right there against a tree. It was the first time they had done it in this position and it still gave him shivers when he remembered the deep intimacy even though they were both fully dressed. His fly had just been opened to let his erection out, her skirt was pushed up to her waist, panties not even taken off but just pushed to the side as both of them suddenly hadn't been able to wait even one moment longer.

They had kissed the whole time, both because in their position it was easy to do so and because they had to stifle their sounds of arousal as he pushed into her hard, fast and deep. Her arms had been around his neck, one hand buried in his white hair, holding him in place as he panted with the effort of holding her up and the pleasure of his impending orgasm. Their release had been intense as usual, both moaning, shaking with pleasure and Haru had nearly collapsed under the onslaught of sensations.

He groaned at the memory and turned towards her. She was already looking at him, pointedly staring at his already swollen member.

"What were you thinking about?" She rolled towards him, laying one arm around his body.

"Well, as you can clearly see, I was obviously thinking about something or rather someone who turns me on rather fiercely. Three guesses." Haru grinned at her. Rin cocked her head in played ignorance.

"Hmm… Maybe you thought about… Yuki?" Haru laughed and shook his head.

"Not? So maybe it was… Tohru-san? Or Kisa?" Haru grimaced and shook his head.

"Oh! Now I know! I must be Kyou", she exclaimed with a happy grin on her face. He grinned at her but didn't answer, just took hold of a strand of hair and pulled her down for a deep kiss.

"Kyou is not right as well, hm? Maybe…" She leaned down for another kiss. "Maybe it was me after all." Haru smiled at her.

"Maybe you are right after all."

"Maybe you are just mocking me."

"Maybe you should stop with the 'maybe' then your answer may be right." He grinned.

"Argh! Haru! If you say 'maybe' one more time, I swear you'll regret it."

"Yes?" He looked at her with wide hopeful eyes and she laughed at his expression.

"So you want to be punished?" He looked up at her and grinned before he nodded. The smile froze on his face as she pushed him down on his back, swung her leg over his body and sank down onto his still erect cock with one fluid movement. They both cried out in pleasure and Haru arched his back under her. They hadn't had any kind of foreplay this time and most of her moisture had been washed away in the shower. She was still wet enough to let him slip into her easily but the friction was extreme.

She rode him hard and fast and he hissed and whimpered under her, gripping her knees just to have something to hold onto. He could distantly hear her breathy cries of pleasure as she changed the angle slightly. Haru suddenly felt as if her cavern had become tighter and he cried out as well, not bothering to stifle his voice against his arm. He could feel her increasing the speed even though it already was a wild ride. Her hand pushed against his chest and he looked up at her only to find her staring at him, her eyes huge.

"Ha… Haru. I think… I think I'm – Ah!… I think I'm coming already…" With that she threw her head back and rode him harder. The sight of her in the grip of passion would have been enough to push him over the edge. Just before he expected the first wave of his orgasm to hit him he felt her hand on him… on his testicles to be exact. She knew how very sensible he was there, normally he almost couldn't stand her touch there, but in the act it felt perfect and pushed him over the edge almost instantly. Just like now.

The feeling of her orgasm, her inner muscles squeezing him, the sight of her, her hands on his balls, all these sensations tangled together and it was a force he didn't stand a chance against. He was hurled into the abyss so far that all his muscles locked and he couldn't make a sound, couldn't move and he had a feeling of free-fall for a moment. He gasped for breath helplessly, his grip on her desperate and as his muscles finally were loose again he arched his back and moaned out deeply as he felt her inner muscles milking him.

A moment later she collapsed onto him and he pulled her tightly against him, both still shaking and sweating.

"Wow", he simply said and she chuckled against his shoulder.

"Couldn't have put it better myself." He smiled at her, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Not for the last ten minutes." She grinned at him.

"Definitely too long ago." He kissed her softly onto the lips, before he pulled back slightly, pressing his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes deeply. "I love you, Rin. I can't say it often enough to make it clear how much I do." She pressed a kiss to the side of his neck in answer.

"I love you too." For a moment they just rested in each others arms, but too soon for Haru's taste it was time for them to get ready if they wanted to be home in time. His parents didn't mind if he came home late and grinning like a cat who got the canary, but they wanted him to be home before midnight, at least on school days.

"So let's take another shower, shall we?" He stood up without letting go of her, carrying her into the shower that was much too narrow for two people.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° End of Lemon.

"Let's go then. It's almost midnight." Rin opened the door and they both left their hotel room holding hands. He smiled at her and when she smiled back at him he got so lost in her beautiful eyes, that he noticed the man standing in his way only when he ran into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He turned his head to meet a pair of steel gray eyes that seemed oddly familiar. A young man dressed in a business suit stared back at him.

"I'm sorry as well, I didn't see you coming." Even his voice had something familiar about it, but Haru couldn't place it.

"I didn't pay attention where I was going…", Haru explained slowly. The man grinned.

"Well, if I had such a lovely young lady by my side, I wouldn't watch where I was going as well." He smiled at Rin. "But don't let my girlfriend know I said it." He laughed a throaty laugh and turned to Haru again. "A good night to both of you."

"Good night." Haru tugged Rin along down the corridor and left the hotel. After a minute he turned around again, looking back in the direction of the hotel.

"Do you know him?", Haru asked and looked at Rin.

"I don't know. I don't think I've met him before but still there was something about him…" She trailed off.

"Something familiar?" She looked up at him.

"You felt it too?" He nodded and looked down the street again.

"Yes, I don't think I know him either, but there's something about him that I know. I just don't know what to make of it." For a few moments both of them where lost in thoughts, then Haru tugged at her hand.

"So what do you want for dessert? We can grab something while we walk home." They both laughed and berated playfully what would be best.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The young man in the hotel watched the couple leave. Behind him the door opened and a young woman stepped out of the room.

"Who did you speak to, darling?" The young man kissed her hand softly and smiled.

"Just a couple of young lovers that ran into me, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about. I suddenly remember though that I have to make a phone call."

"Now? But it's almost midnight." The young woman looked surprised.

"I'm sorry. I forgot and it has to be now. Please excuse me for a moment." He bowed to her formally before he walked down the corridor to a pay-phone. He tipped in a number with practised movements and put the receiver to his ear. After some long moments of waiting someone answered.

"Hello? Sohma main house?"

"Hello auntie, it's Yonosuke."

"Yonosuke, dear. You haven't called in some time. It's good to hear from you again. How are you? Did something happen to make you call so late?"

"I'm fine and I'm sorry I didn't call for so long. Auntie, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I met two of the juunishi today."

"What? Where? Who?"

"It was Hatsuharu-san and the girl was Isuzu-san, I think."

"Are you sure?"

"Auntie… The pictures you showed me of the juunishi speak for themselves. Hatsuharu-san is hard to take for someone else. And the girl, I'm almost sure it was her. She is really beautiful and a beauty is hard to miss. Straight long black hair down to the waist, dark eyes, dressed in a rather short skirt. What do you think?"

"It's her then. And where did you meet them?"

"They came out of a room in a love hotel."

"A love hotel? You mean…"

"I don't know what you think about it, auntie, but I wouldn't take a room in a love hotel to take a nap." He laughed softly.

"I… this is… outrageous. I have to report it to Akito-sama first thing in the morning. Thanks for calling, dear."

"No problem. Good night, auntie."

"Good night." He hung up and walked back to his lady with a grin on his face. This two would get in trouble. It was never healthy to trigger Akito-sama's wrath. His old aunt, who worked at the main house for decades now had told him enough about the god of the zodiac to know that.

He had always somewhat envied the juunishi for their special bond. Why wasn't he one of the chosen ones? Why did they call themselves "cursed ones" when they should be grateful for the love their god gave them?

"Yonosuke, there you are. Let's go please. I'm cold", the young woman complained.

"Of course, Yumi." They walked outside and towards a waiting taxi. The driver looked at them expectantly.

"Sohma Yonosuke-san?", he asked. The young man nodded.

"That would be me. Thank you for coming in time." The couple entered the cab and drove off.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 12

°°°°°°°°°

AN: I'm terribly sorry for the delay, but I was extremely busy during the last 3 days. I promise the next chapter will be up in time again. However, here is chapter 12. I hope you liked it and if you did, please leave a review!

Somehow all my lemon chapters turn out extremely long… I hope you don't mind.

The young man, Sohma Yonosuke and his girlfriend Yumi, I made up of course. In my story, he is the nephew of the old aunt working in the main house. You remember the old hag that scolded Kureno after he freed Rin (chapter 106)? That's her.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	13. The end of the world

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is lemon-free. Go ahead.

°°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 13 – The end of the world**

°°°°°°°°°°

"Tadaima." Haru shut the door behind him and took off his shoes.

"Okaeri." Haru looked up sharply as he was not greeted by his mother's voice but in fact by the soft voice of his beloved girlfriend.

"Rin. What are you doing here? Not that I mind, of course." He took a step towards her and drew her into his arms, stifling her sound of protest with a kiss to her lips. He looked up when he heard a throat being cleared and his mother came out of the kitchen, pointedly not looking in their direction.

"Haru, lunch is ready. You can take two plates up to your room if you like." With that she grinned at them shortly and went into the living room. Haru looked down at Rin in his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me she was there?"

"You kissed me before I could." She glared at him and went into the kitchen to get their lunch. Haru followed her and took one of the plates from her.

"You still haven't told me what you're doing here." He went behind her as they went up the stairs, admiring the view of her long legs and the natural sway of her hips.

"I didn't have school this afternoon, so I thought I'd come by and see you, but you weren't there yet and your mother insisted that I wait here until you get home." They went into his room and sat down on the floor in front of the small table.

"Hmm, Shogayaki. I love it. Well then, Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu." Rin watched in fascination as Haru almost devoured his meal and grinned before she picked up a piece of pork. For a few minutes they ate in silence before Rin pushed her plate away. Haru raised his eyebrows and looked at her.

"Finished already? You should eat more than that." She sighed.

"I know, but somehow I can't. Not today. I don't know why, but I just can't." Haru looked at her in concern.

"You are not coming down with the flu or something, are you?" He touched his hand to her forehead. Rin shook her head and smiled at him.

"Really, it's nothing. It will be better tomorrow. You'll see." He gave her a smile and nodded. Rin stared at the door of his room and frowned. "Honestly! What are your parents doing? Sounds like they are tearing the house down." Haru looked at her in confusion for a moment before he listened. He could hear his parents talking downstairs now that he paid attention. As the ox Haru had better hearing than most humans, but Rin's still was finer. But then, she was the horse.

"Haru, could you come here for a moment?", his mother called from downstairs and he excused himself to Rin and hopped down the stairs.

"What is it, mom?" He looked in surprise at the two bags beside his mother.

"Just now a classmate from my high school time called. She was my best friend back then and I haven't seen her in ages. She invited us for dinner tonight and we will be staying there tomorrow as well. Is it okay with you? We will be back in two days." His mother looked at him expectantly, happiness and excitement plainly written across her face and Haru smiled.

"Of course it's fine. You go and have fun." His mother grinned mischievously.

"You won't be lonely, I guess?"

"Mom!" Haru blushed under his mother's knowing gaze.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, dear. Just…" His father came into the hall, interrupting his mother's speech.

"Is everything ready? Then let's go outside. The taxi should be here any moment. Take care, Haru." Just like on clue the doorbell rang and Haru waved to his parents.

"Have a good time, Haru. You too, Isuzu-chan." She waved up to the top of the stairs where Rin had appeared, intrigued by the sound of the doorbell.

"Bye, mom. Bye, dad. Don't worry, I'll be fine." The door shut behind them and Haru hopped up the stairs again.

"They left quite suddenly", Rin remarked.

"Yes, well. I don't complain. Would you like to stay for the night?" He looked at her and smiled when he saw the happiness in her eyes.

"Of course." He took her in his arms and breathed in the scent of her hair.

"What would you think about some ice-cream? It's quite warm already, so it should be fine." She nodded and they went downstairs holding hands.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"So what do you want?" Haru sat down in one of the small chairs in the ice-cream parlor and looked at his girlfriend, who sat down to his left.

"I'm not sure. Something small, I don't know if my stomach plays fair today." She thought for a moment. "I think I'll take a lemon ice. I like that." She grinned at Haru and he nodded before he motioned for the waiter.

He enjoyed their dates very much since it was rare for them to go out for something as banal as ice-cream. They couldn't be seen too often together or it would look suspicious. So most of the time they took a walk through abandoned parks and empty streets when it was dark already. Sometimes he really hated this secrecy, when his heart was overflowing with love for Rin and he wanted to shout his feelings for her from the roof-top for all the world to know.

Sometimes he dreamt about a normal life with Rin by his side, a normal relationship, with dates and dances, with parties and days in amusement parks. Especially a life without a god like Akito. Sometimes his heart would ache for all the things he wanted to do with her and couldn't. In a few months they would be together for a year, and if Haru had any saying in it he would never ever let her go. He wanted her by his side for the rest of his life.

But then he knew that how things were, they never could have a normal life. For in a normal life they would marry one day, and what happened with Hatori-nii had demonstrated how well Akito reacted to such suggestions. Haru could only shudder when he thought about what Akito would do to Rin if he would ask him for her hand in marriage.

Haru was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt Rin's hand on his own and he looked at her to find her studying him intently. He smiled at her in reassurance.

"I'm fine, Rin. I just got lost in thoughts." He thanked the waiter as he brought their ice and once more smiled at Rin who still didn't look entirely convinced. "Well then let's tuck in." He tried some of his blueberry ice and smiled in contentment.

"So what were you thinking about?" Rin's voice sounded stern and Haru sighed, knowing that she wouldn't leave the topic alone until she knew about it. He looked at her again, studying her for a moment. Her hair that she normally preferred to leave hanging free was held away from her face with a clip today. It made her look older somehow and Haru didn't like it, because it made her look as if… as if she was out of his league.

He reached over and pulled the clip loose, her hair tumbling back into place and Rin pushed her hand through the tresses out of habit before she turned to him, eyes curious. He put the clip onto the table beside her ice cup.

"It's nothing, Rin. Nothing much that is." Rin took the clip, examined it for a moment as if she saw it for the first time and put it into her pocket. She didn't ask him to continue, just looked at him.

"It's just… Do you think our relationship is fine?" He could see her eyes darkening instantly in fear and confusion and he continued immediately, knowing that he had picked the wrong words for now. "I don't mean to say that it's not. Really. It's just… Those feelings…" He searched for the right words for a moment.

"Possession?", Rin suggested and he nodded hesitantly.

"Why do I feel this way?" He sounded somewhat lost and Rin touched his hand again, giving him a reassuring smile.

"It's the curse, I think. You know, we practically have nothing to ourselves… Not our life, not our feelings, not even our soul…" She trailed off for a moment and Haru stared at her, waiting for her to continue, to put words to those feelings he thought couldn't be put into something as mundane as words.

"It's a compensation, I think. The heart craves for something that is practically impossible. No one… no normal human being… can possess another one completely. So it is a lost cause from the start." She sighed and pushed her scoop of ice-cream around with her spoon.

"Rin, that's depressing." She looked up at him and he took her hand again, squeezing it softly. "It's not always a lost cause, not with us. You know I'm perfectly willing to give myself to you completely, don't you?" She smiled at his words and Haru's heart felt lighter all of the sudden.

"I know. Even if you can't give yourself to me completely, since you are not yours alone in the first place… But I know you would if only you were free to do so." Her eyes held an underlying amount of pain that even Haru wasn't able to take away. Not with how things were. What he would do to take this pain away… He stood up suddenly, knocking his chair over in the process and kneeled down beside Rin, looking up into her eyes.

"Rin… I promise, if there is ever going to be a time where I can give myself to you completely, I will. Please, let me make that promise." Her eyes were full of surprise, but there was understanding as well as doubt.

"Haru…" She touched his cheek and pushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. "You are so sweet, really… So sweet, that sometimes I think we don't fit together at all…" Haru looked at her silently.

"Are you doubting my love for you?", he whispered softly.

"No, of course not. I know you, Haru. You're not the sort of man to make empty promises and that's why I won't let you make this promise. How do you know that you still want to give yourself to me if the time ever comes? Maybe in 20 years you've forgotten about me, you're married to some girl that is as nice and sweet as you are and you have children and a house, maybe even a dog. And then you'd feel obligated to fulfil this promise, when it would only bring misery. No Haru, I won't let you make that promise." Haru stared at her wide-eyed and he was about to protest when he felt her finger on his lips, silencing him.

"No, I won't accept this promise. Instead I'll make a promise of my own. I promise that, if that time ever comes where we own ourselves, I will listen to you and if you still want to make that promise I'll accept it… Okay?" Her gaze was soft and loving as she smiled down on him and Haru had to swallow hard to loosen up the sudden tightness in his chest. Her fingers caressed his cheek in a soothing manner.

"Okay?" Her eyes were so full of love and understanding that Haru felt his eyes water and he blinked before he took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay." His voice was husky and nothing more than a whisper so soft that it could have been an imagination, but Rin smiled at him and leaned down to kiss him. Haru leaned into her sign of affection, needing the soothing feeling of her lips. The kiss was soft and slow, more reassuring than passionate. When they broke apart again, he smiled at her and let his head sink down against her stomach, pressing his face into her warmth, inhaling her familiar scent.

She put her arms around him, drawing him closer and for a moment neither one of them moved. Only when they heard a throat being cleared right beside them did they let go and Haru turned to see the waiter picking up his chair. The young man flashed Haru a bright, knowing smile and winked at him before he left them alone. Haru got up and sat down on his chair and smiled a shaky smile at his girlfriend.

"I guess we were the attraction of the day." Rin laughed softly and took her spoon again.

"Let's finish eating. I'd rather spent time with you alone right now." She winked at him and attacked her ice-cream with more enthusiasm than Haru had seen her eat in a long time. He grinned and sighed in contentment. Whatever would come their way, they would find a way to be together in the end. Haru was sure about this. He smiled at Rin and tucked in as well.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Sweaty and thoroughly satisfied Haru sank down into Rin's embrace. Sighing contently he drew her into his arms, rolling around so she was beside him, his eyes half closed. Without conscious thought he pulled his hand through Rin's dark long tresses again and again, feeling the familiar silky softness of her raven black hair. He had always liked her long hair. It was a feature so typically and utterly Rin that he couldn't imagine her any other way.

He had asked her once if she took special care of her hair to make it shine like it did, but she had only laughed and shook her head no. That was back then when they weren't together yet, but close before. He liked to remember that time full of nervous heartbeats and sweaty palms. But he liked the present even better. Having her in his arms, kissing her, touching her, expressing their love both physically and in words, that was what he wanted. Rin sighed softly as she pressed her face into the hollow of his shoulder.

"Ah, you really wore me out this time." Haru laughed softly and pushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"It's your fault for making me all hot and needy." He kissed her shoulder softly, breathing in the scent of Rin and sweat and sex. It was an intoxicating mixture.

"But I love how you look and sound when you're turned on enough to beg." Her eyes hold a mischievous twinkle and he grinned.

"Did you see me complaining? No? See. It's not as if I don't like it, I just meant to say that you have to live with the consequences." He drew her closer against his chest, relishing the feeling of her so close to him that he could feel her heartbeat. Rin sighed in contentment and relaxed in his arms, leaning against him bonelessly.

"You know, you are not the only one who gets scared of your own feelings…" Haru turned his head to look down at her face as she spoke in a surprisingly serious voice, even though she had barely spoken in a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just… Do you think about the future sometime?" He blinked at the sudden change of topic.

"Yes, of course I do. Who doesn't?"

"Do you think about me sometimes?" Even though her tone was somewhat frightened he had to laugh.

"I think about you all the time, Rin. Don't you know that you're the most important person in my life?" He dropped a kiss onto her neck, his lips lingering for a moment on that sensible spot under her ear.

"I'm scared… of the future. I can't imagine a life without you." Suddenly there were tears in her eyes and she pushed herself into a sitting position, turning her face away from him. Haru sat up beside her and put one arm around her shoulders, drawing her back against his chest again.

"Neither can I, Rin. You know, you always say that you need me more, but in fact I really think it's the other way round. Really, I think I need you much more than you ever needed me. So I won't leave your side." He stroked through her hair again and Rin sniffed miserably.

"I really wish we could stay together… forever." She turned around a little to smile a teary smile at him.

"We don't have to part, Rin. We'll stay together." She shook her head and turned away again.

"There's always a time when a couple has to part. There're a few things no one can overcome… like death for instance." He stared at her as she sniffed again, a stray tear rolling down her soft cheek.

"Rin…"

"I don't want to live without you… I want to be born in your heart, so we will be together for the rest of your life. And when you die, I won't have to live without you." She sniffed again, brushing another tear away. "And then you'd have something that is all yours…" Haru smiled softly at her words.

"But then we wouldn't be able to kiss or to touch each other… That's something I for one would really miss. How would I show you how much I love you? Besides you know how much I need your company. This kind of love may be deeper, but I'm not that much of an angel." He grinned as she laughed suddenly.

"Yes, I know. You're not the kind of man for platonic relationships." He laughed as well as she turned to him, wincing softly as she moved her legs but smiling nonetheless. "Gods, you really worked me hard."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." He leaned towards her and their lips met halfway for a kiss full of love and passion. When they broke apart Rin sank down onto the mattress again, smiling up at him. He sank down beside her, stroking her cheek softly.

"I love you, Rin. You couldn't be any closer to my heart even if you were born as it." She smiled at his sweet words and he took her hand into his to put it onto his chest, right over his heart.

"I love you too, Haru." She kissed his neck and breathed against his shoulder. "Let's go to sleep. It's already past midnight and we have to go to school tomorrow." Haru nodded and pushed his arm over the bed's edge to fish for the covers that had fallen prey to their wild love-making and had been pushed to the floor. He drew it over their bodies and only when he was satisfied that Rin was completely covered, warm and comfortable did he lie back.

Rin snuggled against him and he pulled her close to his chest, relishing the knowledge that she'd stay with him the whole night. With one hand he turned out the light on his nightstand.

"Did you set the alarm clock?", she mumbled sleepily.

"Yes." He could feel her smile against his skin.

"Good night, Haru", she whispered into his ear and he shivered in response.

"Night, horsey." She laughed softly and snuggled under the cover and against him. Haru smiled and breathed in the beloved scent of her hair before only moments later he fell asleep.

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Haru woke up abruptly as someone screamed and even in his sleepy state he knew it was Rin's voice. He pushed himself up immediately, disoriented for a moment before he could make out her trembling form sitting beside him and drew her into his arms. He could feel her stiffen in his embrace and she pushed against his chest, sounds of fear escaping her mouth, while her eyes stared at him wild and unseeing. He caught her wrists and stilled their surprisingly strong movements.

"Rin? Rin… Wake up, it's just me." For a moment nothing changed, but when he continued to call her name, her arms relaxed slowly and her eyes focused on him. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Rin? Did you have a nightmare?" She nodded slightly, still somewhat disoriented and he drew her into his arms again. This time she didn't resist but sank against him. He could feel the rapid beat of her heart, the tremors that still ran through her body. Softly he massaged the tense muscles in her back until he felt her relax completely.

The sun was already rising outside, bathing his room in fresh golden light. The sun made her look like a bronze statue, cast by a loving sculptor into a piece of perfection. He stroked the length of her arm softly, feeling the warm skin under his fingers, needing to reassure himself that she was real and not just a creature out of a dream. A drop of water fell onto his chest, a tear from her ebony eyes, and in silence they both watched mesmerized as the sun made the tear gleam, turning it into a liquid drop of amber that slowly made its way down his chest.

Haru looked up finally to find her staring at him, her eyes shining almost unearthly in the morning light and for a moment the beauty of the moment took his breath away. A heartbeat long he felt a deep regret that he didn't have a camera within range to freeze this moment in time. But then he doubted that the paper was able to display the magic of the moment. As he saw another tear drip from her chin he took a deep breath.

"Rin?" She looked up at him, her eyes still confused from her dream. "Daijoubu?" She looked at him for a moment before she flashed a sweet smile at him and nodded.

"Daijoubu… Because you're here, daijoubu. I'm fine." He smiled at her and leaned forward to press a soft kiss onto her lips. She pushed her arms around his neck, drawing him closer and the kiss got more intense.

Both of them jumped in shock as the alarm clock sprang to life, announcing that it was time to get up and prepare for another school day. They looked at each other in silence before Rin moved to turn off the clock.

When she turned back to him and smiled a beautiful smile, Haru felt a sudden flash of dread he couldn't explain. It was a feeling as if the sun would come crashing down any moment, destroying their world in a heartbeat. His chest felt so tight he couldn't breathe and a chocked sob escaped his mouth as he crumbled to the mattress under the onslaught of sadness and loneliness.

He distantly heard Rin calling out his name and he could feel her hands on his shoulder, his cheek. As suddenly as the feeling had come crashing over him it left and Haru took a shuddering breath, drawing her into his embrace with an almost brutal movement, pressing his face into her shoulder. Only then did he feel the wetness that ran down his cheeks and he brushed them away with his hand.

"Haru. What's wrong?" He shook his head and pulled back from her slightly.

"Nothing. It's just… I had a sudden feeling. It was as if… as if you know that something really bad will happen and you can't do a single thing to change it." He looked at her in helplessness, not able to put it into better words to explain, but she just smiled and nodded in understanding.

"Most likely nothing is going to happen though." He thought about her words for a moment before he nodded.

"I hope you are right… Let's get ready." He crawled out of his bed, drawing her with him and trodded towards the bathroom to take a shower with his love by his side.

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"Will you come here after school?" Haru embraced her tightly and pushed his fingers through her dark tresses, a habit he had gotten addicted to in their time together.

"Of course. I have more classes than you though, so you'll be back first. You won't get lonely without me, will you?" She smiled up at him and he grinned at her.

"As long as you come back."

"Of course I will. But now I have to hurry. See you later, Haru. Take care." She pressed a swift kiss to his lips and turned around, running away from him towards her school. Before she ran around the corner she stopped and turned back to him, waving and blowing him a single kiss. Haru waved back and Rin sprinted out of his sight. Haru turned in the opposite direction and walked towards his school.

He had almost reached his destination, when he felt a sudden feeling of longing crashing into him, a longing so deep and desperate it made him choke. The feeling of dread was back and he fought the urge to run after his girlfriend, to call out her name like a lost child.

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Rin had almost reached her destination when she heard her cell phone ringing in her bag. Since Haru was almost the only one who ever called her on her cell phone she expected to hear his soft familiar voice as she answered the phone.

"Hello?" She smiled.

"Sohma Isuzu?" The old aunt from the main house. Rin nearly dropped the phone in shock.

"Y-Yes?" Damn it, why was her voice shaking suddenly? Her knees were like pudding and her heart slammed fast in her chest.

"You are to come to Akito-sama right now. It's urgent. He's waiting for you." Without another word the connection was broken and Rin stared at her phone. Why? Did Akito know something? No, he couldn't possibly know anything about Haru and her.

It had been a long time since she was called to Akito's side and never had she been called to an urgent meeting. A sudden wave of longing crashed into her, so deep and desperate it made her choke. A feeling of dread took over and she fought the urge to run after her boyfriend, to call out his name like a lost child.

With a sob she grabbed her bag that had fallen onto the ground and turned towards the main house.

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End of Chapter 13

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**AN:** Okay, so I wanted to skip the part where Rin told Haru that she wanted to be born as Haru's heart, but since MeiLei said in her review that she'd like me to write about it, here it is. Just for you, MeiLei. I hope you liked it.

**A few notes on this chapter:**

Tadaima - means "I'm home", you say it whenever you come home

Okaeri- means "Welcome home", the answer to "Tadaima", the more formal way is "Okaeri nasai"

Itadakimasu – means literally "to get". It implies that you take something from someone who has a higher social status than you, the meaning behind it is more of "I take this even if I'm not worthy". Sounds like something Ritsu would say, huh? It is used as a way to say "Bon appetite".

Shogayaki – Fried pork with ginger, it's very tasty and apparently something Haru likes (see chapter 48). I for one like Tonkatsu better.

Daijoubu – means "I'm fine". As I said in a previous AN, in Japanese Rin said "Haru ga iru kara daijoubu" ("Because Haru is here, I'm fine"). I love this sentence and since it will be mentioned in a future chapter as well, I thought I'd stick to the japanese word.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	14. The abyss

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead…

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 14 – The abyss**

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Rin stood in front of the main house, trying to collect her courage to ring the bell, to enter, to face their god. She could feel her heart slamming fast in her chest and a feeling close to despair made it hard to breathe. Why did Akito call her? Did he knew something about Haru? Had someone seen them? Who?

"Rin?" She jumped in surprise at her name being called. She was so lost in her thoughts that she had completely missed someone approaching her. Even in the tumult of her feelings she recognized the voice though.

"Hiro. What are you doing here?" He smiled at her, but his gaze was searching.

"I'm here for a check-up with Hatori-niichan. Akito's order…" He didn't miss the shiver that went down her spine at the mention of their god's name. "What are you doing here though? Don't you have school?"

"I was… called. Urgent business." His eyes widened and he stared at her.

"You… You didn't do anything wrong, did you? He's not angry at you?" His gaze was intent and deep and Rin had to smile. His gaze was so much like Haru's. In fact, Hiro resembled young Haru in so many ways, it was scary. His gaze, his smile, his eyes, even though Hiro's were a little darker, where Haru's were a warm brown, like wild honey.

"I'll find out soon, I guess. I have to go, Hiro. I don't want to be late. See you." She waved at him and took a step towards the door to ring the bell.

"Rin? Say bye before you leave, okay?" She looked back over her shoulder and saw worry in his eyes. She nodded shortly before she pressed the button. A young maid opened the door and bowed to her formally.

"Welcome, Isuzu-san. Please come in, Akito-sama is already waiting for you. Rin bowed back shortly and uttered a quick "Thank you" as she stepped inside. "Please follow me." She went after the maid, upstairs towards the serpent's lair, also known as Akito's room. When they reached his room at the end of the corridor, the maid kneeled down beside the shouji-door and bowed to Rin again while she slid it open. Rin stepped into the room.

Akito was sitting at a low japanese table, sipping perfectly brewed green tea from a small cup. Rin kneeled down in the formal seiza-position and waited for the god to acknowledge her presence. Akito seemingly wasn't in a hurry to do so, because he continued to sip his tea in small nips, not even looking in her direction, so Rin kept silent. To speak up before her god greeted her was considered incredibly rude and Akito was not known for his soft heart. Rudeness would be punished.

After ten minutes Rin got irritated. As the horse she was bound to movement and the uncomfortable position of the seiza wasn't helping. Of course Akito knew this and he did it to make her uncomfortable. Proud as she was though –another one of the horse's characteristics– she didn't complain and just waited, concentration on breathing regularly.

The silence in the room was almost palpable, only interrupted by the sound of Akito drinking tea. Rin jumped when he sat his cup down onto the wooden table with a heavy thud and finally he threw a look into her general direction. Rin bowed low as was expected of her and remained in this position until her god told her to get up. She heard the rustling of clothes and a few footsteps, indicating that Akito had stood up and walked to the window.

"You may rise." She stood up as well and looked at Akito, dreading his next words.

"You know, Isuzu-san, that family can both be a blessing and a curse, right? No, don't answer that. I will tell you." He paused, looking out of the window into the garden below. "A family is a blessing because it provides safety, comfort and company. But… It can also be a curse, because most of the times you won't be able to keep… secrets from it. You could be… seen." Another pause. Rin gasped for breath. He knew… He knew. But how? When? Who?

"You know I don't like secrets, but what I hate the most is betrayal. I've heard rumors. Can you imagine what they might be about? They're about Hatsuharu and you having a… shall we call it a 'relationship'? Care to tell me if it's true?" He turned around abruptly and Rin felt like fainting. Akito stared at her for a moment.

"The look on your face says everything, I guess. Still, I would like to hear it from you. Is it true?" His sharp gaze was piercing and his eyes full of loathing. Rin took a breath to calm her frantic heartbeat and to answer his question, but all that came out was a strangled sound.

"Tell me!" It wasn't a request, it was an order. An order from god and as such she had to obey.

"Y-Yes."

"I hate women, you know? They are shameless, disgusting. You are disgusting, with that long black hair of yours and the way you dress. You look like a slut. You know, Hatsuharu might have touched you, but I'm sure he was disgusted as well. Who wants to have a slut?" He spat the last word and Rin flinched. Akito walked up to her and leaned forward, capturing her frightened gaze.

"So who of you sweet-talked the other one into it? Who started it all? Who drew my anger? You know I not a nice person when I'm angry. There might be an… accident. Just remember the thing with Hatori's eye." Rin looked up horrified. Even though she knew that Haru was a favoured one and any punishment on him would be nothing compared to what she had to fear, she would never place him in any kind of danger.

"It was me!" She cried those words without hesitation and as soon as she spoke the last word she saw anger flash in Akito's eyes that was as deep and all-consuming as a thunderstorm. It was almost palpable and unearthly. God's anger. It was frightening in its intensity, and when Rin felt the hard slap of his hand it was almost reassuring to know that she was still dealing with a human being.

"That's why I hate women. You really are shameless. How dare you touch my things. Did you think he liked your touch better? Do you think he loves you? Don't make me laugh. Why would he likes you better when he has me – I'm your god. He lives only for me, just like you. Everything about him is mine, everything. One word from me and he'd kill not only you but himself as well."

Akito grabbed the front of her school uniform and pushed her back against the window, the impact made the glass rattle in its frame. Rin heard nothing above the raging rush of her blood in her ears, still his words cut through her like hot knives. Before her eyes everything melted together. Was it Akito who was yelling at her? Her mother? Her father? She couldn't tell any longer and somehow it didn't matter. She just knew that those words hurt. They were salt in wounds from the past. Wounds from long ago, but never forgotten. How did you forget about wounds that were still bleeding?

"He doesn't want you." _We don't want you any longer._

"He doesn't love you." _We don't know how to love you any more._

"He doesn't need you." _We don't need you, so don't come back._

Akito pulled her forward only to push her back sharply, her head colliding against the window hard and Rin felt the glass give way behind her back. Still Akito pushed her forward. A choked sob escaped her lips at the hate she felt in his words, but she was unable to do anything as he pushed her back further. A shard of glass pierced the skin of her shoulder, slicing though her like a hot knife through butter, sinking deeper only to get stuck in her bone.

Rin heard a sickening crunching sound and the glass shard finally broke at it's base, sinking deeper into her flesh, becoming a part of her. A hurtful part of her, just like those newly acquired memories.

"No one needs you." Suddenly there was nothing behind her. As she fell down she was unaware of her cry, the shout of triumph from their god, the breaking cup on the floor, a frightened shout. All she could see was Haru's face. He had wanted her, a person no one needed. That had been happiness.

And while she fell she remembered. Her parents hadn't wanted her any longer. Back then she had thought that it was the end of all her happiness. But now she knew better. Right now, this was the end. The end of a future filled with laughter and love and Haru by her side. The end of a dream, too beautiful to come true. Right now, this was the end of the world.

"Haru…" His name passed her lips in nothing more than a whisper, but in her head her voice was loud and clear and the despair that swung in her tone was defeating, still denying what god had laid out as her future… Loneliness.

When Rin crashed onto the ground she didn't notice anything. She didn't notice the wind blowing around her nor the grass beneath her, she was unaware of the sun shining directly into her eyes that stared up unseeingly and lost into the sky. She didn't hear the crunching sound of glass on stone, didn't feel the pain as the shard pierced itself deeper into her flesh, didn't feel how the bone broke under the sudden pressure.

All she could think about was him. Now it was her time to protect him. Time to break every bind that held him back, the curse, obligation, even their love. As long as he was bound to her, bound to a broken girl, bound to someone who wasn't needed, he wouldn't find his own happiness. This time she would save him, give him the chance to find true love, without pain, without a curse, without secrets and hiding. Without her.

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Hiro sat in front of Hatori's examination room and waited, but his focus was on the stairs that lead up to where Akito had his room. Their god didn't call anyone on urgent business just for fun, much less someone who wasn't a favoured one, least of all Rin. Had Akito somehow found out about Rin's relationship to Haru? If only Rin would come back soon.

He couldn't deny how worried he was. Rin was important to him. She was something like his older sister, if not by blood than at least by emotions. When he didn't know what to do anymore, he'd go to Rin. She was always there for him, would always listen, always have an advice. Even if she didn't show it often he knew she liked him as well. Her harsh words and attitude were a kind of protection against the world, but he knew the real Rin that lay behind those wall.

Hiro jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around.

"Hatori-niichan…" Hatori stared at him searchingly, examining him without words. Maybe it was a habit you picked up from being a doctor. Of course Hatori knew that Rin was being called by Akito, he was their gods doctor and a favoured one after all. And Hatori was a very perceptive person. He knew that to Hiro Rin was something like an older sister, a close family member.

"I hope your worries are unfounded." Hiro stared at him for a moment.

"I hope so too…", he whispered more to himself.

They both turned as they heard a door sliding open further down the corridor and they saw a young maid coming out of the kitchen, a tray with tea and a cup in her hands. The young woman blushed as she saw the two juunishi staring at her. Hatori took a few steps in her direction and she blushed even deeper.

"Is this for Akito-sama?" She nodded hesitantly.

"I'll take this. Thank you." Without another word he took the tray from her and turned around. The young maid tried to protest but Hatori didn't pay attention to her anymore.

"Here. Take this up to him." Hatori gave him the tray and turned back to his room. "Come down here when you are done and don't make him angry." Without a glance he entered his room, leaving Hiro and the maid staring after him. Hiro bowed to the maid shortly.

"Sorry." Then he turned towards the stairs. He smiled as the maid bowed to him deeply, her gaze still somewhat panic-stricken. "Don't worry, I'll bring this up to him."

Silently Hiro thanked Hatori for this. The doctor had just given him the opportunity to make sure Rin was okay. Hatori knew how it felt to worry about someone close to you and he, better than anyone else, understood the fear of loosing someone.

Hiro ran up the stairs, a smile of relief on his face, rushing down the corridor towards their god's room. From here he could hear the angry voice of Akito and his worry only deepened.

"He doesn't want you." Shit. He knew. How did he find out. Hiro took the last steps towards the door.

"He doesn't love you." He balanced the tray in one hand, reaching for the door.

"He doesn't need you." Hiro heard a heavy thud, a crashing sound like something breaking, a cry. Without hesitation he threw the door open.

"No one needs you." The tray fell to the ground, cup and pot shattering on the floor into thousand pieces. A strangled cry escaped him as he ran to the broken window, jumping over shards of glass that littered the floor.

"No one needs you", Akito whispered again and smiled cruelly. Hiro stared down into the garden.

When he saw her lying there on the grass his first thought was that she was beautiful. Her hair and skin was gleaming in the sun, her slim form stretched out in the grass, the tears making her eyes shine almost unearthly as the sun shone onto them.

When the horror of the situation finally sank in he pushed himself, he turned and ran down the corridor, down the stairs. His heart hammered loudly in his chest and the shock seemed to slow down his progress. Every step seemed to take a minute. Hiro ran with all his might, calling for Hatori who had waited in his room and followed him immediately as he heard the young boy's desperate cries.

Both men ran out into the garden.

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Haru sat in his classroom, but he couldn't concentrate. His thoughts would always return to his girlfriend. Not that she wasn't the center of his thoughts most of the time, but today the strange feeling of dread had left him uneasy and shaken. It hadn't washed over him again, but he still longed for her presence now more than ever.

He stared out of the window. From his point of view he could see the whole school yard with its trees around, its wide entrance, the road behind it and an apartment building on the other side of the road. On one of the balconies sat a little boy toddler, playing with a stuffed animal. Haru watched him as he threw it up into the air only to catch it clumsily and press it to his small chest again and again.

Just as the little one had thrown up the animal again his mother stepped out onto the balcony and the boy sprang up and threw his arms up to hug her, knocking the animal over the balustrade in the process.

Haru watched mesmerized as the animal fell and only when it caught the sun did he see what it was. A black horse. A long mane. So much like Rin.

The wind picked up, making the windows of their class room rattle in their frames and Haru heard a voice. He didn't know if it was on the wind or if he just heard it in his head, but it didn't matter. It was a voice he'd recognized anywhere. It was her voice.

"_Haru…_" He sprang to his feet, knocking his chair over and pressed his hands against the window, staring at the falling horse. A cry of denial tore itself from his mouth, slicing through the eerie silence that had befallen his classmates and the teacher at his unexpected outburst.

Haru watched in horror as the horse slammed down onto the ground and for a moment he was paralyzed. Then he turned around, running out of the classroom, down the corridor, out of his school. He didn't hear Momiji's cry, didn't hear their teacher's call, was oblivious to the car that almost knocked him down as he ran out onto the streets without looking left or right. He just ran down the street that led to the Sohma property.

He had to get back, had to get back to her. Something had happened. He didn't know what, but it was terrible. He needed her by his side right now.

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When he arrived at his home he was surprised to find Shigure standing before his door. He stumbled, almost fell down. His legs felt like pudding and his heart was slamming in his chest as he was heaving for breath.

"Shigure… Sensei, what happened?" Shigure looked serious for once, the familiar twinkle that was his trademark gone from his eyes.

"Let's go inside, Haru-kun."

"No, tell me." His voice was husky from the long run but also because fear and despair seemed to strangle him.

"Inside." His tone was final and Haru desperately rummaged for his keys, almost breaking it in the progress of opening the door in his hast. He ushered Shigure inside, slammed the door shut behind him and rushed down the hallway to the living room, not even bothering with taking his shoes off.

"Sit. Talk." Shigure stared at him for a moment before he did as he was told. Then he took a deep breath.

"Rin-chan was hurt. She fell out of a window." Haru stared at him, not quite comprehending his words, not understanding the meaning behind it. All he wanted was to be at her side.

"Where is she?"

"In a hospital." Haru jumped up again, prepared to take another sprint if only it would lead him to his love. He felt disoriented and helpless and she was the only one who would be able to calm him, to bring order back into the chaos of his feelings.

"Where is it?" Shigure looked at him and motioned for him to sit down again.

"You can't see her right now. Don't worry, Hatori is with her. He'll take good care of her." The news finally sank in and Haru sat down again abruptly as his legs gave way beneath him.

"How?" He stared up at Shigure.

"She fell out of a window. I don't know more. She is hurt rather badly. She's unconscious right now. That's why you can't see her yet, the doctors won't let you…" Haru stared at him wide-eyes. Unconscious? One more reason for him to stay by her side. He needed to see her.

"Sensei… I have to see her. I can't… can't…" His voice broke and a dry sob escaped his raw throat. Shigure stood up and put a reassuring hand onto the young man's shoulder. Haru didn't see him walk to the phone, didn't hear anything from the short talk. All he could think about was Rin, the falling horse, her voice on the wind calling his name. She needed him there. He needed to be there.

"You can see her later today, after three o'clock. Hatori will meet you at the reception, so ask for him when you get there. Here's the address." Haru took the small piece of paper from him and stared down at it. "Give Rin my best wishes and take care, Haru-kun." Without another word he left the house, left Haru to stare after him unseeingly, left Haru to count the remaining minutes.

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Haru walked down a street. He was on his way to the hospital, but he had gotten lost again. He knew this part of the city from one of his previous wrong-turn-taken-induced strolls. He sighed. He had left his house at least one hour too early, but the waiting, his gaze almost constantly on the clock on the wall of the living room, counting the minutes had driven him crazy and so he had left. Of course now it was good that he did, because he needed time to find the right way.

He walked around another corner, his gaze directed to the floor, but he wasn't seeing anything. He bumped into several people along the way, but he didn't care. When he passed a small shop he felt his gaze being drawn to it though and on a spontaneous idea he stepped inside. It was perfectly normal to bring a little present when you visited someone in hospital, especially if that someone was your girlfriend, who got hurt badly.

He smiled as he found the perfect gift. A small stuffed animal in the form of a cow, black and white, just like he was in his juunishi form. He remembered how Rin had told him that only in his presence did she feel safe. This animal would keep her company when he wasn't there, although he intended to be there most of the time. He picked up the animal, giving it a critical look, inspecting, before he walked to the counter, paid and turned to leave.

On an afterthought he asked the lady for the way to the hospital. She was friendly and even drew him a little sketch to show him the right way. Haru smiled and bowed in thanks.

Ten minutes later Haru finally stood before the hospital. He still had fifteen minutes left until he was to meet Hatori at the reception. He considered to walk inside on his own, but he never got to make a decision as he heard his name being called.

"Haru-kun." He turned and was relieved to see Hatori walk up to him. They nodded shortly in greeting.

"How is she?" Hatori looked at him intently before he answered.

"Her condition was critical this morning. A shard of glass that stuck in her shoulder had to be removed and the bone needed resetting. She has several other cuts from the glass, some less serious than others. She's awake now though, which is a good sign. Under the given circumstances her condition is not so bad." Haru felt a wave of relief swept over him and his heart felt lighter.

"Follow me." He nodded and walked after Hatori, past the reception, through countless long corridors he would have certainly gotten lost in if he had to walk them on his own. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to Haru, Hatori stopped in front of a door.

"She's inside. Don't take too long, though. She's still weak. I'll wait over there at the sitting area and walk you back out." Without another word Hatori turned, leaving Haru alone in front of the door. He took a deep breath and turned towards the door. With a smile on his face he opened the door.

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End of Chapter 14

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**AN:** Grrr. I had to write this chapter two times, due to a mistake I made. So I remembered the storyline from the first time, but I still liked the first version better… Oh well, it's lost now anyway. I hope you still like it. Please leave a review to cheer me up! I need it!

**A few notes on this chapter:**

Shoji – traditional japanese sliding rice-paper doors, made from a wooden frame covered with rice-paper.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	15. Breaking you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead, only tragedy…

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 15 – Breaking you**

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Haru stepped into the sterile hospital room and quietly shut the door behind him, so as not to wake her in case she was asleep. The room was all white and looked like a prison cell, and Haru knew why Rin hated hospitals so much. When he saw the bed he thought for a long moment that it was empty. Only when she moved to look at him did he see her, so small and fragile in the huge bed. And then their eyes met.

For a long moment he couldn't hear, couldn't breathe. All he could do was see, stare into her eyes, her beloved black eyes that always held such deep emotions, a warm fire of their own. But now, there was nothing. Nothing warm, no emotions. Nothing. Her eyes were… dead.

Haru took a hesitant step forward and was almost relieved when she turned her eyes away from him and stared out of the window once more. Walking to the side of her bed, he inspected her wounds, the scratches, the bandages. Haru remembered Hatori telling him about a shard that had to be removed from her shoulder and his eyes scanned down to her shoulder, but he couldn't see any bandages due to her wearing a hospital shirt.

"Rin." His voice sounded husky and rasping and he flinched at the underlying despair in it. He should be strong for her now. All this time she was strong, and now he would be strong for her. And he would be, he knew that. Whatever she needed, he would do it. If she wanted him to stay here with her, he would stay and if she asked him to take her away, he would do so – even if he would protest, but in the end he would do it. For her.

She didn't look at him and he whispered her name once more. Although he almost feared what he might see in her eyes, he still wanted her to look at him. Surely the look in her eyes hadn't been for real. Maybe the light fooled him, maybe she was still dreaming and hadn't recognized him.

He remembered how Kagura had once asked him how he could spend that much time with Rin when she always looked at you like that – with dead eyes. Haru hadn't understood what she meant back then, because he had never ever seen her eyes like that. For him, her eyes had always held warmth and welcome. It sent shivers down his spine to see her eyes like this now, so cold, so distant.

"Rin?" His voice held a slight tremor now and he reached for her hand, but before he could touch her she moved away as if burnt, surprisingly fast for someone who was still as weak as she was.

"Don't." Her voice was hard, cold, slicing like a sword. His hand still hovered in midair and he stared at her.

"Don't what?"

"Don't touch me." Never had he expected to hear those words out of her mouth. Maybe this was a dream after all. Maybe he was dreaming… a nightmare. He would wake up soon to find her by his side in his bed and then he would kiss her awake before…

"Don't touch me ever again." He still stared at her, uncomprehending, disbelieving, but he moved his hand away, although he couldn't remember a single time where a simple movement had hurt like this. Never before had she told him to stop when he had reached out for her. She had always been there, even back then when they weren't together yet had she always allowed him to touch her, to take her hand maybe or to embrace her. It hurt.

Something was definitely wrong. She would never hurt him. Not like this...

Hurt! That was it. Haru inaudibly breathed a sigh of relief. Of course she was hurting. She had fallen out of a window. That's why she wouldn't let him touch her. How easy it was for him to hurt her with a touch when her whole body was hurting.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you." She looked at him sharply and for a moment he looked into the eyes of his girlfriend, fire, love and everything in her eyes and he smiled. As soon as he did, the moment was gone and her eyes were blank again. He paused a moment and watched her as she turned to look out of the window again.

Maybe it were the painkillers they had given her. Judging by the amount of bandages that covered just her visible body parts they had given her a great dose and they could really make your head fuzzy.

He sighed and remembered that Hatori had told him not to take too long. Rin needed sleep and time to heal. He reached into his bag and took out the stuffed animal. A cow, black and white. Like him. He smiled and was about to give it to her when she turned back to look at him.

"Haru, don't come again." He stared at her blankly and waited. He waited for some kind of explanation that would make it alright.

"I'm…" Her voice trembled and for a moment he thought she was about to cry, but as she continued her voice was steady and hard. It had to be. A voice could be a weapon and if you delivered a blow you had to aim precisely and then strike. Steady and hard.

"I'm tired of you." The strike hit home, right into his heart. "I don't need you anymore." A second hit.

He stared at her. Her word made it hard to believe that this was really happening, that this was really his Rin, his sweet caring girlfriend he was so utterly and helplessly in love with. Her words made it hard to breathe and he swallowed to loosen up the lump in his chest.

He would be strong. He needed to be strong for her. And he had promised that he would do everything that she needed, that she wanted. And if she needed him to leave, he would do so, even if his heart was bleeding with every step he took.

She was the horse after all, she loved her independence. She wasn't meant to be tied down by anything and he wouldn't hold her back.

"I don't need you anymore", she whispered once more and he looked at her and nodded.

"That's… that's good for you, right? You were always… independent." And he smiled at her even though there was a tear rolling down his face, but he didn't bother with wiping it away. Haru took a step towards her and carefully laid the stuffed animal onto the bed beside her. Then he stepped back and this single step alone felt like a mile.

"Get well soon, Rin." He turned and left the room, closed the door quietly behind him and walked down the corridor.

He didn't hear Hatori's call for him to wait, didn't see the nurse who stepped aside in the last moment to avoid bumping into him. He didn't see anything, just walked out of the hospital, down the streets that lead home without taking a single wrong turn, but even this irony was lost on him as he went unseeing towards his house, away from her. Because she didn't need him anymore.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

With a heavy thud he shut the door to his room behind himself. He breathed heavily because he ran pretty much the whole way and his heart was slamming hard in his chest, although it wasn't only because of the physical strain.

For a long moment Haru wondered why his heart was still beating altogether. How could a broken heart still beat? Maybe it was to prolong the torture, to let the victim live through his personal hell.

And hell it was. Never before had he longed for Rin's presence more than he did now. His emotions were a tangled mess and it was only with her close that he could relax to sort this out. Never before had he needed her more. But she wasn't there and she wouldn't be there anymore at all if her words were true. Haru stumbled towards his bed and sank down onto it, fully dressed.

If her words were true or not he didn't know. What he would give for them not to be… But those words had hurt and those wounds were very real, even though only he could feel them, see how they bled. And only he could hear the sound of his breaking heart that she had smashed with her words.

He needed her right now. To help him to calm down. Only she could calm him in this state, so close to where his black side normally breaks loose. Only she was able to draw him back from this edge. But she wouldn't be here anymore.

With a sob he reached for the animal horse that sat unmovingly beside his pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, burrowing his face into the soft black fur. He breathed in deeply, expecting to pick up the familiar scent of Rin, but it wasn't there. And only then did he fully understand the consequences of her words. Only then did he realize that she had left him. His light had left him.

A wave of loneliness and despair came crashing down onto him and he cried, curling up around the horse, but it wasn't the same. What he needed was Rin, her embrace, her presence, her whispered words of her love for him. Even though the horse had always cheered him up before when he had missed Rin, now it wasn't enough. A simple stuffed animal couldn't give this kind of feelings.

A sudden flash of anger and disappointment surged through him. Anger at the horse for being a simple horse, a stuffed animal, anger for not being Rin when she was all he needed. Really, he could live his whole life in misery, he would withstand it all, as long as just Rin was by his side. But now she had left him and he was alone. And this horse couldn't give him the comfort he needed. He needed Rin. And maybe he was even a little angry at her for leaving him alone when he needed her so very much. He grabbed the horse and threw it as hard as he could against the wall with a cry.

As soon as the horse hit the wall his anger was gone and he sprang to his feet, picking it up again and pressing it to his chest, stroking the soft fur and murmuring heartbroken apologies, while his tears fell into the black mane and he sank down to the ground, whispering her name over and over.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Back in the hospital Rin sat in her bed, staring out of the window even though her eyes didn't see anything. All she could think about was him.

When she had told him that she didn't need him anymore, everything had felt so surreal. Surely this couldn't be for real. This had to be some twisted dream. Was it really her mouth speaking those words?

'I don't need you anymore.' Rin almost laughed at the irony. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, she needed him more than ever.

But she had made a promise. A promise to herself and to him, even though she could never tell him about it, because he wouldn't listen, wouldn't understand that it was for the best. The best for him. And he would argue with her and tell her how much he needed her and in the end she wouldn't be able to withstand his pleading eyes so full of love for her and everything would be lost.

No, she couldn't do this to him. Couldn't do this to herself. Because if they continued with their relationship, she knew that Akito would get even more angry than last time, and this time he would take it out on Haru. And it would destroy her.

Even if she was hurt most of her life, she was never destroyed, but seeing Haru hurt because of her would destroy her. Because in the end he was everything to her. That's why she had to protect him from getting hurt, from their god, even from her.

She wanted him to be happy and he could only find real happiness without her. He should be free from everything and then he would find his true happiness and love. A love that had hope and a future. Nothing like their own love.

Of course she wasn't stupid enough to believe that Haru's love for her wasn't true, but it was hopeless. And in the end this hopelessness would destroy it. How could a love survive without hope? It couldn't. Ever.

Rin looked to the door where he had left only minutes ago. It had been so hard, seeing him go. Everything had been hard.

She had never wanted to see this look of utter despair and hurt in his eyes. She had put him through this with her words. She had chosen the words carefully, picking those she knew would hurt him the most. This had been the only way. Had she picked other words, he would have argued, doubted. And in the end he would have talked her out of breaking up with him. And Akito would have had the chance to hurt Haru.

So she had used the most hurtful, most striking words, that were sure to break his heart. And broken it had. She had almost been able to hear it shatter and with his heart, hers had broken as well.

When he had taken a step into her direction, she had feared for a moment that he would embrace her. And would he have, she wouldn't have been able to go through with it as well.

Never in her whole life would she forget this smile he had given her as he wished her a quick recovery. He had smiled. Smiled. At her, the one who had only moments before broken his heart, the one who had ripped out his soul and smashed it back into his face. But this smile had been like his heart. Broken. A broken smile. And even though she knew his words were honest, his eyes had been almost blank.

Not completely, because he was Haru after all, but this smile hadn't reached his eyes. It had gotten lost somewhere between his broken heart and his ripped out soul.

"Oh, Haru. I wish you'll find your happiness soon", she muttered brokenly and tears rolled down her cheeks.

Finally she turned her gaze to the stuffed animal he had laid down beside her. For a moment she didn't react at all, but then she reached out for it, caressed the soft fur carefully and picked it up. A cow, black and white. Like him. Haru.

In the next instance she pressed the cow against her chest, burrowing her face into the black and white fur and cried. Never before in her life had she cried like this. Never before had she felt so lost. Not even when her parents abandoned her. Never.

Nothing hurt like being separated from him. Haru.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 15

°°°°°°°°°

**AN:** So here is chapter 15, beta-ed version! Anyway, a really short chapter for me, but it did come out this way and I think it's okay. I hope you liked it even if I'm really, really happy when I can write about happier times again.

I apologize for the cliffy in the previous chapter, devilstail.

Also, to clear thing up, since MeiLei asked: This story will be 35 or 36 chapters long. As I stated in the first chapter, it follows the storyline of the manga until the end of vol. 18. Back then I hadn't read any further. Now I have, but I decided to keep my own storyline. So from then on this story will be AU, but I'll try to keep everyone in character as best as I can.

Notes on this chapter: Err… I don't think there's something special to mention. If I'm wrong, just tell me and I'll explain.

Please leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	16. Walking on the edge

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

°°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 16 – Walking on the edge**

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Haru awoke to the sun shining directly into his face and the annoying beeping sound of his alarm clock announcing that it was time to get ready for school. He shifted on his bed with a groan and for a moment he felt completely disoriented. Why was he still completely dressed? And why was he laying in his bed with his feet buried under his pillow and his head on the end of the mattress?

He blinked and his gaze fell onto the stuffed animal horse he was cradling close to his chest, the black fur gleaming in the sunlight and the unseeing eyes glowing a deep brown color. He smiled and for a moment he felt as if he missed something important. Something that had happened. Something that had changed his life.

And then the memories came crashing back into him. The hospital, the bed, her eyes, so empty, so dead, then her voice, cutting, crushing, slicing, hurting. And then the sound of his breaking heart.

For a long moment the memories took his breath away and he wondered if he would maybe just stop to breathe altogether and drop dead here and now. It seemed preferable to what lay ahead of him if he continued to live.

A life without her. Without Rin. A life without love and trust and laughter. It was a life Haru couldn't imagine at all. What was life like without her by his side? She had always been there. Always. It was unthinkable to live without her.

Haru looked down onto the stuffed animal horse, brushing a strand of the dark mane aside before he pressed a soft kiss to the horse's muzzle.

"I can't do this without you." His voice was barely a whisper, but in his tone laid all the emotions he felt. He quickly got to his feet and made his way towards the bathroom before he would start to cry again. This was not the time to cry.

He had promised himself to be strong for her, and her wish was that he left her alone. He couldn't do that completely, he just couldn't. But he would try to go without her as long as he could. Which, he admitted to himself, wasn't very far. But he would try. For her.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He stared out of the window, just as he had the last time he sat here. As he had watched the stuffed animal horse fall from the balcony from the very same apartment building he was staring at now. Had it really been only yesterday that his world had been perfect?

Hadn't he just some time ago talked with Rin about how everything perfect had to come to an end? Now he knew it was the truth. He was the living evidence, because he lived that shattered perfection now. And shattered he was. Inside.

The sun shone through the windows directly into his face, but he didn't look away. He just stared at the building, wishing for yesterday.

He wasn't completely oblivious to the occasional glances from Momiji who sat quietly beside him, but otherwise remained silent. He noticed the strange stares he got from his classmates. No wonder, they most likely thought him to be crazy after his display yesterday. He even saw the glares he got from the teacher for not paying attention, because it was obvious he didn't hear a single word from the lesson.

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered to him anymore. Just her. She had always been the only thing in his life that really mattered. And now she was gone. Just like that. In the blink of an eye. It was just a matter of a few words.

'_I don't need you anymore._' This was all it took. Nothing more. She didn't need him anymore.

Haru looked down quickly, to stop the sudden sting in his eyes. He would certainly not cry in school.

"Haru?", Momiji whispered softly. "Daijoubu?" Haru didn't answer. Momiji couldn't know what an explosion of emotions he set loose inside of him.

'_Daijoubu… Because you're here daijoubu._' Haru choked and bit his lip, turning to fix his gaze on something outside, something to think about, something other than the nagging pain in his chest and the burning sensation in his stomach.

He was so preoccupied with staring that he didn't even notice the bell announcing the end of this class, didn't notice some of his classmates leaning back in their seats with a sigh. He didn't even notice the girls behind him casting worried glances at him.

"Momiji-kun, what's wrong with him?", Kasumi asked and Momiji just shook his head and shrugged.

"I don't know. He doesn't answer. I think we better leave him alone." Kasumi looked at her friend Tomoko and shrugged.

Haru stared at the apartment building again. His gaze was suddenly fixed on the very same balcony as yesterday as the boy toddler came out onto it again – the animal horse under his arm. Haru couldn't turn his gaze from the horse. Black gleaming fur in the sun, just like her. Just like Rin… God, how could even thinking her name hurt like this?

"Hatsuharu-kun, daijoubu?" A hand touched his shoulder and he whirled around, coming face to face with Tomoko with her chin-length dark hair and brown eyes. But Haru didn't see her. In his mind there was another girl, a young woman with beautiful long black hair, the color of a raven's feather. Her eyes so black, like endless holes, full of warmth and fire and love. And her voice, so sweet and melodic, like the nickname she got because of her name… Rin.

Haru sprang to his feet, staring unseeingly at the girl before him. For a moment he didn't move, but then he turned abruptly, staring out of the window towards the boy toddler. The horse was being thrown in the air again, just like yesterday.

Just like Rin had been. Falling. For a crazy long moment Haru wondered why Rin couldn't be the bird of the juunishi. Then she could have flown and she would have reached the earth without getting hurt. And maybe then she would still need him. Maybe it was the shock of the fall why she didn't need him anymore.

He could still hear her voice calling to him on the wind, softly, almost too distant to be heard. But he heard it loud and clear. Her voice in his head.

'_Haru… Haru…_'

With a cry he smashed his fist down onto the table. He was surprised for a moment when he heard a cracking sound and the table broke apart, splintering under his fist. It was only a moment Momiji saw his despair, only a moment before Momiji cried for everyone to get out. Only a moment before Haru noticed the heavy sound of his heartbeat thumping in his ears, before he noticed his blood rushing and everything in his world went utterly black.

He didn't even try to stop it, because he just knew it was no use. No one could stop him like this. No one, except maybe her, Rin. She could stop him with nothing more than a few words.

'_Haru, stop it. It's okay._' That was all it took. Just five little words to make his world right again and stop his descent into blackness. Five words. It had only taken five words to destroy it as well. His world. Only five words.

'_I don't need you anymore._' Just five words. His world was a five-word-world. But five words from her meant the world to him and now he had to live without her and her five-words-truths. And he just couldn't find the right words to make his world right again.

A sound of crashing wood again. And again. Splintering, tearing, breaking. Just like his world. This classroom was his world and it was falling apart. His world was crashing down and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. Because only she could, but she had taken the words with her as she left him.

The screeching sound of breaking glass let him stop for a moment and he stared at the window he had broken. The wind blew inside and he listened for her voice again, but it was gone. Like her. She had left him in this utterly black and broken world. There were no words to describe the mixture of utter despair and longing he felt as reality caught up on him. She had left him.

And a guttural cry tore itself from his mouth.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Even before Yuki and the others entered the classroom Haru knew they were coming. It was to be expected after all. He knew Yuki somehow felt responsible for keeping him in check should he turn black, even though they both knew he couldn't stop him in the end. But then Yuki didn't know about Rin.

"Hey, you damn ox." Kyou's voice sounded annoyed, at him, but Haru didn't care.

"Haru, what are you doing?" He could hear annoyance in his voice as well, even though he knew it was not directed at him but rather at the girls of his class outside, swooning over him. Yuki didn't like the attention he got, not in that way. Maybe Yuki needed someone as well. Like he needed Rin for his happiness. For a moment Haru actually got even more angry, at Yuki this time for making him think about her, when all his thoughts were about her anyway.

"What does it look like?", he hissed back, his voice dripping with mockery and he laughed as he saw the shock at the damage he had caused on Tohru's face. A shiver ran down his spine at the sound of his laughter. Never had he made a sound like this. It was a cruel sound, like something directly from hell, a tortured cry mixed with insanity. Never had he heard nor made a sound like that, but then again never before had he felt like this before. Never had he been without Rin in his life. Never.

"That's the hardest 'case' of black we ever had…", Yuki remarked more to his friends than to Haru, but still he was agreeing silently. It couldn't be more true.

"Cut the crap, ox. When you make trouble, we'll have to deal with the consequences as well", Kyou growled at him.

"Stuff it, kitty. The biggest trouble is your existence." Haru stared at him hard. Maybe if he could enrage Kyou enough, he would fight with him. He needed to punch something and if this something was Kyou, who could actually fight back, making the fight only last longer… all the better.

"Don't let him provoke you, Kyou", Yuki mumbled and Haru really longed to lunge at him instead.

"Such sympathy, princess. Are you afraid I might transform in school and blow the big secret?" Everything in their life was about secrets. Their curse, their family ties, their emotions… Rin's and his relationship was a secret as well… had been.

"That's not it, Haru. It's…"

"Damn! It would be better to just blow it! Just look at you all! This whole secret business is a big load of shit!", Haru cried hoarsely. Had there been someone who knew him really well, someone like Rin… She would have heard the underlying despair in his voice. Haru took a sudden step towards Tohru.

"You think so as well, don't you?" Before he could say anything else Kyou's fist made contact with his jaw and Haru could have cried in triumph. Finally.

"Leave her alone."

"Don't play the damn hero, kitty cat." Without another word they lunged at each other, but just as Haru's fist met Kyou's stomach a bucket of water was emptied over their heads. Haru didn't hear anything of the following short conversation, everything he felt was emptiness.

The water had been like being thrown into ice water, he felt the waves of them closing over him as he drowned in the sea that was his own reality of loneliness and despair. There was no hope left. Nothing.

He made a sound of something like agreement as he heard the teacher… who was it anyway? It was not one of his teachers!… tell him to go to staff room and just walked away, leaving Yuki and Kyou staring after him while the water dripped down from his hair over his cheeks, concealing the few tears that mingled with the water while they ran down his face.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru sighed internally as he exited the staff room and immediately turned to see Yuki, Tohru and Momiji waiting for him. Not that he didn't like them around, that certainly wasn't the case. But right now, all he wanted was to be alone. He didn't want anyone to witness his misery and so he just told them shortly what the teacher said, apologized to Tohru and went for some peace and quietness.

He walked by the classroom on his way and stared at it. Everything was neat and clean, no broken chairs or tables in sight – not a single intact one as well at that – and only the broken glass told of his outbreak. He stared unseeingly at the glass shards that still stuck in the frame. Shards, like Rin had had in her shoulder. He reached out for a rather sharp looking piece of glass, but Yuki's voice stopped him.

"Haru?"

"What do you want?" His voice was strained. He didn't need to talk right now. Not about what had happened. He couldn't talk about it. About her. He just wanted to bury her and the memories of their time together inside of his heart, so that no one could touch them, no one could see them, could not even talk about them. He wanted her all for himself. He had always wanted her just for himself.

"What happened, Haru? Did someone…"

"Why do still call Honda-san Honda-san, Yuki? Why don't you call her Tohru, like Kyou does?" He wouldn't let anyone touch his memories about Rin. They were just for him to remember. Yuki blinked at the sudden change of topic.

"I… That's not important right now. What's important is you! Really, Haru. You are too kind, always thinking of others first. You should be thinking about you right now…" Haru stared at him wordlessly. And then it was his time to blink.

"Well, I guess I am thinking about me. Otherwise I would hardly go black and trash the place, don't you think?" They stared at each other and Yuki sighed. Right, this was Yuki. The one with the broken soul, the one who had been broken by Akito. Someone who maybe could understand after all, someone who was closest to being his best friend, if this title didn't go to Rin.

He had lost her. Not only his girlfriend, his lover, his reason to live, his light, his heart, his happiness. But he had lost his best friend as well, the one who always understood, the one who listened, the one who just knew everything about him. Haru leaned against the wall heavily.

"She… she left me." Talking about it was hard. Talking about it meant that it was real and it was hard to face this reality. Even though he stared at the floor he could still feel Yuki's unspoken question in the air.

"Rin." He heard a gasp from Yuki as Haru said her name, voicing it with so much love and care, but Haru didn't wait for Yuki to ask question and just continued. He would just tell him something. Not the entire truth, because he just couldn't talk about it, couldn't face this reality yet. Yuki didn't know him like Rin did, so he couldn't tell his white lie.

"When she told me, I felt nothing…" Lie!

"Nothing at all…" Lie!

"But with time, I got angrier and angrier…" Still a lie. This time turning black wasn't caused by anger at all. Haru couldn't continue like this and he fell silent, getting lost in his emotions and the memories of Rin.

"At least we are both cursed…", he mumbled and he didn't even realize he had said it out aloud until Yuki spoke up.

"Does Akito know?" Haru shook his head no.

"We dated in secret. We did… everything in secret… I think Shigure-sensei knows, though. But he wouldn't tell…" Haru slid down to the floor, his strength suddenly gone as another wave of loneliness swept over him.

"Since the accident… she isn't the same anymore. I don't know what she's thinking anymore." He paused, choking a sob as he clenched his fingers hard.

"She just… left me… shed me on the way." His voice was barely above a whisper and Haru was sure Yuki couldn't even hear what he was saying anymore.

'_I don't need you anymore._'

"Why?… Why did she say it?" His voice was trembling now and he dropped his head into his arms, so Yuki couldn't see the despair on his face.

"I miss her… I can't… can't help it… I just… love her." The last sentence was nothing more then a silent breath. Too silent for anyone to hear, even for him. It was too intimate to voice out loud, too vulnerable a spot to speak about it. Still it was the truth.

"And… And what are you planning to do now?" Yuki sounded hesitant, obviously unsure if asking a question now was the right thing to do.

"I'm waiting for my 'punishment'. Although mom is more likely to laugh her head off…"

"That's not what I meant." Haru sighed.

"I know. But what can I do?" There was nothing he could do. Nothing at all, except waiting for her to come back to him. He wasn't good at waiting, but for her he would wait until the world came to an end. Because without her he was lost anyway. He would just wait.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Inside the hospital, Rin laid in her bed, staring out of the window even though there was nothing particularly interesting to stare at. She was just staring, her gaze just unseeing.

Lying here was hard. As the horse she wasn't good at keeping still anyway and knowing she shouldn't move as well as the pain that came with every movement wasn't helping.

She sighed and stroked the stuffed animal cow absentmindedly. Strange as it seemed, it was soothing to have it here. As if a part of Haru was there with her, flowing in the air around her. She could feel him when she closed her eyes, but she didn't do so, because every time she did, she saw his eyes. His eyes were so wounded and broken, and she wanted to cry.

But now wasn't the time to cry. She had to stay strong. For him. She needed her energy to find a way to break the curse. She needed to break it, so he could find his happiness, even though she wouldn't be there to see it. And until he did, she couldn't see him, mustn't see him. Because in the end, she was weak and she couldn't withstand should he seek her out. No, she needed to stay away from him, even if she got herself killed in the process.

Maybe they would meet again somewhere in the future. When he was an all grown up man, of course he would still be an extremely handsome one. He had always been good-looking. And he would have a beautiful, friendly, open-minded wife, maybe one or two children that had his face.

And they would smile at each other, his wife and him, with love in their eyes. The same love his eyes held for her now, would be directed at another person and when he looked at Rin, he would only look friendly, but without love.

Rin hastily wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks. She had to stay strong. For him. And until he found his strength, his love no longer in her, only then could she face him again. Because she couldn't walk away from him. From his eyes, when they looked at her with nothing but love shining in them.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

As soon as he entered his room, he sank down onto his bed with a sigh. He was glad his parents would come back late at night today, so he could pretend to already be asleep. He would need every hour he could get to sort out his emotions. He knew he most likely couldn't fool his mother, but she was tactful enough to not ask him questions he obviously didn't want to answer.

He turned his head and reached for the stuffed animal horse.

"Well, horsey. Seems like it's just you and me for a while…" His voice was still husky.

"You know, she won't be coming for some time I guess… But someday…" A sob.

"Someday, I'll get her back… I swear…" Another sob.

"She… she promised… She promised that –should we ever be free of this damn curse-, she'd let me make my promise… to give myself to her… completely." He hid his eyes under his arm.

"You know, horsey… I wish she would have let me make this promise already… There's nothing more I want than to be… hers." He didn't wipe away the tears that fell into the pillow.

"What am I doing? Talking to a stuffed animal…" He chuckled, a dry sound that spoke of pain. And with a heavy sigh he rolled onto his side, curling around the horse. His gaze fell onto a framed photo on his nightstand. It was the two of them, smiling sweetly and he involuntarily smiled back at her. He wanted to see it again, directed at him. This sweet smile.

But right now, all he had was memories. The only thing he had left of her.

"Rin…" Her name was whispered in a flash of longing and he closed his eyes. Maybe he could sleep. Maybe he would dream about her. Maybe in his dream she would smile at him and take him in her arms. Maybe in his dreams he could live the love he felt. Maybe in his dreams they could be free…

Maybe in his dreams he would find this piece of heaven.

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End of Chapter 16

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**AN:** So here is chapter 16. I hope you like it, even if there is nothing but tragedy. Sniff. Still, we have to go through with it. So, please stay with me and the story until the end, ne? I promise, I'll try everything I can to make it worthwhile.

Please tell me what you think and leave a review, okay? I'm drawing life from reviews and without them I lose my motivation to write. So take pity in me and click the button, please!

Until next time, Joey-chan


	17. Picking up the pieces

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead, only some mentioning…

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 17 – Picking up the pieces**

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"Good morning, Isuzu-san. Did you sleep well? How are you feeling this morning?" A cheerful nurse came bustling into Rin's room, not even pausing to let Rin greet her back –not that she would have had anyway- or answer her question. She just rambled on and on.

"I think the doctor told you that today you'll get you stitches removed. And then, soon you can go home. Isn't this great? Only if the doctor says it's okay, of course. But now you have to eat breakfast." Rin turned her gaze away from the nurse – what was her name again? Akiko?- and looked out of the window.

Going home? Yes, wasn't this great? Not really. Not when there wasn't a real home awaiting her. Kagura'a house wasn't home, she was just staying there. She didn't have a home anymore. The only time she felt like being home was with Haru in his room.

His room, the furniture, the bed, everything in it was so familiar to her that it was the closest she could get to feeling like being home. Maybe it was because it had Haru practically written all over it. Haru…

"Now, won't you eat? You have to, Isuzu-san. You lost a lot of weight. This is not healthy." Rin turned back towards the nurse and nodded slowly. A sigh was all the answer she got from the woman in white hospital uniform. They both knew she wouldn't eat, but she just smiled at Rin anyway and left after setting the tray down onto the table.

Rin stared at the meal and tried to keep her protesting stomach under control. No, eating was obviously not an option right now. She pushed the tray aside and laid down in her bed. Only a few moments later someone knocked on her door though, and she sat up in annoyance again. Could this be the doctor already? The door opened.

"Good morning, Isuzu-chan." Kagura walked inside, smiling at her. Rin stared at the boar in silence before her eyes fell down onto a bunch of flowers in Kagura's hand.

"Those are for you. So you get well soon." Without preamble Kagura grabbed a vase that had been standing on a small shelf in the corner of the room and filled it with water, arranging the flowers carefully. Then she smiled at Rin again and placed the case on her nightstand. Rin had to admit the flowers were beautiful, but she wasn't in the mood to talk with Kagura right now.

"Don't you have school?", Rin asked and her voice sounded considerably harsher than she intended.

"No, I was excused by mom, so I could visit you." Kagura looked around and wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"This room looks like a prison…" For a moment neither one of the said anything.

"What do you want, Kagura-chan?" Rin's voice sounded resigned and Kagura sighed.

"Nothing much. I was just worried and I wanted to see you, really." She paused for a moment. "You know, I was wondering who else comes to visit you here… Mom told me that Hiro-san and Kisa-chan came by, even Ayame-niichan was here, right?" Rin nodded slowly, already dreading where this would be going in the end.

"And Hatori-niichan was here of course. He's a doctor after all…" Another pause and Rin sighed silently.

"I was just… I mean… what about…" Kagura looked at her intently. "What about… Haru-kun? He came by so often before and now… now he doesn't even visit you in hospital? That's not like him." Rin looked away, clenching her fingers into the blanket.

"Should I go talk to him?" Rin's head snapped back towards the boar and they stared at each other. "I mean, do you want him to come?"

"No." Rin's voice was slicing now and her eyes were full of an emotion Kagura didn't understand.

"But… you and him, you were always close, so I thought…"

"Don't, Kagura-chan. Don't go talk to him, don't even think about it." Her words had a sound of finality and Kagura didn't argue any further. Her gaze fell onto the black and white stuffed animal cow that laid innocently beside Rin's pillow, half hidden by the blanket. She chose not to comment on it.

"You… you haven't eaten yet. Don't you like it?" Kagura motioned towards the untouched tray. "You should eat something… you look… thinner than before." Her words were chosen carefully and Rin almost had to laugh at the irony.

Thinner than before? Indeed. Only that Rin had been thin before as well. Now she looked as if she hadn't eaten in weeks, which of course was almost true. The doctors regularly forced down some kind of nutrient liquid down her veins, but it didn't keep her from losing weight. Her hip bones stood out prominently, her ribs were painfully visible and her stomach was hollow.

Rin looked down at her hands, even her fingers looked kind of spidery. And colorless. She was much too pale and it was visible not only on her hands, but on her face as well. The first time Rin had been able to look into a mirror, she had been shocked herself. And she kept seeing this look mirrored on her visitor's faces. Only Haru hadn't looked at her like this. His eyes had held nothing but concern. Haru…

"I'm not hungry…", Rin mumbled and looked towards the window again.

"But… okay." Kagura sighed. She knew it was no use to force Rin to eat. If she was forced to, she wouldn't be able to hold it down anyway.

"Maybe you would like something else? Should I get you something? Some cereals, or even chocolate?" Kagura was sweet in her obvious eagerness to cheer her up, but it was no use. Rin just shook her head no and even managed a little pained smile.

"No… but… thank you, Kagura-chan." She looked at the boar and for a moment Rin thought that maybe they could have become good friends, if it wasn't for her blocking every friendly act of Kagura. She just smiled in return.

Kagura had always looked up to Rin in some aspects. Rin was two months older than her, but sometimes she seemed so much more mature. Kagura admired her ability to go on, no matter what life threw in her way. And there had been a lot in the past. The boar doubted that she could have just lived on, would she have been abandoned by her parents at such a young age.

And even though Rin wasn't someone you could get along with easily, she still held a certain fascination to Kagura. Although the horse could give you nightmares with those eyes of hers, so endlessly deep and black as if they could suck out your soul. Yes, Kagura was fascinated by her, but she didn't like spending too much time around her. She had often wondered just how deep this relationship with Haru went, if maybe they were more than friends after all.

But then, Kagura couldn't really imagine Rin in any situation than involved physical closeness and Haru was much too young for such things anyway. He was just fifteen, after all. Although he would turn sixteen soon, during the rapidly approaching summer holidays. There were just two weeks of school left, filled with exams and tests. For Rin and Kagura, it was their last year at highschool.

"Will you… be out of hospital soon? You know, the final tests are coming up quickly and the teachers are all rather anxious and… I brought you some stuff from school." With that she rummaged through her bag and pulled out a neat collection of papers and a few books.

"Don't exaggerate. Finals are in march next year…", Rin huffed, but Kagura didn't listen.

"Oh… and… I found this in your desk while I searched for the school books… it looks… as if you would like to have it." With that, she laid down a framed photograph on the pile of books. Rin looked up sharply, recognizing the frame without really looking at it. It was the photo of Haru and her. They had made this in a photo booth on some spontaneous idea.

It was a sweet picture of the time when they were still together, Rin was hugging Haru from behind, smiling over his shoulder, while he had turned his head to press a soft kiss on her cheek. Originally, Rin had planned to destroy the picture, because it was too much of evidence, too dangerous to keep. But she had never been able to do it. Haru simply looked too sweet on it. So she had kept it, framing it and hiding it deep in the drawers of her desk.

"You shouldn't go through my things." Rin said sharply and stared at Kagura, who blushed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just found this before I found your books. It's… It's a sweet picture…" Kagura stood up abruptly. "I'll be going now. Call mom when you are released, so we can pick you up, okay? And try to eat, so you'll get a little stronger." She turned and reached for the door, but on an afterthought she turned around again, looking at Rin.

"You know… I've never seen you smile like you did in this picture. Whatever it was that made you so happy, make sure you keep it… see you at home soon, Isuzu-chan." With a short wave she was gone and Rin exhaled a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"Too late for this, Kagura-chan." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Then her eyes turned back to the pile of books and papers on her table… and to the picture. She reached for it, staring down at the two of them.

"Oh, Haru…", was all that escaped her lips before she clenched her jaws tightly together, refusing to let the tears that had gathered in her eyes fall.

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Haru sat in his room, sprawled on his chair, his feet propped up on his low table. His attention was focused on the TV as he played a video game and so he didn't notice someone hesitantly knocking on his door, not even the second time, before the door was slowly pushed open.

Only when someone spoke his name rather insistently did he realize he wasn't alone anymore and he looked around, staring wordlessly at Yuki, who looked anything but comfortable.

"Whoa, you look exactly like Yuki." It was a lame joke and Haru knew so himself. It was just that he didn't know what else to say. He could almost guess why Yuki was here, and Haru didn't want to speak about Rin. Not with Yuki, not with anyone. Rin was his secret, although it wasn't a secret anymore – not to Yuki. Still, he couldn't talk about her, didn't want other people to make him poke his fingers in the wounds she left on him.

And even though those wounds hurt like hell, he still loved them. Because she had made them. He got it really bad and he still loved her. He never would stop loving her, that he was certain of. Rin wasn't just a simple crush for him, but the love of his life. She was the woman of his dreams, the woman he wanted to spent the rest of his life with, the woman he wanted to have a future with and children.

"I _am_ Yuki, you idiot", came the slightly growling reply and Haru almost had to grin.

"Then what are you doing here? This is really close to the main house, you know?" Yuki sighed at Haru's words and nervously looked around as if he expected Akito to suddenly stand behind him.

"I know. I was just… worried about you. You didn't come to school today..." Haru turned away from him, thinking about his words before he answered.

"I skipped…" Haru grinned up at him in a faked smile before he rummaged through his drawers and pulled out a camera.

"Let's take a picture to remember this." He stood beside Yuki and lifted his free hand in a peace sign. "Come on, Yuki. Make 'peace' too." Yuki sat down on Haru's bed and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"You seem to be fine, now. I mean, this thing with Rin..." For a moment Haru stared at him wordlessly. Could he really believe that he was fine just like this after the love of his life left him?

"Oh, I was only completely engrossed in this game. But yes. I'm fine for now." It wasn't a complete lie, it just wasn't the entire truth. He wasn't fine, far from it. He just wasn't getting worse right now, because, honestly, he thought it really couldn't get any worse. Yuki looked at him wordlessly and Haru sighed.

He watched as Yuki looked around, for a moment examining the picture of Rin and Haru that stood on his nightstand, then spotting the stuffed animal horse beside his pillow. Yuki reached for it, but Haru sprang to his feet.

"No!" The rat looked at him in shock but pulled his hand back again. Haru stared at Yuki in surprise himself. He hadn't really expected such a strong reaction, but when Yuki had reached for the horse, it was as if he would destroy something… holy, should his fingers make contact. Yuki nodded in confusion, but Haru could see that his brain was already putting the pieces together.

"I'll try to keep myself in check, okay? I… I won't give up just like this. Rin… she doesn't know… how much she means to me." The last sentence was almost a whisper.

"That's… that's good. Don't give up. You know, Rin is…"

"Same goes for you!", Haru interrupted quickly, before Yuki had a chance to continue talking about Rin. It was something Haru couldn't stand right now. He didn't want people talking about their relationship, not even thinking about it. It was something Haru wanted for himself completely. No one should pry into this. No one.

Yuki blinked at him in confusion at his outbreak and he drew back as he thought for a moment that he saw a flash of anger in Haru's eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you don't give up, you can call her by her first name soon as well." Haru sat back and relaxed a little as he felt Yuki breathe in sharply. He wouldn't talk about Rin anymore for now.

"Could you stop this? This is none of your business…" Yuki's voice sounded even a little angry and Haru had to smile.

"Are you still too shy?"

"Yes. Happy now?" Haru chuckled and grabbed the camera again.

"Fine. Come now. One picture." Yuki sprang to his feet and walked to the door.

"I have to go. See you in school." With that Haru was alone again and he threw the camera aside. There wasn't a film inside anyway.

With a sigh he went to his bed and reached for the stuffed animal, drawing it close to his chest, burying his face into the soft fur.

"I'm sorry, love. I just… couldn't let him touch you." Haru took a deep breath and looked up towards his nightstand, where the picture of Rin and him stood. Both of them were smiling. It sent a wave of longing through him and he pressed the stuffed animal closer to his chest.

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For the second time today someone knocked on Rin's door and she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Yes?" Her voice sounded rather husky with disuse. The door opened and Hiro stepped into her room.

"Rin." His face was expressionless, but Rin knew him too well to not notice the happy gleam in his eyes. "How are you?" She managed a small smile and motioned for Hiro to sit down on the edge of her bed. He nodded, but first went to grab a vase, but found it gone. Looking around he spotted the vase already in use on her nightstand.

"Someone was here today?" Rin nodded.

"Kagura-chan came by and brought me some school stuff. Go ask the nurse for another vase. I guess she would be more than happy to help. She's always so eager…" Hiro laughed at her huff and walked out to find the nurse.

Rin leaned back in her bed and listened to the almost familiar sounds of the hospital, the faint voices outside, the sound of footsteps and some consistent beeping noises. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to walk out of this building and never return.

Hiro came back and placed a second vase on her nightstand. Then he sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"I heard they are releasing you soon?" He tilted his head and looked at her. Rin nodded.

"Yes, they removed the stitches today and the doctor said it was okay for me to go home, although I think he was worried about my…" She stopped and looked away.

"About your weight?", Hiro finished her sentence.

"How did you guess?"

"I'm not blind, you know? I can see that you lost weight. And obviously you are not eating properly, otherwise you wouldn't look like a ghost. I can practically see your ribs from over here." Rin sighed.

"I just… can't." Hiro sighed as well.

"It's okay, I think. Just try, okay? I don't… I don't want to lose you, onee-chan, you know?" He took her hand and again Hiro reminded her so much of Haru that she could have cried then and there. But she smiled at him.

"I'll try… I promise, little brother." Hiro smiled brightly at her. Then they both turned serious again.

"What did you do about… you know… about Haru?" Hiro stared at her intently and didn't miss the flash of despair in her eyes. "So, you broke up with him?" The tears that gathered in her eyes were all the answer he needed and he took her into his arms without hesitation.

"It's okay, Rin. It's better this way." Rin hugged him back and he was painfully aware of every single bone he could easily feel through her shirt. He held her for a few minutes until she drew back and looked out of the window.

"About the curse… Do you really want to…" He was interrupted by her voice full of determination.

"I'll break this damn curse. I don't know how to do it, but I won't give up. Right now, Gure-nii is my last chance, but maybe I'll find something else." Hiro nodded and shifted on the mattress.

"If I can help, just tell me." Rin took his hand in thanks and pressed it slightly. They shared a moment of comfortable silence.

"It's summer already…", she whispered as she looked outside again and Hiro nodded slightly.

"This will be a really lonely summer." Her voice was so soft that Hiro wasn't sure if he hadn't only imagined it, but he pressed her hand slightly anyway.

"I'm not Haru, but I'm here for you, Rin." And he watched as a single tear made its way down her cheek.

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Haru was sitting at the low table in Shigure's house, a plate of Shogayaki before him while Momiji was making plans for the summer holidays. Tests were over and done, and weeks of nothing but freedom lay before them. Not that Haru cared or paid attention to Momiji's talk. His thoughts were on Rin again, like they had been all day.

When the teacher finally had let them go, Haru had practically ran outside. Ever since her accident, he had felt uncomfortable while he sat in his place in the classroom, his gaze creeping to the apartment building over and over again. He was actually afraid of what he might see, every time he did so.

Today had been a really bad day for him. The night had been… good, he admitted. He had had a rather vivid dream. A dream that surely came from his longing, because he had dreamt about her, embracing her, kissing her and making love to her.

His dream had been so lively that he had woken up gasping for breath and covered in sweat, with a raging erection. The feeling of her had still been so tangible, that he had really believed her to be there with him in his bed, and the pictures his desperate mind had conjured up had still danced before his eyes. He had been unable to hold off the explosive orgasm that took hold of him, his back arching in unexpected pleasure as he had cried out her name.

He had come into his pants and had made an impressive mess, although he hadn't even touched himself. When he had finally fallen back into the pillow, shaking and trembling, he had reached for her only to finally realize that she wasn't there, and a wave of loneliness had nearly drowned him. Unable to hold his tears back anymore, he had curled up around the horse and the blanket, where she was supposed to lie, smiling at him and teasing him about how little it had taken to set him off.

It wasn't the best way to start a day and Haru had had a terrible headache all morning. Then the uncomfortable feeling as he sat in his place, the feeling of sheer longing he felt whenever someone asked him if he was okay… Everything had been too much, and he had fled the classroom as soon as possible, stopping only when he reached the green before the school. And that's where Yuki and the others had found him, dripping wet from the sprinkler.

He had walked to town with them, because he wanted to be distracted, wanted his thoughts to be focused on something else for now, but somehow it wasn't working. He was still thinking about her all the time, imagining how she would react in some situations and what she would have said, would she have been with them.

For a moment Haru almost smiled as he imagined how Rin would have looked, had she been standing before the horror house. As the horse she was strong, stubborn and fast. But as the horse she was also extremely easily frightened and jumpy, sudden movements and loud unexpected noises freaking her out quite badly.

Had Rin been with them, she would have been even more afraid than Tohru had been. To make things worse, Tohru with her shrieks and cries would have made things worse for Rin. No, it was good she hadn't been with them. But then again, it would have given him the perfect opportunity to take her into his arms. He had always been able to calm her down with nothing more than an embrace and a few whispered words.

Haru sighed and turned his focus back onto his plate and the Shogayki. Normally this was one of his favourite dishes, but right now he felt as if his throat was closed and he couldn't get a single bite past the lump.

"Right, Haru-kun? We'll all go to the summer house, okay?" Momiji elbowed him in excitement and Haru's attention snapped back to reality.

"Right" was all he said, and he turned his gaze back down to the table. He could feel Yuki's stare on him, but the rat didn't press the matter and just left him alone.

"I have a feeling that this summer will be just great. Right, Momiji-kun?" Tohru's voice sounded happy and excited.

"Yes, it will be. Just wait and see. This summer will be the best summer we ever had." Momiji was equally happy and Haru had to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from uttering a bitter remark.

The best summer? It would be his first summer without Rin. The first summer without her by his side as either friends or lovers. Never had he spent a summer without her. Never… yeah, this summer would be just great… not.

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End of Chapter 17

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**AN:** Here is chapter 17. I hope you liked it. I made it a little longer because the previous chapter was so short.

A special thank you to MeiLei and Serenity's Angel for the reviews! You always make my day. I love reviews and without them I lose motivation to finish this story. Although I promised to myself that I would never give it up until it's finished, it is still much easier to write when I'm full of motivation.

So please tell me what you think and leave a review, okay?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	18. Running from you

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No real lemon ahead, only hints and a kiss…

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 18 – Running from you**

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It was already early evening as Haru entered the summer house where Akito was staying. He had been called to keep their god company for the evening, and Haru really wasn't looking forward to it, especially since Akito would most likely be angry because he hadn't seen the god since the ceremony on the first day in high school. Even though Akito had told him to come visit him soon. He simply hadn't done it.

A maid came towards him, smiled and bowed politely.

"Welcome, Hatsuharu-san. Akito-sama is already waiting for you. Please, this way." With that the young woman rushed down the dark corridor and Haru followed her in silence, until she stopped before a door and kneeled down. Sliding the shoji-door open, she bowed again to Haru and he stepped into the room.

The god sat beside the open shoji-door that lead outside into the backyard, his back towards Haru. He kneeled down in the formal seiza-position and waited for the god to acknowledge his presence. All of the juunishi were trained to do this right. The rules had been stamped into their heads over and over again.

No.1: Be silent and wait until Akito greets you.

No.2: Only speak when spoken to.

No.3: Do nothing to enrage Akito.

Of course no.3 wasn't a real rule, but it was widely known under the juunishi. If you want to come out healthy, just don't enrage Akito. It was sometimes easier said than done, although for the favoured ones it was much more simple than for those not high on Akito's list.

"Ah, Hatsuharu. There you are. Took you long enough." Akito turned around and looked at Haru, a malicious streak in his eyes. Haru shuddered and bowed deeply as he was supposed to.

"You may rise. Come over here. Sit beside me." Haru stood up and walked over to the god. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't have a chance to resist. The pull of the curse was too strong and he was bound to obey. So he sat down where Akito patted the ground. Really close.

Haru didn't like at all to be touched by him, but there was nothing he could do about it. Not after Akito told him to just hold still, which he normally did ever since he defied their god once.

"Don't move." And that was the end of it. Akito laid a hand down onto his stomach and he grinned as he felt Haru shudder.

"You like this, don't you?" Haru grimaced. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just because he was bound to obey didn't mean he was bound to like it. Still he couldn't do anything against Akito's touch as his hand travelled up to his chest, caressed his neck and slid down over his shoulders and biceps.

"You've developed nicely over the last few month, Hatsuharu. Really." Haru fixed his gaze onto a scroll that hung on the wall beside him and he tried to concentrate on nothing but the artfully written kanji on it. It meant 'freedom' and he wanted to laugh at the irony. How could something that had to do with freedom be so close to Akito?

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt their god's hand slide down his stomach, over his hip bone and down to his thigh, dangerously close to an area where he wanted Akito's touch least of all. He couldn't stop him from touching him anywhere else, but please, at least not there, where… where only ever her hands had been.

"You know, I'm not very happy that you didn't come when I told you to. And as I see now, I missed how you developed. Too bad now, isn't it? Take off your shirt." Haru did as he was told even though every cell in his body cried out to him not to do it. He didn't want Akito's touch on his skin. Still he flung the shirt aside.

For a moment Haru thought that their god would maybe only look but then he reached for his chest again, his hand coming close to were his heart beat, but not making contact with his skin. Haru winced as the fingers only a moment later brushed against his stomach.

"You should have realized by now, that all juunishi are mine. Completely. You did understand this, Hatsuharu, didn't you? Answer me."

"Yes, Akito-sama", he answered obediently. He had realized this long ago, but he didn't accept it.

"You should know that I don't like other people touching my things. You know this as well, don't you?"

"Yes, Akito-sama." His voice sounded strained by now as Haru wondered how much the god actually knew about Rin and his relationship.

"Good… Remember this. Always." Akito's words were full of finality and Haru exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. The god settled against his leg, resting his head on his knee, eyes closed.

There was a long time of silence in which Haru just wished he could walk out or at least move, because this position started to uncomfortable.

"You may speak, Hatsuharu", the god said suddenly and Haru took a deep breath. The command was clear as well. 'Talk about something, anything.' What to say? Anything to keep his mind off the way Akito's hand was caressing up and down on his stomach.

"I heard Kureno is here?" Akito grinned up at him.

"You won't get to see him. Not any of you." There was so much possessiveness in his voice that Haru cringed back. Still he forced himself to speak on.

"Not even Honda-san?"

"Why should she?" Akito's voice was suddenly sharp.

"Well, all the other juunishi have seen her, I think." Except Rin, who had only seen her from afar, he added silently in his thoughts, but he wouldn't say it out aloud. He wouldn't give their god another chance to call Rin 'slut' or 'whore' by bringing her name up.

"She won't see him. There's no rule that says she has to. I make to rules here." Akito's voice was slicing now and Haru winced internally.

"Of course you do… It just seems… unnaturally for her not to meet Kureno." Haru jerked back in shock at the sudden sound of cruel laughter from their god. Akito buried his head against his knee again and then he grinned up at Haru with malice in his eyes.

"You talk about unnatural?" He laughed again. "You should think about something else that is unnatural." The grin was still there combined with a hateful stare.

"Have I done something to anger you? Please stop grinning like this…" Another round of laughter from the god.

"But you are so funny, Hatsuharu. You always say such funny things. That's why the ox is the laughing stock. You were always this funny, always laughed at." Their gazes met and Akito put his hand to Haru's cheek, stroking him in a mocking soft caress.

"Did it hurt you, Hatsuharu? Where you hurt by this?" His voice and grin was devilish, and Haru had the feeling that Akito wasn't talking about him being the laughing stock, but about something else altogether.

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Rin finally was in walking distance from the summer house where Shigure and the others were staying. Now all she had to do was avoid Haru and everyone else and find a way to talk to Shigure.

Rin stumbled as she moved through the woods and she gasped as a flash of pain shot through her. Although she had been released from the hospital, she just knew she shouldn't exhaust herself. And that was exactly what she was doing right now. She felt weak and shaken and it was hard to keep her legs under her and even harder to command them to move forward.

She stumbled again and fell to the ground. With a strangled sound she let go of her hold on the curse and within a second she was a horse. She couldn't move and so she just rested on the ground for a moment. Then she tried to get up, which in her juunishi form was considerably harder than in her human form.

When she was almost on her feet a wave of dizziness hit her and she blacked out, falling back to the ground unmoving.

When she came back to reality again she heard someone moving beside her.

"What's this? A… a horse?" Rin didn't recognize the her voice, since she had never talked to her before, but she recognizes the scent of her. It was the same Haru had on him when he had carried Yuki back to Shigure's and Tohru had kept her arms around his neck to keep him from transforming back. It was her. Honda Tohru. Rin still didn't move and just listened.

"A wild horse?" How could someone be so stupid? Of course, it was widely known that there were plenty of wild horses around in Japan, wasn't it? God, this girl was really dumb. Rin lifted her head and stared at the girl.

"Ah… maybe… you are one of the juunishi?" Rin rolled her eyes internally and inspected the girl. She was sweet, but nothing special. She had a kind and caring aura around her and maybe that was what drew the juunishi like moths to a flame. Before she saw him, she knew Yuki was coming over. Her horse instincts were working well.

"Rin?" Tohru turned around in shock and Rin almost grinned at the expression on her face. "I thought I saw you in the woods and followed you." Yuki looked back and forth between Tohru and Rin then he kneeled down close to her.

"Ah… Honda-san. This is Sohma Isuzu."

"Isuzu-san?"

"Yes. She's the horse, as you can see… Rin, why did you change? Are you too weak? You should be resting", Yuki said and reached for her neck. Rin jerked back.

"Ah, do you think we should call Hatori-san?" No! Not Hatori. No one should know she was here and if they ran to the house calling Hatori, Haru would know she was here. With a sudden movement Rin swung one of her hind legs at Tohru, but Yuki drew her aside. Rin wouldn't have kicked her anyway, the motion was much too weak to hurt and Rin would have stopped had she not been pulled away.

"It's not nice kicking people in your horse form, Rin." Yuki's voice was sharp in obvious anger at her and worry for Tohru's safety, but Rin only wanted to laugh. She could have kicked much harder. _Much_ harder. She changed back.

"You won't call anyone!" Her gaze was full of loathing and even a little pain. She was not okay yet and it was a mistake to come here. How easily could Yuki have been in Haru's company…

Tohru just stared at her in obvious shock and her gaze slid down her naked body, over the parts that weren't hidden by her long tresses. Yuki had the grace to look away blushing and finally Tohru threw the sheet she was holding at Rin.

"I'm… I'm sorry. Take this." The girl was blushing madly and Rin could have laughed at her flustered expression. Was she intimated by her? Rin turned to collect her clothes and shoes.

"Are you sure you are okay, Rin? What… What are you doing here anyway?" Yuki remembered Haru's face and words as he told him about Rin breaking up with him.

"Are you here to meet someone? A certain person?" Within the next moment she had grabbed his collar hard and her eyes were flashing at him.

"Don't interfere. That's none of your business and I can come and go as I please. Don't tell the others I was here, understood? Don't tell them, or… I'll kill you." Her eyes were burning with determination and Yuki didn't doubt her anger at him, although he knew she would never kill anyone.

"You want to kill me? You know this is impossible. Haru wouldn't let you." Saying Haru's name obviously wasn't the best choice he could have made as he saw the hurt in her eyes. But the next moment it was gone, replaced by nothing but loathing.

"Look at you. You're acting so in control, but in truth you don't have a notch of control about anything. You're just Akito's toy." Her words hit home and for a moment Yuki was almost amazed how she always managed to choose the most hurtful words. He chose to keep silent and she finally turned.

"Not one word." And then Rin walked away from them, leaving behind a staring Tohru and a grim looking Yuki. She had known that her words about killing him wouldn't fluster him. Still she was surprised how quickly he had patched things together. How did he know about Haru? Maybe Haru himself had told the rat about them?

But then it wasn't like Haru to tell someone about such things. Although she couldn't be really sure, because in the past Haru had always come to her with his problems. Now that he couldn't do this anymore for obvious reasons, maybe he would turn to Yuki.

"Rin? Wait a second… Please?" Rin stopped and turned towards the rat.

"What do you want?"

"I just want to talk to you… about Haru." Rin exhaled slowly and nodded to signal she would listen.

"He told me about your relationship… It was in school when he turned black." Rin looked at him sharply.

"He did what?"

"You… you don't know? He turned black… As far as I know it was the day after you broke up with him… He trashed the whole classroom and take my word for it, I'm not exaggerating." Rin sighed and looked away. For a long moment Yuki was silent.

"I… I don't mean to pry, Rin. It's just… Haru was hurt by this… really badly. He lost everything that was dear to him when you pushed him away… I think… I _know_ you most likely have good reasons to do so. But please don't hurt him further, okay?" Rin could feel his gaze on her and after a moment she nodded shortly.

"Okay, fine… I… I have to go back. Take care, Rin, okay? Get well soon." He turned and walked back to the house, when Rin's voice stopped him.

"Yuki." He turned around and looked at her. "I… I didn't mean to… hurt him." For a single moment, Yuki could see the despair and hurt plainly in her eyes and he knew whatever her reason was to break up with Haru, it was obviously hurting her as much as it was hurting him. Yuki nodded slowly and smiled, then he turned around and left.

Rin walked behind a group of trees and got dressed properly, then she walked down to the ocean. She needed the feeling of wind in her face and the sight of nothing but endless water before her.

She hadn't meant to reveal so much with this simple sentence. Now Yuki knew more than she wanted him to. If he would tell Haru about their talk after all, he would know immediately that something was foul with it. And he would corner her about it and not rest until he knew what was the reason.

Her gaze fell onto a sand castle and she stopped before it.

"Shit! Everything is a big load of shit!", Rin cried and kicked the castle back into the beach. She couldn't know how very much she resembled Haru as he trashed the classroom in this moment.

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"Welcome back, Haru. How was your summer?" His mother opened the door wider for him and he smiled at her slightly. Although his mother hadn't really cornered him about why he often looked so sad, she seemed to have a pretty good idea what had happened.

"It was… fine." Haru's voice sounded resigned and he sighed as he sat the bag down onto the floor.

"I hope Akito-san didn't bother you all?" Her eyes stared at him intently and they didn't miss the shudder that ran down her son's back at the mention of the god's name.

"It was okay… can I… can I go to my room?" His mother studied him for a moment, before she reached for his face, stroking the soft skin of his cheek for a moment and then she nodded.

"Of course, darling. Go get a little rest. I'll bring you some tea up in a minute, okay?" Haru nodded once and turned to walk upstairs. He left the door to his room open and just sat down on his bed, thinking about the past few weeks and Rin. He knew she had been there, at the summer house and that Yuki had talked to her.

He knew it from the way Yuki kept throwing him glances when he thought Haru wasn't paying attention and how Yuki suddenly tried to carefully avoid asking about Rin. A habit he had picked up ever since Haru had told him about their break-up.

He had felt lonely, so very lonely when he realized that she had been there and she hadn't talked to him. But then, she had said she was tired of him…

Haru smiled at his mother as she came into his room and put a tray down on his low table. For a moment she looked at him, but then she just nodded and left. Obviously she knew enough about her son to see that he wanted to be alone right now. She silently closed the door behind her.

Haru reached for the horse and sank down onto his bed. The summer holidays were almost over. School would start in a few days. This surely had been the loneliest summer he had ever had.

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It was a bright and sunny day, still terribly warm, as Haru made his way over to Shigure's house. It was their third week of school now after the holidays ended, and slowly everyone settled back into the routine of getting up early, doing homework and spending time with learning. Haru didn't.

He was still caught in this tangled web of emotions that wouldn't leave him enough room to think about anything else but her. When she had broken up with him, he thought that over time this dull pain inside him would get better, but it didn't. It only got worse, because now through daily life, he realized just how much time he had spent with her.

She had been with him almost every day, helped him with learning, they had done their homework together, had spent time in town, in his and her room, talking, joking, kissing and touching each other.

He had pushed himself as far as he could go without her and now he had reached the end of it. His life couldn't go on like this. He needed to see her, but cornering her wasn't easy and although he had walked to Kagura's house more than once in the past two weeks, he hadn't seen her.

So he was more than surprised when he saw Yuki's bag lying on the ground and then suddenly heard two familiar voices some distance from him. The first was easy for him to recognize. It was Rin's. He would have known her voice anywhere. The second voice was much softer but after another few steps he knew it was Yuki. He couldn't understand what they said, not yet, but by the sound of Rin's voice he knew she was angry. He picked up the bag and quickened his pace to get there.

Today's weather was favourable for him. The wind blew from the direction of Yuki and Rin, concealing his presence to her sensitive horse instinct as long as he was quiet.

"Why don't you just keep your damn prying question to yourself and leave me alone? It's none of your business, you bastard!" Rin's voice was loud and angry now and even from the spot where Haru had been standing only moments before, where he had found the bag, would he have been able to understand her words. He flinched. It wasn't like Rin to shout like this.

"It's not nice calling people names, Rin." His voice couldn't have had a more surprising effect on her. She whirled around and stared at him wide-eyes and their gazes met. He could see something like panic flash through her eyes and for a moment he thought she would just turn and run.

"Haru, what are you doing here?" Yuki's voice interrupted their moment and Haru looked away. It hurt to have Rin looking at him like this, as if he was the last person she wanted to see.

"I thought I would come over to sensei's place. You dropped you bag, Yuki." He took the few remaining steps towards them and every step was agony for him. All he wanted was to throw his arms around her and never let her go. But he had to be careful. Rin was still stiff and every muscle in her body was ready to move. One wrong motion from his side now and she'd run like there was no tomorrow. He would never catch her if she was running for real. Rin took a step back when he came closer.

Haru held the bag out to Yuki and the rat took it from him. He was standing only a meter away from her now and the wind carried her scent in his direction, engulfing him in a cloud of beloved and missed scent that was so typical for Rin. Unable to hold down the desire any longer he lifted his hand and reached for her.

She took another hasty step backwards and stared at him, again her eyes were full of panic and flashing warnings for him to keep away.

"Do you… really not want me? Rin." Her name was nothing but a soft breathed caress, the familiar sound of it uttered with gentleness and she shuddered. Rin didn't meet his eyes any longer and stared at the ground. His hand still hovered in midair, before he finally let it fall to his side.

"I see… Then… Then it doesn't matter… if I die." He stared at her intently, but there was no way he could have missed the expression on her face anyway. Shock was clearly written in her face and Haru paled at the effect his words had on her. She was white as a ghost, for a moment she swayed on her feet and Haru already prepared himself to catch her should she fall unconscious.

When she looked at him, directly into his eyes, he couldn't stop himself anymore. He reached for her, hastily wrapping his arm around her back and tilting her head back with the other hand. For a moment he remained in this position, immobilized by the sheer amount of love and craving and lust that cursed through him at the closeness of her body after such a long time.

Nothing in this world could have stopped his mouth from covering hers, not even Akito would he have shown up right now and told him not to do it, not Yuki's gasp that he registered distantly. And so he kissed her, the first touch of his lips on hers almost hesitant, before he pressed down harder. His eyes slid shut in pleasure and to cover the amount of emotions Yuki could have plainly seen in them.

The feeling of her in his arms, her body pressed close against his, the feeling of rightness was heaven. However nothing could have prepared him for the onslaught of sheer perfection that shot through him as he felt her relaxing in his arms and her mouth moving under his as she kissed him back.

He could feel her trembling against him and he could feel his own shaking as she clenched her hands into his shirt and kissed him the way only she could. Haru moaned softly into her mouth and she pressed her hips against his, making him gasp and she ground herself against his very prominent erection.

He knew that she could tell how very turned on he was and he was kissing her as if there was no tomorrow. Because for him, maybe there wasn't. At least not a tomorrow with her kiss.

Haru could hear Yuki make a strangled sound and only the rat's presence kept Haru from taking Rin right here and now. By the feeling of it, she wouldn't even have tried to resist him. And so, unable to do anything more than kissing her, he poured everything he felt, everything he had missed, everything he had so longed for into this touch of his mouth against hers.

It was a long kiss, but neither one of them seemed to mind nor to notice. When they finally broke apart, heaving for breath and clinging to each other, Haru drew her close to him and rested his head on hers, inhaling the beloved scent of her hair.

"I don't mean it, Rin… about me dying. Of course I don't, but this… you not with me… is killing me." Rin moved slightly in his arms, not away from him, but she shifted a little and pressed her face into the crook of his neck.

"Rin, is there something I missed? I… I wanted to understand you completely and I thought I did. Did I… Did I miss your greatest cry?" He could feel her stiffing now, could feel her resistance building up against him, but he needed to ask anyway.

"Rin, are you still the same as you were before? Unable to recover on your own?" He wasn't surprised to feel her breaking free of him and he followed her movement to stop her from running away. What did surprise him was her hand however as she brought it across his face, the touch more a warning than a real slap.

However it was enough to stop his movement and in this moment he needed to recover from the shock, she turned and fled. Haru stared after her wordlessly, all of his cells screaming to him to follow her, even though he knew it was no use.

Behind him he heard Yuki taking a step towards him and it reminded him of his presence again.

"She has cried so much back then…", he whispered more to himself and for a moment he was lost in thoughts.

"Haru… is it okay to not go after her?" Yuki looked still a little flustered, but was obviously concerned and Haru just shook his head.

"It's no use running after her. She isn't the horse for nothing. There's no way to catch her when she's running for real… and right now, she is."

"You… don't seem to care much." Haru could have laughed at Yuki's remark. Nothing could be further from the truth, but how could he explain this to someone who had never loved another human being like that? This kind of feelings only came with love, most likely some of them only came with loving another juunishi. And so Haru just looked longingly into the direction Rin had ran away.

"Not really… I just… I think maybe I understood something right now. I'm sorry though that I had to hurt her… But I didn't know another way."

"Huh?" Yuki clearly wasn't following him anymore but it didn't matter to him. This was about Rin and him. No one else should interfere and Haru didn't want to talk about it anyway.

"I'll try to pull myself together about this. So don't worry, I'll be fine." With that he walked into the direction of Shigure's house. "But there are things you have to pull yourself together about as well… This student council thing for example."

"I don't think it's okay to make myself number one priority, you know? I took so much from other people, strength and hope, but I didn't give anything in return." Yuki paused for a moment and Haru thought about his words.

"It's okay. Look at me, I'm doing it as well…" Yuki stared at him, then he shook his head.

"No, your number one priority is Rin." Haru sighed and shrugged.

"Maybe. But in the end I'm selfish. I want her to be with me for my own happiness. Love isn't always generous, you know?" Yuki nodded, even though he didn't really understood what Haru meant. But then, in matters of the heart, in love –and obviously sex as well- the younger boy had much more experience than he had. So he could just take his word for it.

"There certainly is someone out there for you, Yuki. You just have to find her. She's waiting somewhere for you." Yuki looked around as if he expected some woman to stand behind him and sighed. Then he looked at Haru, who was deeply in thoughts, a sad expression on his face. It was not too hard to guess who he was thinking about.

"Haru? Is Rin… is Rin this girl for you?" Haru stared at him for a moment. He didn't want to talk about Rin, wanted to keep the memory of this kiss only moments before and every other memory of her deeply locked inside his heart, so only he could see them and draw life from them. But Yuki deserved an answer and so he nodded.

"There isn't any other girl for me… has never been."

"Maybe if you tried…" Yuki's voice was soft and Haru chuckled.

"No way. Any other girl would pale in comparison. Did you look at Rin lately? You don't find such gorgeous beauties behind every corner, you know?"

"So this is all about her body?" Yuki stared at him in surprise.

"She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

"Yes, but… this is not right. A relationship isn't about looks." Haru shook his head again.

"Of course not. But this is the only aspect of it I can make you understand. You see, I love everything about her. But this runs so deep and it's complicated. I just can't explain this. You don't know Rin like I do so you wouldn't understand. And to be honest, I don't want to talk about it. This is much too private and intimate…" Haru trailed off and Yuki blushed in shame for having thought that this whole thing wasn't the real deep love it was.

"I'm sorry", he murmured.

"It's okay. You don't have to understand everything. There aren't many people who would understand my love for Rin anyway. Much less her love. Most people believe her to be incapable of such deep emotions, but this just isn't true." Yuki blushed again, because honestly he had thought the same. And he hadn't believed that Haru's love ran so deep as well.

But seeing them kissing, seeing him holding her as if she was the most precious thing in the world and her clinging to him as if he was the only thing that kept her upright, had opened his eyes. This was real love he had witnessed. Maybe someday he would be able to find this with someone.

"Thank you, Haru." The ox looked at him in confusion. "Thanks for opening my eyes as well." Haru nodded and together they entered Shigure's house.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Rin sat alone on a trunk in the woods. Her eyes staring unseeingly into the lush green nature. A soft wind played with her hair, but she didn't notice at all. All her thoughts were on Haru.

Never had he expected him to show up like that. She hadn't even heard him. She should have run then, when she saw him, but for some strange reason that only now did she expose as weakness, did she stay.

And now she had another memory of him and another reason to cry over, because this single kiss had shown her just how much she missed him.

His touch had been so familiar, so wanted and needed and she hadn't even tried to resist when he suddenly drew her into his arms. She had been paralyzed with shock and surprise and sheer want that shot through her. Hadn't he lowered his mouth onto hers a moment later, she would have pulled him down.

The sensation of his lips against hers, first so soft but soon turning into a full grown demanding kiss, had been like a spark that lit her inside. And she had burnt in his arms. Would he have lowered her to the ground then, she would not only have let his hands, his mouth, his everything wander where ever he wanted, no, she would have guided him. Would have taken from him what she wanted. And what she wanted was him. All of him.

For a long moment back then she had had the feeling that, wouldn't it have been for Yuki's presence, nothing could have stopped Haru. Rin had been and still was shocked at the amount of anger she had felt at Yuki for just being there.

But, no. She had to stay strong – and most of all she had to stay away from Haru, because he could tear down her carefully built wall in a heartbeat. She wouldn't let him get hurt. Never.

She needed him. Now, more than ever. For the thousandth time, Rin wished that they could actually be together again someday. She just knew her wish could never come true. Not in a world with a god and his juunishi.

There wasn't room for love in their world.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 18

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**AN:** So here is chapter 18. It got really long, but I guess you are happy about it.

shaffer: I'm sorry that I skipped the part with Ayame. Actually I had a layout for the scene, but the chapter would have gotten too long with it and since it isn't essential and Ayame didn't show up in the story before, I decided to skip it. Sorry…

As for the question why I only update on Tuesdays: That's because I have a real life and to be honest, once a week is pretty often for me. I'm busy with university and other stuff that –as much as I hate to say it- simply are more important than fanfictions… If I could earn a living with writing fanfictions, I'd update three times per day.  
As well, my boyfriend –my beta-reader- simply can't manage to work through my chapters any sooner. He's even more busy than I am, that's why I sometimes upload unbeta-ed chapters… So I'm sorry, but it will be only Tuesdays in the future as well.

Anyway, how do you all like this chapter? Love it? Hate it?

Please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	19. Drawn

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Yay! Lemon scene ahead at the beginning of this chapter! Beware of citrus fruits!

°°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 19 – Drawn**

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Haru walked unseeingly through a park. He was familiar with the paths, since he used to walk here with Rin often, so it didn't matter that he wasn't paying attention. There were no people for him to bump into anyway, since it was raining as if heaven decided it was time to drown the earth.

He was soaked through already, but he didn't mind nor did he notice. He was too deeply lost in thoughts and the weather fit his mood.

It had been three weeks since he had last seen Rin, three weeks since their kiss in the woods around Shigure's house. Three weeks in which he had tried to keep his emotions in check and failed miserably. He had tried. He really had, but it was no use.

Everything around reminded him of Rin. His room alone was full of reminders of their time together. The desk, where they had learnt together, the table, where she would always put down her tea cup, his wardrobe, where still some of her clothes waited in one of the drawers for her to return. His nightstand held the most obvious reminder, the framed picture of them both that he didn't remove even if he felt miserable whenever he saw it.

But worst of all was his bed. This was what held the most reminders of her. Not only the stuffed animal horse sat there, but on this bed, on this very mattress they had laid side by side so often, talking about whatever came to mind. And this was were most of the times they had made love.

Their first time had been right there. God, he had been so nervous back then. Now he was so familiar with her body and his body's reactions to her touch, although making love to her had never lost its thrill.

Maybe that was why this kiss, three weeks ago, had felt like it did. True, the longing, the frustration, the many moments of missing her and wishing for things to be different, they had all come together and he hadn't had a real chance against the raging storm of emotions. But still this kiss had revealed something to him and he intended to look much deeper.

He was now almost certain that she was lying. She wasn't the kind of girl to let him kiss her when she didn't want his kiss. Never would she have let him approach her like this if she really didn't need him anymore.

Only two questions remained. First: why did she lie? And second: was his theory really right? And what if it wasn't? So there were three questions after all, but it didn't matter.

For once he would have liked to talk about this to someone, but Yuki wasn't there, but on some school excursion to Kyoto or something. So he had to deal with this alone.

Haru needed to see her and actually talk to her to see the truth, but as before, she wasn't to be caught. He had waited before Kagura's house rather often, but he had never seen her. Either she wasn't there or –which was more likely- she had noticed him and taken another route out. Yes, catching a horse wasn't easy.

And so he had decided to take a walk, even though it was raining outside. And his feet had carried him to the park and he was approaching another spot of remembrance. The tree against whose trunk they had made love once… And a few other times after it.

He took a right turn and gasped at what he saw. Rin. She was here, standing still in the rain, her face turned upwards to the sky, her back to him.

He didn't take another moment to think, just reacted and started off in a full run. By the time she noticed him and tried to run away, he had gained enough speed and was close enough to catch her by her wrist. He pulled her back and she stumbled into his path. His run ended with both of them falling gracelessly to the ground. But even during his fall Haru didn't let go of her wrist.

"Haru, what do you think you are doing?" She rolled around as far as she got before his hold on her restrained her movements. Haru remained motionless on the grass for a moment, staring up at her in wonder. He really had got her. He smiled as he saw her face, a smudge of dirt on her cheek and her hair plastered to her skull. Both of them were dripping wet.

"I caught a horse", he simply answered and then he got up, drawing her with him. She tried to break free as soon as she was on her feet, but he didn't let go, holding on to her tightly, but never hurting her. She tried to pry his fingers loose and he smiled at her poor attempt.

"Try all you want. I won't let go." His face was solemn and Rin stared at him for a moment, before she sighed and let her hand fall to her side. A sudden rather heavy jerk back was her next move and he grinned.

"Oh no, horsey. You stay right here by my side." He turned back into the direction he had come from and pulled her with him. "I want to talk to you." She huffed, but fell into his pace beside him.

"About what?" Haru looked at her for a moment.

"About us", he just said and walked down the path that lead to the street.

"What is there left to talk about?" Her voice sounded annoyed, but for some reason Haru felt it was fake annoyance. He could hear the underlying despair as well and this only helped him to keep his determination.

"A lot I think."

"There's nothing I haven't told you already. Nothing that matters." Her voice was smaller suddenly, but the despair wasn't gone. She sounded as if she had to convince herself.

"So? How about the truth?" He looked at her intently and she shuddered as she stared at him, wide-eyed.

"The… the truth? What truth? I already told you, that…"

"You told me, what would hurt me, Rin. And you knew those words would hurt me the most. What you told me was, that you didn't need me anymore, that you got tired of me. But that's not the truth." He looked at her as she had this panicked look in her eyes again.

"But… it's the truth. How… why would you think it wasn't?" He stopped and in a sudden movement he had her tumbling towards him. And then his mouth was on hers again. He had managed to catch her off-guard and so her mouth was still open, making it easy for him to slip his tongue inside.

Taking everything he had learnt about the art of kissing with her, every emotion he felt for her and all of his love together, he kissed her as if the world would come to an end the next second. It was an earthmoving experience, especially as he felt her respond to his kiss. There was no better feeling in the world that being kissed by Rin. Maybe except being loved by her. He broke away and looked down at her.

"Because you would never allow me to touch you like this if it was the truth." Then his lips were back on hers.

Rin tilted her head to the side a little to allow him deeper access and he put it to good use without hesitation. She was relaxing in his arms now, her body sinking against his and he moaned into her mouth.

They both drew short shuddering breaths but didn't stop kissing each other. Haru felt Rin trembling again and only now did he notice himself thrusting his hips against her and her riding his thigh. She whimpered and moaned softly and it was turning him on further.

This time there was no Yuki here to stop them, nothing could stop the descent into their own darkness. Haru managed to half pull, half carry her towards a tree, before his legs gave way beneath him and he sank to the ground, taking her with him.

She lay down onto the wet ground on her back and pulled him with her. Still they were kissing feverishly. He laid down between her spread thighs and moaned as he felt her heat even through his jeans.

For a moment they both returned to reality and stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"Rin…" His voice was husky and he gasped for breath. "If you… really don't want this… stop me now… because if we go on like this, I don't think I can…" His sentence would remain unfinished forever as Rin drew his head down and kissed him again. And this time there was no holding back.

His hands touched her desperately, making contact to her soft skin wherever he could. He kissed down her neck and she arched up under him, moaning loudly as he found the sensitive spot under her earlobe. Her hands hastily pulled his shirt free from where it was tucked under his belt and then her fingers grazed over his skin, his back, his sides.

Haru shook silently under her caress as he propped himself up on his elbows and Rin stroked her fingers down his chest, over his stomach. When her fingers reached his belt and teasingly dipped under his waistband only to come into contact with the tip of his raging erection, Haru cried out and thrust against her hand.

She didn't torture him further, her own need too great to keep herself from touching him where they both longed for the most and with practiced ease she opened his belt and his fly, pushing his boxers and his jeans down enough for her to touch his cock after it sprang free of its confinement.

She encircled his engorged flesh with her hand and Haru moaned deeply against her shoulder. Nothing, nothing could have kept this sound of pleasure inside and his trembling increased as she got down to business and stroked him in earnest. He twitched and jerked under her caress and one moan after another tore itself from his throat.

He couldn't stop her, couldn't stop this pleasure she offered so freely, even though he wanted nothing more than to be inside her, but his brain was much too lust-fogged to move either away or forward. It didn't come as a surprise for both of them as after not even a minute of this torture he came forcefully into her hand, shooting thick spurts of come against her other hand she had in quick thinking put before his glens to keep him from coming all over her clothes. It would only leave rather interesting and hard to explain stains.

Haru still jerked and moaned helplessly against her neck when his orgasm was almost longer than the stimulation that lead to it. Rin didn't remove her hand from around him, but continued to milk him in his rhythm, making him shudder deeply. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he reached down and pulled her hand away and she hastily wiped them on the wet grass around them.

Then he took a deep breath before he attacked her neck again, his hands traveling under her top. As she arched under his touch, he quickly opened the clasp of her bra and slid his hands to her chest, feeling the soft globes in his hand. He teased her nipples until they were completely hard and she made breathy cries whenever he touched them.

Then he let his hand travel lower, over the plains of her stomach until he met the edge of her short skirt. He didn't bother with searching for the buttons, fly or lace that held it together, just pushed the soaking wet material up to her stomach and pulled her panties down her long legs.

He pushed the almost see-through material into the pocket of his jeans carelessly and then his fingers were back where he wanted them to be. Haru pushed his index finger inside of her, groaning at the wetness and heat he encountered. He wanted nothing more than to be buried in there again. It had been too long since he had felt this pleasure and he craved for everything she had, everything he could take, everything she would give to him.

When he brushed up and pressed softly against her clitoris Rin cried out and clenched her hands into his shirt. Then he touched her how he knew she liked it the most, slow soft caresses at first, varying between circles and up-down strokes, before he applied more pressure and increased his speed.

Her cries were music to his ears and he felt his cock tighten as he hardened again, even though his previous orgasm wasn't even a minute ago.

"Haru…", she moaned deeply and he made a strangled sound. He had always loved it when she moaned his name, but under this circumstances, with both of them burning for each others touches, longing for it for weeks, it was choking him to hear her groan his name like this. He pushed his fingers harder against her and she cried out.

"Ha… Haru! Need you." Never could he have denied her the half moaned, half whispered request and without preamble he moved so he was in the right angle and then he sank home. It certainly felt like coming home, so familiar and right and just beautiful.

They both cried out and then he followed her lead, moved against her quick thrusts with deep ones of his own. He felt her hands on his back, her nails clenching into his skin hard enough to break it, but he didn't feel the pain.

They both moved, desperately working for the release they so longed for. Haru could feel her inner muscles clenching around his erection so close to her orgasm and she cried softly into his ear, nothing more than his name over and over again. There was not a chance in hell he could stand this exquisite stimulation any moment longer.

With a guttural cry he arched against her, felt her muscles clenching around his cock hard and he knew she was with him. He whimpered when his spurts and the accompanying sensation just didn't stop and he thrust against her weakly until his raging orgasm finally stopped. With a heavy sigh Haru sank down onto Rin, burrowing his face in the crook of her neck as he inhaled her beloved scent.

Under him he heard Rin whimper as his cock gave a final twitch. He softly caressed her hair that was now completely wet and tangled from their love making. He propped himself up on his elbows again to look at her and for a moment they just looked at each other. He smiled softly at her, lovingly and she smiled back. And Haru just knew that she hadn't caught up to reality yet.

"I love you, Rin."

"I…" His finger on her lips stopped her and he shook his head no.

"Don't say it, not when you'll regret it later." He could see how memories came crashing back into her and she stared up at him with wide eyes.

"Haru, we…"

"Shh… Just let me be with you right now, okay? Just for now… please." She nodded hesitantly after a long moment and he breathed a sigh of relief. Then she pulled her hand through his wet hair.

"You are completely soaked through." He nodded, but otherwise didn't move, although now that they had actually finished their primal act he noticed the drops of water that fell down from the leaves above him, although they were sheltering them from the worst.

"I think you are even wetter." He grinned at her before he pulled out of her with a sigh of regret. How long would he have to wait to feel her again? Whatever her reasons were to push him away, they were most likely good ones and one round of sex –hot passionate sex- wouldn't make her change her mind.

She suddenly grinned up at him and wiped with her fingers on his neck.

"You are dirty." He winked at her.

"And you are naughty. Besides, you are just as dirty as me." He reached for the smudge of earth on her cheek and carefully removed the stain. He smiled at her lovingly, even though he could feel her draw herself back into her self-built prison. They both quickly straightened out their clothes and stood up. Haru winced as he felt his wet jeans clinging to his legs.

"Gah… I hate walking around in wet jeans." He removed a few leaves from her back and another few that had tangled themselves into her hair.

"Haru, can I… have my panties back?". She blushed sweetly and avoided his gaze. Haru reached into the pocket of his jeans with one hand and pulled her undergarment out halfway, but then hastily pushed it back inside.

"No, I'll keep it." Then he looked around, but no one was in sight. She was about to protest, but he spoke first.

"So are you going home?" She nodded and he held his hand out to her. "Then let me walk you back." Hesitantly she reached for his hand, entwining her fingers with his. He smiled at her and they started to make their way back.

"So what did you want to talk about?" He blinked at her and then he grinned.

"And here I was thinking that I made you come hard enough to make you forget about it." She blushed again at his words and he grinned. Then his face turned serious again.

"Really, Rin. All I want is the truth… I wasn't…" He paused for a moment. "I wasn't joking when I said that your words hurt like hell. All I want is to know if they are true, because, really, it's hard to deal with them and if they're not true anyway, I'd rather knew about it." He looked ahead, giving her the privacy to think about his words. Then he heard her taking a deep breath.

"I… I can't tell you the truth." He was about to protest but she silenced him with a simple motion of her hand. "I can't tell you the entire truth. And Haru, just know that telling you the truth wouldn't change anything." He stared at her for a moment before he sighed heavily and looked down onto the ground.

"I was afraid you would say that. But… I trust you, Rin. If you want to keep it like it is, I think you have good reason to. Even if I would rather have you sharing them with me…" She nodded in understanding.

"I'm not willing though. But for the truth… as I said, I can't tell you anything vital, just that… those words… I didn't mean them." She had his arms quicker around her then she could blink and Haru pressed his face into her neck. She could feel his heavy breath and she thought she might have heard something like a sob. But then she felt tears trickle down her neck and she knew it hadn't been her imagination. Haru was crying.

Without further thought she put her arms around him, drawing him close to her body as she felt tears run down her cheeks as well.

"Haru…" His name was nothing but a suppressed sob full of tears and he shook his head against her neck, and he took a shuddering breath that turned into a sob of his own as he cried. Never in her life had she seen Haru like this. He had always been strong and collected, even when he let her lead him in some situations had he been cool. And only then did Rin understand the full amount of pain she had put him through.

"Rin." Her name was nothing but a voiced longing, a reminder that she was really there with him and not just some conjured up fantasy of his mind. "Rin." His voice wasn't even a whisper, just a breath, but it held all the emotions he felt. Despair and longing, love, desire, regret and hope at the same time.

After a long time his tears stopped and after another long moment of just holding her he stepped back. She looked at him as he wiped over his red eyes with his sleeve.

"Sorry", was all he whispered, before he took her hand and walked towards Kagura's home again. Rin didn't answer for a moment.

"You know, you are really frustrating as an ex." Her voice sounded as if she could hardly believe this herself as she huffed the words and Haru laughed shakily.

"I sure am… maybe…" He looked down at the ground as they walked. "Maybe we can start over someday." His voice, although barely above a whisper couldn't conceal the huge amount of longing in his voice.

"So you won't have to be so frustrated." He grinned at her, even if it was somewhat faked and she smiled back a sad smile, but nodded.

"Yeah. I hope so too…" He pressed her hands in thanks and in silence they walked the rest of the way.

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Rin walked determinedly down the road that lead towards the main house, although this wasn't her destination. On the first crossing she took the left path away from the main house. She threw a wishful look left as she walked past Haru's house before she hurried towards Kagura's house that she should call home, but couldn't.

On the next crossing she turned right, down the road that lead directly to Kagura's house. On her way down the street she could hear excited voices of what she recognized as Hiro, Kisa and Hiro's mother.

When she passed the gate to Hiro's home she looked inside, scanning over the small group of people that stood before the house, chatting happily. Rin smiled softly as she heard the tenderness in the voice of Hiro's mother and she was glad that at least the sheep had a good home. Then she hurried past, but wasn't oblivious to the gaze she got from Hiro.

A moment later he was beside her. From their position they could look into the backyard of the main house… which meant someone from the main house could see them. It was not safe for him to talk to her.

"Rin? Are you okay?" She turned to look at him and his eyes shone with concern.

"Why do you keep following me?" She threw a nervous glance towards the garden and Hiro understood her concern.

"I'm… Where you able to find something? To release the curse?" His voice was hushed and she knew how he felt. They were talking about a taboo. She shook her head in despair and walked on.

"Rin, don't push yourself too hard. Ha… he wouldn't blame you, you know that." Rin turned around and smiled at him shortly before she went 'home'.

Hiro had guessed right though. She hadn't been able to find anything. Shigure seemingly didn't know anything. She had even tried to sell herself to him, but he had just said that he really didn't know how to do it. Maybe he wasn't so high on Akito's favored list after all… but Rin couldn't shake the feeling that he was hiding something.

But Rin wouldn't give up. Today she would try again to speak with Shigure, and if he still told her this shit, she would search his house.

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She looked through every drawer, through every single desk and chest. No book, no paper was left untouched, but she couldn't find anything. Nothing at all. Maybe Shigure was telling the truth after all. But she wouldn't give up yet. She couldn't give up, for Haru's sake.

She made this promise to herself to set him free from the curse and she wouldn't stop until she found it.

When she reached for a box high on the shelf, she felt a feeling of dizziness sweep through her, but she ignored it. She was almost done in this room, so she couldn't give up.

Another wave of dizziness hit her and she stumbled and propped herself up against the table to stay upright.

"I don't feel so good", she whispered to herself and grabbed the box again. But as soon as her fingers touched the cardboard, she felt her legs giving way beneath her and the world around her turned black. For a crazy moment she wondered if this was how Haru felt when he turned black. Then she hit the floor, unconscious.

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Rin sighed as she turned her head to look out of the familiar window of the hospital room. The nurses and doctors referred to it as 'her room', even when she was checked in by Hatori they had smiled at her and told her she would get 'her room' again. It was boring, the sight out of the window hadn't changed one bit and Rin didn't know what to do.

Her wounds from the fall had healed completely, although her shoulder now held a rather large scar where the glass shard had cut through her flesh. Otherwise the doctors had done a good job. There were no other scars to blemish her skin. Now remained only the problem with her stomach.

She had lost weight again, although it wasn't as much as she had lost in this very hospital room on her last stay.

A knock on the door interrupted Rin's thoughts and she sighed as Tohru walked inside with a brilliant smile on her face.

Ever since Rin had collapsed in Shigure's living room and Tohru had found her, she insisted to speak to Rin and bustle around her like a mother hen. Rin had tried hard to push her away, but she was rather persistent.

"Isuzu-san, good afternoon. How do you feel?" Rin stared at her before she sighed again.

"I'm fine." Her voice sounded tired and she knew her face showed plainly the lack of sleep from last night. But sleep had been elusive after Haru had visited her yesterday. She was rather angry that he would come even though he knew she wanted to keep her distance, but the loneliness in his eyes had been defeating and they had talked a few minutes before she threw him out, swinging her IV stand at him when he wouldn't move.

"I brought you jelly. Do you want to have some now?" Rin stared at her again. This girl was unbelievable, really. Just because of some small remark Rin had made, that she didn't hate jelly, had Tohru brought her exactly that.

"Could you put it into the refrigerator? I don't… I'm not comfortable with eating in other people's presence." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. Tohru looked at her for a moment, before she went to the refrigerator and chatted on happily, seemingly to distract Rin.

"You know, when I came here the nurse almost wouldn't let me in, saying you were not allowed visitors. But then another nurse came and said as long as I'm a girl it's fine…" Tohru was oblivious to Rin's gasp. "I don't know what this is all about, but really they are mean to deny you visitors…" Rin rolled her eyes.

"It's okay… it's my fault. Can we… can we go outside?" Tohru looked at her in concern.

"Is it okay? Are you allowed to stand up?"

"I'm not sure. But we will just go to the garden." With that Rin got shakily to her feet and walked slowly to the door.

"You look really weak, Isuzu-san. Maybe we should stay inside." Tohru closed the door behind her and followed her worried.

"I want some fresh air and no walls around me for once." Rin reached the garden door and stepped outside. In front of a flower bed she sank to her knees in exhaustion, staring unseeingly into the bright sun and taking deep breaths.

"Can I ask you something about… about the curse, Isuzu-san?" Rin looked at her and nodded after a moment.

"What is it?"

"How… does it feel? And is there really no way to break it?" Rin thought about her words before she answered.

"The bond is nothing we remember. You know the legend about how the animals came to god's banquet, right?" Tohru nodded and Rin continued. "Well, the animals made a promise to god himself. As I said, we don't remember any of this, but still we are bound by that promise. It's in the juunishi's blood… For the juunishi this bond is a heavy burden, even though from the outside it may look beautiful." Rin paused for a moment and carefully touched a flower's petals before her.

"If there is a way to break it, none of the juunishi knows. I asked practically everyone, but even Shigure, who's closest to Akito, doesn't know anything."

"How about Kureno-san?", Tohru asked.

"He's no good. Even though he is one of the juunishi, I just can't think about him as one of us. He was never there and he is something like Akito's private toy. Don't talk to him, he's not reliable." Rin's voice was harsh and she could see Tohru flinching beside her.

"I… I don't think he would tell Akito-san. Maybe I should talk to him." Tohru stood up, but Rin drew her down again.

"Don't go there on your own. You'll get into trouble if they catch you." Rin paused for a moment. "Why is it… Why do you want to break the curse? What for?" She looked at Tohru intently.

"I… it's…" She didn't answer. Rin looked away.

"I doesn't matter." Rin had her motivation. Haru. But maybe Tohru's motivation wasn't her business.

"Isuzu-san, may I ask you something else?" Rin nodded again. "May I ask you about Hatsuharu-san?" Rin flinched, but almost grinned the next moment.

"You call him 'Hatsuharu-san?" Tohru stared at her silently in surprise. "It's just that I don't think anyone else calls him by his full name… except Akito of course… What about him?" Tohru cleared her throat.

"Well, he… doesn't come by as often as he used to and I think Yuki-kun is worried about him. He told me that Hatsuharu-san wouldn't talk to him as he used to."

"How so?"

"Well, Yuki-kun said, Hatsuharu-san wouldn't talk about his problems, although he obviously has some. I wouldn't know, since I don't know him that well… And I thought, since you two are rather close as Yuki-kun said, maybe you could talk to him." It was a prominent moment of silence before Rin sighed.

"Fine, I'll talk to him." Rin stood up again and walked back into the hospital.

"Thank you, Isuzu-san." Tohru's voice was honest and Rin nodded. She accompanied Rin to her room. "I'll have to go home now, but I'll come again. Get well soon, okay?"

"Be careful about Kureno", was all Rin said as goodbye before she closed the door behind her. As soon as she was alone, she sighed. Fine, now how was she supposed to talk to Haru after she wasn't allowed male visitors anymore? She would have to be released from her as soon as possible. Maybe she should talk to Hatori for once.

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End of Chapter 19

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**AN:** Huh, another long chapter. As I said before, all my lemon chapters turn rather long, but I guess you don't mind. How did you like it?

Please tell me what you thought and leave a review, ne?

MeiLei: I'm sorry that in your eyes I portraited Haru in an OOC-way. Although I for one don't think it's too far off, because I got the impression that Haru avoided the topic of Rin in his talks with Yuki - or at least he didn't go into details, but changed topic to Yuki calling Tohru Honda-san and such... Maybe it was just me, but that was how I saw things. Anyway, thanks for telling me because otherwise the thought wouldn't have even occurred to me... As well thanks for your very kind offer to beta the chapters. Should I ever be in need of someone, I'll come back to it for sure, but for now my boyfriend is... 'good enough'. (Good thing I wrote this note after he beta-ed the chapter... Hehe!)

Until next time, Joey-chan


	20. This present darkness

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is lemon-free. Go ahead.

**Spoiler Warning:** SPOILERS for Volume 18 and a secret about Akito! Don't say you haven't been warned. If you don't want spoilers, this story is most certainly not the right one for you.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 20 – This present darkness**

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Rin sighed as she walked down the road that lead to Haru's home. It already was early winter, a sharp cold wind blew the last fallen leaves down the sidewalk and Rin shuddered. This was no temperature for her, she liked summer and spring better, when it was warm and nature was green and friendly.

Winter was about endings, about death, lifeless. It was a sad season. Rin buried herself deeper into her short cloak that reached down to mid-thigh and quickened her pace.

It had taken her much longer than expected to be released from hospital. Only two weeks ago had the doctors finally given their consent and Hatori had picked her up. And now she had some business to take care of.

She hadn't forgotten about her talk with Tohru and her promise to talk to Haru as soon as she was released, but with new year and everything, she hadn't found the right opportunity to seek him out. And that was why she was walking to his house now. To talk to him.

Rin wasn't really looking forward to it. Tohru had told her to talk to him about his problems and the obvious misery he kept locked inside. But what would she tell him, when she knew that she was the source of this misery? There was nothing she could say or do to make things easier for him.

The only thing that would help him would be starting over with their relationship, but this would endanger Haru and she was unwilling to take that risk. That was why she needed to keep her distance to him.

Normally she would have preferred to meet him somewhere private, where his parents couldn't see them any moment, but given past experience, she knew it was better if someone was in hearing distance. Otherwise she knew where they both would end up and even though she missed his touch, his love terribly, she wouldn't give in. Not this time.

She walked past another house, and another. And then she suddenly stopped. Her horse instincts told her that someone was near, no two people in fact. One was familiar… this scent… Tohru. And the other one, she knew as well, although she couldn't place it. And then she heard the sound of someone crying. She walked a little further and stared at the pair.

Tohru and Kureno. This was a surprise indeed. No wonder she hadn't been able to place the scent – she hadn't seen him personally in ages. What was he, Akito's right hand, doing here with Tohru. Making her cry no less?

She watched intently as Kureno walked away, leaving a sobbing Tohru behind. Rage welt up inside Rin and she threw a last worried look at the girl, before she decided to follow Kureno instead and give him a piece of her mind. She was no good at cheering people up anyway, so she couldn't help Tohru like this.

Kureno walked directly towards the main house and Rin ground her teeth as he walked past the gate and into the yard of Akito's residence. This wasn't really a place she wanted to be. Akito would get angry at her for sure, were she to be caught, so she needed to be extremely careful.

She stepped along the wall and was about to peer around a corner where Kureno had disappeared from her sight, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Whirling around she came face to face with a woman. She knew her as well. Ren. Akito's mother.

"Now, what a bad girl you are… sneaking into the main house." Her grin was somewhat eerie and Rin shuddered at the sound of the older woman's voice.

"What are you searching for, Isuzu-san? There's something you are looking for. What is it?" Rin thought frantically for a moment. She knew that Ren wasn't in Akito's good grace as well, but she was closer to the god than Rin had ever been. She had born him. If someone else, except god himself, knew how to break the curse, wasn't Ren most likely to know?

"Do you… know how to break the curse?" Rin had never been one to beat around the bush, a quality that Haru had often told her he liked. But now she thought that maybe it had been better to not blurt this out. Ren's smile was scary as she stared down at her and then she nodded.

"I'll tell you. There's one condition though. I want something back, what is mine in the first place. It's in Akito's room. Bring it to me and I'll tell you." Rin stared at her for a moment.

"Why wouldn't you get it yourself?"

"They won't let me near Akito's room. But you are one of them, so they won't try to stop you. It is a box and Akito keeps it on the shelve behind the shoji-door. Bring it to me." Rin nodded.

"But… what is inside this box?" Ren's laughed shortly.

"A treasure." With that she walked away, leaving a dumbfounded Rin behind. Treasure? What kind of treasure could be worth their family's secret? But if Ren was willing to reveal the way to break this damn curse for a box…

With quick steps she turned and walked back to the gate, this time entering the house from the front door. She politely reclined the maid's offer to bring her to Akito's room and walked down the corridor. She listened carefully for a moment for any movement inside the room, but it was perfectly quiet. Akito wasn't there. Such luck.

She slid the shoji-door open and sneaked towards the other one. After Ren's description it had to be there and she was right. As soon as she slid the door open, her gaze fell onto a polished dark wooden box that was placed carefully on a cushion.

Rin reached for the box and looked down onto it. The key to release the curse. It was in her hands. She would be able to keep her promise to release Haru from the curse. A tear of happiness slid down her cheek.

This was when she felt a hand covering hers. A cold hand, a cruel hand. She whirled around and came face to face with no one other than their god.

No! This couldn't be happening. Not now.

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With a thud the door fell shut behind her. Rin took a few steps back from their enraged god.

"So you think you can sneak inside my room and steal from me?" Akito closed the distance between them and reached for her throat, his fingers closing around her neck and Rin gasped. She tried to break free, but Akito's grip was surprisingly strong. She tried to twist her neck so he would lose his grip, she clawed at his hands, his arms, gripped for his yukata and tried to push him away.

"Maybe you forgot what betraying me means? Maybe you forgot about our last meeting?" The hand finally lost its grip and Rin sank down to the floor, gasping for breath, eyes wide in shock.

"You know how I feel about you, don't you, Isuzu?" Akito looked around the room and grinned devilishly.

"But I feel kind today. I'll give you a choice about the consequences for your action." Rin stared at their god and tried not to shudder in horror at the scary look in those furious eyes.

"Either, you'll stay here in the cat's room, locked away for ever…" Rin gasped. This must be a nightmare. But somewhere deep inside her mind she almost applauded Akito. Their god knew how to punish someone. Akito knew how very much she treasured movement and freedom. As the horse she was bound to.

"Or you choose to be free and I'll blind Hatsuharu instead. You know I've got practice in those kind of things." The cruel wink and a malicious smile where all Rin could see. With a cry she sprang to her feet.

"No! No, don't do this. I'll stay here. Just don't… don't hurt Haru." An eerie laughter was all the answer she got and then their god walked out of the room, shutting the door and turning the key. She was caught, locked away.

"Oh, Haru…" Her whisper was so soft that even she couldn't hear it over the sound of the wind rushing through the garden.

With a sigh she looked around the room. It was bare, except for a small cot. Nothing more. Rin sat down on the floor, leaning against a wall and stared unseeingly at the cot.

What should she do now? There was no way she could get this box out of Akito's room any longer. The god would see to this. Besides, she was now imprisoned anyway. And no one would come searching for her, since no one knew where she went off to. Who would think about searching for the horse inside the cat's room?

Still there was a lot to think about. Their whole world was a big lie. Everything about it. And the biggest lie seemed to concern Akito. Hadn't she felt while she desperately clawed at their god to get free from his grip, that Akito, the god, was in fact Akito, the goddess?

Haru and she had sometimes joked about this, since all the favored juunishi were male, that Akito was either gay or a woman in hiding. If only she had known how right they had been.

Akito was a woman.

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Haru sat on his bed, leaning heavily against the wall behind him and he stared unseeingly out of the window. It was raining as it had been the last few days. A not too heavy, but constant, insisting and not to mention cold rain. It was still early in the year and temperatures were low.

Valentine's day had been last week and for Haru it had past without a happy surprise. He threw a glance at the wrapped chocolate packages on his table, where his mother had placed them. One was from Tohru, another one from Kisa, most of them from girls in his school. Apparently he had a few admirers. Not that he cared.

All he cared about was a package – or rather the absence of a package – from a certain dark-haired beauty who he hadn't seen nor heard anything from in over a month. The last time he had seen her had been new year, when he had left the banquet to see her at Kazuma's dojo. She had been hiding there, even though quite a few of the juunishi knew where she was.

He hadn't been able to talk to her though, finding her sitting in a corner, leaning against a wall and fast asleep. She hadn't woken up when he had carefully wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up to carry her to the guest room. It had been another sign of her trust for him and he was grateful to see that he was still able to approach and touch her without waking her up.

Normally she would wake up immediately if someone came close to her when she was asleep. She was the horse after all and her instinct worked full time, even when she wasn't awake.

Haru sighed and let his head fall back against the wall again. This was the first valentine's day he could remember where he hadn't gotten a gift from her. Her present had always been the one he looked forward for. And now she had neither given him chocolate nor even called. It wasn't like her at all and Haru was worried.

He had asked around discreetly if someone had seen Rin, but no one had known something. Haru had been really careful so as not to make Akito suspicious, because Haru knew their god would only get mad at Rin and he didn't want that. But still his asking around hadn't lead to anything.

"Haru? Are you okay?" His mother stood in the door, a tray with two cups of hot steaming tea in her hand. "I knocked, but you obviously didn't hear me." Haru nodded absentmindedly and looked out of the window again. He turned his head back to his mother as he felt the mattress shift and watched her as she sat the two cups down on his table.

"I made some tea. There's nothing better that warm tea on a day like this." She smiled at her son and Haru tried to smile back but he felt how very much he didn't succeed. He stared at his cup and watched the steam rise and curl in the air.

"So, care to tell your old mother what happened?" Haru made a sound between a laugh and a snort and leaned forward the pick up his tea, curling his cold fingers around the warm cup.

"What is there to tell?" His voice was silent and he didn't like the sound of defeat in it.

"A lot, I think. Of course you don't have to go into details if you don't want to, but maybe it would help you to talk about it." Haru was silent. "So, shall I guess? Well then… is it Isuzu-chan?" The soft sound of ironic laughter, mixed with pain and hopelessness was all the answer she needed. Somehow the depth of feeling behind it was entirely inappropriate for someone still so young. Haru was only sixteen after all.

"So I am right?" Haru took a deep shuddering breath and nodded.

"You are right."

"I thought so. I haven't seen her in a long time and the way you act… when did it start again? Last summer before the holidays. Did she break up with you?"

"Mom, you weren't even supposed to know about our relationship", Haru huffed slightly and his mother laughed.

"Sorry, dear, but I am your mother. I am supposed to know such things and even if you didn't tell me directly it was quite obvious. At least for me. So I take it I'm right. She broke up with you." Haru nodded slightly.

"She had good reason to."

"You didn't cheat on her, did you?"

"Mom!"

"It was just a guess. Don't be offended. So you didn't… did you?" Haru rolled his eyes.

"Of course I didn't." His mother looked at him silently for a moment.

"Then why?" Haru stared into his teacup and softly blew into the still rising steam.

"I don't know. She only told me that it was a good reason and I… I trust her enough to believe her." This earned him a soft smile from his mother.

"So you did talk to her again. That's good. And still you are sad because she didn't give you something for valentine's day, even though you are not a couple anymore?" Haru sighed heavily.

"Am I really that predictable?" His mother touched his arm softly and smiled and then took a sip from her tea.

"Only to your mother."

"Yes, I'm… I guess, I still expected her to give me something. When we last talked she… hinted that she didn't break up because she no longer lov… felt something for me."

"I understand… and now you are worried about what? That she really doesn't love you?" Haru flinched at her words but shook his head no.

"It's not that. I'm worried that something happened to her. It's just not like Rin to not even call on valentine's day. And no one knows where she is."

"So you did ask around. Who did you ask?"

"Well, Yuki, Kyou, Honda-san, Hiro-kun, Momiji and even Ayame-niisan."

"Haru, how about you try asking Kagura-san? She's something like Isuzu-chan's older sister, isn't she?"

"Younger", Haru mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Younger. Kagura-neechan is two month younger as Rin."

"Whatever. Try calling her and ask about your 'Rin'. If anyone knows where she is, then it's her." His mother stood up and walked into the corridor to pick up the phone. Then she gave it to Haru.

"Here. Call and then drink our tea before it gets completely cold. Dinner will be ready in about one hour. And don't forget about your homework." Without another word she left the room and silently closed the door behind her. Haru stared at the phone in his hand, but finally decided to give it a try and called Kagura's number.

"Moshi moshi? Sohma Kagura?"

"Kagura-neechan? It's Haru…"

"Haru-kun, hi. I didn't expect you to call. Can I help you with something?"

"Actually I would like to know if… if Rin is there."

"No, she isn't, sorry."

"Were is she?" Kagura was silent for a moment.

"I… I'm not sure. As far as I know she is in hospital again. That's what mom told me. I don't know in which one though… sorry."

"In hospital… again? I thought she was only released a few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry, Haru-kun. I don't know more than you do. Listen, Haru-kun. Can I call you back tonight? Mom and I wanted to go shopping and…"

"That's not necessary, but thank you, Kagura-neechan."

"Okay, well then, see you, Haru-kun. And don't worry too much. I'm sure she's fine. Bye." The connection broke before Haru had a chance to say 'bye' himself and he put the phone aside and sighed. In hospital again? This would explain why she hadn't called, but why did no one knew about this? And in which hospital was she?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Hiro knocked softly onto the wooden door and waited.

"Yes?" Taking a deep breath he opened the door and stepped into the room.

"Hiro-kun. What can I do for you? Are you ill?" Hiro shook his head no.

"I'm fine, Hatori-niichan. I'm… here to ask about Rin." Hatori looked at him questioningly.

"Isuzu-san? What about her?"

"I wanted to know in which hospital she is staying." Hiro stared at him intently and Hatori blinked.

"I'm afraid I don't understand. She was released from hospital almost three months ago before new year."

"Yes, I know. But… Kagura-neechan said that she's in hospital again and I want to know where."

"But she isn't in hospital now, as far as I know. And I should know…" Hiro stared at him wordlessly.

"But… where is she?" Hatori shook his head slightly.

"I don't know, but she isn't in a hospital. Maybe you misunderstood Kagura-san somehow? Ask her again, will you? I'm sorry, Hiro-kun, but I have to see Akito now for check-up. Or is there something else…?"

"No… No, that was all. Thank you, Hatori-niichan." Hiro bowed shortly and walked out of the main house again, walking home unseeingly and deeply lost in thought.

Hatori stared after him for a moment, before he turned to walked more deeper into the main house towards their god's room, wondering about the same thing as the sheep.

Where was Rin?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

On the first floor, leaning against the window frame – the same window that had been broken not too long ago – Akito watched a young maid walk along one of the paths in the garden, a tray with food in her hands. When she stepped around a curve, the goddess couldn't see her any longer, but Akito knew where the maid was heading.

And the goddess smiled.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 20

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**AN:** Here is chapter 20. I hope you liked it. I hope I didn't spoil anyone of you about Akito being female. I guess most of you knew anyway, but if you didn't I'm sorry. For me it was one of the major surprises in Fruits Basket, although I had my suspicions all along. I mean, it is a rather major hint that all of the favored juunishi are male, isn't it?

And just to let you know: The next chapter (21) will be the last one that is completely following the storyline of the manga. From the middle of my chapter 22 this story will be AU – as I would have liked the story to go. I hope you'll all stay with me and the story. I'll try my best to make your time with the story worthwhile.

Anyway, please tell me what you think about this chapter and leave a review, okay?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	21. What I knew all along

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 21 – What I knew all along**

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Haru leaned against the frame of a window in the corridor and stared unseeingly into the school yard below, where students were bustling back and forth. Mostly, it were students from the final year who already had finished their final exams the day before.

Haru sighed and rested his forehead against the chilly glass and closed his eyes in a feeble attempt to block out the noise in the building. The graduating students were done with their exams, which meant that Rin was done with school as well. He hadn't heard from her in over two months now and even though he had asked Kagura if she knew something new every week, he never had been able to find out were Rin was.

Living without Rin was hard, Haru knew that much. Living without knowing if Rin was even okay was even harder. His worry left him on the edge, his black side always close to the surface and more often than not Haru would snap at someone, although normally this wasn't like him.

And this was why he was alone right now when Momiji and those two girls –what were their names again?- had followed him previously, trying to convince him of going to the graduation party. After a cutting remark that Haru felt almost sorry for now, they had finally left him alone. He didn't want to go to a party right now, and even less to one full of graduating students which would remind him of Rin even more.

"Haru?" A soft, almost hesitant voice spoke behind him and Haru opened his eyes again, turning around to face Momiji, who looked at him anxiously.

"Haru, I'm sorry." Haru smiled slightly and nodded.

"I'm sorry too. I… didn't mean to snap." Momiji smiled back.

"I know. We bothered you and again, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone, if you want to…" Haru nodded shortly.

"Yes, that… would be great." Momiji smiled again and left the ox to his thoughts. Haru sighed again and finally walked down the corridor towards the stairs. He needed some fresh air.

"Haru!" The ox sighed again and turned around, this time to see the rat walking towards him. "Wait a moment."

"What is it?" His voice sounded rasping and harsh and Yuki looked at him for a moment before he spoke.

"Haru… it's about Rin. I heard she is in the hospital again. Do you know why and where?" Haru stared at him for a moment and Yuki had the impression that Haru hadn't heard a word of what he had said.

"Who told you?", Haru almost whispered after a long time.

"Huh?… Oh! Honda-san said it, but I don't know who told her. Maybe Kagura?" Haru nodded absentmindedly and stared down the stairs. "She is really worried about Rin, because she doesn't know anything…" Haru finally turned to him.

"Worried about Rin?"

"Yes. Honda-san visited her sometimes in the hospital and she wants to visit her again, but no one seems to know where she is…"

"Rin… she made a friend." Haru's smile was almost sad and Yuki had to look away for a moment to fight the urge to hug the younger boy whose eyes held so much hurt.

"Yes, well… I doubt that's how Rin see things, but Honda-san likes her and she wants to see her again. Do you know where she is?" Yuki flinched at the sudden pain in Haru's eyes, before the ox looked down to the ground.

"No, I don't know where she is…" His voice was even, although Yuki could see both of Haru's fists clenching at his side and the tension in his back.

"You… you don't know? Do you… know about her condition then?" Haru shook his head no, still staring at the ground.

"I don't know a thing… nothing." The last word was just a whisper. Yuki took a hesitant step towards the ox.

"Haru… daijoubu?" Yuki almost jumped when Haru's gaze suddenly snapped up, staring directly at him, but Haru wasn't seeing him. All he could hear was this word echoing in his head, spoken in a much softer melodic voice.

_Daijoubu…_

Haru shivered as he remembered her voice so vividly as if she was standing right behind him.

_Daijoubu…_

The last time they had spent together as a couple, waking up in his bed. The last time where she had come into his arms willingly. The last time he hadn't had to catch her by running after her or shocking her enough to grab her. And this very morning that almost seemed a lifetime ago he had had the sudden feeling of dread, of loneliness. How right he had been. Why hadn't he stayed with her? Why hadn't he just insisted that they stayed home that day?

"Haru?" He finally registered Yuki's voice distantly and focused on him with some effort, nodding absentmindedly.

"Yeah, I'm… fine." A lie, nothing more and even Yuki could tell.

"You don't look fine at all…" Haru was silent for a moment.

"Maybe… maybe there is something wrong, but…" Haru didn't speak further but Yuki understood. It was not his business. Yuki took a step after the ox as he turned towards the stairs.

"Haru!"

"I'll let you know if I hear something…"

"Haru!"

"Say 'Thank you' to Honda-san for me, okay?" And with that he was down the stairs, Yuki's voice that one last time called his name wasn't answered nor heard. Haru was too deeply lost in thoughts and memories, Rin's voice still echoing in his head.

_Daijoubu… Because you are here, daijoubu._ Her soft voice, ringing, melodic as she smiled at him.

_I don't need you anymore._ Her voice harsh, slicing, hurting. Her eyes empty and lifeless as she stared at him – not seeing him even though he was right before her.

_Those words… I didn't mean them._ A whisper, a confession. A small flicker of hope and comfort in the whirlwind of emotions she caused in him.

Haru stopped walking as he exited the school building, taking a deep breath to clear his head.

_This will only hurt her._ Another voice, harsh but worried. Rin's 'little brother'. Hiro. Haru sighed again. Sometimes he thought the sheep almost knew Rin better than he did. Sometimes…

He needed to see her. Now.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Ah! Sorry!" Haru looked down as the familiar voice registered, just after he had walked into the person… Hiro.

"Hiro-kun… Kisa-chan." His voice held all the greeting he could come up with right now. He was still somewhat dazed from his sudden crash back into reality and his heart was still beating hard from his thoughts only moments before… Rin.

"Haru-niichan… can't you watch where you are going?" Hiro's voice was slightly annoyed, but he instantly swallowed hard and bowed his head when he saw Kisa's eyes. Haru almost could have smiled at the way Hiro reacted to the tiger. Just like him and Rin… one wave with her hand, one look, one breath and he was all tame, when only a second before he had been ready to let his black side explode.

"You have both grown up…" He looked at the two young people in front of him for a moment, smiling honey colored eyes from the tiger and liquid chocolate eyes from the sheep staring at him. "Watch out where you are going." And with that he walked past them, anxious to reach Kagura's home.

"Rin isn't there." Hiro's voice stopped him in his tracks and Haru looked back at the young boy. "If that's why you are walking to Kagura's home… Rin is not there. I don't mean to pry, but…" Haru was silent for a moment.

"Hiro-kun. Rin… is she hurt? Did she get injured?" Hiro stared at him blankly.

"Huh? Hurt? Well… in a way. She… Haru-niichan, Rin is…" He took a deep breath and swallowed hard, because he was about to break a promise. But it didn't matter. Not as much as she did to him. Rin was the only 'big sister' Hiro had and he cared for her much too much to see her ruining herself.

"The thing with her fall… it wasn't an accident." He heard Haru's sharp intake of breath and continued. "She was pushed by… by Akito. Because Akito found out about your relationship." Beside him, Kisa made a surprised sound, but remained silent otherwise. Haru was perfectly still and for a moment Hiro wondered if he even heard a word of what he was saying.

"Akito, he… once hurt Kisa because of me. Because he was angry with me, he took it out on Kisa. I never apologized for it… I'm sorry, Kisa." He bowed deeply and Kisa gasped again.

"I apologize to you as well, Haru-niichan. I… couldn't tell you about this, even though I knew from the start. I was there when Rin… when it happened. But she made me promise not to tell anyone. But now…" Haru still hadn't moved one inch and was perfectly still. Hiro wondered if he was still breathing.

"Rin… She's trying to break the curse. To free you from your bond. From all your bonds. That why she broke up with you. And to protect you from Akito. But… she can't go on like this. She's hurting herself trying to break this damn curse. Please… Haru-niichan… Tell her to stop. Tell her 'It's okay'. That it's enough. If you don't, she will only be alone and hurting. Please don't let her get hurt any further…" A dry sob tore itself from his raw throat and a tear made its way down his cheek.

Hiro sniffed miserably and looked down at the ground. He had broken his promise to Rin and now he could only hope that he had done the right thing. He looked up when he felt Haru's hand on his head.

"Thank you." Haru's voice was so quiet that Hiro wasn't sure if he had just imagined it, but he nodded anyway and watched as Haru turned and walked away down the street that lead to the main house.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru walked unseeingly down the street. He knew where his steps where leading him. His heart was beating hard in his chest and his breath was much quicker than usual, but it didn't have anything to do with him walking so fast at all. It was all due to Hiro's words.

How could he have been so stupid, so ignorant, so blind? Hadn't he known from the beginning that something about Rin's story about falling out of a window was utterly wrong?

Akito had pushed her. This was bad enough. He knew how their god thought about Rin. Whore, slut, disgusting. Female and as such a reason for anger and hate. Worth nothing. And because of this Akito had pushed her out of a window.

But what was worse: It was because of him. Akito had been so angry because he had touched Rin. It was a punishment for both him and Rin.

Haru remembered how Rin had told him about Akito beating Kisa so she had to stay in a hospital. He remembered clearly the fear and sadness in her black eyes. And Haru remembered her words as she told him that maybe someday they had to face something similar.

And now it had happened. Just as Rin had predicted. Akito had found out and he had taken his anger out on Rin, just as she had predicted. And his punishment had been so much worse, because Haru was one of the most favored juunishi, much higher in Akito's list than Hiro… and Rin was… Rin. The slut. The whore.

Haru had no doubt that Akito actually had expected Rin to not survive the fall. He didn't know how much Rin could take. Haru knew. Rin was much stronger than anyone would expect from someone so thin and fragile looking as Rin.

_I don't need you anymore. _Those words of her echoed still in his head. A lie. Nothing but a lie. She had told him that she didn't mean the words, that they weren't true, but that she was unwilling to tell him the real reason. And now he knew. She was protecting him. The whole time she was protecting him by pushing him away…

For a moment Haru thought about how he would have reacted in her situation and he decided that he most likely would have reacted similar. He would have pushed her away as well to keep her safe, even if his heart would have been breaking every moment without her…

Most likely she had felt the same. Most likely she had missed him, just like he had missed her. Had she thought about him like he had thought about her? Had she cried sometimes, like he had? Most likely. He knew his Rin. And even though it hurt him deeply to see that he didn't know her enough to see through her white lie from the beginning, he was relieved to hear that deep down she was still the same.

Still his Rin. And he would do anything to keep Rin safe, to protect her. Even if he had to fight god himself. Haru felt his black side breaking free and he didn't try to stop it.

And then he entered the main house.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Hatsuharu-san… Wait, you can't just…" Haru didn't listen to the maids who tried to stop him, but walked past them towards Akito's room. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears and felt his heartbeat all the way up to his head. With a creak and heavy thud he threw the shoji-door open, the wooden frame half breaking under the assault.

There he was. Their god, sitting at the low table just as if nothing of importance had happened… and to Akito if most likely seemed that way and it enraged Haru even further.

"Even though you are a juunishi, you can't just…", the maid protested.

"Shut up and piss off, you old hag." His voice was low, dangerous and foreign to his own ears. Never had he spoken like this, never had his voice sounded as if he wanted to hurt someone. But then, never before had he been in a situation like this. This was what you got when you hurt Rin.

Distantly he heard the old maid mumbling something about his rudeness and Akito reassuring her that it was alright. Haru stepped into the room and waited while the old maid tried to get the half broken door to shut again, only to finally leave it half closed when Akito waved her away.

"Now what can I do for you, Hatsuharu? You obviously have something important to say…"

"Why did you push Rin out of the window? Why?" Akito stared at his words, obviously shocked that Haru knew and the ox clenched his fists harder.

"Push Isuzu down? Why… who told you this?"

"Heaven told me", Haru growled out. Akito looked at him, then suddenly he grinned and gave a short laugh.

"You are an idiot, Hatsuharu. You know that, right? You believe in heaven, but not in god?" Akito turned around and Haru ground his teeth to keep himself from grabbing the god by his collar and shaking him until he was begging for him to stop.

"Why do you care what happens to Isuzu? You always had a soft spot for her, I know. Although I certainly don't understand nor approve. You were always with her… didn't you think I wouldn't notice? Why is it that you stay be her side? Do you pity her? She certainly is a pitiful creature… why, Hatsuharu?" Haru gave a frustrated shout and threw his fist into the shoji-door behind him so that it rattled in its frame.

"I love her, that's why. What stupid question is that? It's obvious, isn't it? And don't tell me you didn't know!" Haru took a deep breath. "Rin… where is she?"

"How would I know? It's not as if I care." Akito's voice was slicing.

"That's right. You always hated her, right from the start and more than the others. Because she is a woman? Because she is beautiful? Really, if you are god you should be…"

"You noticed?", Akito's cry interrupted him and Haru stared at the god as he whirled around, his eyes full of fury. "You noticed how much I hated her and yet you dare to say 'I love you' to her? I hate her and you knew that I would get angry. Don't tell me you didn't know." Haru stared at him, a sudden memory of Rin telling him that Akito would get angry if they were to start a relationship. She had known from the start… and so had he. Yes, he had known. But still he had wanted her.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. Don't you listen?" Haru took a step forward and finally grabbed the god be his collar, turning him around and shaking him.

"Tell me where she is, damn it. You don't think I believe that you don't know where she is, do you? Tell me!" He was almost yelling now and it was hard to hear something above the sound of his raging blood. But the name he heard. Her name.

"Isuzu… she has been sent to the hospital this morning." Haru let go of Akito's collar and turned around, surprised to see Kureno standing there.

"Hatori brought her there. She's only half conscious, but her condition is not too bad considering the circumstances…" Kureno walked towards Akito and him, slowly pushing Haru away from Akito before he looked at the god intently.

"Akito… you can't do things like that. It's not right, even if you are god." Haru went a few steps away to the shoji-door before he stopped.

"Rin… where was she?" Behind him he heard Kureno sigh almost inaudibly, then he took a deep breath.

"She was in the… cat's room." The last word was so softly spoken that it was hard to hear, but Haru heard it. The cat's room. She had been locked in the whole time. How long was it again? Three months now? Three months in the cat's room…

Haru felt as if someone had emptied a bucket of icy water over him. For a moment his body felt completely numb. He didn't hear his own heartbeat speed up, didn't hear the rushing sound of his blood in his ears, didn't feel his hands trembling. All he felt was his heart that broke all over again, but this time for her.

_Daijoubu… Because you are here, daijoubu. I'm fine…_ He felt a lump in his throat and it was suddenly hard to breathe as realization crashed into him. He had failed. He had wanted to protect her and he had failed. He had wanted to keep her safe and he had more than failed. It was all his fault… for not realizing things sooner, for not questioning where he had the feeling of something foul all along.

_Those words… I didn't mean them…_ He was a child. That was what he was. Nothing more than a child. A sixteen year old boy trying to play grown-up to match the maturity of his girlfriend. And now he had seen his limits. Painfully clearly he had seen them… And she had too. Would she even want him back now? The thought was defeating but it also increased his rage against their god who had destroyed everything.

He felt a rage breaking loose inside of him. A rage like nothing else he had ever felt. He was hurting deeply and he wanted Akito to feel just the same. He wanted to hurt someone. Deeply. Thoroughly. Just like he was hurting. Just like they had hurt her. A murderous rage born from despair.

Haru felt tears in his eyes and he couldn't suppress one desperate sob as he pressed his hands to his eyes. Why only was their world so fucked up? He wanted nothing more than to protect her and in the end he had brought her nothing but misery and pain.

"You are cruel! I'm the god!", Haru heard Akito cry out as Kureno tried to speak some sense into their enraged leader. Haru had had enough. With one quick step he was before him and grabbed his collar again tightly, almost choking the god.

"Cruel? You locked Rin up! Who is cruel here?" His yell was reflected in shocked expressions on both Akito's and Kureno's face. "You damn liar. You tried to kill her." This time he couldn't suppress the pain he felt completely and his voice broke at the end of the sentence.

"It's your own fault. It's because you chose to be with her… the woman you strangled yourself!" Akito's voice sounded angry with underlying panic. The god gasped as Haru shoved him back into the wall brutally. Haru wanted to deny it, he wanted to cry that it was not true, that he only wanted to see her happy and content. But in some corner of his mind he knew Akito was speaking the truth. And it hurt. More than everything.

The murderous rage was only fueled as he wanted to destroy this piece of reality and with it the one who had spoken it aloud. His fist was ready to strike hard and he heard Kureno cry out his name pleadingly, saw Akito staring at him wide-eyed in panic at the monster he had unleashed.

Reality hurt. Reality was that yes, he had always liked Rin, found her attractive and beautiful and he wanted to be with her, stay at her side. Reality was that he even now wanted to hurt her parents for hurting her like they did. He couldn't forgive them for abandoning their daughter who had nothing but adored them. And yes, he had wanted her to be independent from her parents, wanted Rin to need no one but him.

Had he noticed that it was as if he was strangling her in the process? Yes. Yes, damn it. He had noticed. He knew all along deep down that Rin shouldn't just depend on him, that he was strangling her. Deep down he had known from the start how things would go if Akito was to find out about their relationship. And still he hadn't stopped. Still he had wanted to touch her and kiss her. He had placed her into this kind of danger… and he had known about it.

He wanted to possess her. All of her. Her body, her mind, her every thought, her heart. But most of all he had wanted to possess her soul, even though he knew that at least part of her soul wasn't hers to give away. It was what bound her to Akito, just like him. But still he had wanted to possess her completely.

If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he had known ever since her 'accident' what had happened. Not in detail, but he could have made more than an educated guess. And still he had pretended not to know, had chosen to believe her poor story of falling out of a window just like that.

And only now did he realize that it was partly the bond that had made him act as if he didn't know. Partly, but not completely. The largest part of it was his own choice. Because he had been afraid. If he were to acknowledge that Rin was hurt by Akito, he would have to choose. Akito or Rin. His heart was crying out to Rin, but his soul wanted to stay at their gods side.

And so he had chosen not to think about it, chosen to believe her story. And with this choice he had abandoned her in the middle of the storm, just like her parents had left her.

_Daijoubu… Because you are here, daijoubu…_ But he hadn't been there when she most needed him.

His fist made contact, wood splintering under his hand. The impact only inches from Akito's head who stared at him wordlessly and shocked. But Haru didn't notice. All he could think about was her. How could he live like this, knowing that he had caused most of the misery in his love's life?

A tear made its way down his cheek, followed by another and another and Haru finally stepped back. He needed to make a choice, he knew. Akito or Rin. God or angel. Obligation or love. Past or future. In the end it wasn't that hard. He turned and walked past Kureno who was just as shocked as Akito.

"Hatsu… Hatsuharu!" Akito's voice missed its cutting edge.

"Shut up. Shut up, you damn… god. You make me want to kill both you and me." And with that he stepped out into the corridor, every step leading him away from their gods side.

"Ha… Hatsuharu! Wait! Don't go! Hatsuharu!" Haru fought it, fought the bond that made him obey, but in the end it was no use. His legs stopped on their own accord and he ground his teeth, fighting to take another step. But their gods command wouldn't let him. Haru turned halfway back to the gods room and stopped again when he saw Kureno stepping out after him.

"Go! Go away, Hatsuharu, and don't come back." Surprisingly those words seemed to have the desired effect and Haru felt the bond's command leave his body. Still he remained unmovingly and stared at Kureno.

"In a few days you should be able to see her. Go to her… she wants to see you too. When I found her, the only thing she said was your name… 'Haru'." The ox bowed his head as he could almost feel her voice reverberating in his heart.

_Haru… Haru…_ He needed to see her soon. And with that he left the main house without another word.

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In the hospital Rin woke up, looking around unseeingly and completely disoriented. Where was she? This didn't look like the cat's room… no, a hospital. She recognized the sounds, the scent, the feeling of it. Why was she in a hospital? She didn't know.

All she knew was that she wanted to leave, wanted to run away, wanted to feel free again. She wanted to go home.

But home was no longer an option, because there was no home waiting for her. The only home she had was in Haru's arms and if she were to run to him, Akito would only hurt him. No, Haru was out of question.

With ease she pulled the needle out of her vein and got up. She needed to get away.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Haru? Are you awake? Haru!" His mother knocked on the door, but Haru remained silent. He didn't look up when he heard the door open.

"Haru… are you okay?" His mother sat down on the bed beside him and then she pushed the phone into his hand. Finally he looked at her.

"Hatori-san is on the phone. He wants to talk to you." Mechanically, Haru lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Haru-kun? It's Hatori. Shigure told me to call you… it's about Isuzu-san. She was sent the hospital this morning. She was unconscious when we arrived there, but apparently she awoke this evening and ran away… could you… do you know where she might be?" Haru gasped.

"No, I… I'm sorry. I don't know. I'll go looking for her."

"No, Haru-kun wait, this isn't…" But Haru didn't listen anymore as he broke the line and grabbed a sweater and a jacket.

"Good luck, Haru. Bring her back safely." Haru paused a moment and looked at his mother. Then he nodded and smiled hesitantly and with that he ran down the stairs, out of the house, down the streets.

So she had been sent to the usual hospital. Haru hadn't been completely truthful. He had a pretty good idea where she might be or at least where she might try to get. But if her body was this weak, it was unlikely that she would be able to make the whole way to the park.

The very park were they had spent so much time, where they had walked and talked, kissed and made love during the night. The very park were Haru had caught her the last time he had seen her, were they had had sex in the rain. The park were Rin always said that no other world than their own existed.

He arrived at the back entrance and made his way through the familiar path they had always walked, but he couldn't see her. He ran to the front gate and down the street that lead towards the city. If she had taken the direct way, she would have taken this route.

When he walked around a corner he gasped in surprise. There she was, lying on the sidewalk unmovingly, dressed in nothing but a hospital gown. She must have been freezing. It was only march after all and at night it still got cold. Behind him he could feel the last sparks of the setting sun warming his back and he ran to her side, sinking down beside her.

For a moment he was immobilized as he saw what Akito had done to her. Her hair, the long dark tresses he loved so much were gone, the uneven edges speaking a story of their own.

Haru hesitantly touched her hair. He had expected her to be unconscious and almost jumped in surprise when she moved and looked up at him. Her eyes were full of tears as she stared at him. He felt tears gather in his own eyes when she buried her face in her hands and started to cry. Her voice was harsh and broken as if she hadn't used it in a long time… which most likely were true.

"I'm sorry… I failed. I couldn't find your happiness… I'm sorry." For a moment neither one of them spoke, then Haru finally took a deep breath.

"Which means, that your journey is over? Then you can return to my side… because without you, I'm lonely." He leaned down slightly, craving her closeness after such a long time.

"Then I should come back soon." She smiled at him and he smiled back, gently wiping away the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"Good dream…" Haru grinned then, realizing that she was still caught between dream and reality.

"It's not a dream, you know?" And with his words he could feel her becoming aware of her surrounding, the street, the sidewalk, the wind, the setting sun. For a moment she stared at him in panic as if she expected him to disappear and he leaned down to gather her in his arms. Almost effortlessly he lifted her up and he was shocked at how light she was. Not that he couldn't have guessed by the way her every bone was practically visible.

"Everyone was worried about you when you disappeared. And then you ran away from the hospital… how did you manage to walk this far in your state?" He shifted her in his arms to hold her comfortably without hurting her and for a moment he thought where he should walk to. Bringing her home with him wouldn't be that much of a problem, but Akito would look for her for sure and that was were he would look first.

"Haru… I can walk by myself." Her voice held a note of determination, but he could hear the exhaustion in it and he shook his head no.

"Maybe. But I won't let you… I… may still be a brat in many ways, not noticing what goes on right before my eyes…" He was silent for a moment, guilt washing over him at the realizations he made earlier today. "But I'm not a little boy anymore. I can carry you now." They both remembered another time when Haru had found Rin lying on the sidewalk. Back then he had been too small to pick her up, too weak to carry her. But now he wasn't.

"Rin, you can walk as far as you can, but when you are exhausted, when you can't go on… let me carry you." His voice held an underlying amount of pleading. "I can carry you. You are not a burden. And you are definitely not a burden to me." They both were silent as Haru made his way down the street that lead towards the edge of Sohma property, where Kazuma's dojo was.

"Ha… Ha… ru…" Her voice was a mere whisper.

"Yes?" He didn't question further when she didn't speak again, only walked down the street.

"Haru…"

"Yes?" He felt her shift in his arms and he turned his head only to find her looking at him with her eyes gleaming and sparkling with tears in them.

"Tadai… ma." Haru stared at her for a long moment, not noticing a tear of his own that made its was down his cheek until she gently pushed it away. And then he smiled and turned her in his arms, so he could embrace her tightly and the feeling of her arms around his shoulders and her face pressed against his neck felt like heaven.

"Okaeri." And suddenly the world again was alright for both of them.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 21

°°°°°°°°°

**AN:** So here is the last chapter that completely follows the storyline of the manga. Those of you who have read volume 18 already certainly realize that I took the story more or less at it is. Yes, sometimes I played with the scenes, but it doesn't change anything vital.

My next chapter will start with the manga scene that follows this chapter, but from there on goes with my own ideas. Not that I don't like the original story as it goes from there, but I would have wished for it to be different, especially since there are no real Haru+Rin-scenes anymore…

MeiLei: Thanks for the correction. It really took me some time to figure out why 'the hospital' sounded so completely wrong to me. After talking back and forth with some native speakers, we found the solution: 'in hospital' as in as a patient is british english and only when someone works in a hospital it would be used with 'the'. In american english 'the' is used in both cases. Who would have thought about that? I leant british english, so it's no wonder that 'She's in the hospital' sounds terribly wrong to me… Hehe. But since most of you are from the USA, I'll from now on try to stick with 'the hospital', okay?

Shaffer: Sorry, I used the word so often in previous chapters that I thought I would get on your nerves if I translated it every time!

**Daijoubu: means 'I'm fine'. **

**Tadaima: means 'I'm home' and is said whenever you come home. **

**Okaeri: means 'Welcome home' and is the answer to 'Tadaima'. The more formal way would be 'Okaeri nasai'.**

Anyway, please tell me what you thought and leave a review, ne? I hope you'll all stick with the story. I'm looking forward to write about my own ideas.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	22. Where we left off

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Lemons ahead.

**Note:** SPECIAL CHAPTER!!! This chapter is dedicated to all my faithful reviewers. As a special surprise, I made it really, really long one! Over 10,000 words. So enjoy and take your time!

°°°°°°°°°°

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 22 – Where we left off**

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Everyone was silent, only the sniffing sound of Tohru's crying was heard. Rin sat in a chair right before her and ground her teeth as she fought with herself to not snap at the girl, but more for Haru's sake than her own. She could feel his intent gaze on her and as usual it wasn't making things easier for her.

Haru's eyes always held a certain fascination to her. Normally his eyes were soft and gentle, a warm deep brown, like wild honey. Only when his black side broke free did his eyes get darker, an almost silver glint breaking the brown.

She loved his eyes, especially when they bore into her like now, but she wasn't used to this gaze when someone else was around. It was a gaze full of longing and passion and normally they would have sex right then and there. But now Yuki and Tohru were sitting beside them and they were in Kazuma's house, so they couldn't do anything about it.

When Haru had brought her here last night, she had half expected him to stay with her, but he had only quietly told her to sleep, that she was safe here and that he would be back the next day. And sleep she did like a stone until the next morning, when Haru's voice and touch on her shoulder had slowly pulled her out of her dreams.

He had even managed to get some breakfast into her before he had taken her to the city, accompanying her to a barber to even out the edges in her hair. He hadn't asked what had happened, but by the look in his eyes he had a pretty good idea. When Rin had asked him if he didn't have school today he had only nodded, but told her that to him nothing could be more important than her and he had told her about Tohru being worried, and after some talk she had finally allowed Haru to call Yuki. And so here they were.

Rin absentmindedly pulled her fingers through her now-short hair and sighed, still determinedly ignoring Tohru's sniffing. She could feel Haru's gaze on her body like a caress, on her face, on her neck, her shoulders, sliding lower…

"Stop it already." She jumped up and cried those words, throwing a quick gaze in Haru's direction, who only grinned in response. "Stop crying in front of me."

"Yes!", Tohru sniffed one last time and rubbed her eyes.

"Haru… don't pressure her with that gaze of yours." Yuki had whispered but in the silence of the room Rin had picked it up.

"If only that was the problem…", she muttered under her breath, too silent for Yuki to hear but Haru chuckled softly.

"Ah, it's a rare thing to have Isuzu-chan shouting like this." Rin jumped in surprise as Kazuma spoke suddenly behind her.

"Kazuma-san… my…" She threw a uncertain gaze around the small group before she continued. "…friends came for a visit. I hope it's…"

"It's fine, Isuzu-chan." Kazuma grinned as Tohru stared up at Rin in wonder at being called a friend.

"What are you looking at?", she snapped and pushed the younger girl softly. Yuki sprang to his feet in protest and Haru remained sitting at the table. He knew that Rin would never hurt Tohru, but obviously Yuki had his doubts.

Haru watched silently as Tohru's gaze returned to Rin's new hair style again and again. He knew it was making Rin uncomfortable. She didn't want Tohru to know what happened to her and somehow Haru could understand why. It was private and it was painful enough without other people poking around in the wound it had left.

"It was in the way, so I cut it off. Stop staring at me." Rin threw a questioning gaze at Haru and he nodded slightly before turning back to Kazuma, who sat down at the table. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched as Tohru dragged Rin outside into the garden. Rin was still weak and she shouldn't move around too much, but she wouldn't listen even to him. She was the horse and locking her away had left her with a deep desire for free movement.

"So, Rin will be staying here for a while?" Yuki's voice brought Haru's focus back to the two other male Sohmas at the table.

"Yes. She doesn't like staying in hospitals and she wants to avoid the main house. So she either stays here or she'll just run away."

"She was locked up by Akito? And Akito cut her hair?" Haru flinched at Yuki's words but nodded.

"She wants to keep it a secret what happened. Especially from Honda-san. And she doesn't want anyone to know where she's staying now, either." Yuki nodded shortly and Kazuma smiled. "She doesn't want Akito to know… and I don't want him involved, either." Yuki smiled.

"You chose well, Haru. Really. I think you are doing the right thing. It's really shocking how sudden things happen. One day I didn't know anything about Rin and the next I hear from you that she was… well. It was sudden. I didn't even have time to ask if you are okay."

"It's fine… I still love you…" He threw a quick glance at Rin as he said the words and found her looking at him, her eyes smiling. She knew him better than anyone else and she knew that this declaration of love was for her. He hadn't been able to tell her again after their sex in the park and he wanted to say it again, to hear her say it to him. He needed it and he wanted to touch her again.

"Where was she locked away?", Kazuma asked and Haru was silent for a long moment. He looked up as he saw Yuki smiling at him encouragingly and Haru stared at him wordlessly until Yuki's smile faltered.

"The cat's room", he finally said and looked down at the table.

"Oh… that is… where Kyou will be staying", Kazuma mumbled more to himself and no one answered him, because there just wasn't anything to say. Haru turned his head and silently watched Rin again, wishing again that they would soon have time to talk in peace and on their own.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Thanks for letting us come over. And get well soon, Rin." Yuki bowed politely and Tohru mirrored his action before they both turned and walked home. Haru still stood beside Rin and watched as her gaze followed the rat and the girl.

"So… then I'll see you tomorrow." Rin nodded slightly at his words, but didn't look at him. "It's nice that they both came over, isn't it?"

"They didn't have to… you shouldn't have called them." Haru sighed.

"But Honda-san was really worried about you… it's good to have friends, Rin." He could see Rin looking away in embarrassment and grinned slightly.

"We are not friends. Certainly not. She just… follows me." Haru chuckled softly.

"Whatever. Still it's good. And about Kureno… I want to thank him for rescuing you, even though he would get into trouble." Rin's face mirrored her feelings that seemed to change between wanting to thank Kureno and hit him.

Haru sighed again. He would definitely thank Kureno. Not only for rescuing Rin, but for breaking Akito's influence on him in the moment where it mattered the most. If Kureno hadn't been there, hadn't told him to go, he would have stayed, obligated by Akito's command and he would have abandoned Rin in the process.

Haru stared silently back at her for a moment, watching her as she looked at the ground unseeingly and deeply lost in thoughts. And then he crossed the remaining distance between them and carefully laid his hand on her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss on her neck.

"Don't do things like this on your own again, Rin." He felt Rin go stiff in his arms and she turned around to look at him, eyes wide in what Haru could only wish he interpreted right as hope.

"No matter how important it is to you, no matter what it is, don't. Not even for my happiness, okay?" He watched as her eyes grew dark with disappointment at her own inability to reach her goal, but he couldn't leave her off the hook just now. "You have done enough, Rin. It's okay. And there is one thing you need to understand as well: my happiness is with you. Because without you I'm lonely, so please let me stay by your side." And with that said he pulled her into his arms and she stepped into his embrace without resistance.

He let his head drop to her shoulder, burying his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her beloved scent. Right now, right here, the past days, weeks, months, seemed like a bad dream, a nightmare. Right now there was only her, her body pressed against his, her hands on his chest, fingers clenched in his shirt, her warmth, her scent, her love that enveloped him.

"Haru… don't leave." He lifted his head and looked at her. "Stay." And with that she stepped out of his arms, and walked a step back to the house without letting go of his hand. For a moment he remained where he was, staring at her, drowning in the endless blackness of her eyes. And then he smiled and took a step towards her and she smiled in answer. He let her lead him to her room, only pausing shortly to look questioningly at Kazuma who only nodded and gestured that he would call Haru's parents.

And then he stepped into the room where she was staying, one of the guest rooms and he smiled as he saw the stuffed animal cow sitting on the bed, before he turned to Rin and kissed and they both were utterly lost.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Lemon ahead, so skip if you don't like it.

The kiss was everything he could wish for, a reminder, a promise, an invitation and he took it all. He drew Rin into his arms and hugged her tightly to him, reveling in the feeling of her being safely in his arms, although the many bones he could feel even through her clothes were a sharp reminder of what had happened.

Rin moaned softly as he deepened the kiss and shivered against him. Haru wasn't stupid enough to think that it was just because of his kiss. She was cold and quickly he reached down and picked her up bridal style. Then he walked towards the bed, where he sat her down carefully.

"Get under the covers. You are cold." Rin grinned at him, then she quickly shrugged out of her shirt and threw it at him, before diving under the cover. Haru grinned and practically ripped his sweater from his torso and kicked his shoes away before he went after her. She pulled the cover back as he sat down on the mattress and looked at her for a moment.

He could see a spark of doubt sneaking into her eyes at his hesitation and he smiled at her in reassurance, then he laid down beside her, taking her into his arms again and pulled her fragile form close to his body, willing his own body heat to warm her up again. She snuggled comfortably against him and closed her eyes with a sigh of content.

"If this is a dream, don't wake me up", she whispered and Haru smiled although his heart gave a painful squeeze at her words. He knew himself how thin the line between dream and reality was, having woken up more than once from a dream about her that seemed so real that he was convinced that she was really there – only to find that she wasn't. Those were the most painful moments he could remember.

"It's not a dream, Rin. I'm here… _you_ are here." He buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed in her beloved scent again. For him there was no stronger reminder that this was really happening.

"Haru, I…" She sighed and remained silent.

"What is it?" She shook her head against his shoulder and didn't look at him. "Hey… what is it? Come on, horsey, don't go all shy on me now." She laughed softly against her will and finally looked at him.

"So I'm still your 'horsey'?" Her eyes were serious and Haru knew that she was asking much more than her words meant. She wasn't asking about the nickname, but about everything. Her real question was 'Am I still the one who holds your heart?'. And Haru leaned down to rest his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes deeply.

"You'll always be my horsey, Rin. You'll always be in my heart, always be the one I miss most, always be the one I long for. And to answer you question: Yes, I still love you. More than ever, now and for ever. How could I not? If you want to get rid of me, bad luck, horsey." She laughed again, but tears were flowing down her cheeks now and Haru smiled before he pulled her into his arms again.

"I love you too, Haru." The ox let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and let his head sink down to her shoulder.

"Good to hear." For a moment they both just enjoyed their closeness, the knowledge that they still felt the same even after the many things they had to go through. Only after a long time did Rin start fidgeting against him and Haru suppressed a grin. He knew what she wanted and god, did he want it as well, but he would wait until she said something.

When after another few minutes she still hadn't acted on her desire, Haru sighed.

"I told you before, Rin. Don't go all shy on me now, okay?" His face was still buried against her neck so she couldn't see the teasing gleam in his eyes. Her body was practically stiff in his arms with longing and he felt her thundering heart beat in perfect rhythm with his. After another minute he had enough of this sweet torture and looked up into her eyes.

"So are we getting down to business or are you planning to make me come by just smelling the scent of your desire? Because I can assure you, it's working." He grinned as she blushed crimson and laughed when she weakly punched against his chest.

"Haru!", she turned her face away in embarrassment.

"What? You taught me, remember?" His voice was teasing and he grabbed her chin and turned her eyes back to him.

"Apparently I taught you a little too well…", she huffed, but her eyes were smiling and her voice was light and teasing.

"I never heard you complain before."

"And I certainly won't start now, oh great master of sexual pleasure." This time it was his turn to blush and she laughed at his expression. Then her face got serious again and she pushed him back into the mattress and leaned over him.

"I missed you, you know? All of you. Your eyes, your smile, your hands…" Her voice dropped down to a whisper and she leaned down. "Your kiss…" And then their lips met again and they both knew that this time they couldn't step back. They both deepened the kiss at the same time and Haru shuddered as Rin moved her one leg over his, straddling him.

Without hesitation he put his hands on her hips, holding her in place where he enjoyed the feeling of the heat between her legs most. When he was sure that she wouldn't move away, he let his hands slid upwards, under the light top she had been wearing under her shirt. It was a thin black, slick material that made his heart flutter as it displayed her curves and revealed without looking too deeply that she wasn't wearing a bra today.

And so his hands encountered only soft and warm skin as his fingers glid up her sides until he reached the sides of her breasts. He let his hands rest there for a moment, enjoying the sweet suspense and only when he heard Rin moan deeply in anticipation did he let his hands slip to the front, cupping both globes simultaneously. Rin shuddered against him and he groaned as he felt it all the way down to where he was hard and aching for her.

With practiced ease he caught both her nipples between his fingers and expertly teased and rolled them until she was grinding her hips against him, gasping for breath and softly moaning his name. He playfully pushed her hands away as she tried to return his touch. This was for her, only for her. She needed it to know that she really wasn't dreaming.

With a final soft squeeze he let go of her now hard and stimulated nipples and pushed her top up, drawing it over her head and throwing it aside carelessly. Then he searched for whatever was holding the skirt in place and found a lace, pulled it open and made a sound of appreciation as he realized that it was a wraparound skirt, which allowed him to get rid of it without having to lift her from where her heat was so nicely seeping into his hardness.

For a moment he admired the perfection that was his girlfriend, even though she was a lot thinner than he remembered. Having obviously guessed his thoughts she tried to cover herself with her arms, but he pulled them apart again.

"Don't…" His voice was husky and full of lust and he felt Rin shiver again. "Don't hide from me. It doesn't matter to me anyway." And with that he pulled her down for another earthmoving kiss.

This time he didn't stop her exploring hands as they slid up and down his chest. He arched his back as she put his nipples through the same torture and he moaned in pleasure as she carefully drew her nails over his stomach. She leaned down again and kissed his neck, sending delightful shivers through him. He moaned in protest when she lifted herself from her kneeling position, but was silenced with a kiss and the arousing feeling of her hands on his belt buckle, opening it and his fly with practiced ease.

Then she pulled both his jeans and boxers down to his knees and he quickly kicked them away. He leaned back comfortably again, watching her through half closed eyes as she let her gaze roam over his body and he moaned softly as her burning gaze came to rest on the most obvious evidence of his desire.

She licked her lips unconsciously and Haru clenched his fist in the sheets below him and put a hand over his eyes to collect himself again. And then he felt his hand on his erection, encircling his engorged flesh and he arched his back and bit down on his wrist to keep himself from crying out. She knew how to touch him, she knew what would make him cry out in pleasure, what would make him tremble in passion, what would make him come in a matter of moments and what would fuel him on but would keep him from coming.

And right now she was teasing him, building up a violent orgasm only to change her touch at the last moment enough to keep him from tumbling over the edge. Haru distantly remembered that he wanted to make this all for her and he tried to stop her, but she wouldn't let him and in his close-to-orgasm state he was in no position to debate anyway. And so he sank back into the pillows with a sigh and left himself to the destiny she decided.

Once more she brought him close to orgasm, so close that Haru for a glorious moment thought she had taken mercy in him and would let him come, but at the very last moment she took her hands away and he moaned out in protest.

"Rin…" Her name was a plea, a prayer, a wish, but a praise at the same time and she smiled down on him.

"Not yet. Once more." He almost sobbed as she touched him again, his cock already extremely sensitive and almost painfully swollen from her teasing and he shook silently under her caress. He could feel orgasm building again and he bit down on his wrist to keep his sounds of pleasure inside. He was almost certain that she could tell from the sounds he made how close he was. So he fought to keep perfectly silent, which was easier said than done, because now he had nothing to keep his focus from the sensation she induced.

Every now and then he twitched heavily under her as he felt his release coming closer… almost there now, almost… just one last caress and… she stopped. This time Haru did cry out in protest and almost sobbed with frustration as his hips shifted to find some kind of friction that would push him the rest to the release he so desperately needed.

"Wanted to fool me, mh?" Her voice was teasing but Haru could hear her own desire in it as well.

"Rin, please." He arched his back and gripped the sheets again. "Please… please." And then her hands were back on him, her caress strong and determined and Haru just knew that this time she wouldn't stop. Her thumb stroked over the tip of his member, gliding with ease over the sensitive part due to the many drops of precum and he shuddered deeply.

And then he could feel it again, his orgasm approaching, could feel his testicles drawing up towards his body in preparation of his release and just when he needed only a few more strokes to push him over the edge, he felt her hand leaving their perfect position on his cock and sliding lower to the base of his erection and she shifted herself.

Haru would have cried out in protest again, but the deep breath he took was interrupted when he felt her tongue circling the tip of his cock and then her perfect lips sank down on him, gliding, teasing and, what would always arouse him the most, sucking on him. He didn't stand a chance in hell as her ministration catapulted him over the edge, his body jerking under her heavily as he shot his release into her mouth and he would have cried out if he had any breath left in his lungs.

After a moment that seemed like eternity to him, he finally returned to reality, gasping for breath and trembling. Rin still had her lips around his member and suckled him clean, which left him moaning and shuddering deeply. Finally she let go of his tortured penis, laid down beside him and he pulled her into his arms.

"Great gods", was all he said and she chuckled softly. For a few minutes they just rested against each other until Haru became aware of the scent of her arousal again.

"Bad luck, beautiful. You'll have a hard time making me hard again after what you just put me through." Rin just arched an eyebrow as if to say 'Really?' and then her hands were back on his soft member, touching, teasing, caressing and yes, arousing and to his own surprise he was hard in a matter of moments.

"Bad luck, handsome. You'll have a hard time keeping me away after you are now hard again." She winked at him and he groaned as she pushed him down on his back again.

"Aren't you supposed to be weak? How will I make up for this?", he half mocked as she straddled him again.

"Yes, well. I had to restrain my movement long enough. Now I want some action." And with that she impaled herself on him and they both moaned out. "Besides…" She moved up and sank down again. "Besides I intend to… uh- come more than…" A gasp as he slightly changed the angle under her. "More than once." And with that she got down to business, riding him like there was no tomorrow.

He felt her first orgasm hitting her, felt her inner muscles clenching around his shaft and even though he just had an earth-shattering orgasm he could already feel the pleasure building again. Rin wasn't even stopping after her first orgasm passed and she just moved on, grinding her hips against his, her breath gasping as small sounds of pleasure escaped her mouth.

Haru just couldn't remain lying still and he pushed himself into a sitting position, pulling her close to his torso and she put her hands around his neck, dropping her head onto his shoulder as she moved. Her second orgasm took both of them by surprise and she bit into his shoulder in ecstasy, so that Haru cried out as well, half in pain and half in pleasure. She waited for a moment before she started moving again and this time Haru knew there would be no holding back for him.

He was painfully swollen and throbbing inside her and her last orgasm had pushed him close to the edge again. Her movements were short and fast, like they both wanted it right now, but it was not enough. With a sudden movement Haru flipped her around so he was on top, lying between her spread legs and he started pounding into her just the way she liked it, hitting that special spot inside of her.

She cried out as her third orgasm hit her so soon after the previous one and the feeling of her inner muscles milking him was the last stimulation he needed to follow her. With a last heavy push he fell over the edge and he stifled his shout of release against her shoulder. Rin was still moaning softly into his ear as her orgasm slowly ebbed off and he ground weakly against her before he finally stopped and propped himself up on elbows so he wouldn't crush her.

She wiped away a few drops of sweat from his forehead and he smiled as he leaned his head down to taste the sweat on her body, right over her breast. With a sigh of regret he finally pulled out of her and let himself drop to the mattress beside her.

"Stay the night?", she said softly beside him and he smiled.

"As if you could keep me away." She rolled to her side and propped herself up on one arm.

"Well, it is school tomorrow, isn't it?" Haru groaned and rolled closer to her, burying his face in the valley between her breasts.

"Do I absolutely have to go?" He sounded like a small boy who wanted ice-cream and Rin had to laugh.

"If I remember correctly you have to write your finals in about one week, so yes, you better should go." He sighed heavily, but didn't protest.

"Finals…", he grumbled and rolled onto his back.

"Do you have problems in school, Haru?" Her gaze was serious and he sighed.

"Not really, just a few, I guess." Rin smiled at his words.

"Well then, we should better revive our learning-sessions, so you can catch up. How about that?"

"Sounds good to me. Sometimes there really are things which I just don't get before you explained them." She grinned.

"That's because you don't think like others. Your logic is quite amusing sometimes and I just happen to know your way of thinking, so I know how to explain it." He nodded in understanding and knew she was right.

"How about your school?", he asked finally and she looked at him.

"What about my school? I don't have problems, as far as I know."

"Thought so, but what about your diploma?" She stared at him wordlessly and he grinned. "My sweet, beloved Rin. I'm sure you realized that you graduated from high-school just a few days ago." His voice was teasing and she smiled.

"I guess… I didn't think about it, honestly. I guess I have to ask Kagura if she bothered with picking up my diploma." Her eyes darkened, because Haru knew she didn't want to tell Kagura about what had happened to her.

"No need to. I'll be a good boy and go to school tomorrow and on the way home… here, that is, I'll walk by Kagura's house and ask for it, okay?" She flashed him a dazzling smile and hugged him.

"You are the best, you know?"

"I think you mentioned it before." He winked at her and settled himself comfortably against the pillows. Then he looked at her body and frowned. "When did you take your panties off?" Rin laughed.

"When I was sucking you off. I guess you were a bit preoccupied, so I won't hold it against you that you didn't notice." She grinned at his blush and laid down beside him, her head resting on his shoulder and his arms around her back as she pulled the blanket up to cover them both.

"Sleepy?", he asked and she nodded. "Well then… Good night, horsey. I'm… I'm glad you are back by my side." She looked up at him and smiled.

"I'm glad too. Sweet dreams, Haru." She kissed him softly onto his lips and then sank back into her previous position. Haru smiled in content as he felt her heartbeat against his body and her breath caressing his skin. She was back, she was really here, alive and well in his arms. And she still loved him. That was more than he could have asked for.

Within minutes they were both sound asleep.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Ah, Hatsuharu, come in. Isuzu-chan is in her room." Kazuma stepped aside to let him in and Haru bowed shortly in thanks before he went down the corridor. He walked into her room without knocking and grinned at her as he held out a thick, rolled up paper to her.

"Your diploma." He grinned as she stared at it wordlessly without moving to take it. "What? Are you afraid you didn't make it? Come on, I'm sure you did well. Do you want me to open it?" She softly nodded her head he smiled as he unrolled the letter.

"Wow, so this is what a diploma looks like", he mumbled as he shuffled through the many papers until he reached the graduation certificate. He sighed heavily and Rin suddenly looked quiet panicked.

"If I had such good marks, I wouldn't worry about finals in the slightest… stop looking like a deer caught in the headlight. You passed with flying colors. See for yourself." He pushed the paper into her hand and watched as a small smile played across her face.

"I met Hiro, by the way." Her eyes flew up to him again.

"Oh dear. Hiro… he'll be beside himself with worry. Did you…"

"I told him you are fine and that he should come for a visit later today. He'll bring Kisa too. Is that okay?" Rin nodded and was about to say something when Kazuma knocked on the still half-open door.

"Would you two like to have something to eat? Kunimitsu made shogayaki." Haru grinned.

"Of course. I'll be right there." Two minutes later he came back into Rin's room with two plates of steaming shogayaki.

"I think Kunimitsu wants to feed some weight back onto you, so he was quiet generous with your portion", Haru commented as he sat her plate down onto the table before her. Rin grimaced and without a word switched their plates. Haru grinned but didn't protest.

"So how was school?", Rin asked and tried the meal. It was surprisingly good.

"Nothing special. Everyone is completely panicked about those tests, even the teachers."

"We'll start learning today", Rin said determinedly and Haru sighed but nodded. Then he started to devour his meal.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru and Rin sat in the living room, talking to Kazuma about Rin's stay in his house. All of them had a cup of tea in front of them and Rin was staring into hers as if it held all the answers.

"As I said before, you can stay as long as you want, Isuzu-san. It's not a problem at all." Kazuma smiled friendly and Rin tried to smile back.

"Thank you… really. But I'm thinking about going to university and…" Kazuma nodded at her words.

"Yes, I think that is a good idea. With your grades it shouldn't be hard to find a good university, you only have to pass the admission tests. Have you decided on one certain university already?" Rin shook her head no.

"Not yet. I'm still thinking about what I want to study…" Haru grinned beside her and even Kazuma chuckled softly.

"Yes, well. A good point to start. Oh!" He looked behind her, but Rin couldn't see it. "I just remember I have something to do. See you later." With that Kazuma smiled at them and left the room. Rin stared after him and beside her Haru smiled.

"What is it with him?" Haru shrugged but was still smiling.

"Maybe he wanted to give you some privacy", was all he said.

"Privacy? What for?" Her question was answered by a soft sniffing sound from the door behind her and Rin turned around to see Hiro standing there, tears in his eyes and staring at her as if she might disappear again if he blinked.

"Rin…" Her name left his lips in a whisper and she smiled at him as she felt tears gathering in her eyes as well.

"Hiro." Then she smiled at him and it was all the invitation he needed. Practically running across the room, he threw himself into her arms, burrowing his face against her neck and hugging her tightly.

"Rin… you're all right." His voice was hard to make out as he mumbled against her skin, but Rin knew what he wanted to say and enclosed the young boy a little tighter.

"I'm fine, Hiro", she whispered softly into his ear and felt his hold on her tighten in answer, while she stroked her fingers through his hair. They both didn't even hear Kisa entering the room after Hiro and were oblivious to Haru gesturing for her to sit down beside him. After some long minutes, Hiro let go of Rin slightly and looked into her eyes, still sniffing.

"I'm glad you are back. And I'm…" A new round of tears rolled down his cheeks as he sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Rin, that I broke my promise." Rin ruffled his hair and smiled.

"So it was you who told Haru, mh? It's fine, Hiro. Really." She wiped his tears away and kissed him softly on the forehead. Hiro smiled at her gently, but took a step back suddenly and wiped at his red eyes when he heard Kisa sniff softly. He threw her a questioning gaze and she smiled at him.

"I'm glad as well, that you are fine, Isuzu-neechan." Rin smiled at her and grinned as Haru ruffled the tiger's hair affectionately.

"Can you… tell me what happened? Where have you been?" Hiro's voice sounded unsure and reached a hand to touch her short hair.

"I'll tell you, but not now, okay?" Hiro nodded and finally sat down at the table.

"So, Haru-niichan, how is school? Finals are coming up, aren't they?", the sheep said to change topics. Haru groaned and let his forehead sink down onto the table with a thud. Kisa laughed in answer and Rin winked at Hiro in amusement.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Thanks for letting us come over, Isuzu-neechan. I'm so glad you are back, really. Get well soon and take good care of yourself." Rin smiled at Kisa's soft words and answered her polite bow with a short one of her own. Haru ruffled the tiger's hair once more even when he receive a wince for an answer.

"See you soon, you two. Bring her home safely, Hiro-kun", Haru said and Hiro nodded determinedly. Then Haru stepped back onto the porch of the house, leaned against the wall in the shadows and watched his girlfriend and the two young people.

"Rin, I'm really glad you are back, you know?" Rin kneeled down and took the sheep into her arms again. Hiro relaxed into her embrace and slung his arms tightly around her. Rin was the only person who could hug him like this and not receive a slap in return… except for Kisa of course, but she would hug him seldom.

"I know, Hiro. I'm sorry you had to worry so much." Hiro nodded again and stared at her for a moment.

"I… I want to give you something special, Rin. A present, so to say." Rin stared at him in wonder.

"You don't have to, Hiro. Having you're here was enough, really. But if you want to… What is it?" And then her question was answered when she felt Hiro's lips on hers, pressing down softly but determinedly even through his inexperience. Rin didn't move away, because she just felt how important that was for the sheep. Behind her she heard Haru growl softly and Kisa's gasp of surprise. And then Hiro stepped back slightly, blushing furiously.

"My first kiss…" For a moment neither one of the moved, then Rin pulled him back into her arms again, softly touching her lips back to his for a moment and hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Hiro." Hiro snuggled his head into the crook of her neck for a moment before he felt a shadow on his form and looked up to see Haru standing directly behind Rin and staring down on him with a mixture of emotions Hiro couldn't quite name, but none were too happy.

"Ah, I'd better bring Kisa home now… get well soon, Rin." And with that he motioned for Kisa to follow him and they left.

"You didn't have to scare him away, Haru", Rin said without turning around.

"You didn't have to kiss him the second time." Rin got to her feet again and turned around.

"No, I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Just to show him that I accepted his gift. It was important and special to him, Haru. No need to get jealous." Her voice was serious and Haru was silent for a moment.

"Sorry…", he finally mumbled and looked to the ground.

"It's okay. I wouldn't react too kindly if some girl kissed you as well. So, shall we start learning?"

"How about we talk about… the future now and learn later?" Rin studied him for a moment before she finally nodded and stepped back into the house, followed by Haru. In silence they walked back to her room and both settled down comfortably on her bed, although a small distance apart.

"So, do you have something concrete in mind, Haru?" They both were silent for a moment and Haru thought about how to say this.

"You know, I had some time to think about all this mess in the last two days and… this won't work right now, would it?" He stared at Rin, searching her eyes if she understood what he wanted to say and despite the truth in his words he hoped that she would tell him it would work out somehow. She nodded and didn't miss the flash of pain and hopeless longing in his soft brown eyes. She knew he could see the same in her eyes.

"Most likely it won't work now, yes… I think it's unlikely that Akito would just let us go our merry way after what happened. Not after I chose to stay in the… room and now I'm no longer there." Rin sighed and Haru watched her for a moment.

"You still haven't told me what made you chose to stay there. Knowing you he could only have threatened me, so what is it?" Rin let herself fall back onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling for a long moment.

"Blind you. Like Hatori", was her whispered answer and Haru clenched his fists. Akito had known from the start that Rin wouldn't never let this happen.

"This damn, fucked up… god." Rin looked at him and shook her head.

"Goddess."

"Huh?"

"Akito is female. It's a not a him, god of the juunishi, but a her, goddess of the juunishi. Imagine my surprise. I could have laughed at the irony if I had been in the mood…" Haru stared at her completely stunned.

"Akito is a woman?" Rin grinned at the tone in his voice.

"Yes. Remember how we always joked about Akito being either gay or a woman in disguise?" Haru laughed at her words even though his brain was still working on the news.

"A woman…", he mumbled softly.

"Yes. Now it does make sense that all the favored ones are male juunishi, mh?"

"Yes, in a way… and eew." Haru grimaced and Rin laughed softly. Haru sobered after a moment and looked at her. "But this doesn't change anything, does it?" Rin shook her head no.

"No, it doesn't… Haru, I'm sorry." Her voice was small and he turned towards her to pull her into his arms.

"It's… well, it's not okay. Not at all. But… we'll stay as close as possible, okay? Promise?" Haru looked at her intently and watched a single tear roll down her cheek.

"Promise." For a long time they just held each other.

"So, now we are what? Not a couple. Not singles either…" His voice was husky with suppressed sadness. How he had wished that they could just go on like before they broke up. But under the circumstances it was not possible. Akito's threat still hung in the air and as much as Haru wanted to ignore it and just act on his desire, he didn't want to place Rin in any kind of danger. No, it was better to stay seperated… as far as they could stand. Which, admittedly wasn't very far. But still it was better than to fully let Akito in about their relationship and enrage him further.

"We are promised ones", Rin whispered and she smiled up at him through her tears. Haru stared at her and felt a tear of his own made its way across his face.

"Yes. Promised ones."

"In one week though. First you have to go through your finals and I won't have you all depressed and sad before them, so we'll have a full one-week relationship. And then…" She stopped and Haru finished her sentence.

"And then we'll have to play the couple that is no couple." He sighed heavily. "Fine. Let's get down to business – learning business." Rin placed a kiss on his cheek and he smiled, before Haru got up to pick up his bag and his books.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Rin sat on the porch at the back of the dojo, facing the garden and watching the wind playing with the first soft green leaves of spring. The sun was shining, casting a golden glow over the world. On a small tree not too far away from her were some sparrows hopping from twig to twig, even now and then looking at her curiously. Rin smiled. She didn't turn around when she heard the door being slid open. She knew who it was.

"Are you okay, Isuzu-san?" Rin sighed and smiled softly over her shoulder at Kunimitsu.

"I'm fine, thank you." The young man nodded softly and let his gaze wander over the garden as well.

"You shouldn't stay outside too long, though. It's still rather fresh. You could catch a cold…" Rin nodded hesitantly.

"I'll go back inside in a minute." She watched the sparrows again as Kunimitsu left her alone. Rin sighed. She knew that both Kazuma and Kunimitsu were worried about her, but they both accepted her wish for privacy, only now and then pushing her very carefully. Rin suspected that Haru had talked to them about not trying to force her to do anything.

And her thoughts were back on where they had been the whole day. Haru. Today was the day of his finals for this year. They both had learnt together a lot in the past week and despite her worries, Haru had picked up on it very easily. When he had left this morning, he had told her that he had never before felt so well prepared for a test.

Rin sighed again. He should be back any minute now and it would be the end of their deal. A whole week, they had promised. A whole week until Haru had finished his finals – which was today. And as such their deal was completed. Another break up.

Her fine horse senses picked up his scent, the sound of his familiar movement up even before he stepped into the yard. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get her painfully beating heart under control. Rin could hear his voice now, softly and soothing as always, talking to Kazuma, could hear the sound of her name and the answer to the question where she was.

She could hear his footsteps clearly coming closer now, could hear his breath, his beating heart, she could hear the sparrows hopping around, could hear the leaves shifting in the wind, the sun shining. She could hear her own heart thundering, her own gasping breath and then it was suddenly very quiet. Very dark. She didn't hear him sliding the door open, saying her name, didn't feel him catching her in his arms as she fell.

When she woke up again she was laying in her bed and she felt uncomfortable, drenched in a cold sweat. Haru was by her side, carefully wiping the drops of sweat from her face with a wet cloth. She turned to look at him.

"Haru…" Her voice was rasping and barely above a whisper, but he smiled at her nonetheless.

"Hey, horsey. I knew I was devilishly handsome before, but still there is now need for you to fall at my feet." She managed a half-grin and he chuckled softly. "You gave me quite the fright, you know? How do you feel?"

"As if I was hit by a truck… what happened? One moment I was just standing there and then I just…"

"Collapsed? Yes, that was what it looked like… Kunimitsu said it was most likely from nerves. The stress and… everything that happened, combined with you drinking too little. Here, you should get some fluid into your system." He reached for her, propping her weak and much too light form against him into a sitting position and helping her hold a water filled glass against her lips. She drank slowly and would have stopped after just a few gulps if Haru hadn't insisted she drank the whole glass.

When she was finished she leaned back into him exhausted as he sat the glass back onto the table.

"Feeling better now?" He pushed some strands of hair out of her face.

"Yes… a little."

"Good. I can't have you get sick now. Not when… not… if I'm not there", he finished in a whisper. His hand drew pattern on her arm absentmindedly and for a long time neither one of them said a word.

"So, how did you do?", Rin finally asked when she felt her strength returning. Haru bowed his head.

"I… did well, I think. Thanks to your help." He gave her a small but pain filled smile and she nodded.

"Good. That's good." There was another long minute of prominent silence.

"So…"

"Well…", they said at the same time and both chuckled softly.

"You first, Haru." The ox nodded before he took a deep breath.

"How do we… I mean, what do you want me to do now? Should I just… go?" Rin shook her head smiling and caressed his cheek softly.

"No, that's now how it works between the two of us, is it? We both need… some kind of closure. Maybe we should grab something to eat in town… like old times… and then we… well, that's up to us I guess… we could…"

"Yes." His voice was strained as he interrupted her sentence, staring at her intently. They both knew what she was talking about. Making love. A last time before they had to live their personal hell again.

"Are you sure that is what you want?" He could hear the insecurity in her voice and he knew that she felt the same. It would be ten times worse to let go of the other one if they would do it again, feeling the other one so close, so intimate. Parting after seeing a glimpse of heaven would hurt them both, but they both needed it. Haru watched a single tear roll down her cheek and he reached for it to wipe it away, only to have it replaced by two others.

"Yes." Her image blurred before him and he could feel tears gather in his eyes as well as he watched her cry silently. "I want it… I need it… I need everything about you and if this is all I can get, then I'll take it." Rin nodded softly before he pulled her into his arms, feeling her tears trickle down his neck.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Haru."

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was. And you couldn't have stopped it. Not Akito, not the curse and least of all you could have stopped my love for you. So please stop blaming yourself." Rin sniffed softly at his words.

"But… but if we… if I hadn't let myself start this relationship with you…"

"Then you would have robbed me of my greatest moments of happiness and fondest memories. Rin! Listen to yourself. You couldn't have stopped it. Yes, it could have gone different, but I would have been hurt anyway. Not being with you would have hurt me the most. If someone would give me the chance to change the past… I would do it all over again, just to be with you." He hold her tightly as she cried for a long time.

When she finally drew back she smiled at him and even though her hair was tousled and her eyes were red, she had never looked more beautiful to him. With a final sniff she pushed some strands of hair out of her eyes and laughed shakily.

"God, this is hard." Haru just nodded before he hastily wiped over his eyes with his sleeve.

"So when do you want to go?" Rin looked at him intently before she answered.

"How about now?" They shared a painful smile, before Haru stood up and pulled her along by her hand. When they exited her room, they met Kazuma who smiled at them softly with those understanding eyes of him.

"You are going out?" His voice was soft but Haru could hear the underlying tone of sympathy. Kazuma had made the connection and he knew that they wanted to say goodbye.

"Yes. We… I'll bring her back on time." He had almost said 'We will be back', but then he knew that tomorrow he wouldn't get to wake up at Rin's side and for a moment the realization alone made him feel as if someone was choking him. He felt Rin squeeze his hand tightly and he looked at Kazuma again.

"Have… have a nice evening." Kazuma's eyes held a spark of sadness and both young people looked at the ground before bowing shortly and leaving.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"What do you want? Sushi? Noodles? Western food? It's all there, we just have to decide which restaurant to enter." Haru smiled slightly and looked at the horse beside him. They where still holding hands, too desperate for every last little bit of comfort to let go one second before they had to.

"Sushi", Rin finally decided and they entered the fancy sushi bar. Sitting down on a table for four in a secluded and comfortable corner, they studied the menu in silence, before finally settling on a mix of California rolls and salmon nigiri.

They ate mostly in silence, only talking about trivial things, the threat of the impending dreaded future too obvious to let them talk freely. Even though the meal was perfectly prepared both didn't taste much.

Only when they finally got out, walking down the familiar path to their usual love hotel, Haru broke the silence.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, they both knew it, but he couldn't think about anything else to say.

"I'm… no, actually. Not really, but I guess neither are you." Haru chuckled softly at her words even though it was a pain filled sound.

"No, I can't say so. But I hope we will be okay… someday. I'm sure we will someday get the change to start all over again and then…" He smiled at her and she smiled back before she looked at the ground hastily, hiding her tears. She knew how he felt, that he wanted them to be together in the future and she wanted it as well. She was just more realistic than him most of the time and she didn't see it coming any time soon, but Rin didn't want to destroy his dreams. A dream that most likely was the only thing that kept him going right now.

"Ladies and horses first", he said as he held the door open for her. They even got their usual room, entering the familiar blue-ness of the room. For a moment both of them just stood there, looking around in the room, remembering.

It was Rin who made the first move and pulled Haru towards the bed, gesturing for him to get comfortable, while she lit a candle that was almost burnt down and turned off the lights. She took a moment to just breathe deeply with her back still facing to him, listening to the sound of the mattress as he settled down, closing her eyes against the tears that were rising in her eyes before she turned around.

She felt some tears spill over her cheeks as she saw him lying on the bed, the room only barely illuminated by the single burning candle, its flame much too fragile and soft to cast a proper light against the darkness in the room.

He was lying on his back, but his face was turned away from her and for a moment she wondered what might be so interesting in the corner he was looking at before she realized that he was doing the same what she had been doing only moments before: collecting himself, a vain attempt to put some distance between himself and a mass of feelings.

"You know, this flame is a lot like us…" She said finally, wiping away a few tears only to have them replaced by some new ones. Haru looked towards her, streaks of tears on his face catching the candle light and illuminating his eyes to an almost eerie golden color.

"Because it's all alone in a world of darkness it could never even hope to stand against?" Rin was amazed that he had picked up her thoughts that easily and obviously her face showed her surprise. "Don't look at me like that. I know you pretty well, Rin. It's not that hard to pick up your train of thought… or maybe you meant it, because the candle is almost burnt down?" It was an attempt of humor to lighten up the mood and Rin smiled at him as she shook her head no, before she went to his side, lying down on the bed.

For a long moment neither one of them moved, both terrified of initiating this last time of making love, this ceremony that would end their relationship. For now at least.

The candlelight flickered as the flame reached the end of the bottom, a soft hissing sound breaking the silence before the candle went out, leaving the room bathed in darkness.

"I guess it's time…" His voice was soft, every words revealing how very much he not wanted to say them.

"Yes. Do you… want me to turn on the lights again?" She wasn't sure how Haru felt about this but she wanted to see him, wanted to memorize all about their last time.

"Is there another candle?" Rin smiled at his words even though he couldn't see it.

"Yes, I think there was one." She got up and after some searching she had another candle burning. This time she didn't hesitate to join him on the bed, coming into his arms with some feeling close to despair.

Their lips met almost immediately in a kiss full of reassurance, love, hope and promises. Only the movements of their bodies betrayed their sadness, their hold on each other a little tighter than usual, their hands almost clawing to bring them just a little closer together.

Haru pushed some strands of hair away from her eyes as they broke the kiss for a moment and he stared up at her, watching the display of feelings in her eyes that were mirrored in his own, memorizing the deep color of her eyes, the curve of her lips, the softness of her skin, the saltiness of her tears as they dropped from her eyes down onto his face.

"Rin." Her name on his lips was a prayer, a plea and she smiled softly before she brought her lips down to his again. Haru put a hand on her neck, holding her close to deepen the kiss. Tonight was about saying goodbye in the most basic and primal way they could imagine and he wanted it to be special.

His body was working against him though, his flesh too desperate for her touch, his blood burning too hot in its despair to take it as slow as he wanted it to and judging by Rin's reactions she was feeling the same.

When he put his hands on her hips, slowly gliding upwards, he had to bite his tongue to keep himself from simply ripping her top apart. Rin seemed to feel his need though, so she pulled it off hastily, leaving her upper body free for his hands to roam and explore, paying special attention to her soft globes.

The sensation of his hands on her breasts never failed to arouse her and she was shaking with need when he was done with them.

"Haru…", she whispered and was almost ashamed how desperate she sounded.

"I know", he simply answered. They both got rid of their remaining clothes before coming together in a reassuring embrace, warm and soft. Haru stared at Rin for a long moment, admiring the familiar form of her body, the curve of her hips and her long legs, before he placed a soft kiss on her shoulder, the skin glowing in the candle light.

"You are so beautiful." Rin softly stroked through his hair in answer as his mouth traveled down her body. She watched as his journey left a wet trail on her skin, partly from his lips and tongue, mostly from his tears.

When he buried his face in the valley between her breasts, she heard him take a deep breath that turned into a quiet sob and she turned so she could embrace him, reassuring him for now with her presence, her warmth.

"I can't do this", he gritted out between heavy gasps of breath.

"Yes you can. You are so strong, Haru. You did it before…" He took a deep breath to calm his raging heartbeat.

"I don't want to do it again."

"I know, and I don't want to, either. Haru, if only there was a way…" He looked up at her at those words, staring deeply into her eyes.

"If things were different…"

"Then we would be together and nothing could come between us", she answered his unspoken question.

"Promise?"

"Promise." They kissed again deeply. Haru reached up with one finger to capture one of her tears, then caught one of his own, letting both mingle and drop onto her stomach, where he drew a kanji onto her skin. 'Ai'. Love.

Rin smiled up at him and when their eyes met again, there was nothing that could stop their descend into their own darkness this time. When he finally sank home into her, they both stayed still for as long as they could bear. A desperate attempt to make this last longer than it could, even if it was just a stolen minute.

All too soon their bodies' desire couldn't be suppressed any longer and even though they tried to keep the rhythm slow, it was a battle already lost.

"Haru…" Her voice was soft yet demanding at the same time and he looked down at her, drowning in the black depth of the eyes he so loved and that were brimming with tears again.

"Haru, hold me close." He did so without preamble, pressing his body to hers, locking his arms behind her back when she closed her legs around his hips.

"Rin… my beautiful…", he mumbled against her neck and then he groaned deeply when he felt her inner muscles contracting around him in ecstasy, her orgasm almost pulling him over the edge as well. She moaned into his ear as he continued to move and he couldn't stop himself, feeling his testicles tighten in preparation of his release.

"No… not yet. Please, not yet…" But he couldn't stop and so he felt himself tumbling over the edge, felt his body go stiff in Rin's arms as he shuddered, felt his heart shatter in rhythm with his spurts.

For a long time he just lay on her, careful not to crush her beneath her, but refusing to put even an inch of distance between them. Only when he felt her move did he look up.

"It's time, Haru." He nodded softly, not trusting his voice at a time like this, and mechanically they both showered and dressed again, leaving the room hand in hand. In front of the hotel they both stopped.

"Maybe it's best if we get this over with as soon as possible…", she whispered.

"Yes, maybe. But not here. You don't think I would let you wander through this part of the city on your own in the dark, do you?" She smiled softly at his words, before they both turned to walk their way home.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"So I guess this is goodbye then?" They stood under a street light at a crossing, Haru's home being to the left, Kazuma's to the right.

"Yes… this is goodbye. Rin?"

"Yes?"

"Can I… can I come see you again?" His voice was almost pleading and Rin swallowed before she answered his question.

"I… I don't think that would be good, Haru. This would only… remind us. You have to move on, at least for now." Her voice trembled slightly and Haru just knew that she was telling him what she knew was right, even though she felt the opposite.

"What about you? Will you move on?" He flinched at the hard tone his voice had suddenly taken. "Sorry, it's just…" Rin made a dismissive gesture as she nodded.

"I understand. I'm not the relationship-type, Haru. You know that. There are a lot of things about me that only a mother… well, actually, not even my mother did love them. Only… only you." Haru reached for her, reassuring her that he did love her no matter what.

"Let's not talk about this right now. Rin, I… I have to go." She looked up at him, studying his face for a long moment before she nodded.

"Yes. Me too. Well then…" They hugged tightly before they kissed one last time, although only shortly. They were in a more or less public place and they didn't want to risk further damage. They both still held hands, not wanting to break this last connection just yet.

"Yes, well. Take… take care, Rin. And…"

"Yes, you too. Don't get too lazy in your last year of high school, okay?"

"I'll try. I promise, horsey."

"Okay… well then…" They both were silent for a moment, before Rin took a step back. Haru did the same as far as their still joined hands would let them. And then they both broke their hold, both taking back another step at the same time. When they both turned around slowly it took all their willpower to take a step after another, every step bringing distance between them. And they still had the feeling that they had so many things to tell each other. They both had almost reached their respective corners when Rin's call stopped him.

"Haru." He turned around to face her. "Haru, I'll miss you… I love you." He could see the tears in her eyes even from where he stood and he took a deep breath, concentrating on not running towards her.

"I love you too, Rin. And I'll miss you just as much. Goodbye, my horsey."

"Goodbye, Haru." And then she turned and practically ran around the corner and Haru did the same, running as if his life depended on it and he didn't stop until he reached home, the sanctuary that was his room where he could finally break down.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

In her room Rin stood on the porch before her room, staring out into the night sky, watching the stars. Her eyes were red and swollen and she had a terrible headache from crying so hard.

"Oh Haru… I only wish we could be happy together one day." With that she turned around, walking back into her room and sliding the door shut.

She never saw the shooting star fall.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 22

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**AN:** So here is chapter 22. I'm terribly sorry for the one week delay, but I just wasn't able to make it on time… not with the length of this chapter. I thought about splitting it, but then I didn't want to tear it apart.

I guess you noticed the point where this work became AU? For those of you who haven't read the story this far: Until the Yuki-Tohru-visit Haru says goodbye to Rin this follows the manga storyline. Right from the point (and not one word sooner) where Rin asks Haru to stay, this is AU! So what do you think? Did you like it? Did you hate it?

Anyway, a short note on this chapter:

Ai – The kanji (Japanese character) that Haru drew means 'love' as I said right after in the story. I like this kanji. It looks like this: 愛. (I hope this works...)

Do you have other question? Just feel free to ask.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	23. Against all reasons

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is lemon-free for once.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 23 – Against all reasons**

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"Do you want to grab some ice-cream, Isuzu-chan?" Kagura grinned happily at Rin who sighed in defeat. It had been over a month now since her break-up with Haru and true to his word, he hadn't come to see her.

Of course this didn't mean that he stayed away. All too often Rin was aware of his presence close to Kazuma's house. He had martial arts training with Kazuma after all. Before their break-up he would go two or three times. The first two weeks he had managed to only come two times, but in the last two weeks he had been there almost every day.

It wasn't that Rin was blaming him and she knew that it wasn't only the hope of seeing her again that drove him to the dojo so often, but he had to do something to keep his black side in check. How often had he told her that she was the best at controlling this side of him? And now he had to find other methods, although they didn't seemed to work this well so far.

And even though they both had caught glimpses of each other they had never talked. Most likely this was the reason why he hadn't sought her out to talk about her plans for the future. If he had known he would have tried to talk her out of it, because she had no doubt that he wouldn't be happy about it.

And this was exactly why Rin had avoided him. Another confrontation between them would only serve to remind Akito about the still unsolved business between the goddess and the two juunishi. Rin couldn't risk putting Haru in danger, so she had to delay the inevitable until everything was decided – which was tomorrow.

"I'm so excited about tomorrow, Isuzu-chan. I never was away from home for that long – let alone permanently." Kagura's voice pulled her back into the presence and Rin suppressed the urge to roll her eyes skywards.

"I'm sure it will be fine, Kagura-chan." The boar fumbled with her bag nervously and nodded.

"Yes, I guess you are right. I'm just nervous." Rin nodded in understanding before she managed a hesitant smile.

"So do you have something else to take care of?" Kagura shook her head no.

"Everything is done, stuff packed, train tickets picked up, other papers ready at home. And now I really need a coffee and some ice-cream. How about we go to that cozy-looking café over there and sit down for a while?" Rin nodded again and the two girls made a beeline to a free small table in a corner.

"Rin…" His voice hit her like a bullet and she whirled around only to see him smiling at her. He looked still as loving, loveable, even beautiful to her as he used to and for a moment she wondered why she had expected him to have changed in only a few weeks. Behind him she vaguely noticed Yuki, Kyou, Tohru and Momiji.

"Kyou-kun!" Kagura jumped up in glee once before she ran to his side, almost knocking Rin over in the process and pushing Haru aside. His eyes were glued to the horse though, and he didn't even seemed to care even as Kyou let out a stream of colorful expressions at being caught in the boar's clutches again.

"Hello Rin", Yuki greeted politely, softly smiling at her and Rin threw him a glance before she answered his greeting.

"Do you want to sit down with us? We were just about to have coffee and some ice-cream." Rin ground her teeth as she heard Kagura inviting the group, although it had been the only proper and natural thing to do. They were family after all.

They greeted each other and decided for a different, larger table were they could fit in easily and sat down. Rin was careful to not come to sit too close to Haru and looked to the table in shame as she saw the sad look in his eyes when he obviously noticed what she was doing.

A young waitress asked for their orders and happily told them to wait a few moments before she bustled away.

"So what brings you two here to town?", Kyou asked after a long moment of uncomfortable silence. His voice held a tone of anger as he eyed Kagura still clinging to his arm. He hadn't managed to lose her through the sitting arrangement and he couldn't expect any help from Haru who sat at the head of the table.

The young waitress returned and placed coffee and a glass of water in front of each and then brought two cups of ice-cream for Kagura and Momiji. Both greedily tried their ice-cream and grinned in delight.

"We just picked up our train tickets", Kagura answered and took another spoon full of chocolate chip ice-cream.

"Train tickets? Were are you going?", Haru asked and Kagura stared at him for a moment, before throwing a questioning gaze towards Rin who stared intently into her coffee.

"You don't know? We are leaving for university tomorrow." A long silence and the group watched worriedly as Haru knuckles turned white as his grip around the glass tightened.

"Where?" His voice was almost a whisper. Kagura sighed softly.

"Tokyo." The water glass Haru held in his hand broke apart with a crunching sound. Water flooded the table, mixed with shards and streaks of red. Yuki sprang to his feet and so did the others, crying his name in worry, except for Rin who still sat at her place.

"Haru, you are hurt. Let go of the shards." Yuki stared at the ox and came to his side hesitantly. Haru hadn't moved an inch, not as the water dripped onto his trousers, not as his blood ran down his wrist and already formed a small puddle on the table. The young waitress returned and pushed a dry cloth in Yuki's hand, running away again to get a first-aid kit.

"Come on, Haru. Open your hand." Haru was oblivious to his friends bustling around him and asking him if he was alright and trying to take the remaining shards out of his clenched fist. All he could see and hear was her, sitting there only a small distance away but not meeting his eyes.

"You didn't tell me." His voice was nothing more than a breath, too soft to overcome the loud talk of his family.

"You wouldn't have let me go… we would have drawn attention to us again." Her reply was equally soft and it went unnoticed by anyone but him. He looked up at her words and their eyes met, an understanding passing between them and Haru bowed his head again. She was right. He knew that she was right, but he didn't have to like it.

Rin finally stood up and softly pushed Tohru aside who stood at Haru's side, then she took the cloth from Yuki.

"Open your hand, Haru." Obediently he did, and Rin carefully pulled the biggest shards out of his flesh. "Come, we have to get this cleaned." He followed her, ignoring the sounds of protest as he walked past his friends to follow the horse. The waitress motioned for them to go into a room, the bathroom for the employers, and pressed the first-aid kit into Rin's hand. Haru sat down on a stool that stood forgotten in a corner and Rin kneeled before him, taking out everything she needed.

"Just tell me when I'm hurting you", she said softly.

"You are hurting me, Rin. You are hurting me by not telling me that you are about to leave, you are hurting me by keeping me away, you are hurting me by hurting you." She looked up at him and he sighed. "Yes, and if you have to know this wound is hurting like hell as well. Satisfied? Besides, it's not as if you would stop even if pulling out the shards hurts. So just get it over with." Rin smiled softly at his words and pulled a shard out.

"Tokyo, huh?" He was silent for a moment and then winced softly as Rin pulled out another shard. "So which university will you go to?"

"Todai… I'm sorry, Haru." Her voice was soft and Haru wondered if she apologized for not telling him about her plans or for pulling out a shard that had buried itself really deep into his hand and that had him grinding his teeth as she pulled it free.

For a moment she inspected his hand, gently wiping away the blood and looking for other shards before she nodded in satisfaction and turned to the first-aid kit.

"You know, you are really good with such things. You should study medicine." She laughed softly at his words.

"Actually this is what I'll be studying. It was Kazuma's idea and he made me talk to Hatori about it. That's how I decided. And then everything was done so soon. Admission tests passed, enrolled and here I am, about to leave for Tokyo…" She met his eyes and smiled and he smiled back.

"I hope you'll be happy, Rin. I really do. It just… came so sudden." She nodded in understanding while she bandaged his hand.

"I know and again I'm sorry, but if you think about it you'll know that it was the best solution – not telling you, I mean." Haru sighed heavily.

"I know, but it's hard to admit… does Akito know?"

"Yes. In fact I had to get his… her permission to leave. I think she was just glad to have me out of the way." Haru thought about her words for a moment.

"Where will you live? With Kagura?"

"No, Kagura will have her own apartment and even visit another university. I got an apartment really close to the campus thanks to some connections from Hatori. It's nice, you'd like it." They both flinched at her choice of words. 'Would', not 'will'.

"When will you leave?" Rin sighed.

"Tomorrow and don't ask for details, because I won't tell you. I don't want a big goodbye-ceremony with tears and everything at the train station." Haru looked hurt at her words and Rin softly stroked his cheek after wiping it clean on the cloth.

"I wouldn't have left without telling you, Haru. I just didn't plan on meeting you here."

"So when did you want to tell me? Tomorrow? A call before you leave?"

"No, I wanted to spent the evening with you. And I would have told you tonight."

"So what if you hadn't met me here today? I'm not home tonight. I promised Hiro to…"

"I know Haru. I asked him to. He would have brought you to the noodle bar where he knew I would be waiting." Haru stared at her for a moment.

"So it was all planned out… how comes even Hiro knows and I didn't?"

"Hiro isn't my lover."

"Neither am I. At least not right now", he shot back and immediately regretted his words at the pain that flashed in her eyes. He really knew that her way to deal with the situation had been the best solution, but he still felt hurt.

"I'm sorry, Haru." Her voice was soft and he could almost hear the tears in it.

"No, I am sorry. This was… uncalled for. I know that you chose right but I…"

"I know. I'm hurting too." A moment of silence. "So how is your hand?" He moved his fingers and grimaced.

"Feels like I broke a glass in my hand and had some shard stuck in the wound… hurts like hell, but I'll live. Good bandage though. First test past, horsey." He used the endearment without thinking and they both went silent. Neither one moved until a drop of water dripped onto his other hand. A tear. From her.

Softly, hesitantly he pulled her towards him with his unhurt hand, kneeling down before her on the floor. For a long moment she just rested her head against his shoulder while he stroked his fingers through her hair. Neither one of them spoke. There were no words to make this easier or better, so they just had the comfort from each others presence and even that would be taken from them soon.

"It's… well, it's not fine, but I'll survive. Let's get back to the others. They will be worried." Haru nodded and slowly got to his feet while Rin got of the bloodied tissue and the shards and closed the first aid kit.

"So will you meet me tonight?", she asked without looking at him.

"Yes… when and where?"

"The noodle bar next to the cinema at seven." He nodded and together they left the small bathroom.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Everything ready, Isuzu-san?" Rin looked at Kazuma's smiling face and nodded absentmindedly, looking around in what she had come to think of as her room in Kazuma's house. Then she turned back to Kazuma.

"Thank you for everything, Kazuma-san. I'm really… grateful." She bowed deeply in thanks.

"There's no need to thank me. It was my pleasure. Just know that, should you ever decide to come back, you'll always have this room waiting for you." Rin's eyes widened in surprise, before she bowed again, this time to hide her tears. A honk outside interrupted their moment and Kazuma grabbed the last bag, turning to leave the room.

"Just wait here a moment, Isuzu-san. I'll bring this bag to the car and… there's someone who wants to say goodbye." Rin stared at him and only now, as he stepped into the room did she become aware of his presence, his familiar scent that had engulfed her since Kazuma stepped into the room and that she had believed to be an illusion.

"Haru." They looked at each other in silence until they heard Kazuma stepping out of the front door. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to say goodbye."

"How did you find out when I would leave?"

"A coincidence. Mum called Hatori to ask him for an appointment and he told her that he would be free except from ten until noon, where he had to drive someone to the train station." Rin looked to the ground.

"You can't expect me to let you go without saying goodbye, Rin." She nodded hesitantly after a moment.

"I guess you are right. It was unfair." They stood in silence for a moment.

"I got something for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped box.

"Oh Haru. You shouldn't have."

"But I wanted to. Here." He took a step closer and held the small present out for her with his bandaged hand. She took it with a soft sad smile. "You can open it later, when you're… when you're on your way. Or when you arrived in your new home, this apartment that I would like." He trailed off and Rin took his unhurt hand into hers.

"I'm sorry, Haru. But I can't let you come visit me. Not under the circumstances. You know it wouldn't even take Einstein's IQ of to figure things out if you were to stay with me all alone in my apartment." Haru sighed.

"I know. And I'm sorry for being difficult." Rin laughed softly.

"You are not. For a guy your age, you are easy to deal with." She winked at him and Haru huffed.

"What do you mean 'a guy my age'? I'm sixteen, not some kid anymore."

"And I'm almost nineteen. You are right though. You are not a kid, but not a man yet, either." He sighed at her words, knowing them to be right. He wasn't a man yet and even though he was 'wise beyond his age', he still had many things to learn. Also, he had the disadvantage that Rin had always had a better grip on things than him and Haru had never been so painfully aware of their age difference as he was now.

Rin, seemingly noticing his dark thoughts, finally closed the gap between them and embraced him tightly. Haru didn't even have to think about his movement as he brought his arms around her, pressing her to his body as close as he could without hurting her. He buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent, familiar and beloved.

"I'll miss you, Rin." His voice trembled with emotions and he felt a tear from her roll down his neck.

"I'll miss you too." She looked up from where she had her face buried in the crook of his neck and pulled his face down. Their lips met instantly and for a long moment the world was lost to them as the relived the familiar sensation of kissing, soft and hot, soothing and arousing.

The honk had them breaking apart, gasping for breath and they quickly stepped apart as they heard Kazuma calling for Rin.

"I have to… thank you for the gift, Haru. Whatever it is." She smiled at him through her tears.

"No need to thank me. My pleasure. Rin… keep in touch..." It wasn't a request. It was a question and Rin nodded after a moment.

"I'll miss you, Haru."

"I'll miss you too. More than you know. And what I'll miss most is hearing you say what I want to hear the most." A request this time. Rin looked at him intently before she answered.

"I love you, Haru." He smiled at her even as a tear made its way down his cheek.

"I love you too, Rin. Don't… don't forget about me, okay?" She nodded, not trusting her voice and wiped away her tears. He watched her for a moment before he did the same, wiping his tears away with his sleeve.

"God, almost all the tears I have cried in my whole life are about you. I swear", he huffed and grinned at her sadly. She laughed shakily.

"I'm sorry", she said after a moment.

"Don't be. I would do it all over again. I told you. And now go before Hatori gets impatient and Kagura brings down the house." They laughed softly and Rin looked at him for a moment as if to remember him before she turned and practically ran outside.

Haru remained in the room, looking around in wonder. The room – her room – had always seemed so inviting, so welcoming before. Now he knew that it was her essence that made it seem this way. And now that she was gone this was just another room. He walked to the window, leaning against the frame as he heard the doors of the car closing, the engine being started.

His fingers gripped the wooden frame tightly as he heard the car starting to drive, bringing her away. He couldn't stay here.

With speed he didn't knew he possessed he ran outside, almost knocking Kazuma over as he ran past him. He had to see her one last time, had to see her smile. The car had already pulled into the street and was speeding around a corner as he reached the gate, but Haru didn't give up. There was a crossing where they had to stop, so he ran after them.

He ran into some member of the Sohma family, a distant relative who he had seen once or twice on new year, but whose name he didn't even know. He didn't apologize, just continued to run. He reached the corner and saw the car stopping at a traffic light. He didn't stop to think, just ran, because he knew that if he stopped now he wouldn't make it.

The car moved forward again as the signal turned green. Haru took a deep breath.

"Rin!" His voice sounded desperate and breathless and for a moment he feared that she hadn't heard him. But when the car pulled into the street he could see her looking at him, could see her smile and her blowing him a kiss as a tear fell from her eyes. It was all he needed… no, this wasn't right. He needed far more. He needed her, by his side, for ever. But her smile was all he needed if he could get nothing of those.

He smiled back at her before the car brought her out of his sight and he fell to his knees sobbing. Leaving her had always been hard, being left by her had hurt worse, but being left by her without knowing when he could see her again was the worst.

He didn't know how long he kneeled in this position, but he only moved when he felt a soothing touch on his shoulder and he looked up to see Kazuma standing beside him.

"Let's get back, Hatsuharu-kun, and have some tea." Haru nodded and stood up, walking beside his teacher in silence back to the dojo.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

In the car, Rin silently stared out of the window unseeingly. Kagura and Hatori hadn't commented on Haru running after them even though they both had seen him. Hatori had even asked her if she wanted him to stop, but she had told him to drive on.

Her hand was still closed around the present Haru had given her and she looked at it for a long time before she carefully pulled the dark blue wrapping paper open.

Inside was a box, black and velvety surface, and she opened it so see a beautiful gold necklace with a small pendant. A single kanji was engraved. 'Ai'. Love. As she turned it around she saw another engraving. 'Itsumo'. Forever.

Just now she noticed the small card and she took it. There was just a short message.

'If you'll let me. I love you, Haru."

Nothing more. Just a declaration of love and a promise of forever. Rin took the necklace out of the box and pressed it to her heart as she silently let the tears fall.

"I hope so, Haru. I hope so", she whispered and then she put the golden necklace around her neck.

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End of Chapter 23

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**AN:** So here is chapter 23. I'm terribly sorry for the one week delay, but I'm really busy with work for university and as such I can't manage one chapter per week anymore. If you have checked out my author's page, you might have noticed my note about how I have to reduce updates for this story. From now on it will only be every second week. I'm really, really sorry and I can understand anyone who hates me for it, but I DO have a real life and I DO take it seriously.

I will finish this story, that I promise, but give me some time, okay? As I mentioned some chapters before, this story will be 35 or 36 chapters long, so there are not too many left but still enough.

**A few individual thanks and notes:**

MeiLei: Thanks, I'm glad you appreciated the shooting-star thing. Originally, I didn't plan to write this short scene at all, but then I thought the chapter would be really depressing without it.

Shaffer: Haha, don't worry. Hiro is in love with Kisa and vice versa. As I wrote in the story – or at least I thought I made it clear – Hiro just wanted to give something special to his "sister". There will be enough firsts left for Kisa-chan. Hehe!

Brenna: I'm glad you liked it. Took me some time to finish that long chapter and after I did it I promised to myself to never ever do it again. Haha! But still I'm glad you appreciated my work.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	24. Walking broken

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: This chapter is lemon-free.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 24 – Walking broken**

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The sun was still shining brightly as if to mock him as Haru walked home. It wasn't far from Kazuma's dojo to his parent's house, but today it felt as if he was walking for ever. He felt drained, but physical and psychical.

He looked up as he felt a sudden gush of wind only to blink in surprise as his eyes met nothing but green and trees. For a moment he just stared at the leaves moving in the wind, then he looked around, swearing softly at his own stupidity for not spending attention to where he was going again.

He searched for something familiar to help him find his way back and saw a tree he remembered. It was 'their' tree, where they had made love sometimes. So he was in the park…

Haru sighed deeply and took a ninety degree turn into the direction of his home, leaving the park behind and stepping on the sidewalk again. If he hurried, he would be home in a few minutes. If he took the shortcut through the backyard of Hiro's home he would he there even sooner. Desperate enough to not care about courtesy, he just jumped over the fence and walked over the green yard.

"Haru!" The ox jumped in surprise and whirled around, even though he almost immediately the voice. Hiro.

"Hey, Hiro-kun. How are you?" The sheep looked inquisitively at him before he answered and for a long moment Haru was painfully reminded of the way Rin's eyes would bore into him. He had never been able to keep something a secret from her for long and Rin had a very specific way of looking at him if she wanted to see if he kept something from her. Hiro had picked up this gesture, but Haru doubted that he had as much insight as Rin.

"I'm fine, more or less. How are you?"

"The same, more or less…" Haru gave a shaky laugh. "I was just heading home and taking the shortcut through your garden. You don't mind, do you?" Hiro was still staring at him.

"No, it's fine. So… Rin left, yes?" For a moment there was pain in both their eyes and Haru nodded.

"Yes. She's gone." Hiro sighed.

"I hope she'll be happy in Tokyo."

"Yeah, me too", Haru whispered before he took a deep breath. "Look, Hiro, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm really tired and…"

"That's fine. Just come inside for a moment. I want to give you something." Haru sighed deeply and looked wistfully into the direction of his home. Hiro watched his movement and smiled softly.

"It's from Rin." Now he had Haru's attention and the ox followed him without further arguments.

"You can sit down, if you want to. I mean, if you are that tired…" Hiro gestured towards a small couch in the hall and Haru nodded, but didn't sit down as he watched the sheep rush upstairs to his room.

It didn't take long, not even a full minute, before Hiro returned with an envelope in his hand. He held it out to Haru.

"Here. She left this and told me to give this to you when she was gone. I planned to come to your house later today, but now that you are actually here…" Haru took the letter and nodded.

"Thanks." It sounded almost like a question and he got a soft smile from the younger boy.

"No, she didn't tell me what's inside, only that it is a letter and that it's important that you – and only you – get it." Haru managed something that could almost count as a smile.

"Again… Thanks. I'll be on my way then, if you don't mind?" Hiro shook his head.

"Of course not." They both walked to the door and Haru blinked as he stepped outside.

"See you, Hiro-kun."

"Yes, you too, Haru. And if you talk to Rin, tell her that she better takes care of herself or I'll have to come to Tokyo, okay?" Haru nodded again and waved goodbye, softly fingering the letter in his hand as he walked over the green yard.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Tadaima…", Haru said as he stepped into his home. He could barely shut the door before his mother came rushing into the hall from the living room.

"Haru, great god, where have you been? Do you know how late it is? It's almost midnight and… Are you alright?" Haru didn't meet her eyes, just looked to the floor. His father stepped out of the kitchen, a cup of steaming hot tea in his hand and gestured for Haru to follow him into the living room. The ox sighed.

Maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea to read Rin's letter alone in the park. That was where he went after he left Hiro's house. Back to the park, to their tree, where he had sat down. It had been half comforting to sit there and half agonizing as well. He had felt as if she would step out from behind a tree at any movement, smiling at him and calling him silly for looking like a lost child.

And there, sitting under the tree, he had read her letter. It was obvious that she had thought about her words, carefully choosing them so he would see the meaning behind them. He knew that her words were true, not meant to hurt him or to keep him away, just the truth and her own feelings for him. She had written it all down in a long letter and even though he had those three special word on paper now, it had still hurt him.

He had thought about it, thought about her words, about the truth behind them, about the future and that was why he only now came back to his home.

"Here, sit down and drink your tea." His father sat the cup down on the table and Haru sat down on the couch obediently. He could feel his parents exchanging worried looks and Haru winced.

Yes, damn it, he had cried and he knew that his parents could tell. He was most likely dirty as well from sitting on the ground and leaning against the partly moss-covered bark of the tree. He had been too tired to care back then and he still didn't care now.

Haru took a small sip of his tea, letting the warm liquid warm his insides, curling his fingers around the cup. His mother sat down beside him and threw a blanket over his shoulders. It wasn't too cold outside on daytime, but during the night it was still chilly.

His father walked back into the kitchen and a minute later came back with two other cups of tea for his wife and himself. Sitting down comfortably on the couch he looked out of the window into the pitch black garden.

"So, would it help the situation if you talked about it?", his father asked. Haru was silent for a long moment before he answered.

"I… No. Not really." Another prominent silence followed.

"Well then, do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure…", he answered hesitantly. His mother laid a hand onto his shoulder. It was meant as a comfort, but it was all it took to let Haru break down completely. With a defeated cry his black side broke free and he threw his still half-filled tea cup across the room, where it smashed on the wall with a satisfying sound.

He sprang to his feet, smashed his fist down onto the low table in front of him and finally kicked it aside when the thick wood wouldn't break. The table flew directly against the window and broke the glass.

Only the sound of the screeching breaking glass let Haru come to his senses. Breaking glass. The same sound it must have made as Rin fell out of the window. Was pushed out of the window by their goddess.

Unable to control his limps any longer he fell to his knees, staring at the shards in front of him, oblivious to the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

Only when he felt a hand on his shoulder again did he look around, coming face to face with his mother.

"Mom…", he just whispered. A soft cry for help if not real comfort and she kneeled down beside him and pulled him into her arms. Almost instantly he felt himself transform, but he remained in her embrace, in this comfortable warmth she so freely offered, while he felt his mother's tears drop onto his fur.

After a long time his mother drew back to let him transform back. She gave a teary smile, when she looked into his human face again and pulled the blanket towards him again and took his hand after draping it comfortably around him.

Haru wiped a few tears away and squeezed his mothers hand in reassurance, while giving her a shaky smile. When he felt his father's hand on his head he looked up.

"I'm sorry, dad. I didn't…" He was pulled into another tight embrace and this one he could reciprocate without transforming and so he for once leaned onto his father, while his mother soothingly stroked his hair. After a long time they pulled apart.

"So this was number three", his father said and grinned. "This is your favorite window? You always have to break this one…" He grinned while saying it and both his mother and him laughed softly.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. It's okay. You are under a lot of stress and I guess it's partly our fault as well for not being there. Not enough at least."

"That's not true", Haru protested. "You couldn't have stopped this. No one could have. It just happened."

"Isuzu-chan left, I guess?", his mother asked softly and Haru nodded.

"Yes. She went to Tokyo and will be going to Todai." Even through the sadness he could hear how proud he was of her. Both his parents nodded in admiration.

"Todai. Not bad", his father mumbled more to himself. "So she broke up with you?" Haru shook his head no.

"She didn't. Not really at least. She wrote me a letter…"

"And you don't know what to make of it?", his mother asked.

"No, it's not that. I know what she wants to say, but I don't know how to do it. How to…" He stopped, unable to explain the situation to his parents without revealing the content of the letter. It was too private in a way, even too private to tell his parents. His father nodded.

"Read it again, sleep and think about it tomorrow. It's late already and you are tired. Go to bed and if you want to, Haru, we can talk about this tomorrow. Okay?" Haru smiled at his father and nodded, before he stood up.

"Ah, the window. Should I…"

"No, I'll take care of this. Don't worry and just go to bed. Sleep well. And take your clothes with you", his father insisted and Haru gave a grateful smile before he grabbed his clothes from the floor and obediently walked to the stairs, still only dressed in a blanket.

"Sweet dreams, Haru", his mother called softly.

"You too. Good night", Haru answered before he rushed up the stairs, his clothes and the letter tightly clutched in his hand.

When he shut the door behind himself he sighed and sat down on the bed, throwing the clothes carelessly aside and unfolding the letter again.

_My sweet Haru_, he read and almost smiled. It was good to know that, even though she wrote this letter, she still considered him hers.

_My sweet Haru, _

_I'm really sorry that everything happened the way it did. When you'll read this, I'll have already left for university in Tokyo. A plan which came up shortly and right now you don't even know about. _

_I admit, I was too afraid of your reaction to tell you. Maybe you would have been angry, most likely you would have been sad and surely you will be disappointed. Most likely you will be disappointed the most, about me not telling you and I'm really sorry about this as well. _

_I know you wouldn't let me go. Not that you would have done anything to stop me. You wouldn't stand in my way if you were sure that I'd be happy. It would be me who would have stopped myself in the end. When we came together, I promised myself that I would never hurt you intentionally. _

_Maybe this sounds strange coming from me after everything I put you through, but I did it to keep you safe if not happy. You are everything to me and I guess you know it. You know me like no one else does and I know you like no one else. _

_And yes, I know what you are thinking right now, so I'll just get it out of the way: _

_I love you. _

_I will always love you and my love for you is the reason why I'm doing what I did, leaving for Tokyo. _

_I loved you enough to gave you up to keep you safe. I love you enough to leave you behind, which is why I'm writing this letter right now. _

_Haru, I know you don't want to read this nor even consider it as a possibility. And even if you don't like to hear it: You are still young. You have all chances of happiness before you. You are not like me, Haru. In very many ways you are the complete opposite and I love you for it._

_When I fell out of the window all I could think about was you. All I could think was that I wanted to set you free from all your bonds. This promise was what started my journey at finding a way to break the curse. _

_I failed, Haru. I failed in giving you this freedom, a life free of obligations towards a goddess who is harsh and hurtful. _

_But when I laid there in the grass, the shards poking into my shoulder and the wind blowing around me, I finally understood, that Akito is not the only bond that keeps you from finding your own happiness. _

_I am one of those bonds. I'm holding you back. It's our love that is stopping you from searching, seeking this small piece of happiness a Juunishi can achieve. _

_Please promise me that you will try, Haru. Promise me that you won't stop yourself from finding true happiness because of me. _

_I won't say that I don't love you anymore, because we both know it would be a lie. But love can be completely selfless as well. I only want you to be happy, even if this happiness is not with me. _

_I can almost hear you protesting, Haru. I know that you love me and I know that you would have liked to stay by my side. _

_I won't make you promise to stay away from me or to stop loving me. I'm just asking you to be open in mind, heart and even soul. Think about it, Haru. Really think about it, if maybe someone else can give you the same and even greater happiness. _

_Try it, Haru. Try living without me, try finding this happiness in someone else, someone who is not broken, someone who is not pressured by a goddess. As I said, I won't make you promise to stay away. But I will ask it of you. Please don't come see me until you tried. And this is what I want you to promise. _

_Promise me to think about my words. Promise me to try. _

_I could never forgive myself if I wouldn't have at least given you the possibility to this, Haru. Try it. For me, if not for yourself. _

_Yours for ever, _

_Rin _

Haru sighed and put the letter aside. He felt drained and tired and for once he would follow his fathers advice. He would go to bed. Thinking again, analyzing, maybe even talking about it could wait until tomorrow.

She still loved him. That was all that mattered right now. Pulling the stuffed animal horse into a tight embrace, he got under the covers and switched off the lights.

Within a matter of moments he was asleep.

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End of Chapter 24

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**AN:** I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. The next one will be longer and Haru will see Rin again. I promise.

A short explanation for the last chapter:

I mentioned that Rin would go to Todai university. I apologize for just writing it without explanation. Sometimes it's hard to remember that not everyone knows all these things…

**Todai** is the commonly used abbreviation for "**To**kyo **dai**gaku" meaning "University of Tokyo". It's one of the most popular universities in Japan, more like THE university in Japan. Maybe you can compare it with what Harvard is for the USA or Cambridge for the UK.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	25. To fight a lost battle

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 25 – To fight a lost battle**

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Haru sighed and wistfully watched a group of young children at the playground running and laughing. For a long time he remembered the times from when he was a child, meeting Rin at this very place, always at the swings which she loved and he despised. He remembered the sound of her carefree laughs, the gleam in her eyes when her mother came to pick her up.

Rin had loved her parents dearly and had always tried to please them, even when she always had the feeling that what ever she did was not enough. But still she had tried with the desperate, naïve hope of a child.

And he remembered when this hope was broken, how the gleam in her eyes had died and her laughter had become a memory for a long time. He had always stayed by her side and she had always let him stay.

Until four month ago, where she had left for university in Tokyo, leaving him raw, desperate and hurt. She had asked him to try living without her, to find happiness in someone else.

And he loved her enough to do as she wished, only to find that he couldn't do it. Living had become nothing more than existing in this past few month. Haru knew that his friends noticed the strange look in his eyes, they noticed how he grew much more silent than before and they were worried.

But for now there was nothing he could do about it beside telling them not to worry which of course wasn't helping matters. All of them had a pretty good idea of what had happened.

His past relationship with Rin was not so much of a secret anymore and although no one knew the details, they also knew that something had happened between Akito and Rin. And so they didn't push Haru, didn't question him, but they were just there. A silent support which, Haru admitted, felt good.

Only Yuki knew about Haru's situation and knew -if not in detail- the contents of Rin's letter. Haru had been unable to keep everything inside and since Rin wasn't there anymore and had asked him to live on his own, he had turned to his friend, who –unlike his parents- understood about the pressure from their goddess, although the rat didn't know about their goddess real gender.

Haru sighed again and almost jumped in surprise as a small boy suddenly called out to him.

"Onii-san… Are you okay?" The young one looked up at him curiously and Haru had to smile when he nodded.

"I'm fine, don't worry. What's your name?" He hadn't have to ask for his last name. This playground was on Sohma property, so the little one was most likely a son of one of the distant relatives that lived here.

"Ken."

"I'm fine, Ken-chan. Look, I think your mom is calling for you." He watched as the boy ran to his mother, laughing and waving before being embraced tightly. Haru watched them walk away, wondering what his life would have been like if he hadn't been born as one of the juunishi, maybe not even as a Sohma. Maybe he would have had an easier life, but he most likely wouldn't have known Rin and so, he decided, it was better this way.

"Haru, there you are." Haru turned around and smiled at Yuki. "I've been looking for you. What are you doing here? Hiding away?" Haru shook his head no.

"No, I was just thinking." Yuki frowned.

"You are doing this a lot lately."

"So you tell me that you wouldn't? In my situation?" Yuki looked at him before he sighed.

"You are right. I guess I would think about everything just as much, maybe more if that's possible." Haru gave a short laugh.

"No, I don't think it is… Every moment I think about her, when I sleep I'm dreaming about her… Sometimes I think I'm going crazy." Haru pushed a hand through his hair and blinked into the sun. Yuki sighed softly and decided to better change topics.

"So, what do you want to do for your birthday? A party maybe to cheer you up?" Haru smiled softly, but shook his head no.

"I'm not in the mood for a party right now. Honestly, all I want is to see Rin again, but I guess she wouldn't have me right now. Not with the promise I made… Let's go back, Yuki." Haru turned and started to walk home, while Yuki started after him for a moment thinking.

They went the whole way without saying a word. Only the occasional sound of a sigh from Haru interrupted the heavy silence. They reached Haru's home soon and Yuki waved at Haru's mother who was bustling around in the garden.

"Haru, I don't know how yet, but I'll try to find a really good gift for you. I promise."

"You don't have to, Yuki."

"I know, but I want to. You were there for me when I was doubting myself, now please let me help you." Haru sighed.

"It's just, that I don't think anyone could help me. Helping me would mean dealing with Rin and I'm just afraid that she will get angry with me if everyone tells her to take me back…" Yuki looked down onto the ground.

"You are right, I guess… Don't think too much about it, okay? I'll see you the day after tomorrow for your birthday then. Can I bring a few family members?"

"Of course. Momiji and Hiro will be here anyway. So bring Kyou, Honda-san and maybe Shigure-sensei." The rat nodded, then waved at the younger boy and left.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Good morning, Haru-chan and a very happy birthday to you!", his mother chirped as she came rushing into his room, holding a large cake in her hands that she obviously had baked herself. It was easy to tell, because if his mother couldn't do one thing it was baking a cake. So even if she was always eager to bake cakes for Christmas and birthdays, they always turned out rather… unique in shape. Not that they tasted bad.

"Thank you, mom, but you didn't have to…" He didn't come any further as his father came into the room as well.

"I don't have much time, but no one can stop me from congratulating you. Happy birthday, Haru. And have a nice time today. Don't come back too late tonight, okay?" His father winked at him and left in a hurry.

"What did he mean? I'm not planning on going anywhere today."

"Well, who knows. Maybe there are a few surprises ahead." His mother winked as well and Haru shook his head in confusion. "Ah, by the way, Yuki is downstairs and waiting for you. Get ready so you can at least eat one piece of the cake, okay?"

"Yuki is here? Now? So early? What the hell…" Now he was completely confused, but got up nevertheless to take a short shower and dress before walking downstairs.

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"There you are finally. I thought you'd never come. Hurry, we don't have much time left", Yuki mumbled with his mouth full of birthday cake and shoved a plate with a big piece of cake towards him. Haru sat down and looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean we are in a hurry? Are we going somewhere?" Yuki nodded in answer.

"Yes. And we better leave now. The car is waiting outside. Come on." He pulled Haru to the door, plate in hand and everything and quickly put on his shoes. "Thank you for the delicious cake, Sohma-san. We'll be back tonight." Yuki bowed politely and pulled Haru outside.

"Have a nice day, Haru-chan!", his mother called after him and Haru could only wave before he was shoved into the car.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Can you finally tell me where we are going?", Haru asked as he sat down in the first class seat in the train. He looked around uncomfortably as some of the well dressed business men looked them up and down. They really didn't look like first class passengers, but as juunishi they had to travel that way, because in the first class there was much more space and the risk was just lower.

"No, sorry, birthday boy. You'll just have to wait and see. Maybe this can keep you occupied." With that Yuki took a wrapped gift out of his bag. Haru smiled despite his frustration.

"Thank you." It was a book motorcycles. Haru grinned. He had always dreamt to one day have a motorcycle when he was old enough to take his license. With a sigh he started to look through the book after he made sure that Yuki wouldn't say another word and had made himself comfortable with a book as well.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"So let's see. Where are we?" Haru stepped out of the train and looked around, finally spotting a sign that read 'Tokyo station'.

"Tokyo? What are we doing in Tokyo?" Yuki didn't smile this time and just looked at him, watching the display of emotions in Haru's eyes. Hope, fear, sadness and finally something like resignation. Yuki took a deep breath.

"Well then." He looked around shortly, then grinned. "Happy birthday, Haru." With that he walked away and left Haru standing on the platform.

"Hey! Yuki, what…" And then he felt something. A prickling sensation in his stomach.

"Happy birthday, Haru. Long time no see." The ox whirled around and stared at her as if she was a ghost. Behind him stood Rin, leaning against a pillar, observing him with a unreadable expression.

For a moment Haru felt as if all the oxygen had been pumped out of the station and Haru actually feared that this all was a dream and he would wake up in his bed, having his mother greeting him again with a big smile and a self-baked and as such misshapen cake.

"Rin…" Her name came out in nothing more than a rusty whisper and she smiled at him shortly, before she pushed herself away from the pillar and closed the short distance between them.

"Happy birthday." She hugged him then and he was utterly lost. Without further questions what exactly had led to him having her in his arms again, he pulled her into a tight embrace and reveled in the familiar feeling of her body, her familiar scent that engulfed him.

"Rin…" Again her name was nothing more than a whisper, but he could feel her smile against his neck.

"Surprised?"

"You could say so. What… Why?" She stepped out of his arms and took his hand, pulling him with her out of the station.

"Yuki called me some days ago and asked if it was okay for him to bring you here… Honestly, I tried to talk him out of it, but he can be really persistent. Told me how very quiet you've become and everything." She looked at him then and he didn't meet her eyes, suddenly feeling very ashamed of himself.

"Haru, it's okay. You don't have to be strong for someone else's sake. And certainly you don't have to be ashamed for feeling that way." He glimpsed at her then and she smiled at him. For a long moment neither one of them spoke a word and Haru just followed her lead before he completely lost his orientation.

"Can you at least tell me where we are going or is this some surprise as well?" Rin smiled at his words.

"My place. No surprise this time. It's right over there." She let go of his hand and pulled a key out of her bag. Haru followed her into the building, climbed up the stairs until they reached a door with a name tag that read 'Sohma'.

As soon as Haru stepped into the apartment he knew it to be Rin's, and he could have told so even without knowing where they were going. The apartment was utterly and undeniably 'Rin'.

Rin followed him silently as he inspected the rooms and sometimes touched a thing that he recognized from her room in Kagura's home. She smiled when he almost shyly asked her if he could enter her bedroom as well and smiled with him when he saw the stuffed animal, the cow he had given her, on the bed.

"So, you want some tea? Or maybe coffee?", she asked to interrupt the suddenly heavy silence.

"Since when do you drink coffee?"

"Since I go to university. You'll get addicted to it soon enough as well. Just wait and see." She winked at him, before she went back into the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of coffee and him some tea. With a sigh he sat down on the couch in her living room and looked around again.

"It's a nice apartment. I like it." She smiled at his words.

"Thanks. So… How have you been?" She leaned back comfortably and blew into the steaming cup.

"Not too bad, I guess. It could be worse, but…" He was silent again. Suddenly he didn't know what to say anymore. This woman before him was Rin, but in this moment he felt as if he saw her for the first time. She seemed more relaxed and Haru knew it was because she was finally away from Akito's direct influence. But this Rin seemed mature and more grown-up than his Rin had ever been and suddenly he feared that he had no place in her life any longer.

Rin watched him closely as if looking directly into his soul and he knew that she could tell his thoughts to some extend. He sighed when she stood up and looked out of the window.

"So, how are you? How is university?"

"It's fine, much more interesting than school, but it's a lot of work as well. Right now I'm working on a…" She was interrupted by her cell phone ringing.

"Sorry", she said before she picked it up. "Hello?… Ah, Ryu-kun. What is it?… Tonight? No, I'm sorry, have a visitor… Yes, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." She hung up and sat down again.

"A visitor?", he said softly and didn't look at her. "Is that what I am?" She sighed heavily at his words.

"Of course not, Haru. But Ryu doesn't have to know about my personal life."

"Well, if he asks you to meet him tonight and you'll see him tomorrow anyway, I think he knows much more about your life here than I do." They were silent for a moment.

"Who is he anyway?", Haru finally added and looked at her. After she stared at him for a moment, she grinned.

"Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Me? No way, it's just…" He sighed again. "So, maybe a little. Okay, okay, I am. So please tell me. Who is this guy?" Rin laughed softly.

"Just someone I have classes with. No one special, although he may have a crush on me."

"Can't blame him for that", Haru mumbled and stared angrily into his cup.

"Anyway, we do study together and… Don't look at me like that. It's not me and him alone. We are six in total, so there. As I said, he doesn't have to know about my personal life, because he is no part of it. Unlike you. Okay?" Finally he nodded when he saw nothing but honesty in her eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to…" She stood up and sat down beside him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I know. It's okay." He looked at her hesitantly and she smiled before she kissed him on the mouth, a soft and chaste, but still reassuring touch of her lips against his that set loose a hurricane. After a moment they broke apart and looked at each other.

"Rin…" His voice was trembling this time, just like he was and she nodded, before she stood up.

"Let's take this to the bedroom." He stared at her for a moment for her being so direct, but then it was typical Rin as well and he smiled and followed her lead.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Take care, Haru. And try to remember what I told you… or wrote you." Haru sighed heavily.

"It's hard. And I mean really hard."

"Yes, I know. Just try to get on with your life." He sighed in desperation.

"Don't you understand, Rin? Without you, there is no life for me worth living for." She touched his cheek softly.

"Do you best and if you can't go on anymore, come and see me. I'll even pick you up on the train station so you won't get lost on the way." She winked at him and he finally smiled and nodded, because he knew that he wouldn't get her to agree to something more.

"Take care, Rin. And tell this Ryu to keep his hands away from my girl."

"Will do", she laughed and smiled at someone behind him. Haru turned around.

"Hey, Haru. Ready to go?" Yuki stood behind him and smiled at him knowingly.

"Yes, kind of…" Haru turned back to Rin again and hugged her tightly. "See you some time in the future then." Rin smiled softly in answer and nodded. Then Haru stepped back and both boys waved shortly before they stepped onto the train. There was no need to say more, because Haru had already said goodbye to her at Rin's apartment.

The train pulled out of the station and Haru sighed, before he smiled at the rat.

"Thank you, Yuki. It was the best present you could have given me."

"I'm glad", Yuki answered before he pulled out his book again and let the ox to his thoughts.

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End of Chapter 25

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**AN:** I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I visited my parents over the New Year, so I had no chance to upload this chapter. University isn't helping either.

But as I said before: I won't give up on this story and I will finish it if it kills me, so you don't have to worry.

However, please note that the next chapter won't be out until I've got all my exams done. The last one will be on valentine's day, much to my dismay, and I promise to work on the next chapter right the next day, okay?

**Translations of the Japanese terms: **

**Onii-san**: Basically means "older brother", but can also be used by kids or young people of both genders to address an older boy which you are not blood-related to. The term for "older sister" would be onee-san, which means, if a boy or girl of i.e. 14 years want to talk to me (26), he/she would call me onee-san. Hehe!

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	26. When everything turns black

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 26 – When everything turns black**

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It was on a sunny and warm day when chaos descended upon his world. The first day of may, the lovely spring month. But then, for Haru this month started nothing like lovely.

Haru sighed and blinked up into the clear blue sky into the sun that shone through the leaves of the tree he was sitting under. Despite the warm weather the ground was still cold and he could feel it seeping into his legs and arse. For a moment he threw a glance at his jacket that laid crumbled beside him and cursed himself for not thinking about sitting on it earlier. But then, if he would catch a cold his life wouldn't be any worse, so he didn't bother to put the jacket to use now.

Tomorrow was Rin's birthday. Haru sighed deeply and pulled his gaze away from the sky, instead he picked up a fallen leave from the ground and tore it apart angrily.

Beside him, Momiji watched him in confusion, but he didn't say a word to avoid Haru directing his anger at him. Haru sighed again and let his head fall back against the bark, closing his eyes.

"It's okay. I'm fine", he said and Momiji had to suppress the urge to laugh or snort out aloud.

"You don't look fine." For a moment the ox didn't answer and Momiji didn't pressure him.

"I'm as fine as I can be", he finally answered vaguely.

"You mean under the circumstances?" Momiji smiled softly when he got a surprised look from Haru at his words. "You think I don't know? About you and Rin?"

"I suppose it's not too much of a secret anymore", the ox answered.

"No, not too much. Although you both did one hell of a good job at hiding it. And to tell the truth, I didn't know for sure until Tohru told me a few month ago." Haru snorted.

"Honda-san told you? How did she know?"

"I don't know. Maybe Yuki told her… Or Rin?" Momiji looked at Haru questioningly.

"Maybe…", Haru mumbled more to himself than to him. For another long moment neither of them spoke.

"So, will you call her? Tomorrow, I mean. It's her birthday after all." Momiji looked at him expectantly and smiled as Haru nodded.

"Yes, of course I will. There's nothing else I can do after all." Originally he had planned to visit her, had even told her so and he had been happy when she told him that she would be happy to see him again.

After his own birthday last year, he had seen her only two times. Once around Christmas, when he they had put their holidays to good use, he had visited her for five days and god, he had been happy back then. Nothing was as blissful as living with her. And although Rin and him still weren't back together for real, Haru was sure that these five days had made a difference for her as well. Where she had always told him to find his happiness in someone else, she had stopped after their Christmas-days together.

The next time he had seen her two month ago, in mid march, shortly before the start of the new high-school year – his last one. Finally. There had been a party for all the graduating students and somehow Tohru and Yuki had convinced Rin and Kagura to come for a visit. And although it had only been for a single evening, Haru had been able to spent quite some time with her.

She had asked him what he wanted to do after his last year in high-school and he told her truthfully that he didn't know for sure yet, but that he had thought about going to university as well. Rin had studied him for a long time than before she had told him that he should think about studying medicine as well.

It was as good as an invitation, an offer and he had stared at her speechless, before he nodded and told her, he would think about it. In an afterthought he had added that he would never get the grades to get into an elite university like her though – and they both had laughed for the first time in a while. It had felt good.

That had been the last time he had seen her but he had promised to come visit for her birthday and he still remembered her brilliant smile and her words as clearly as if it had been yesterday.

'_I'll be happy to see you again, Haru-chan.'_

She had called him Haru-chan, just like so many times in the past and although he maybe should be miffed about it he could have hugged the world in happiness then.

And then he had been told that his class planned an excursion to Hokkaido in the first week of may and his happiness had crumbled. He had even asked his mother if she could just write him a letter of apology so he wouldn't have to go, but his mother had smiled sadly and shaken her head, telling him that Akito already had given him permission to go and that she couldn't go against the god's wishes.

And so here he was, sitting under a tree in the generous park behind their hotel and thinking about his bad luck. When he had called Rin and told her about their excursion, she had told him that it was okay, of course school was more important and he could call her and visit later if he wanted to.

He still remembered how he had talked with his mother about this change of plans and she had immediately told him to not go anytime soon.

"Mom, I'll visit Rin after I come back from the excursion, okay?" His mother shook her head.

"It's not a good time, Haru. I'd rather have you stay at home for now."

"What do you mean?", he had asked confused.

"You know that Yuki asked permission to leave for university last week and you know how Akito gets when he has to let go one of the favored juunishi. Don't draw attention to yourself now – or to Rin for that matter. Not now. Akito may have kept quite when you visited her during the Christmas holidays, but he certainly won't be happy when you leave now. Even if it is just for one day." His mother had smiled at him sadly, before she had left his room.

"And she is right about what she said", Haru sighed.

"Who is right? About what?", Momiji asked in confusion and only then did Haru realize that he had said the words out aloud.

"Oh, never mind." Haru stood up and put on his jacket. "Let's get back to the others." Momiji followed him without another word.

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"Welcome home, Haru. How was your trip?" His mother smiled at him and Haru tried to smile back as best as he could. He was glad to be home again, but being home wasn't enough to calm his nerves down.

The last few days had been pure torture. He had been on the edge again ever since he had called Rin for her birthday. He had expected that he would at least calm down a little just by hearing her voice, but when he asked her about the noise in the background she had told him that her friends had organized a small party for her and that of course this damn Ryuu was there as well. Okay, so she had not called him that exactly, but he had. And despite her reassurance that everything was fine and that he really shouldn't worry about him, he did.

And jealousy made his black side surface so much more powerful. He had had to fight it all the time on the last few days in Hokkaido and his class mates hat been scared silly and had kept their distance from him. He didn't mind that. Not too much.

Secretly he had hoped that coming home would calm him down somewhat again but it only increased the tension in him.

"I'm fine, mom, but I'm… tired. Can I go to my room?" His mother studied him carefully and Haru knew that she didn't miss the dangerous glint in his eyes. So she nodded silently and he rushed up the stairs only to let himself fall down onto his bed, breathing heavily from the effort of holding his black side under control. He needed to go to the dojo and work some of his power off – and soon. Tomorrow he would go.

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"Ah, Ha-kun. Welcome back. How was Hokkaido?", Shigure asked and smiled at him. Haru stared at him in surprise. He certainly hadn't expected to see Shigure at Kazuma's dojo, much less in the morning where the dog was normally sleeping.

"It was okay, thank you. What are you doing here?", he asked back.

"I accompanied Yuki, Kyou and Tohru-kun. They wanted to say goodbye to Kazuma. I'm sure you know that Yuki will leave next week for university?" Haru nodded absentmindedly.

"Yes, I've heard about that." He could already feel his black side trying to break lose again at Shigure's words. It was not Yuki's fault, but still his request to leave the Sohma estate had resulted in Haru not being able to visit Rin and in a distant corner of his mind he couldn't stop himself from blaming Yuki for that.

"Yes, well. Kyou decided to live here again, so Tohru came as well as a helping hand. Are you okay, Haru-kun?" The dog hadn't missed the rigidness in Haru's body, but he missed the murderous glint in his eyes, when Yuki and Kyou came out of the house.

"Hey, Haru. How are you?", Yuki greeted smiling. Haru didn't answer and Kyou threw him an angry look.

"Hey, damn ox. Lost your voice?" And then everything happened too fast. Tohru came out of the house and said something to Kyou who turned halfway to her, but was stopped when Haru suddenly lunged forward and knocked him to the ground. Kyou, in his well-trained state, reacted more on instinct than on anything else, rolled away and was on his feet in no time, but he was angry.

"Hey, what's up with you? Looking for another fi…" He couldn't finish his sentence when Haru attacked again, but this time Kyou was prepared and fought back. The cat had to admit that Haru had learnt a lot since their last fight. Last time he had easily defeated the younger boy, but now Haru was not only stronger but faster as well.

In some corner of his mind Kyou could hear Yuki calling to Shigure and Tohru to get into the house out of the danger zone and Kyou was glad about the rat's quick thinking. But it was exactly that thought that kept Kyou from spending full attention to his opponent and only when Haru landed a really bad blow on his jaw did he realize his mistake. He flew back against the wall of the house and felt his head collide against a wooden pillar. It didn't knock him out, but he was in no condition to fight anymore.

The only conscious thought was what had brought this on and when he moved his gaze back to Haru he could see the strange glint in his eyes. Black Haru. And if his last encounters with Haru's dark side was any hint, these fights in the past had been a walk in the park against what they faced now.

"Haru, calm down", Yuki said softly and as such drew the ox' attention to himself. Haru could see his eyes widen when he came face to face with his opponent.

"Haru, please calm down. I'm sure we can talk about…" This only enraged Haru further and with a heavy growl he attacked the rat. Yuki was faster than Kyou and somewhat stronger, but in contrary to Kyou, he didn't want to hurt Haru, so he didn't fight with everything he got.

This was a big mistake, he realized only a moment later, because Haru didn't hold back. Not one bit. Yuki defended himself as good as he could and although he received a few hits here and there, he still managed to hit back as well.

When they sprang apart for a moment, both seizing their opponent, Yuki decided to change tactics. Defending was no good against black Haru. He had to stop him and if it meant to knock Haru out, then so be it. He didn't have time to think about another way, because Haru choose to attack again.

And this time, they fought for real. Neither one of them heard Tohru's and Shigure's cry from the house, both were oblivious to the wound they received as they crashed into the stones of the traditional garden decoration and the wooden pillars of the house. It was all pure fight.

After a long time they finally sprang apart again and only then did Yuki realize the extent of injuries he had both received and given. Haru's lip was split and some heavy bruises on his face where already forming. His shirt and jeans were torn and he had a large gash on his biceps, another angry wound on his torso that ran almost all the way from his collar bone to his belly button. The skin over his knee was split and the wound bled heavily. Yuki was in no better shape and this time he could hear Tohru calling his name and Kyou calling to him to be careful.

Indeed Haru didn't look as if he would stop anytime soon, although he must be in as much pain as Yuki himself. Maybe he didn't feel it as black Haru. And then he attacked again. This time Yuki could feel his power leaving him and he decided that enough was enough. He knew that Haru needed some time to calm down and that fighting helped. But enough was enough.

"Haru, I will stop now, okay? I will step back and then we will stop this", Yuki huffed between punching and blocking. Haru didn't answer and Yuki sighed in relieve as he took a step backwards to bring some distance between Haru and him. They both breathed heavily and Yuki smiled.

"You must have trained a lot. You are much better… Now let's get those wounds wrapped, okay Haru?" When Haru didn't attack him again, he let his arms fall to his side, giving up his defensive stance. There was no way Yuki could have been fast enough to block Haru's attack then. All he could do was close his eyes and wait for the impact. With a heavy thud he fell to the ground.

Haru breathed heavily, his eyes gleaming wildly, like a caged animal and for a moment he stared irresolutely down onto his fallen opponent. Just as he was about to step back and just let it be, Shigure and Tohru came running towards Yuki, knocking Haru half out of the way, ignoring Kyou's cries of "No, don't go there. Stop!".

Shigure didn't even try to stop Haru's kick in his direction. He knew he was no match for the ox, not even in his normal state, much less in his black mode. Haru didn't care, he had shut down long ago and was just fighting. As such he didn't even react when Tohru pleaded with him to stop as she shielded the fallen rat with her body as best as she could.

"Tohru, damn it. Run. Run into the house", Kyou cried and struggled to his feet, but Tohru didn't move away but choose to take a step towards the ox. A mistake. Then she reached for him, her hand touching his cheek. Another mistake. She smiled softly. Maybe not a mistake, but it didn't matter anymore.

All Haru could feel was a warm touch on his cheek, but the fingers touching him were not Rin's. Only Rin could touch him. Only Rin was allowed to touch him. In some corner of his mind he could feel himself protesting, could hear himself arguing that he didn't want to hurt either one of them, but this voice was so distant, so far away.

And with that he moved, attacked, punched whoever had dared to touch him right in the face. He could feel his fist connecting, could feel the person flying backwards and he wanted more, so he went after the person for the final blow.

Only it never came to this. Alarmed from the noise in the garden, Kazuma had stepped out of the house, had immediately understood the seriousness of the situation and before either one could move again, he had knocked the black sided Haru to the ground, so that he lost consciousness for a moment.

"Are you okay? Yuki, Honda-san? Shigure? Kyou?" Shigure and Yuki immediately went to Tohru's side.

"Honda-san, are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Tohru looked up, a heavy bruise already forming on her jaw and tears in her eyes.

"I… I'm fine. It hurts… Is he okay now?" She looked at Haru who was still pinned to the ground by Kazuma, although he already regained consciousness.

"Don't worry about that idiot", Yuki growled.

"Don't be angry with him, Yuki-kun. You know how he is without her… He was hurt by all this, more than anyone of us can imagine." Kazuma nodded in answer.

"Yes, indeed. But he really has to learn to control this black side of him."

"But he can't. It's her who has the control about it. He can't help it." Yuki looked at the ground and sighed at Tohru's pleading words. "Don't be angry with him, Yuki-kun. Please. He just misses Isuzu-san". At her words, they heard Haru groan.

"Rin…", he whispered softly, but the longing and despair in his voice proved Tohru's words to be true. They all stared at him in silence as he finally opened his eyes and all of them breathed a sigh of relieve when they saw only soft brown without a hint of a glint in his eyes.

"Ouch", groaned Haru and tried to look what was holding him to the ground and Kazuma nodded and let him go, before helping him into a sitting position. His eyes widened when he saw the extent of Haru's injuries. Meanwhile Haru had looked around in confusion before he had obviously put two and two together and stared in horror first at Kyou, then Shigure, Tohru and Yuki. The look Yuki gave him made him flinch.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I lost control and…"

"That much is obvious", Yuki interrupted and struggled to get to his feet. Shigure and Tohru helped him up. Haru stared at the wounds and bruises on Yuki.

"God, I'm so sorry, Yuki. And Honda-san. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay, Hatsuharu-san. I understand." She gave him a reassuring smile as best as she cold with her jaw bruised and hurting like hell. "I'm not angry at you. It was my fault too for getting in the way and not listening to Kyou-kun." She looked at Kyou with a smile in her eyes and Kyou blushed at her words, remembering only now how desperate his voice had sounded.

"Well, now that everything is fine again, let's go inside and do something about those wounds. You both look dreadful", Shigure said and guided Tohru and the blushing Kyou towards the house entrance. Kazuma followed them to get the first-aid kit.

Haru and Yuki remained outside in silence. Haru was still sitting on the ground, holding a dirty hand to his bleeding wounds and Yuki stared at the ground.

"I'm sorry, Yuki", Haru whispered again. He knew that Yuki was angry, not about the wounds he had received, but about not stopping, about attacking Shigure and especially Tohru, who, although she was not his love interest, was really special to him. "I'm sorry."

"I… I know", Yuki finally pressed out. "I know you are, but…" Haru struggled to stand on his feet and he winced in pain when he finally stood. "But… I can't forgive you so easily this time." He ignored the pained look in Haru's eyes and limped to the house. Haru didn't look after him.

After a long moment he decided to leave Kazuma's home for now. Yuki wouldn't want him there now anyway. Grounding his teeth in pain, struggling with his disobeying limbs, he slowly made his way home.

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"Haru-chan? Are you there?" His mother knocked on the door to his room and he sighed.

"I was sleeping", he pressed out through gritted teeth. Speaking hurt, moving hurt. Everything hurt. He hadn't bothered with taking care of the wounds and now he had to deal with the consequences. He heard his mother sigh outside, but she didn't enter his room to give him his privacy.

"I'm… I'm sorry, dear. Akito-sama called for you. You have to visit him tomorrow morning. I'm sorry, Haru. Sleep well." Haru stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

A call from Akito. He hadn't had those in quite some time now. And right now it had to come. It was too much to take. He couldn't bear their god's touch. Not ever, but especially not now. Not when everything was so damn twisted.

With a groan of pain he got out of his bed, pulled his bag down from his wardrobe and pulled out a few clothes that he pushed carelessly into the bag. His money and the stuffed animal horse came next as well as a photo from Rin and him together, smiling. With a grim face he pulled the zip of the bag close and swung it over his shoulder, while wincing in pain as the strap cut into the wound on his collarbone. With uneven steps he reached his door.

"Haru, where are you going?" He didn't look around when he heard his mothers voice.

"I'm sorry, mom. I have to get away for a bit." Only then did he look at her. She stared at him a long time, seeing his wounds for the first time but she bit her lip before she nodded.

"Be careful. And tell Isuzu-san to take care of those wounds, okay?" Haru nodded and limped down the stairs and out of the house. He stopped only when he heard his father's voice calling him.

"Haru, wait." He came running after him and took the bag from his shoulder. "I'll drive you to the train station." And with that he shouldered the bag and walked to the car. Haru followed him slowly. They drove in silence at first. Only when they came to the crossing where you had to turn right to come to Shigure's house, did Haru speak up.

"Dad, can we stop by at Shigure's please? I want to talk to Yuki shortly." His father didn't comment, just nodded and turned right.

°°°°°°°°°

End of Chapter 26

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**AN:** So here is chapter 26. I don't know how to say this, but I think my writing style is changing somehow and I don't know if it is for the better… I did expect it to happen, but I'm still surprised somewhat that I notice myself.

Anyway, I hope you liked it, although I guess you are wondering where I'm going with this story. But don't worry, there will be a happy end since I love those as well.

Oh, exams are over! Yay, I made it. I don't have all the results yet, but in the three exams I had to take first, I got all As!!! So a big Thank you to all of you who wished me luck!

As well, I want to comment on a few reviews:

MeiLei: Actually I thought about this myself to put some parts of this story to Rin, so you can see how she feels, but somehow I can't find the right start. But the letter she wrote to Haru is everything she feels.

RinHaru4ever: I'm not sure if I want to let this Ryuu make an appearance in this story. Most likely not, since I'm not too good with creating original characters and he -although his name was mentioned in this chapter again- won't play a major role, so I guess he will remain a name without a face, so to speak.

**Translations of the Japanese terms: **

Errr… I don't think I used any Japanese terms that need explaining, but if I did, just let me know and I'll add a translation.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan


	27. Searching

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: Lemon scene near the end of the chapter and talk about sex. I can't single out one paragraph though. If you don't like it, don't read this chapter…

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**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 27 – Searching**

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Rin sighed and turned her attention back to the book in her lap. Her thoughts had drifted away from the work at hand which was a paper on the human brain. Really complicated, but still interesting. With a nod she reminded herself to pay attention and not let her gaze wander outside the window again, although the sight of the setting sun and the green leaves of the few trees in the small backyard of the building was calling to the horse inside her and the warmth of the last rays of sunshine was making her sleepy at the same time.

With another sigh she decided that now was a good time for a cup of coffee – really strong black coffee - and got up, carefully marking the page of the thick book before putting it aside.

"You want another cup of coffee?", she asked while she walked into the kitchen. Kagura looked up from where she had curled herself up comfortably on the couch with a novel and smiled.

"Yes, thank you. I'm addicted to this stuff already. Mom would have our heads if she knew though. You know how she is…" Rin didn't answer, just smiled fleetingly. Since they both had moved to Tokyo they had become closer than before. They were almost like real sisters – almost. "By the way, she told me that Hiro-kun asked about you. Maybe you should call him."

"I will", Rin answered from the kitchen.

"Oh! And have you heard from Haru-kun? He caused quite the commotion at Kazuma's dojo. Fought both Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun and knocked them out. From what I understood they all were injured pretty bad. But I guess he told you about it already." Rin froze in her movement and stared unseeingly at the coffee machine. Fight? Injured? She hadn't heard about it, not from anyone and not from Haru.

In fact she hadn't heard from him in over two days now. Their contact had become more frequent again after he had spent five days with her over the Christmas holidays. Now they talked on the phone or emailed almost daily. Which was why she had been slightly worried when Haru didn't answer his cell phone yesterday and still hadn't called back. Apparently her worries weren't unjustified this time.

She threw a searching glance at the small picture that stood almost hidden by a plant on a small table before the kitchen window. It was of Haru and herself, both smiling happily. It had been taken long before they both went through heartbreak, before Akito found out about them.

Before they knew what it meant to feel lonely.

Well, Rin had known before what it felt like to be lonely, what it felt like being abandoned even by your mother, but still it was not easy to deal with it.

For Haru it had been worse. Much worse. Haru had never known that feeling of being completely alone, his life being too secure in his loving family - not that she didn't want him to be happy at home. Putting aside all the Juunishi-and-god-shit, he had had a pretty easy life when it came to the deep levels of emotions. He had grown up loved and cared for, had fallen in love with her and they had been together ever since until Akito had found out about them.

Of course there was this underlying insecurity and rage that caused his black side to appear when triggered, but Rin knew that with her he was pretty much completely balanced – he had told her so himself, that she was the one who had control over his black side.

She filled two cups and picked them up with one hand, a jug of milk in the other one. While she walked into the living room the phone rang. Kagura looked up and smiled, seeing Rin having her hands full.

"I'll get it." It sounded almost like a question and she only picked up the phone after Rin gave something like a short affirmative nod.

"Hello?… Oh, Hatori-niisan… Yes, she's here. Wait a moment." Rin placed the cups on the couch table and took the phone Kagura held out to her.

"Hello?"

"Isuzu-san. It's Hatori. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything. How are you?"

"Hatori-san, you haven't called in what, forever? And you've never been one for chit chat, so what is it?" She heard Hatori sigh on the other end and suddenly she had a very bad feeling about what she was about to hear.

"Is Haru-kun with you?" She looked up sharply only to see Kagura looking at her curiously.

"No… no, he's not here." For a long moment Hatori didn't answer.

"I feared as much." Rin took a deep breath before she asked the inevitable question.

"What happened?"

"You don't know? There was a fight. Haru-kun went utterly black and fought both Yuki-kun and Kyou-kun. From what Shigure told me, he didn't stop when Yuki-kun told him to and then he attacked both Shigure and Honda-san as well. Kazuma knocked him out in the end, but they were injured pretty bad, although I suspect that Haru is the worst off."

Rin had stood perfectly still during his explanation, trying to suppress the trembling of her hands. Haru had fought with Yuki and Kyou? Okay, not so much of a surprise there, but he had never before attacked random people. What had possessed him to attack Shigure and Tohru? And this injuries…

"Now wait a moment? What do you mean you "suspect" that Haru has the worst injuries? Didn't you treat his wounds?" Her voice held a sharp edge.

"I would have, if he had been there. He left before I arrived at the dojo. I called his parents, but they only told me he packed a few things and left. I suspect they know where he went, but they wouldn't tell me, so I thought he was with you."

"He's not here… Hatori-nii? How bad?"

"Pretty bad, what Yuki-kun told me. A major wound on his torso aside from some minor wounds, split lip, bruises. Not to mention a lot of dirt in the wounds from the garden, probably splinters from the wooden pillars. He must have lost quite some blood and if he didn't take care of these wounds himself, they'll be infected by now for sure." Rin exhaled at his words and put a now trembling hand to her throat.

"I'll… I'll try to find him. I'll take the next train and come back."

"No, don't. I suppose Haru is only half-conscious anyway and we know how he is, when he's not thinking. He seeks out the place where he feels safe. This place, I guess, is you, Isuzu-san. Stay in Tokyo. I think he may have went there anyway. If he shows up take care of him. And call me please. But don't use the main house number. Akito doesn't have to know."

Rin thought for a moment.

"Okay, I'll call Hiro if Haru comes here and he'll come to get you."

"Good. That's good. Listen, Isuzu-san, I have to go. Akito…"

"It's fine. Take… take care, Hatori-niisan."

"You too. And take care of Haru." They hung up.

"What is it, Isuzu-chan?" Her voice sounded worried and Rin looked up at her.

"Haru ran away, they don't know where he is and…" Her voice trembled when she gave Kagura a brief summary of her talk with Hatori. Kagura closed the distance between them and hugged her briefly.

"I'm sure he's okay. He's strong." She steered Rin to the couch and they sat down. "Do you want me to go look for him?" Rin nodded.

"I… I'll go look for him myself." She tried to stand up but Kagura held her down.

"Don't. You have to stay here. When Haru comes here, and I'm sure he does, you have to be here. If he's really that bad off, he won't let anyone touch him. Only you, so you have to be here to take care of him." Rin looked at him and smiled slightly.

"You are right. Could you…" She didn't finish her phrase when they both heard a heavy thump on the door and something falling to the ground with a thud. Rin was halfway on her way to the door before Kagura could register her movement.

Rin pulled the door open and stared in shock.

"Haru!", she cried and kneeled down beside him. His eyes were closed and he looked worse than she had imagined. His lip was split, the blood dried and crusted over it. He had a few bruises and cuts on his face, the worst on his cheek bone.

She winced when she saw his torn shirt and caught a glimpse of the serious wound on his chest. It started at his collar bone and ran diagonally down over his torso. She couldn't see where it ended since it was covered partly by the remaining parts of his shirt, but she could see where the strap of his bag had cut and rubbed against the wound. It was red, raw, festering, most definitely inflamed and crusted with dried blood. It had to hurt like hell.

She reached for the bag to remove it. The strap seemed to be stuck to his wound and Haru groaned softly when it finally gave way.

"Haru…", Rin whispered softly and he opened his eyes. She was shocked when she saw his eyes, so utterly helpless and broken. He didn't seem to recognize his surrounding, so she said his name again and touched his cheek softly. His hand shot up and closed around her wrist, but when he turned towards her, she saw something like relief flash through his soft brown orbs. Then he closed his eyes again and his hand fell to the ground.

"Oh my god!", Kagura cried when she came to a halt behind Rin. "Oh my god, is he…"

"He's okay, just weak. We have to get him inside. Can you help me, Kagura?"

"How do you propose we do that? He's too heavy and if he's unconscious…"

"No, he's not. Just saving his strength. Come on, Kagura, a little help here." Without another word they both moved to one side and pulled him to his feet.

"We'll bring him to the bedroom. It's closest", Rin gasped from the strain and took a step forward. She stumbled under the unusual weight and would have fallen if Haru's arm hadn't shot out to catch her. Rin looked at him in surprise and for a moment he was completely awake. Rin reacted instantly.

"You, bedroom now!" She pushed Haru inside before his strength left him again and sighed in relief when he sank down onto her bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow she could see him finally succumbing to the strain. He lost consciousness.

"What can I do?", Kagura asked while she closed the door.

"Call Hiro, tell him what happened and tell him to go to Hatori. He'll know what to do. I have to take care of Haru." Kagura nodded and turned on her heels to run into the living room.

Rin stood a moment in silence and breathed deeply.

"Okay, this is not the time to panic. You know what to do, so do it." She exhaled slowly and then she collected the things she needed to treat Haru's wounds.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Everything was completely black. He couldn't move, couldn't feel anything. He was completely alone, although he didn't feel lonely. It was a warm blackness, a comforting blackness and he knew that he didn't have anything to fear. He was safe.

He tried to open his eyes, to see if there was something else than black, but it was as if his body was not his own. Maybe this was why he couldn't feel anything. Ouch! Okay, so he could feel something. He heard himself groan in pain and then someone whispered to him in a soothing voice, a voice that was familiar and comforting.

He tried to open his eyes again and this times it worked. He was in a dimly lit room, laying on a soft bed, tucked under a warming blanket. With an almost insane clarity he realized that he was completely undressed under the cover save for his boxers. He tried to move although an instant later he regretted it as a whole thunderstorm of pain cracked through his head and body.

"Lay still, Haru. You have to rest. Hatori will be here tomorrow morning. Sleep." She stroked his hair softly and he relaxed, again falling into unconsciousness.

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When he awoke the next time his brain felt less fuzzy. The curtains were closed almost completely and only a small slit let in a ray of sunlight. In the background he heard someone moving.

"You did a good job, Isuzu-san. His wounds are as good as they can be under the circumstances. I'll leave something against the pain and an antibiotic, which he has to take two times a day." Haru tried to pay attention to the talk, but it was difficult. He felt weak and it was as if he saw and heard through cotton. Everything was distant and not really in focus.

"I'll leave him here for now. I don't want to take him back in his condition, not to mention that he most likely wouldn't let me touch him and I don't want to sedate him. He's very weak due to the blood loss, but he will be fine in time. If he wakes up, you can try if he wants to drink or eat, otherwise put him on an I.V., so he won't dehydrate. I guess you know how to do that?" Haru didn't hear an answer to the question, but since Hatori continued, he guessed the answer was positive.

"Okay then. I'll be on my way back. If his condition gets worse, call Hiro to let me know. If it's an emergency, here is the phone number of a friend. He lives here in Tokyo and he is a good doctor. He doesn't know about the curse, but he won't change him because he is a man. Hopefully Haru-kun's condition won't get worse though, because it's likely that he will change if it does." Haru listened as the sound of steps neared his room and walked past, a door opened.

"Good luck. I'll give you one week, then I'll have to pick him up. Give him my regards." A moment of silence.

"Oh, and Isuzu-san? I know it's not my business, but I just wanted to tell you something. I can understand your reasoning. In fact I think I can understand it better than anyone else with my history…" The doctor's voice was almost a whisper and Haru could barely make it out anymore.

"Haru-kun… he needs you. He needs you more than you think he does. Don't be too hard on him." He didn't hear if Rin answered, but he could hear Hatori saying his Goodbye and the door closing behind him. Haru silently thanked him for his concern, although he wasn't sure if his kind words really helped.

The door to the bedroom opened wider and Rin walked in, silently as always, picking up a glass of water and a few pills, before she sat down on the side of the bed.

"Hey, you're awake?", she asked softly and Haru looked at her. If he hadn't been in love with her before, he sure as hell would have fallen for her now. She looked like an angel, like something too beautiful to be true in a world like this. Her hair had grown longer again since their goddess hat chopped it off. It was now barely touching her collar bone. On her it was a good length, although before he couldn't have imagined Rin with any other haircut but her long shining mane.

She had put on a little more weight since she lived in Tokyo and her bones no longer stood out so prominently. She was still on the thin side and a little fragile looking, but she no longer looked as if a harsh wind would break her.

Haru wanted to smile and nod at her question, only to find that smiling was not an option with his split lip and nodding wasn't the best plan either. The answer she got was a croak, when he felt the pain. She smiled softly.

"You have to lay still, Haru. Here, Hatori left something for the pain." She pushed a small pill between his lips and held his head while positioning the glass of water on his lips. He obediently swallowed and managed to get the pill down without coughing. Rin softly stroked his unhurt cheek and nodded, before standing up and placing the glass on the bedside table.

"Rin…"

"Shh, you have to rest. Sleep a little more. Later we'll try to eat something, okay?" In answer, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Rin smiled again and silently left the room, closing the door behind her.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

When Haru awoke the next time he mercifully didn't feel too much pain. Apparently the painkillers Rin had given him were working. Still he felt as if someone had ripped him apart and put him back together. He slowly opened his eyes and carefully turned his head to see Rin sitting on a chair by the window and reading in the small ray of light the curtains let through. For a moment he just watched her, remembering how he had come to be here in her bed. He must have made a sound, because she looked up and met his eyes then.

"Hey there." She smiled and went of to his side. "How do you feel?" She examined his face before she pulled the blanket down to his hips and controlled the bandage around his torso.

"I'm fine", he got out in a whisper. She laughed softly.

"Sure, you're in a perfect condition to lay here and let yourself be taken care of." She winked at him. "Are you hungry?" He nodded slowly.

"Right then, I'll get something to eat and drink." She left for the kitchen. He must have drifted away to sleep again, because the next thing he remembers is her entering the room with a plate of freshly cooked food and a jug of water. She placed everything down on a small table and helped him into a sitting position.

The food she had prepared was mostly vegetables, some meat, a small amount of rice. She held out a fork to him instead of the usual chop sticks.

"Do you think you can manage to eat?" Haru nodded carefully so as not to trigger a headache again.

"Of course." He tried to take the fork only to find, that his muscles still wouldn't obey his command. After Rin watched him for a moment, she smiled and took the fork back, piercing a piece of freshly steamed broccoli and held it for him to bite into.

"Don't get used to it. It's just until you can move again", she mocked him and he smiled softly while munching on the vegetable. They spent the rest of the meal in silence.

"Thank you", Haru said softly, when she set the empty plate aside and carefully cleaned the wound on his lip with a wet cloth.

"No need to thank me." She put the cloth aside as well and leaned back. For a moment she was silent, thinking about her next words.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" She gestured softly to his wrapped wounds and looked at him curiously. Haru sighed and hesitantly sank back into the pillows.

"I… kind of… turned black", he answered hesitantly. Rin grinned.

"Figures." She winked at him and he smiled softly, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. For a moment he let his thoughts drift. Why had he hesitated to tell Rin what had happened? This was Rin after all. Sweet, understanding Rin, who looked right through him anyway. There was no way hiding his feelings from her. At least there had been no way before she left for Tokyo.

Now though, sometimes Haru felt as if he didn't know her all that well. He wouldn't go so far as to say she felt like a stranger, but sometimes there were moments, when he felt… isolated, left behind. An outsider. Even if he was still a part of her life, even when he still had a hold of her heart – at least he hoped he had - he was no part of her daily life.

To her he was someone from her 'old life', as she called it. The life she had before she left the Sohma house. For her it had been good to leave, to get away. Haru was not an idiot. He saw how her new life had changed her, had softened her to strangers, to friends, to showing feelings. She was not a prisoner of her destiny anymore. Here she could be a woman.

Hell, she even looked different, dressed different. No longer were her clothes the lace and leather outfits he so often saw her wearing, that displayed her body to perfection in order to keep her inner self hidden from the outside world. She was still dressed in clothes that other people would describe as revealing, but she no longer dressed to provoke, to hide herself.

Her black skirt was still short, showing such a generous amount of her creamy white thigh that Haru tried not to look too closely. Her sleeveless top, even though not terribly low cut, was tight fitting and did nothing to hide the tantalizing curves of her breasts and waist. Unusual was the color, a light blue that did wonders to bring out the depth of her black eyes. Her neck was bare of any necklaces, only on her left wrist was a bracelet of small pearl-shaped violet stones, a jewelry he didn't even knew she had.

But not only her style had changed. Before, never would she had let strangers come close enough to even think about touching her. Never would she have arranged meetings with class mates to learn. Haru thought with a slight growl about this Ryu he had never seen before.

She was a university student now, with friends, study buddies and everything. Hell, she didn't even call the Sohma main house 'home' anymore. Home was Tokyo now. For the first time after the 'accident' where Akito had pushed Rin out of a window Haru thought about his insight, asked himself honestly if he was still trying to cut her off of everyone else, to make her dependant on only him. Was he still that selfish?

What was more, would she be angry at him for losing control like this? Would she still love him even when he so openly had displayed his own faults like this?

Rin touched his shoulder softly and he put his focus back on her. She shook her head no as if she had read his thoughts.

"It's fine, Haru." Haru sighed and finally he told her. He told her about his longing to see her again, his looking forward to meeting her at her birthday. And then the harsh reality, that Yuki had asked to leave the Sohma estate and his mother had told him not to go because of Akito. How some deep corner of his mind had blamed Yuki for not being able to come to Tokyo and then the fight.

He told her how he in a desperate act had packed his bag and left, how his father had taken him to the train station in an act of parental insight. He told her how they had stopped by Shigure's house so Haru could apologize again, but how Yuki had still refused to see him – a decision Haru could understand. Shigure had apologized for Yuki's behavior. Haru had bowed deeply in shame of his own action and apologized to Shigure for hurting him as well. Then he had left.

His father had bought him a ticket for the next train to Tokyo and had stayed by his side until Haru was sat more or less comfortably on his seat.

"How did you manage to find your way here in your state?", Rin asked softly.

"I don't know. I walked around for some time and then I just followed my instinct. It brought me here." Rin nodded at his words. I made sense. She was always able to find Haru, so why shouldn't he be able to find her as well? The horse inside of her was always present. She was the only of the Juunishi who was able to change at will – at least she thought she was. She was always aware of what her horse-senses told her, which was the reason why sudden movements and noises freaked her out so badly.

It seemed as if her senses were much more refined, but apparently on some deep level Haru was aware of this Juunishi senses as well.

"So… Tori-nii was here? I was only half conscious then, but I heard him. I have one week?", he asked and Rin nodded.

"One week, then he will pick you up and bring you back to your parents." They were silent for a long time until Haru couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

"You are tired. Sleep some more", Rin whispered and stood up. Haru's arm shot out and he grabbed her wrist.

"Don't go… please stay", he whispered miserably. Rin stared at him for a moment before she moved to his side and laid down beside him, adjusting the covers over them both and carefully snuggling to him, carefully avoiding any wounds and bruises, which was not so easy.

This whole drama had been born of his longing to be with her and even in his condition had he come to her side. She had no intention to take away the comfort her presence held for him now. She softly stroked his stomach where no bandage covered it and he relaxed in her arms, sighing softly before he fell asleep again.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Haru woke up with a soft groan and turned his head towards the half open window. Carefully he tried to stretch, but winced as the wounds on his chest and leg hurt with the movement.

The week had almost come to an end. Tomorrow Hatori would come to pick him up and bring him back to the Sohma estate. Slowly he pushed himself into a sitting position and straitened the crumpled shirt he had slept in. He had almost recovered from his wounds. They were healing nicely as Rin had repeatedly told him. Only the two deepest wounds on his torso and leg still needed a bandage. Most bruises had healed already. The cut on his cheek and the split lip could hardly be seen anymore.

Rin was the best nurse he could have wished for, taking care of him, healing him like no one else could, although of course he had the added bonus that he always recovered speedily.

He was still a little weak, but yesterday had managed to wander through her apartment while she was grocery-shopping for dinner. When she came back, seeing him standing in the living room, she had told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted him to stay in bed and he still smiled at her stern expression.

After Haru had asked her to stay by his side they had slept together every night. Just slept, which was first of all due to the fact that Haru was still in pain and second that he wasn't entirely sure if his touch was welcomed. The last time they have had sex was during his Christmas holidays on his last evening, when quite some alcohol had been consumed. They hadn't really talked about it and it was just that one time.

Haru sighed deeply. Staying with Rin, sleeping next to her in her bed, surrounded by her scent was like some kind of sweet torture after he had recovered enough to notice. More than once he had woken up painfully aroused during the night, clenching the blanket in his fists so as not to grab her and take her right then and there like some cave creature.

It was not that he thought that she was repulsed of him, he just wasn't sure if she wanted him to touch her. She hadn't initiated any kind of intimacy, which was most likely to some part because of his wounds. But he couldn't help but wonder if it had another reason as well and he was too afraid to talk to her about the matter.

His thoughts were interrupted when Rin entered the room again, carrying a tray with a glass of water, a small glass that he knew held his antibiotic and a filled plate on a tray. He smiled back at her.

"Slept well?", she asked and sat down on the edge of the bed. He nodded and smiled when he saw that she had cooked shogayaki, his favorite. He took the glass and drowned his tablet without complaint. Rin smiled at him and carefully arranged the tray on his legs so he could eat comfortably but the tray didn't prod his wounds.

"You don't eat anything?", he asked after a moment.

"Don't worry. I left my plate in the kitchen." He waited until she came back with her share of dinner before they started to eat.

"Ah, delicious as always. You're the best cook in all of Japan", Haru said after his first bite and happily tucked in. Rin grinned at his remark. She was glad that Haru had recovered enough so soon. She had been terribly worried about him and had felt somewhat panicked when Hatori had left her to deal with Haru's wounds alone. But Haru was an easy patient, always patient, never complaining.

During the last few days he had recovered enough to sit up and move around a little, although she still told him to stay in bed and recover his strength. The color had finally returned to his face and he no longer looked as if he would collapse any moment.

Rin silently observed him while he ate, wondering again how she had managed to capture the heart of a man like Haru. Although capture wasn't the right term. It was more as if Haru had given her his heart even before either one of them realized the depth of feelings between them.

She sighed internally as she caught Haru glancing at her. She was well aware of his inner dilemma. Haru was a young man in good health – or at least he was on his way to full recovery. She wasn't naïve enough that she was unaware of his feelings for her. Haru wasn't the kind of guy for platonic relationships. Haru loved with everything he had, heart, mind and soul – and body as well. His emotions were easy to see, plainly displayed on his face for everyone who knew him enough.

If she had had any doubt before about the depth of his love for her, his need for her, it had disappeared when he collapsed half-conscious in front of her door. Maybe in some deep corner of her heart she had doubted if his feelings would last. As often as he told her that she was the only woman he ever wanted, would ever love, she had always told herself that he was still young and hadn't gone through hell like she had.

Had she really thought his feelings would disappear? Had she really doubted his love? Haru had told her more than once that he needed her more than she needed him and it seemed as if he was right after all.

If she was completely honest with herself, she had to admit that some small part of her had really doubted his love for her. But the real reason was her own fear.

Yes, she had been afraid of the day when Haru told _her_ that he no longer needed her, didn't want her anymore. She had been so sure this day would come and so she had fled from it, had tried to cut of most of the ties. But somehow he had managed to come back to her and with every glance, every slight touch, every smile had woven a net around her, capturing her again in the depth of her own feelings for him.

Only then did she realize that he hadn't done so on purpose, but out of his own need. Only then did she see, that she had abandoned him on her way. And only then did she realize the pain she must have put him through. And still he trusted her, had even tried to stay away, to do as she asked just to please her.

He still loved her after everything.

The sudden realization brought unexpected tears to her eyes and she blinked. Haru stared at her, his fork hovering in midair.

"Rin? Daijoubu?", he asked softly. She looked up from where she had stared unseeingly at her plate.

"I'm sorry, Haru. I'm really sorry", she whispered and Haru stared at her in confusion.

"What for?"

"For… everything. For leaving you alone like that, for not believing in you." He was silent for a moment, thinking about her words, before he shook his head no and set his tray aside.

"There's no need to apologize, Rin. You did what you thought was best and now in hindsight I think you were right all along. It was just… hard to accept." He reached for her and pushed a strand of her raven black hair behind her ear. She vehemently shook her head.

"No, I didn't do it for our sake, but for my own. I was… I ran away", she confessed miserably, then she looked at him in silence, biting her lip softly.

"You did the right thing, Rin. Really. And if it only made you realize that my feelings are real, it was not in vain. I know that you never quite believed me when I said that I need you more than you need me. But, Rin, even if I never had to endure what you had to go through, there were still times when I needed someone to lend me strength, to stay by my side and keep me going." She looked down, the tears finally spilling over her cheeks. He leaned forward, captured her chin and brought her gaze back up to meet his again. "And this someone was you, Rin. You still are and will always be."

For a long moment they just stared at each other, black and honey brown orbs lost in each other. Then Haru softly pulled her plate out of her grasp and set it aside, before he took her face in both hands.

"I love you, Sohma Isuzu. I love you, Rin. I love you, horsey. I love everything about you." And then he pulled her softly into his arms, Rin's tears falling silently against his shoulder. Only after quiet some time did she compose herself enough to look up. Before she could say anything, Haru quieted her with a finger on her lips.

"And don't you dare apologize again. It's okay. Really." He took her hand and softly kissed her knuckles. "If only you would tell me that you still love me…", he said softly, his voice trembling slightly. She brought his hand to her face and kissed his wrist, while she buried her cheek in his hand. Then she looked at him.

"I love you, Haru. Of course I still love you, Haru-chan." In her eyes shone all the love, all the warmth he remembered. He stared at her wordlessly and didn't even realize the tear that rolled down his cheek until she softly brushed it away. She leaned forward and their lips met in a soft kiss, full of emotions and promises. After a long moment she pulled away slightly to look at him. His gaze never left hers.

"So… together again? Boyfriend and girlfriend? For real?" The atmosphere was full of emotions when she said what she wanted to say all along - what he wanted to hear even longer. She observed the play of emotions in Haru's eyes. Longing, surprise, relief, despair, love. He reached for her slowly and pulled her against him again. Rin smiled when he burrowed his face against her neck only to almost jump when his silence broke and a heavy sob shook his body.

She held him tightly while his tears trickled down her neck and her tears dripped into his hair. It was a long time before she heard his whispered words through his heavy breathing.

"Yes… yes… yes…" She tightened her hold on him and softly stroked his neck. It was a long time before they let go of each other.

Haru sniffed and pulled back slightly to wipe his eyes. They looked at each other, then laughed softly at their blood-shot eyes.

"God, horsey. What you put me through…" She smiled at his words and stroked his cheek. Then she took the still half full plates and pushed one at him.

"Here, eat up. You'll need your strength later", she said.

"Do you plan to have your wicked ways with me?" He looked at her mischievously, a try to lighten up the heavy mood again. He winked at her and took a large bite of his shogayaki.

"Exactly. Although you're most likely not up to it with your still healing wounds. So you have to stay still on your back and let me do the work. Or maybe you'd rather have a blowjob?" She grinned as he swallowed the wrong way and coughed. She patted his back and gave him a glass of water.

"Could you give me a warning before you say something like that while I have my mouth full?", he said and grinned although he fought hard to look angry. She chuckled.

"No problem. But would it be any better if I said 'Haru, I'll now say something about sex'?". Haru sighed softly.

"I guess not." He ate the rest of his meal in a hurry and when he set the empty plate aside he leaned back and tried to look casual. Rin grinned.

"Eager, are you?"

"Can you really blame me? I'm male, I'm young, I haven't had sex since Christmas, which is half a year." She laughed at his words.

"Well I guess I can't really blame you for that." She took the last bite of her meal and almost swallowed the wrong way as well when Haru ripped the plate from her hands and almost threw it onto the bedside table, where it landed with a clattering sound. He reached for her, but she quickly avoided his hands.

"Ah ah ah. I told you to lie down and stay still, didn't I? So be a good boyfriend and kindly relax." He huffed, but did as she said. She sat down close to him and took his right hand, kissing first his knuckles, then each fingertip. Rin knew that Haru was right. They hadn't had done it in a long time and neither one could stand much teasing, but still she couldn't resist to softly draw his index finger into her mouth, circling the fingertip with her tongue before sucking softly.

Haru groaned deeply and tried to reach for her again with his free arm. She caught his hand and placed it on her waist, before she let go of his other hand and leaned down for an earthmoving kiss. They both gasped and groaned at the feelings they set loose.

Rin pulled his shirt over his head, carefully avoiding any pressure on the wrapped wound on his chest. Haru meanwhile fumbled with her skirt. Rin flung away his shirt, stepped out of her skirt and pulled her top over her head as well, leaving her in her underwear. Haru closed his eyes for a moment, trying to compose himself before he reached for her again.

"So what do you want?", she asked softly.

"Everything", he answered instantly. After a moment he sighed. "I want to be inside you again." He reached for the clasp of her bra and opened it expertly.

"Have you been practicing secretly?", she grinned when she remembered his clumsy attempts at the beginning of their relationship. He didn't bother answering her and just drew her down for another passionate kiss.

After a long moment Rin finally pulled away and kissed his neck, bit softly into his ear and suckled on his throat. Haru groaned and breathed a sigh of relief when Rin took pity in him and ceased her ministration, instead leaning back and pulling his boxers down. He gasped when his manhood sprang free.

Rin encircled his engorged flesh, eliciting a deep groan from him. When she softly moved her hand, stroked him like she knew he liked, his body arched under her and he moaned again in pleasure and pain due to his wound that didn't like being stretched like that.

"Rin, please. No more… I can't stand it", he begged urgently and reached for her body, letting his hands wander up her sides until he met the side of her breasts. Rin caught his hands again and pushed them down onto the mattress. Haru sighed in protest, but didn't move.

He was rewarded with a soft kiss, before Rin pulled down her panties and got rid of it quickly. Then she moved over him, straddling him and making Haru tremble in anticipation.

And then she sank down on him, bringing them both home. Neither one was aware of the silence in the room. They both didn't want to miss even a second of their reunion. Their whole attention was on the feeling of completion.

There was no room for sounds. They were one, one body, one heart, one being. The electric feeling flowed from her to him and back in an endless spiral, that drew them both higher and higher until they could touch the sun of their own universe, until their world exploded in white-hot pleasure, rippling through them with a force unrivaled by anything mere humans had come up with, leaving nothing but love and the knowledge of belonging.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The next morning it was Haru who woke first from the alarm clock, even though normally Rin was the one who came awake with a jolt at the sudden beeping noise. He reached out and shut off the clock, before sinking back into the pillows with a sigh.

For a moment he just concentrated on the warmth of Rin. She laid pressed up against him, forehead resting against his shoulder, her feet tangled with his. Her breath sent humid warm caresses down the length of his upper arm, while he could feel the rhythm of her heart against his forearm.

Slowly he lifted his free arm and caressed her face, pushing a stray strand of hair from where it had fallen over her closed eyes. She didn't move away, but sighed softly, before her breath evened out again, recognizing his touch even in her sleep.

For a moment Haru thought if he had dreamt everything, the sex, their talk, their reestablished relationship – it wasn't as if he had never dreamt about it before, but then he had never woken up next to her. He relived the precious memories in his mind, analyzing every word, every gesture before he concluded that it had been indeed real.

They were back together.

He smiled and he didn't need a mirror to know that his eyes were shining with happiness. He couldn't help it. There was too much happiness inside of him to keep it in.

When they had sated their burning desire – after a few rounds, Haru remembered with a slight blush - they had talked about the near future, how they would make it work.

For now, there wasn't much they could do. He had to go back home, she had to stay here. For his sake and sanity, Rin had finally agreed to visit him every once in a while. It was much less obvious, because they didn't keep tracks of Rin's whereabouts, where it would still be noticed if Haru would travel to Tokyo too often. It wouldn't even take a genius to figure things out.

Of course it bothered him slightly that they couldn't see each other as often as he wanted to, but the knowledge alone that she was his again made all the difference. It was okay, as long as they were clear on their feelings.

With a sigh Haru turned to her, drawing her closer to his body and kissed her exposed neck.

"Morning, lovely", he whispered near her ear and she squirmed smiling.

"Morning." She yawned cutely and turned to look at the clock. "Tori-nii won't be here for another two hours, so let's have breakfast and a quick shower".

"Oh, don't tempt me", he grinned, which earned him a soft slap on his arm. He chuckled.

"You clean yourself up, I'll prepare breakfast", she said and got out of bed.

"Be quick. I want another round before I have to leave." This time she didn't slap him, but he heard her mumble something about boys and their damned raging hormones. He laughed softly, making his way to the bathroom. With a sigh he eyed the washcloth she had laid out for him. How he wanted to take a good long shower. Maybe in two or three days his wounds would be healed enough to let him take a short shower.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"You better take care of yourself, Haru. No unnecessary fights, okay?" Haru nodded obediently.

"Yes, Rin-sama. No fights for me." He bowed deeply in a mocking way and grinned when she laughed. Then he turned serious again, throwing a short glance at the car a short distance away, where Hatori waited inside, discreetly giving them the time to say goodbye.

"Fine then. I'll come see you next weekend, okay?", she said and he nodded.

"Although I wish I wouldn't have to go in the first place."

"I know", she answered. "But you are strong. You can do it." He looked to the ground.

"I still have to figure out how to apologize to Yuki…" He trailed of helplessly. Rin smiled.

"He has already forgiven you, Haru. You know how he is. He needs some time to calm down and to figure things out. Being attacked by you isn't that much of a surprise to him, but with Honda-san it's an entirely different story. But now, he'll have figured it out. He'll forgive you, Haru. I'm sure. He'll call you." Haru nodded slowly at her words. Rin was an excellent judge of character and most of the time she was right at predicting people.

Sure enough, when Haru had finally said goodbye to her, when they had shared a kiss of promises and Haru and Hatori were already halfway home, he turned on his cell phone, that had had shut off during the whole week, to see that Yuki had called him and a text message from him, asking if he wanted to come for dinner the next day.

It was Yuki's way of showing that he had accepted his apology.

In the car, Haru leaned back comfortably, blinking out into the sun and the shadows of the passing trees, smiling contently.

"You seem awfully happy, Hatsuharu-kun. Did something good happen?", Hatori asked, a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Nothing special", Haru finally answered with a grin.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

**End of chapter 27**

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

AN: So here it is, the long awaited chapter 27. I apologize for the terrible long delay, but there were many things that kept me from writing. Some of the reviews finally drew me out of it and I continued with the story.

I hope this chapter does make up some of it with its length.

So what do you think about this chapter? Liked it? Hated it?

Please tell me what you think. Reviews are what keeps me going.

I'll work on the next chapter as soon as possible, most likely it will be up in about two weeks.

I can assure you that this story is not yet over. There will be seven more chapters, so this story will be 34 chapters in total – if I don't have to split a chapter again, that is.

But this story will be finished. I promise.

**Translation of Japanese terms: **

**Daijoubu:** Well, who remembers? Right! It means either 'Are you okay?' when said as a question or 'I'm fine', when said as an answer. So, a conversation like 'Are you okay?" – 'I'm fine', would be "Daijoubu?" – "Daijoubu." Easy, isn't it?

**Shogayaki:** Ginger pork

Was there something else? I don't think so. If you have questions, just ask.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	28. A future worth dreaming of

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 28 – A future worth dreaming of**

"You were lucky, Haru", his mother told him as soon as he entered his home. He threw her a dazzling smile, making his mother stare at him in surprise, before she gave him a soft smile. "So everything is alright again?"

His emotions were still much too raw to talk about, but he nodded softly while looking to the ground in an attempt to hide his slight blush and sparkling eyes. His mother ruffled his hair affectionately.

"That's good. How are your wounds? Better?"

"As good as new", he answered and finally met her eyes. "I had a good nurse." His mother smiled mischievously and winked at him.

"I'm sure about that. Come into the living room. I've made tea and baked cookies just this morning. Try some?" Haru nodded again and entered the living room. His father sat on the couch, reading today's newspaper.

"Ah, Haru. Okaeri. How are you? Do you feel better?". Haru answered again, that he was alright, while his dad looked him up and down before nodding in satisfaction.

"You look better indeed. Have those wounds completely healed already?"

"Not yet. They're still a little sore, but it's much better. Rin said I could take off the bandages tomorrow." Haru sat down on the couch.

"Isuzu-san seems to have a hand for injuries, doesn't she?", his father asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"She's good with almost everything", Haru answered seriously and took the cup of freshly brewed tea his mother offered him, then she sat down next to him. Haru tried one of the cookies, which to his surprise were not only excellent but in perfect shape as well – an attribute that couldn't be given to most of his mother's self-done baking creations.

"They are great", he said and took another cookie. His mother practically beamed with pride. His parents were silent for a moment, both sipping their tea, while Haru took another few cookies, waiting for the questions his parents obviously wanted to ask.

"So, Haru, have you thought about your future yet?", his father finally said. "Maybe you want to go to university as well? Anyway, you have to get Akito-sama's permission." Haru choked on the last words.

"Dear god! Akito! I completely forgot. I was called and I…" Haru jumped to his feet.

"You didn't show up?", his mother interrupted him. "That's why I said you were lucky. Sit down again. Everything is fine." Haru sank down on the couch reluctantly.

"How so?"

"You were lucky, as I said. After you left, someone from the main house called again, telling me that Akito-sama caught a bad cold and you were not to come. I think that was one of the main reasons why Hatori-san let you stay with Isuzu-chan. It would have looked suspicious if Hatori-san would have come here every day. Akito-sama would have noticed." Haru nodded slowly.

"I guess I really am lucky then."

"You are", his father said and leaned back comfortably. "So tell me, what have you two come up with in that week?". Haru blushed under his father inquiring stare, remembering yesterday evening, before his father started laughing. "I didn't mean it like that. No need for details indeed. I can do without hearing about my son's sexlife." This earned him a warning slap from his wife and an mortified groan from Haru.

"So you are back together?", his mother then asked and his sparkling eyes were all the answer she needed.

"Yes, we are", Haru answered. "Finally…" he whispered softly and he couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"I'm glad", his mother whispered back with tears in her eyes and she touched her son's knee softly, who looked at her in concern. "Don't worry, I'm just so glad to see you happy again." He leaned his forehead against hers, then softly kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, mom. And I'm sorry for making you worry." His mother shook her head and blinked when the tears spilled over her cheeks.

"It's fine. It doesn't matter as long as you are happy. Thanks, darling." She took the handkerchief her husband offered and cleaned the tears away.

"So, Haru. Graduation is approaching and I think I'm not wrong when I guess that you'll be spending your time after that in Tokyo, am I?", his father said and leaned back comfortably, taking a sip from his tea.

"You are not wrong. I thought about going to university as well, but…" He bowed his head slightly.

"But you don't have the grades to enter Todai?", his father asked. Haru nodded.

"Most likely not. Rin is the brilliant mind from the two of us…" He trailed off.

"But your finals from first year of high school were extremely good", his mother argued. Haru sighed.

"That's because Rin was there", he said and finally explained, when he saw the blank look on his parents faces. "She helped me with stuff, made me study and explained what I didn't get." His mother nodded slowly.

"Maybe you could ask someone else…?"

"That won't do. Rin is the only one who can explain it so I understand. She always says I have a funny way of thinking in some ways." He smiled when he remembered said week were she had studied with him, the last week of their real relationship before they had broken up for the second time. Oh, how desperate and unhappy he had been back then. He sighed again, leaning back and drinking his tea, enjoying the knowledge that she was his again.

His parents exchanged a look.

"Have you thought about what you want to study, Haru?"

"Rin said, I should think about studying medicine as well…", he answered.

"This might be a good choice, but do you want to do it, Haru?", his mother interjected. Haru looked at her for a moment.

"To be completely honest, I thought about it even before she mentioned it. I'd like to specialize on sports medicine." His parents nodded again.

"So you thought about it, that's good. Well then…", his father said in a tone of finality, before he set the tea cup aside and stood up. "I do have some work left to do. Drink your tea, Haru, and then you should get some rest. You have to recover your strength." Haru looked after him as he went upstairs and shook his head.

"What's up with him?", he asked. His mother just grinned.

"Oh, I guess he just forgot about this work. Drink your tea, Haru, before it gets cold. And then please do as your father said. Lay down. I'll bring dinner upstairs for you."

"Mom, I'm fine. I can come downstairs."

"Don't argue and leave your old mother the illusion that she can take care of you for once." Haru laughed.

"Old? You are not old, mom. Fine, I'll go to bed then". With that he went to his room.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

"How did it go?"

"Perfectly. She'll come here the last two weeks of terms."

"And after that?"

"Just as planned."

"And the party? You asked her…"

"Of course. She'll come. And she asked if he could come for christmas again."

"He has grown up so fast…"

"He has, but he has become a fine young man."

"True. Okay, he can go."

%%%%%%%%%%

"Haru-chan, happy birthday!", his mother chirped and pushed open the door, making Haru jump. He was just getting dressed and hastily tried to fasten his pants, while reaching for his shirt with one hand.

"Mom, how about knocking?", he grumbled embarrassed.

"Oh, don't be like that. There isn't anything I didn't see before. I was the one who gave birth to you, remember?", she winked at him and placed a tray on the low table before his bed. A small cake, two cups, plates and forks and a whole jug of steaming hot coffee.

"Since when do we drink coffee?", he asked, while he buttoned down his darkblue shirt.

"Oh, I drink coffee once in a while. There's tea for you as well though, don't worry. I'll just get it." With that she left the room again.

Haru sighed and straightened the cover of his bed, when he heard his mother coming back upstairs, closing the door and setting another can on the table.

"So what is this cake? Another self-creation or did you actually follow the recipe this time?", he asked without looking up as he smoothed a few crinkles out of the cover.

"I wouldn't know, but I guess it's a self-creation by the form of it…" He whirled around at the voice, so fast that he lost his balance and fell down on the freshly made bed, staring up at her with wide eyes.

"Rin… What are you…"

"Surprise", she answered and smiled sweetly, before she took a step in his direction. "Let me just give you your present…" He gulped at the look in her eyes, and involuntarily shifted backwards when she came closer.

"Rin, this isn't the best time to... My mom is…"

"Downstairs", she finished. "Happy birthday, Haru". And then her lips were on his and any protest from his side died in an instant. For a moment Haru was lost to the world, drowning in the sensation, before his heart and brain caught up to reality and he put his arms around Rin, drawing her down against his form.

"Okay, I've got the tea. I'm on the stairs, coming closer", they heard his mother say loudly and they broke their kiss and grinned. "I'm almost there, entering… now!". His mother was met with two seemingly innocent young people, sitting side by side on the bed. The hair, lips and sparkling eyes spoke a different story altogether and she had to stifle a laugh.

"I'll just put the tea down and leave you two alone", she said hastily, but was quickly met with loud protest, both insisting for her to sit down and have cake and tea/coffee with them.

"Fine, fine. Let's have some cake then. I hope it's good. I… varied the recipe a little". She didn't miss the quick exchange of glances between Haru and Rin and their simultaneous grins. "Can you really believe it? My baby is turning 18 years today… How time flies by. Haru, do you remember when you were small and you discovered how to open the fridge?".

"Mom, please! Not that embarrassing story again", Haru groaned. However protest was futile, when his mother launched into a full-fledged telling of the story in all its messy and glory details.

%%%%%%%%%%

Haru drew his cloak tighter around himself, burrowing his nose in the thick scarf in an attempt to block out the cold. He was happy though and he had to grin, when he looked at his girlfriend, standing by his side and pressing a steaming mug of hot punch against her cold cheek and softly humming along with the song 'Jingle bells' that sounded out from some of the shops lining the street.

It was unusually cold, especially for Tokyo and only earlier even some snow had been silently falling. It had melted away quickly though, with the temperature being only shortly before the freezing point.

Rin drowned the rest of the cup, smiling when Haru lifted and eyebrow at her.

"Finish up, Haru-chan. We still have some shopping to do", she grinned and leaned down to grab one shopping bag. Haru gulped down the rest of his punch, coughing when he inhaled beforehand and Rin laughed.

"Not funny. You are disrupting me already. Coffee and alcohol. What's next? Smoking pipes and orgies?", he teased, which earned him an elbow in the ribs. Not that it hurt with all the layers of clothes.

Together they walked along the street, stopping in a shop to get some ingredients for baking –she had promised him to bake a christmas cake- and lazily walked back to her apartment.

Tomorrow was christmas eve and Haru still couldn't believe, that he was here, namely in Tokyo, again. With Rin. Things between them had run smoothly, which in itself had been a surprise. Not that he had expected trouble between them. Theirs was not an inside trouble, rather it was trouble from the outside. Akito, for instance.

They hadn't talked much about how they would deal with their goddess. And they certainly hadn't talked about how one word of their goddess could bring their whole happiness crumbling down, the bond forcing them to obey.

Ever since Rin had been granted permission to leave for university, their goddess hadn't called upon her. It was as if Akito pretended that Rin didn't exist. Even Kagura had been left alone.

Haru sighed softly. How long would this last? How long could it last?

"What's up, Haru?", Rin asked concerned. She hadn't missed his emotions change –and not a change for the better at that. The gravity of his thoughts was easy enough to distinguish on his features.

"Just thinking. About… Akito". He looked down onto the pavement. He hadn't wanted to bring Akito up, especially not this days where all they wanted was to spent a nice few days over christmas with each other. But then, there was no good time to bring the subject up.

"Well, I guess we do have to talk about her. Now is as good a time as any". Rin exhaled audibly. "How has it been going for you? She has left me alone ever since I left, but what about you?". She looked at him curiously.

"It hasn't been so bad. She hasn't called upon me as often as she used to. I guess me loosing it like that back then put a damper to her favouring notion". He tried to grin, but it looked more like a grimace.

"I hope, she won't even call me again", Rin suddenly said softly and Haru gripped her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I hope so, too. For both of our sanity". For a moment they walked in silence, lost in their own thoughts that centered around their goddess and the future.

"Do you think you'll get permission to leave after graduation?", Rin asked the one question that held the whole course of their future.

"I don't know. I hope so, but I really don't know", Haru pressed out softly. This time it was Rin's hand that squeezed his in reassurance.

"I'm not sure how everything will work out in the end, but I'm sure we'll find a way, Haru. We've come a long way together already. We'll figure out the rest as well". Haru's answer was a soft smile and nothing but hope and love shining in his eyes.

"I hope you're right". They entered her apartment. While Rin started to brew some tea –she decided that christmas time called for tea rather than coffee- Haru stored away the ingredients in the kitchen cabinets.

Outside it started to snow again.

**End of chapter 28**

AN: It has been forever since I last updated… I'm sorry it took me so long.

I guess I needed a little push to come around – and that push was provided by Gabbygabby, when she sent me a private message and reassured me that the story wasn't forgotten yet.

I apologize to all who have been waiting for updates. I haven't been into Furuba much lately and I hope this chapter isn't too different from the rest of my story.

I edited the story outline for the next chapters somewhat, shortening it in some ways, I admit. I do want this story finished, but free-time is rare and precious for me now. I hope to finish it over the summer and I'll try to get out the last chapters over the next two or three month.

I hope you liked this chapter. Feedback is –as usual- always appreciated.

Until next time, Joey-chan


	29. Taking Flight

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

**Warning**: No lemon ahead.

**For want of a horse**

**Chapter 29 – Taking flight**

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"Congratulations, Haru-chan!", his mother chirped and grabbed his arm excitedly, eyes shining with proud tears and lips fighting desperately to keep the wide grin in a socially acceptable demure smile. Appearance was everything, after all.

"Thanks, mom", he answered and grinned widely, exchanging a friendly knock on the shoulder from Momiji in acceptance and acknowledgment of the work both had put into their grades.

"We did it, Haru", the rabbit said.

"We did it", Haru echoed and after a moment of silent pondering of the past years, they whooped and high-fived.

"I can't believe it! No more school!", Momiji cried excitedly and jumped at Touru, who had walked up to them to congratulate them as well, only stop when Kyou knocked the excited Rabbit down not so softly with a glare, hissing at him to NOT hug a girl HERE.

Haru smiled at the lot of them. The whole family had gathered – anyone that counted as family in his opinion anyway – to celebrate and congratulate. It was nice. And comforting.

He looked to the floor for a moment. It would be better, if Rin was there, but she was engaged in her end of term papers and couldn't leave Tokyo now. She had made it up beforehand, spending so much time by his side, that he had almost felt as if she had never left to Tokyo in the first place.

And there was always the future he very much hoped they would have.

Everything was worth this lookout. A graduation party without her was a piece of cake, if he would hopefully join her in Tokyo shortly after.

He caught Yuki's inquiring gaze and smiled.

"Congratulations, Haru, on surviving school". Yuki smiled in his shy and timid way.

"Thanks. I can't believe it's done". Yuki nodded in understanding, remembering very much his own graduation a single year earlier.

"Where do you go from here?", Yuki asked and tilted his head slightly. Haru sighed.

"I'd say the main aim is clear, the only variable remaining is how to get there". Yuki nodded again in understanding.

"So Akito hasn't given his permission yet?"

"No. Not yet". Haru let his gaze wonder among the crowd, his family, his class mates and a lot of people he didn't know. "I'm to meet him this evening". He saw Yuki tense beside him.

"Tonight? That's… really soon. Did he call you?".

"No, I asked for an appointment". Yuki stared at him in disbelieve.

"You did what?".

"I asked for an appointment. I won't wait for Akito to call me. That would give… him…", he almost called her just that. Her, only remembering in the very last moment that Yuki didn't know about Akito being female. "It would give him more power over the situation by controlling it. I won't give him that", Haru answered calmly, making Yuki grin.

"That sounds so utterly Rin", he said.

"It is", Haru said grinning.

"You have a lot of courage. I wouldn't want to face that situation alone", Yuki said admiringly, flustering Haru.

"I'm not courageous. I'm really not. It's just, that there's a lot worth fighting for in it for me. And if that means fighting with god himself… I'll do it". For a moment Haru's eyes shone with all the love he felt for Rin and Yuki smiled a real smile at seeing his brotherly friend so happy.

"I admire you for that. Do you want me to come with you? I'll wait outside the house though", Yuki said simply and Haru smiled.

"Wish me luck. Good luck can never be wrong".

"Good luck, Haru". Yuki leaned against the outside wall of the mainhouse, closing his eyes and trying very much to appear nonchalant, while preparing to either congratulate his friend a second time today or help him pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

He would never know what exactly Haru said to Akito or how the talk went. The only thing that counted was the result. And it took Yuki the whole of a second to guess the outcome of the discussion, when he saw Haru's wide smile.

He didn't even manage to say his Congratulations again, before the Ox caught him in a tight embrace and his shoulders started to shake and Haru sniffed, releasing the tension he had hid so well, while Yuki provided the strength he right now desperately needed.

"Congratulations", Yuki finally whispered, tightening his hold on the ox, when his shoulders started to shake and sniffs turned to sobs of true release.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth every day, Haru! And don't leave everything lying around. You're no child anymore!", his mother rattled down, following him closely as he packed the last of his bags into the trunk of Hatori's car.

"I won't mom. Since you so eloquently put it, I'm not a child anymore". He smiled at his mother.

"I know. I know", she whispered softly, the tears spilling over her eyelids for the up tenth time today.

"Mom, don't worry. I'll be fine, I'll be good and I'm certainly not alone. I'm only moving to Tokyo, not to another country", he said softly in a calming way, catching his mother's hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Will you call us?", she asked.

"Yes, of course", he answered.

"Regularly!", she exclaimed with a slight warning undertone, making him grin again.

"I promise". He smiled at his mother, who leaned slowly against her husband, when he walked up to her and put a reassuring arm around her shoulders. When he looked back over his shoulder slightly, he met Rin's gaze and slowly reached for her hand.

"Do your best, Haru", his father simply said and Haru nodded, but felt a sudden anxiety hit him. Taking flight he was. Taking flight into a life he very much wanted, leaving a lot of bad things behind. But leaving behind a lot of good things as well. His parents had always been the steady ground he walked on, in some ways. Leaving his haven made him edgy in a way and he knew Rin understood his feelings, when she squeezed his hand.

"It will be okay, Haru. Don't worry", she whispered and he squeezed her hand in answer and understanding.

"I'll give my very best", Haru finally said, even though his voice was a little rasping. His father smiled understandingly and nodded at him in acknowledgement.

"Isuzu-chan, can we talk for a moment?", Haru's mother asked suddenly and turned around, walking back into the house. Rin shared a looked with Haru and followed her quickly. She understood the anxiety of a mother, letting go of her only precious son, who was about to start his journey into his own life. It was the equivalent of Akito's relationship with the juunishi. Only their goddess didn't appreciate her juunishis taking flight.

"Isuzu-chan, I know this is probably weird, but I most ask this of you". She took a deep breath and Rin nodded in understanding of what was to come. "Can you… can you promise to protect my son's happiness to the best you can?". Rin smiled at the words, so motherly and caring. Haru's mother was truly a magnificent being.

"I'll always give my very best when it comes to Haru", she answered slowly. "I've done some mistakes in the past, hurting him with what I thought was best at that time. However I came around. We both came around and in the end came out stronger and wiser than we were before. Before this all happened, I think there might have been a chance, that we would have failed in the long run. Now, we both now our limits, our strength, our basis and what we need to work on, both as a couple and as individuals. Now, I can answer you, that, Yes, I'll promise to protect you son's happiness to the best I can". Rin smiled and met her eyes in a steady gaze. Slowly, ever so slowly, Haru's mother put her arms around Rin and enveloped her in a motherly embrace.

"Thank you", she simply said.

"I can't believe, they arranged this, just like that. They don't even know me!", Haru said and shook his head again, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Rin's friends had popped up with the idea of throwing him a welcoming party and celebrating the end of the semester.

"That's the way they are", Rin said and winked at him. Over the time, her study circle had evolved from study buddies to comrades, to friends. And she was looking forward to introducing Haru to her friends.

Haru looked down at the floor for a moment. They had gotten his stuff unpacked only yesterday. Yesterday he had registered his permanent stay here in Tokyo. Yesterday he had started his new life. He inhaled deeply, trying to decipher what he felt. Good? Yes, good definitely. Happy? Yes, happy as well. Curious. Afraid? A little. Overwhelmed? Definitely. It was a little much in such short order to take in.

He was looking forward to meeting her friends. Although this Ryu being there put some damper on his good mood. But still, he was mostly looking forward to some quiet days with Rin. To relax. To adjust.

To make Tokyo feel like home.

The doorbell rang and Rin went to open the door, giving him a reassuring caress and a quick kiss, before she let her friends descent on him with their friendly curiosity.

The evening had went well. Very well indeed and Haru relaxed, stretching slowly against the pillows of the couch, smiling in contentment.

Against his initial expectation he quickly realized that he liked Ryu. He was a nice guy, a few years older than him, a little taller, a little on the lanky side. But he had a quick wit, a nice sense of humor and friendly grey eyes and an accepting heart and Haru understood right then, that he –even though Ryu himself might not be aware of it, hell, even Rin might not be aware of it!- had played a major part in making Rin adjust to this new life of hers and opening her mind and heart again to trust of strangers. He had taught her about unexpected friendliness and real acceptance.

Haru's reluctance had quickly changed to real appreciation of Ryu's quiet support and wasn't all that surprised to find himself opening up quickly to the grey eyed boy. Apparently the sympathy was likewise, because their talk soon felt more like old friends remembering than practical strangers getting to know each other.

Rin looked over at them, understanding how Haru's feelings had changed from hostility to acceptance under the gentle nudging of Ryu's presence during the evening. It was good for Haru, this lesson, she decided. Haru, while not as jaded as she had been, had the typical juunishi rejection of strangers as well. This would help him in the long run. She nodded to herself, turning to Yumi and Mariko again.

"You know, I envy you", Ryu suddenly said and Haru looked at him.

"Because I have Rin?". It was meant as a tease and so Haru was slightly surprised to have the older boy just smile and nod in affirmation.

"Yes. I do have a bit of a crush on her", he said.

"I can't blame you for that. She IS a keeper", Haru answered softly, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. He didn't want to offend the young man, who had clearly the potential to become a great friend with time.

"I know", Ryu answered simply. "And I know that she was never for me. You two are made for each other. Easy to see", Ryu said and smiled at him. Haru wondered about this, because all in all Rin and him hadn't all that much displayed their relationship throughout the evening. "You complete her in many ways. And she completes you just as much. It is a perfect match, made in heaven".

"Even though our god will never approve", Haru mumbled more to himself, but not quiet enough and Ryu gave him a funny look. "Never mind!".

"I hope to find that someday. To share with someone what you have", Ryu said softly and lifted his glass to him. Haru answered the same way and said:

"Well, maybe not exactly the same, but I'm sure there's someone out there for you, who's your perfect fit".

"Oh! A toast!", Yumi cried and jumped up, making everyone laugh, but still lifting their glasses. "To friends and freedom for the next 3 month!", Yumi said. "And to Haru, who has joined our forces against ignorance and educational deniers!". Everyone laughed.

"To us! May our forces stand strong against the drowning flood of facts and medical abbreviations".

"To fun and laughter. May we never run out of it", Jiro said.

"And may the laughter never be directed on us", Hitoshi added.

"And to love! May established relationships only grow stronger and may those of us who are yet to find that special someone won't have to wait too long", Ryu joined in the fun.

"To the future, then!", Rin added softly and lifted her glass to Haru, meeting his eyes over the rim of her glass, they both sharing a smile.

"To the future", Haru echoed and drowned his glass in synch with the others.

And even though this was just a small step on a long way, they knew whatever came their way, they would figure it out.

They were worth it.

%%%%%

**The End**

%%%%%

AN: So, this is it. The End. Done. Finished.

I realize, there are still a lot of plots unclosed, but I like it that way and the ending I had planned originally didn't work out all that well for me.

This is good. There is room for growth into a future they can both cherish and that's what I wanted: A development from teenager to adults, who can see past initial reactions.

I hope you enjoyed the story and a final comment is always welcomed! I thank everyone of you who stayed with the story.

Now, this is Goodbye for Fruits Basket as far as I am concerned. I'm sadly not into this fandom anymore, and I feel a tad bit sad, because I really liked Haru and Rin.

Maybe I'll upload a few one-shots I've written years ago about this pairing, maybe I won't. Right now, I'll go and enjoy a glass of wine.

Cheers! And take care, everyone!

Joey


End file.
